Chapter 8: Groove on the Moon

"Tie! Good morning!"

I wheezed in pain as Hat belly flopped on top of me. This was certainly a new experience, being woken up by her instead of the other way around, and I never want it to happen again.

"C-Captain...!" I coughed.

"C'mon Tie, get up! It's the big day today!" She suddenly got me in a choke lock and held her arm out as if to emphasise something. "The day we become famous actor stars!"

I struggled to breath in response.

"Hurry up! CC's making us breakfast!" She finally released me as she headed back downstairs, leaving me free to breath.

"Dear space..." I whispered to check she hadn't damaged my vocal chords. I had underestimated how enthusiastic she was about this, whereas my main goal in all of this was to just grab the Time Pieces via any means necessary. Put me in their stupid movies over their stupid squabble just so long as we get rewarded for it.

I got dressed, admiring the new look my tie had, and put on the 'Sweet Inside' colours, for her sake, and headed down for breakfast.

"Good mornin'!" CC greeted me. "Ohhh, don't you two actors look cute!"

"I'll take cute." I nodded as I sat down. Hat was wolfing her pancakes down (I told CC they were her favourites) as she had very kindly made me some egg on toast.

"I still can't believe you two are gonna be in Dead Bird Studios productions." CC giggled.

"Are they films you watch?" I asked before taking a bite.

"Oh yeah! They're the big move producers on the whole planet!...In fact, the only movie producers now that I think about it." The cat said, looking thoughtful. "You two are so lucky to get parts, usually its bird exclusive."

"Well apparently we are birds now." I held up the passport as proof.

"Tell me how it goes won't you? I want all the juicy backstage gossip!" She was all giddy about this. Well, two of us had to be.

"Finished!" Hat declared proudly. "Let's go start filming!"

"I'm not done." I stated.

"Eat on the way then!" She seized me by the sleeve.

"Hey!" I stuffed the remaining toast in my mouth and had to keep pace as she dragged me into the Machine Room and threw open the window. "Jumping now!"

"Woah!" I cried out as she pulled me out the window. As we descended I lost the toast and egg in my mouth as we touched down. "Oh, great, Captain, you made me lose my-"

SPLAT!

"...Egg." It had landed right on my head. The toast fell to the ground and became inedible.

"Let'sgolet'sgolet'sgo!" She pulled me along as I picked egg out of my hair and we entered the building.

"Good morning there." The penguin behind the counter waved.

"Mornin'!" Hat beamed. "We're here for the acting role!"

"Yes, you two, DJ Grooves informed me about you." He nodded.

'Guess we're going with the penguns first.' I thought.

"The set's already set up and waiting." He said.

"And where's the set?" Hat asked.

"On the moon."...What?

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Up there." He pointed his flipper at the ceiling.

"The actual moon?"

"Yes."...Oh no he's serious.

"How do you expect us to get THERE!?" I cried.

"You fly, obviously."...Oh no he's serious.

"Shooting on the moooon?" Hat was overjoyed with this development.

"I cannot believe 'Moon Penguins' was literal." I groaned.

"Take two!" Hat teleported back to the ship.

"Logic is dead." Was what I said before teleporting back.

"Okay, moon, moon, there it is." Hat pointed at a moon slowly orbiting the planet, conveniently coming around. "We'll have to long jump."

"We're aliens, not plumbers." I mumbled.

"We can make it! I have my umbrella and you have that badge." She pointed out.

"The Cannonball Badge?" Joy. "Ugh, fine." I swapped out my Spider Tie Badge for it. I think I actually needed that extra pin from Badge Seller. Knowing it though, it would be on the moon.

"Two getting ready to be taken!" Hat declared.

"Okay, here we go." I lined up the trajectory.

"Allyoop!" Hat jumped out and glided through space with her umbrella whilst blasted out. I obviously toughed down first with a crash, and picked myself up as...moon town. Moon Penguin town. Big brightly coloured buildings with neon signs, a fountain in the centre, a whole lot of cameras set up, and a large amount of tuxedo wearing penguins. And I only just now think about how they're able to snap their 'fingers' with flippers.

"Oh hey, you two showed up." I turned to a penguin who was addressing me. "Well, you didn't land on the stage, but the girl did, and that's what counts."

'I feel like I'm being treated as lesser here.' "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to help you!" He gave me a green card, on it was written 'FANCLUB' and it had a bunch of zeroes under it.

"What's this?"

"That little thing shows ya how many fans ya got, buster!" He said. "DJ Grooves wants you two non-penguins to be top of the moon before we start filming."

"Uh-huh." I looked at the card again, and suddenly it was at 1.

"That ain't me." The penguin said. "Personally, I think you look hideous." I could've said something horrible, but instead I fought the urge to hit him with my yo-yo.

"Tie! Tie!" Hat bounded over to me from-I only just noticed the red stage with DJ Grooves' face on it how in the heck did I miss that? "Look what I got!" She produced another FANCLUB card. Surprise, surprise it was already at 81. It's the face that gets you initially, I would know.

"Fancy." I pocketed mine, thankfully she didn't notice.

"C'mon, let's explore the mooooon!" She spread her arms out for emphasis.

