THE DARKNESS OF THE SHINOBI
Danzo Shimura didn't fancy himself a complicated man. He was given a goal, and he came back with results. Successful results.
Many would call him a warmonger, claiming that he loved to break the peace. But Danzo didn't break the peace, he just knew when it didn't exist. They called him paranoid for being suspicious of Oto, traitorous for questioning Suna's radio silence. But even Hiruzen, content in his eternal complacence, understood that war was brewing.
Danzo was as much a product of war as the rest of his generation, he didn't question the horrors they had seen and the battles they had fought. He knew why they didn't want to go to war, but he knew it would be worse if they didn't start it first.
Which was why he needed a gods damned jinchuuriki, and Kami seems to have an issue with that. His morning had been bad enough, a ROOT agent had decided to hop through his window while he was enjoying his morning coffee. What was worse was the news he got, which was why Danzo was surveying a scorched river clearing at 7 in the morning.
Danzo had quite a few small annoyances in life, but his rigid schedule tended to filter out anything that could truly make him angry. But no matter what Danzo tried, Uzumaki Naruto still managed to make his life significantly worse on a constant basis.
Even when he was just a 5 year old kid, Naruto designed elaborate pranks to drop rotten eggs on Danzo's head, or to put a tripwire somewhere during his daily jog. Worse was that the boy managed to hide his traps from Danzo's ROOT bodyguards, simultaneously annoying Danzo and proving that his shinobi weren't yet good enough.
Then the boy was captured by an enemy of Konoha during Danzo's plan to exterminate the Uchiha, one who Inoichi claimed had trained the boy. Sarutobi became much more entrenched in his position against Danzo after the boy's disappearance, heaping the blame for all Uchiha Massacre-related issues on him.
Now, the boy was back, and with him came a certifiable hurricane of issues and problems. One such problem lies at Danzo's feet now. Three ROOT corpses sat at the foot of the river clearing, in the middle of a large man-made crater (unrecognizable, Danzo's incineration seal acted as both a way to protect his agent's identities and a way to catch their killers off guard).
The boy clearly knew the nature of his powers, given that he chose to fight this far away from the village. Danzo could still feel the horrid chakra radiating from the bodies, it was all but guaranteed that the Kyuubi's power had been released in some form.
The boy had made it back to the village last afternoon, claiming all of his ANBU escort had died bravely fighting the fully transformed Ichibi no Shukaku alongside him. The boy had even presented a chunk of sandstone imbued with the beast's chakra as proof.
As always, Danzo underestimated the council's stupidity. They were planning to hold the meeting in an hour, and if Danzo presented these dead ROOT agents as evidence then Hiruzen would be within his rights to have him executed.
Danzo let out a sigh, before spinning on his heel and issuing commands. "Have them brought to one of our laboratories, we need to more closely examine the beasts' chakra. For now, I have a meeting to catch".
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It appeared the fox had pulled another one over on him. Intel had made it back that Suna was in disarray over their lost Bijuu, so the council seemed to have took the Hokage at his word. The fools were eager to have the situation resolved, something Sarutobi was no doubt exploiting right now.
Danzo had been tuning out Sarutobi's passionate speech, he knew well enough he had lost already. There had been a day and age where he would've sat in silent contentment while he watched Sarutobi talk circles around the civilian council, back in the times when they had more similarities than differences, more discussions than arguments.
Danzo blinked a few times, snapping himself out of his useless reminiscing. He found himself slipping into his treasured memories far too often, perhaps life had simply become less enjoyable as of late.
With a tired sigh, Danzo focused his attention on the tail end of Hiruzen's grand speech.
"... And so I propose we turn the boy over to Hatake Kakashi. He has a lengthy and impressive ANBU record, possesses both a sharingan and the skills to take the boy down without it, and he is known for choosing the… hard decision before the easy one". Hiruzen finished off his speech with a nod to the council before sitting down.
Not even Danzo could deny Hiruzen's political ability. He had always had more charisma, and that's why their agreement had worked so well back in the day. Hiruzen was the golden leaf and Danzo was the roots underneath.
It was genius, really. Kakashi's reputation as a 'Friend-Killer' had often worked against him when it came to the fickle opinion of the council, but in this rare case it would make him an incredible candidate for the position of Naruto's guardian.
Danzo could see the gears turning in Hiashi's head as he came to the same conclusion, and slowly raised his hand. "The Hyuuga clan second this motion" the Hyuuga patriarch spoke in his trademark monotone.
Shikaku Nara was the final nail in the coffin. Uzumaki had yet another opportunity to be a menace to his plans.
'Wonderful, just… absolutely fantastic. Kami really loves to piss on my parade sometimes' Danzo spat on the carpet in disgust, getting up to leave.
In a mirror image of last month's council meeting, Danzo storms out of the council room visibly fighting to keep the sneer off of his face.
To both his surprise and horror, Naruto Uzumaki stood outside the council room. The insufferable brat was currently whistling such a ghastly tune that even the deaf would cry in terror. Danzo would never concern himself with such a banal activity, but even he could whistle better than that.
"Stop that, Uzumaki. If you are going to be around for the… foreseeable future, then atleast make an effort to stop torturing the villagers with your lack of whistling prowess". Danzo could barely keep his tone flat, he had been having a particularly bad day.
Uzumaki turned to face him, a small flicker of surprise upon his face. "Look who it is! My favorite council member, the gallant Shimura Danzo!" The boy bowed in what he must have considered an "elegant" fashion.
"Your favorite council member?" Danzo let a little bit of his suspicion bleed into his tone, wary of Uzumaki's good attitude.
'He wouldn't be happy unless he was plotting my downfall. Or if he was plotting to shove a banana cream pie against my jaw'. Both options were equally probable, that was what made the boy truly terrifying. Even the Kyuubi itself wasn't so devious.
Uzumaki rubbed his neck and gave a sheepish grin. "Oh well, you know how it is. Koharu and Homura are so boring, but you and Jiji always fight and stuff and that's way more interesting!" It was a remarkably in-character response from Naruto, almost too predictable.
Danzo discreetly checked the room to see if there were any visible traps, but he couldn't detect any tampering. Looking back towards Naruto, he noticed the burns present on his signature orange jumpsuit.
"I don't recall you sustaining any injuries in the mission report, Uzumaki". Not that Danzo was complaining, that is. If Uzumaki spontaneously combusted he would be a joyful man.
Naruto let out a bellowing laugh at that, before regaining his composure and shooting Danzo a disturbingly animalistic grin. "If you think I look bad, you should see the other guys…"
'You little blonde invalid, arrogant foxy looking-ass motherfucking-' before Danzo could finish his mental tirade against all things Naruto, the council began to empty out into the lobby.
The swarm of civilians and shinobi leaders alike looked curiously at him and the fox, but continued out of the council hall nonetheless.
At the back of the crowd Sarutobi stood, baring another foxy grin in Danzo's direction.
"Oi! Naruto!" Sarutobi called over to the reprehensible creature. The Hokage reached in one of his robes pockets, pulling out a brand-new Konoha headband.
The fox brat beamed at Hiruzen, before running up and grabbing him in a hug. Hiruzen whispered something in his ear, and Naruto nodded at Sarutobi's mysterious remark.
With speed reminiscent of his father, Naruto shunsuined back in front of Danzo and put two thumbs up, flashing a joyful smile. "Oh, and suck my dick!"
Danzo Shimura didn't enjoy the more distasteful elements of his job, like starting pointless wars and murdering children. But if he had the chance stab a 12-year-old blonde jinchuuriki to death right now, he might bust a fucking dance move.
