Chapter 9: Movie Daze
"Awww, you look adorable!" Hat cooed.
I grumbled and turned away as she 'affectionately' poked me in the cheek. I'd popped a bunch of capsules and got some new colours, and Hat had taken a shine to this set, which was called 'Sunny Weather', which made my shirt baby blue, my hair blonde, my trousers white and my tie green and blue striped.
"Y'know, if we don't hurry, we'll miss the Conductor's film shooting." I tried to coax her along.
"One more to go, though!" Obviously that failed as she popped in the last of my coins. "C'mon! Pleeeease?"
"Fine, one more, then we're leaving!" I insisted as I popped open the capsule, got a puf of smoke and... "Huh? Nothing happened?" My colours certainly didn't change, neither did my tie.
"Oh! Oh! Check your bow!" Hat pointed excitedly.
"You mean the Bat Bow?" I pulled it out and was surprised to see it had turned a purple colour, and the middle of it almost looked like...a bunch of grapes now? "Wha…?"
"Snk-!" I whipped my head to Hat as she supressed a laugh.
"What?"
"I get it..." She giggled. "It's a...fruit bat!"
I groaned loudly. "Can we go now, please?"
"Okey-dokey!" She nodded as we went back into the Machine Room.
"Hoooold on!" I grabbed her round the waist before she could jump out.
"Tiiiiiie!" She whined. "You're the one who wanted to go so quick!"
"Just gimme a second." I peered through the telescope down at the desert area. "If DJ Grooves as on the moon, I don't think his rival would be content in just stayng in the studio...ah-ha, there!"
"Where? Where?" I let Hat look through the telescope on what I had managed to find; a train, and a rather old-timey looking one at that.
"I think that's a safe bet." I nodded.
"Heeheehee! That's why you're the cadet!" Hat giggled before giving me a pat on the head.
'Captain...' Many emotions were poured just into that one thought of a word.
"Here we go!" We both jumped out of the window, when I realised something.
"Did you calculate the train moving before we jumped?" I sked her as we fell.
"Of course I did!" She pouted, offended.
Now, you may think that we missed the train completely, or were horribly killed by being hit with it. But no, we landed right at the back, perfectly on the railing. If there's one thing she was good at, it was platforming, even if from space.
"Here ya two are! About time!" The Conductor sqwarked at us. "Ya were supposed to meet us at the station for shootin'! Where were ya!?"
"Busy." Hat said simply.
"Wait, so you just left without us?" I asked.
"No show, no shooting for you." He barked. "But you're here now, so might as well let ya star in this one."
'This one?' That didn't sound good.
"But first, do something about that glaring colour scheme." He gave me a grossed look, which was impressive as I couldn't see his eyes, and made me realise I was still in the Sunny Weather colours.
"Sheesh, fine." I changed my colours back to normal.
"Anyway, head on in. Nothing's happening right now, so just do...whatever." He practically sighed.
'Pecker.' I thought as we headed in.
There were multiple carriages filled with many Express Owls as they called themselves, but also these weird crow-like figures that stood around mumbling to themselves and others. They had to have been here for the shooting, but they just creeped me out, even more so when they began asking questions to Hat about...things. Like codes and her favourite things (most of which she lied about and said something stupid). But I assumed it was all part of the setup, until...
"What is the body part, you are most ashamed of?" The crow asked us.
'Wha-? What kind of question is that!?' I thought with disgust. 'Who just asks that? That's fudging weird...please don't tell me she's gonna-'
My eyes widened in horror when I saw her giving me a very cheeky look. 'Oh no, please don't tell me you're going to say-'
She took a deep breath and spoke:
"It's my PENI-!"
"BRAIN!" I loudly interrupted. "It's her brain!"
"Ah, I see..." The crow seemed to buy it.
"Tie!" Hat cried out.
"Excuse us." I hurriedly pushed her around a corner before spinning her around to face me. "What is wrong with you!?"
"What?" She acted all innocent.
"I know what you were gonna say."
"It would have been funny."
"To children and sad adults." I sighed. "Honestly..."
"Well you didn't have to say my brain was dumb." She puffed her cheeks up in an attempt to appear angry, but that was impossible, because she couldn't get angry.
"I didn't say that at all."
"Hmph." She turned and walked away.