As expected of a moon, gravity was light here, so our jumps were super high, didn't even need the Bat Bow. Hat insisted that I try the Cannonball Badge whilst we were up here, and to be fair, I could go pretty far with it...across the whole town in fact.

"So, Captain." I spoke as we jumped around in low-G, showing off a bit by doing backflips and such as we collected things. This wasn't our first run with light gravity.

"Mm-hm?"

"What are we supposed to be doing? I assume it has something to do with fans." I discreetly took a peek at my card. Still at one.

"Oh! We're supposed to get famous!"

"I got that, but how?"

"Iunno. Mine's just been going up." She showed it to me and it was already at 349!

"That's because everybody just likes your fa-ARGH!"

I cried out as a white flash filled my vision and I rubbed my eyes furiously, only to land on my head.

"Ugh, not a good picture." As my vision returned to me, I noticed that the culprit was a penguin holding a camera, now staring at a picture.

"Hey! What was that for!?" I cried.

"Ain't it obvious? I'm trying to get some good pics of you both to boost your fanclub." The penguin spoke as if it was sooooo obvious. "But this ain't gonna fly." He showed me a picture of me screaming as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

"Y'know in some places a reaction like that would make me famous..." I mumbled under my breath.

"Oooooh! You're taking pictures?" Hat smiled. "Do one of me!" She posed cutely and he snapped a shot of her.

"You let her pose for that one!" I yelled.

"Ya gotta be ready for the paparazzi at any point, your loss." Bull, I call.

This continued, with several penguins taking impromptu snapshots of me that made me look like I was screaming or trying to strangle them...I wasn't I swear. And of course Hat was prepared for each and every one of them, which made her fanbase skyrocket.

"This is literally painful." I muttered as I rubbed my eyes. "But I guess that comes from being an actor..."

"Troubled, are we?"

Y'know, Badge Seller didn't even surprise me that time.

"You could say that." I muttered. "I just can't seem to get on these birds good side."

"Well, that's alright, I don't like you much."

"...Thank you. That makes me feel so much better." I grumbled. "Can I have that second badge pin you mentioned. I've got a lot of pons after killing so many UFO's up here." Really though, the UFO's on this moon were pathetic in comparison to our spaceship.

"But of course." I gave it the Pons and it gave me the pin. It was quite convenient.

"But of course, nobody is truly hated by everyone." It said.

"Yeah. Just one." I confirmed, checking the card once again.

"You'll find that one. I've found you to be quite determined in your endeavours." It said.

"One of us has to be." I confirmed just before Hat bounded over.

I was expecting us to be, y'know, actually making a movie on the moon, not gathering fans, which I'm terrible at in comparison to Hat. Probably because of the fact that it's like putting a grumpy hairless cat next to a bunny rabbit, only I can't viciously attack my captain. Seriously, penguins cooed at her as she ran past them, so me following along behind with my plain features did not entice anybody. Besides, I didn't actually care about making fans, that was stupid, we were just here to get the Time Pieces...it was still at 1...

"Tie! Tie!" I stopped as Hat suddenly showed off a witch's hat she was wearing. "Look! I made a new hat! Check it out!" She pulled a potion out of her Hammerspace and tossed it forward, where it exploded, to the delight of several watching birds, because explosions are 5 star entertainment apparently. "Isn't it cool?"

"Sure is Captain." I sighed. Didn't know why, but I was a bit down.

"Hey! Come on!" She began pulling me by the hand again. "Let's go have some indoorsmints!"

"What?...Do you mean endorsements?" I asked.

That was what they were. If DJ Grooves was good at one thing, it was making Hat look good, even when it involved screwing up horribly. But she was breezing through them and I didn't have to do anything, so I stayed out of it. Thanks to them, her fanclub was reaching ridiculous levels, like, 5,822. Apparently there are a LOT of Moon Penguins. My interest was perked however, when we reached a food endorsement.

"Actually darling, I'd like your friend here to do this one." He said.

"Wha-? Me?" I gasped.

"Yaaaayyyy Tiiiiie!" She cheered like a child.

"Why bring me in now?" I whispered. "It's obvious Hat is your poster girl at this point."

"Can't risk it here, darling." He said. "You see, Cooking Show hosts have a terrible habit of swearing."

"Oh? Really?" They had swearing on this planet? This should be good..."Like, what?"

"The P-Word. One the Conductor likes to throw around a lot, being from a different time."

'You BOTH look like you're living in the past.'

"Just don't say p-e-c-k, okay?" Peck? Of all words? Welp, I'll take what I can get.

"So, why choose me?"

"You fit the cooking show host appearance, darling."

"What would that be?"

"Rugged and gritty?"

"Gritty?" That actually stung a bit.

"Alright, let's roll those cameras!" I glanced at Hat as DJ Grooves was talking to the audience, and she had a wide grin on her face. She'd obviously overheard and knew we had some new ammunition for our vocabulary.

"So tell me, Tie. What condiement do you like on your tuna sandwiches?" He asked me, as I turned to the camera.

You know what I said. Except I shouted it. But here it is for your convenience anyway:

"PECK!"

Hat burst into laughter, which was the only thing that could be heard as everything else had gone quiet.

"D-Dear viewers! Look at the mouth on this young man!" DJ Grooves spoke in a fluster, before whispering: "Get out of this endorsement right now before the old penguins realise what just happened."

"You sure you don't want me to give them one of OUR swears?" I suggested, and he responded by shoving me along.

"That was great, Tie!" Hat continued to giggle as we walked away.

"His fault for giving me the word." I shrugged.

"I just had an idea! You could go for the cool bad guy look!" Hat's eyes sparkled.

"...Really?" Though in earnest, I took a peek at my card, and it had suddenly jumped to 3,581. The power of swearing, folks. And for some reason I finally felt better.

"I've got it!" She suddenly messed up my hair.

"Captain!" I cried out.

"Now, switch to the Bat Bow and Noir colours!" She instructed. With a roll of my eyes, I did what I was told, as she admired me. "Looking hot!"

"Please don't EVER call me hot again."

"Of course not." She squished my cheeks together. "You're too adorable to be handsome, anyway." I wasn't going to give her a thank you for that.

So that's how I got roped into playing the cool darker actor next to the cheery sunshine Hat. She made some penguins get some good snaps of me flying with the Bat Bow for an almost devilish look. She helped me cheat at a card game endorsement by standing behind the other penguin and camera, then holding up her fingers to indicate which number it was. Our escapades kept up a little longer until eventually...

"My card seems broken..." Hat's now read 'MAX DIVA'

"I think these numbers weren't real to begin with." I groaned with my head in my hands as mine read 'MAX EDGE'. I can't believe I let myself get down on a stupid fake gimmick...

"The audience is loving you two darlings! Come down and show off our new prop!" DJ Grooves called to us.

"Finally!" I sprinted down there to grab the Time Piece.

"I must admit darling, you sure grabbed their attention in your own way. I didn't think you had it in you." The penguin said.

"Yeah...so, these things are fake, right?" I held up the ticket.

"Oh, well, the value might be a bit of an exaggeration, but the early numbers don't lie darling. So long as somebody likes you, you'll get a number." He explained.

"Yay! We're famous!" Hat cried as she hugged me from behind.

'Oh...that's why.' I realised.

For whatever reason, Hat was considered a fan of mine. Probably because I made her food and clothes and everything. In the end she always cared about me.

"That'll do for today, darlings. I expect you back here tomorrow though, for more shooting!" He declared...wait, 'more'?

"Yessir!" Hat saluted. Guess it didn't matter, we had the Time Piece.

"Captain, let's head back." I said as I pat her arm.

"On it!"

We teleported back and I deposited the Time Piece, as Hat was already putting her Tokens in the machine.

"Whaddya think?" Hat posed as she changed her colours to mainly pink.

"I think your colours changed." Which reminded me to switch back to my normal colour.

"I gotta look good for our next shoot!"...Oh yeah, we still have the Conductors shoot.

"Y'know, I'm gonna double check that after Grooves' shoot was on the moon." I said.

"But first...!" Hat dragged me to the machine. "Time for another fashion, colour, thing, tiiiime!"

"For pecks sake." I sighed.

And here's another chapter with Hat and Tie messing ON THE MOOOOOOOOON! Props to you if you get that reference.

Now it's time for more info about our protagonists. Todays info is what they find cute and what they find ugly.

Tie finds cats, Kirby and Klonoa to be cute, Klonoa especially because he's an underrated soft boy who makes him cry softly. He finds wounds and hyper-realism ugly...like the Sonic movie.

Hat finds dogs, anime characters, and just about anything she can hug comfortably cute. She finds horror-based monsters and slimy things ugly...she knows about rule34 and she is disgusted.

Now then, let's check on our heroes quick...

Hat: Tie! Tie! I found some letters!

Tie: The mail room is nothing BUT letters, Captain.

Hat: I mean letters for us!

Tie: In THAT hurricane?...That is impressive.

Hat: I'm gonna read them! This one is from storylover. How do you think the colours change your hair colour?

Tie:...Shouldn't the first question be 'how do they change colour in the first place?' I mean really, it's just a puff of smoke, not even a tingly feeling or anything!

Hat: Maybe it's MAGIC!

Tie: In all the cosmos, we have yet to find evidence of real magic. Everything can be explained with science.

Hat: What about Time Pieces?

Tie: That...I don't know all that yet! Stop giving me that smug dance!

Hat: Okay, how about this other one then? Tbone8454 asks-nopenopenope!

Tie: What? Let me see that? 'We ever gonna get a scene where Hat is playing FNAF?'

Hat: Spirits begone from this spaceship!

Tie: Yes, yes, the horror game ban is still in effect on the ship, Captain. I think that series is a bruised dead horse anyway.

Hat: But that's just a theory, Tie! A Tie theory!

Tie: Mm-hm. Sure...what did it mean by 'scene' anyway?

Hat: Iunno.

If you wanna send a letter to Hat and Tie, leave one in the comments. It can just be a compliment or a question. Of course, keep in mind these two don't know everything, including their futures in the game.

But thank you all for reading, and I will see you next time for murder!