'Is she pouting again?' I rolled my eyes. This was a rare occurrence, but had happened before, best for me to just stick behind her until she was over it.
Fallings out between me and the Captain were quite rare. In case I was a master of subtlety I'm pretty good at keeping my grievances under wraps, and Hat's just so happy-go-lucky she never finds a reason to be unhappy. It was stupid little things like not having the last cookie, or me cleaning in her room with Roombi. And yes, it was always one-sided with her getting pouty. I'd never show my anger towards her own faults.
She kept ahead of me all the way up to the front of the train. I believe her method of 'punishment' was making me just not be side-by-side with her. Even her actions concerning other people were selfish, but that's just a lot of people in general.
"Present!" Got off-topic there, but yes, her mood was lifted by a big present that she quickly opened up, because obviously it was for us. "Cooool!" Oh, it actually was.
Hat donned a detective hat whilst I reached in and pulled out a green and bronze checkered cravat, which I tried on, and it fit me quite well.
"You look smart." Hat beamed at me. I guess all was forgiven. "How do I look?"
"Like a detective." I stated, which made her smile.
Just then we heard a phone...not ringing, but giving off some weird kind of music. We tuned to see an old-timey phone giving it off.
"Huh, an old phone in a train." I said it, but didn't question it as we walked up to the phone and I picked up the receiver, holding it out so both of us could hear.
"Do you like your gifts?" An unfamiliar grizzled voice rumbled down the line. "Better get down to the back of the train. I hear your uncles sister has come to visit." And with that they hung up.
"Huh...that was weird." Hat said.
"Yyyyeah…" I mumbled. "Wait wasn't one of the questions those crows asked-"
This was so stupid. This was so, so stupid.
"I can't believe one of my Express Owls has been murrrrrderrrrrred!" Conductor yelled. "And it's your uncles sister, BUMFACE, no less!"
I was witnessing a 'crime scene' comprised of an owl lyng on the ground covered in ketchup with a rubber knife in its back, whilst a cardboard cutout of an old lady stood over it. And of course Hat had to answer 'BUMFACE' to that one particular question.
"Oh the birdanity!" Hat overdramatically swooned. I honestly couldn't tell if she thought this was real or not. I mean, she had the mentality to pick the name BUMFACE.
Also, the Crows were part f some secret organisation named...I can't remember because I didn't care, this was so dumb.
"I guess we're proper detectives now." Hat smirked, adjusting her hat. Looks like we were tasked with finding evidence to prove who the real murderer was, because obviously we had to prove the innocence of BUMFACE the cardboard cutout. This was my life.
"Can I at least ask what is an 'owl hour'?" I asked the Conductor.
"An Owl Hour is an Owl Hour, ya peckneck!" He swore at me as if I was an idiot. "So, hurry up and find that murrrrrrrrrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Those r's were rolling all the way off the train at this point.
So we ended up having to sneak through the train, avoiding the crows as they chattered amongst themselves, insulting Hat's brain (and not something else thank god) trying to find 'clues'...which were just files filled with non-descript scribbles. Still, good excuse to run amok in the train and grab a bunch of stuff.
"Detective, detective work..." Hat hummed to herself as we moved around.
"How is this detective work exactly?" I asked.
"Because I have the hat." She stated.
"Silly me." I stated.
"Now, I need the utmost concentration in order t-OH LOOK YARN!" She immediately bolted off, and I followed behind.
"I have enough to make something new with this!" She bounced up and down excitedly, as I picked up another ball.
"Huh...me too." I realised.
We gathered or yarn balls together as they weaved around each other, before turning into new articles of clothing.
"Cool!" Hat beamed as she put on the blue beanie wool hat. "Heh, get it? Cool?"
"I get it, and it's not funny." I said as I wrapped my new yellow and orange scarf around my neck, the arms trailing behind me, but were zigzagging instead of being straight, as the ends ended in crisscrossing tassels.
"Meanie. So, what do they do?" She wondered aloud.
"Hmmm..." Fiddling with the scarf, I seemed to have an idea, a feeling inside of me. Concentrating for a moment, the scarf arms suddenly stood to attention and crackled with electricity, leaving me unharmed. "Okay then...electricity...Spark Scarf."
"I can do this!" Hat declared as she turned into a large ice statue of herself, before turning back to normal in a puff of snowdust.
"So you can turn to ice...well, apart from granting me a moment of respite, what good is that?" I questioned.
"Oh! I know!" She went and stood on a platform and turned to ice, which somehow placed her in the air, making her slam on the platform, and I proceeded to have a mini heart attack as it propelled her spinning through the air, before landing on the opposite die of the cart, unharmed.
"Ta-da!" She proclaimed.
"Congrats." I clapped, hiding my horror well.
Using our new abilities we ventured further in. I was able to find some conveniently comically sized large plugs that I could plug the ends of the Spark Scarf into, allowing me to power platforms that could help us progress further. We managed to make it into one room thanks to me powering it up, when we heard a familiar voice.
"Well hello there, detectives." The grizzly voice came fro-why was there another old phone!?
"He called us detectives." Hat blushed with embarrassment.
"I understand you're busy looking for clues, but it would appear that FREELOADER has got itself in an uncomfortable position." We were then made aware of a cardboard cutout of a dog suspended over a meat grinder...which was in a train for whatever reason.
"Oh no! Not FREELOADER!" Hat panicked.
"Oh no...not FREELOADER." I echoed in a tone more appropriate for this situation.
"I'll save you!" Hat sprang into action.
"Good luck with that." I didn't.
Due to her natural platforming prowess it was easy for her to reach the cardboard pooch. And as it clattered down in front of me, I realised it had a speaker attached to-
"Thank you for saving me, kind humans, bark, bark." It was the same voice pretending to be the dog. It would have been hilarious if it wasn't so weird. "Here, this is for you, woof woof." I ripped the file off stuck to it.
"Thanks...FREELOADER." I mumbled.
"Good doggy." Hat pet the cardboard.
"Um...how long have we got left?" I questioned.
"No clue!" She replied all too happily. Seriously, what was an Owl Hour!?
We travelled a bit more until we came to another room, where we found files for both me and Hat.
"Why are we suspects?" I questioned. "We're the only ones actually doing something! Can you believe this, Captain?...Captain?" I just noticed she was giving me a suspicious look. "...Are you kidding me?"
"Well, there's no evidence showing you DIDN'T do it." She whispered.
"I've been with you the whole time!" I cried.
Just then, the sound of a grandfather clock(!?) reverberated throughout the train.
"...Oh, so THAT'S an Owl Hour." I groaned.
We returned to the crime scene, where it turns out the Crows did peck all. Which left us with our files which boiled down to a list of suspects essentially.
"So, who did it?" The Conductor asked us.
'Seriously?' I thought. 'I mean, sure we have these things, but they don't actually tell us anything? Why am I thinking so much on this? Why am I wasting my mental power?'
"Tie did it." Hat pointed at me.
"Excuse me?" I said.
"Of COURSE!" The Conductor cried as if it was obvious. "Behind that boring, uninterested, ugly façade of a face-" Charming, thanks. "lies the savagery of a true beast! When you saw that innocent Express Owl, you could not control your murderous instincts, and you tore him to pieces! Ripping him feathers from feathers, laughing in pure despicable unhinged sadistic joy, whilst bathing in his blood, and revelling in the screams of pain! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A SICK, INHUMAN KILLER!"
"...Sure." I shrugged.
"...Well then, that's a wrap, people! Congrats, you're not completely useless!" Conductor clapped, and the dead bird picked itself up.
"This was being filmed all along, wasn't it?" I sighed.
"Naturally! Couldn't tell ya though, would make yer actin' less authentic." Conductor said. "Love the endin' there, lass. Nobody expects the detectives assistant."
'Assistaaaaannnnnnt…' I groaned in my head.
"I'll be needin' those costumes back, though." He said, as we handed back the detective accessories.
"My detective days are...defective." Hat sighed.
I patted her on the back. "Close enough."
"Here. Consider this yer pay." Conductor said as he gave us a Time Piece.
"Thanks." I dejectedly took it.
"Look forward to this brrrrrrrrroadcasting! I think I'll call it...'Terror Train Tie-m'!
"I wait with baited breath." No, I wasn't telling him he'd instantly spoil the twist with a title like that.
We teleported back to the ship, where Hat was dancing around giddily. "We're gonna be film stars!"
"I'm gonna be a murderer." I pointed out.
"A cute wittle murdewer." She said as she squished my cheeks.
"OH! It's you two!"
We both froze as we looked at...a jar with eyeballs and a moustache.
"Did that jar of pickles just talk to us?" Hat asked.
"No, it tap-danced. Moreover, it's not pickles." I responded.
"Don't you remember me? It's me! The Mafia Boss!" The jar cried.
"Huh? That guy?" Hat approached it, followed by me. "But you're not fat OR trying to kill us!"
"Who said I was fat!?" He yelled, not commenting on the other thing.
"What happened to you? And how did you get here?" I questioned.
"After you both beat me sound, I ran into this other little brat with a moustache...and she made me what you see now!" He sobbed.
"Girl..." Hat mumbled.
"Moustache..." We both looked at each other in horror.
Holy pecking sugar she was serious.
"This is all that's left of me! Which she booted all the way up into space! CC managed to fish me out and in." Boss said.
"So, what? You live here now?" I said.
"Well, I'd say this is your fault to begin with!" He argued.
"You tried to kill us when we were reclaiming our property." I picked him up. "Besides, what are you gonna do? Blink aggressively at me?"
"Why you little sh-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" I shook his jar rather forcefully.
"Let me try!" I handed him to her and she shook him even harder.
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" He begged as we stopped, his eyes spinning.
"He's fun! Can we keep him, Tie?" Hat asked.
"Well, if the Captain says so." I feigned giving in. "Not like he can do much. He'll be GREAT stress relief."
"Ohhhh..." Boss groaned, eye still spinning.
"Tie, we should go and do DJ Grooves' filming now!" Hat suggested.
"Right now?" I mumbled.
"Yeahyeahyeah! I'm all pumped for it now!" She jumped up and down.
"Okay, okay, just let me go put the Time Piece back." I hushed her as I headed into the main room. "She's getting too absorbed into this." But then again, that's how she always was.
As I put the Time Piece back in the vault, I figured I should just try and sit this one out. DJ Grooves obviously preferred Hat over me, so if I could just stay out of the spotlight and get the Time Piece at the end of it, that was a win for me.
"Right, I'm back, so-...ah." I realised the moon was beginning to come in alignment with our ship. "That's why you wanted to go, huh?"
"Ya got me!" She blew a raspberry at me. "It'll be fun, though!"
"So long as I don't have to be the villain again." I mumbled as we jumped out of the window, which amusingly I heard Boss scream in shock about.
We touched down in the same Moon Penguin square, only this time it was all done up with lights, fireworks, streamers, everything flashy you could think of.
"My eyes." I shielded them. "It's so gaudy!"
"I think it's pretty!" Hat smiled.
"Darlings, there you are!" DJ Grooves approached us. "Perfect timing! I've got everything set up and ready to film!"
"Told you." Hat tried to act smug with me.
"Told me what?" I snarked back, and her face went blank, before shifting to confusion.
"Here's how it's going to work, Darling." Grooves said to Hat. "You are gonna lead my parade of penguins all across the town, and we'll be capturing every second of it! It'll be so visiually spectacualar, viewers will have to start buying our shades!"
'Yeah, because they'll go blind.' I thought.
"I've even got a costume for you to try on." Grooves tempted her.
"Ohhhhhhhh!" Hook, line, sinker and she was off.
"There she goes." I said, watching her hurry off.
"A star in the making." Grooves nodded. "She's just got 'it', you know?"
'If by 'it' you mean self-obsession, then yes.' "Right."
"Oh, Darling, I don't mean to exclude you." He then said. "Buuuut I'm gonna need you to do the SFX for this, okay? Just want to focus on her for this one."
"None taken." I said.
"Right, right. Places, everybody!" Grooves called as I jumped onto the rooftops and wrapping my Spark Scarf up.
Using the arms of the scarf, I plugged them into the spotlights and firework launchers to activate them, jumping from one machine to the next as Hat danced around on the camera, wearing an avian-based parade leading outfit, followed by a line of penguins playing various instruments. Her jumping skills meant she bounced around the entire town flashily, the penguins behind her actually having trouble keeping up with her, smiling all the time.
But...something was up. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but Hat seemed...different? Was that it? Well of course that was it but what was the difference? She was bouncing and diving around like she always was, but that look on her face...the ever-present smile but...different. I shook my head and guessed I was just being a bit weird, before returning to power the machines, which continued for a little bit before-
"Tie."
I jumped. When had Hat landed beside me? The penguins behind her were taking a break in the background for a second, but it seemed like she was still on camera.
"Uh, Captain? What are you doing?" I asked. "You're still being filmed, you can't afford to be interacting with me."
"That's not true." Huh, she wasn't smiling anymore. "It's just...well...why are you over here?"
"Because I'm working all this." I gave her an answer. "Besides, I'm not good for the camera."
"But-!" She bit her lip.
"What?"
"...I want you to help me!" She cried.
"Help? Captain, you don't need help with this, you're a prop at parkour." I said.
"No, not like that!" She shook her head frantically. "I just...want to jump around beside you, like we usually do."
"C'mon, Captain." I sighed. "I'm not your babysitter, no matter how much you want me to be."
"Tie..." I looked at her as she held out her hand. "Please come and be in the parade with me."
"...Why?"
"It's not the same when I don't have somebody beside me." She admitted. "I miss you."
I blinked at her. "Really?"
"Yeah. You're my friend, Tie. I want you to be beside me, having fun too." She said, smiling softly.
"..." I looked at her for a moment. "Okay." I took her hand.
"Yay!" Her enthusiasm returned. "C'mon, Tie!"
I changed into my Sunny Weather colours as we jumped around the parade, the penguins following behind us. And I saw that she was smiling genuinely again. Genuinely...yeah, that was what was missing. Her true smile.
"And cut!" DJ Grooves called out, making us stop. "Wonderful Darlings, absolutely wonderful! That falling point when you had that scene together was just PERFECT! Oh, I'd love to see the Conductor one up us on this one!"
"Thanks." I said. "Sooooo, pay?"
"Of course, Darling! Here you are." He handed me a Time Piece. "Be sure to keep an eye on the network for the premiere!"
"We will!" Hat promised.
"You two take care of each other, Darlings!" He waved as we teleported back to the ship.
"Thanks, Tie." Hat beamed.
"For what?" I asked.
"Just being there." She said.
I allowed myself a smile. "Well...it was fun. Thanks, Captain."
"Awwwww, you smiled!" She beamed, cutely.
"It's not that big of a surprise!" I gasped.
"You should smile more." She said.
"You smile enough for the both of us." I argued.
"Excuse me!" Boss cried from the corner. "What are you both-HEY!" I kicked him away.
"Acting sure is hard work." Hat huffed as she seized my scarf and pulled me along. "Let's go see if our films are on yet!"
"I guess they could be." I relented as we headed into the main room, Roombi coming to greet us as she sat down and turned the TV on.
"We should have a movie night!" Hat said as she wrapped herself up in a blanket.
"I'll get the snacks." I said, but she seized my wrist and made me sit down next to her.
"You've gotta get under the blanket too!" She said as she threw the blanket over me. "Fellow actor."
"If you insist." I submitted. "Roombi, can you go get snacks?" The faithful Roomba whirred off towards the kitchen, hopefully to inform CC...somehow.
She began flipping through the channels, until we found one that said 'Premiering in 10 minutes...'
"Those birds work fast." I said.
"Movie night!" Hat cheered, smiling at me. "I get to see how awesome we are!"
I looked at her as she rocked back and forth, the biggest smile on her face. If nothing else, her adorable little look was perfect for the silver screen. But, more then that just seeing her happy made others happy. And yeah, it made me happy too.
"Thanks, Captain." I said as I settled down for movie night.
Sunny Weather: A bright and cheery colour palette, perfect for outdoor adventures!
Spark Scarf: Allows Tie to create electricity that zaps enemies and powers machines.
It's been a while, hasn't it? But seeing as its the festive season, I decided to make a chapter as a Christmas Present of sorts for readers. I've decided that since we all know how the games go, this story should instead focus more on the relationships between the characters, which has been explored a little bit this chapter.
Thank you to everybody that reviewed between this chapter and last, like Happiness studios. Since it's been such a large gap, I won't answer any questions submitted, but allow me to answer one specific one:
Stop asking about Rule34, please. They know about it, and they don't like it. Shadman meme. etc.
Now let's let the two of them settle down for Christmas, with hot chocolate and santa hat/tie.
Have a Merry Christmas, everybody!
