—- In theory but not in practice

Days pass easily and quickly. The pattern that emerges makes it hard to distinguish one day from another. He doesn't mind. Augusta and Leo are keeping him busy and filling his days with laughter and warmth. He has taken to ending each long day by the fire in his study, a book in one hand and a dram of whiskey in the other. He never has more than one. He keeps strictly to the ritual. Nonetheless, tonight he fell asleep staring at the fire and woke with a start to the scent of her hair- warm, soft, and clean, and the feeling of her smooth skin under his fingers and the taste of her full lips on his. It is as if her breath brushes his skin and then she is gone. This is his favorite dream, and the one he dreads the most. The dream itself is enchanting, delightful and more of a memory than a dream. It is waking from it that he abhors. It is at that moment that the void opens beneath his feet and a great emptiness engulfs him. The pain in his heart when he thinks of her, when he remembers her… it sends shocks down his arms into his thumbs. It is so odd. How is this heartache made real- made physical? He rubs his hands over his face and through his hair, drinks the last drop of whiskey from his glass, and decides groggily to head up to bed. As he passes through the hall he notices some letters on the table. They must have been brought from the estate. Normally, he would have left it until the morning but he recognizes the address on the top envelope. Miss. Georgiana Lamb. A frisson runs up and down his spine. Shaking off the emotions, he opens the envelope. It is an invitation. Miss Lamb is inviting them to her 21st birthday party in Sanditon Tuesday next. A note is enclosed as well. It is addressed to Augusta, but as he reads it he can not shake the suspicion that he is the intended recipient.

Miss Augusta,

I hope that I may look forward to furthering our acquaintance at this celebration of my birthday. We shall be neighbors of a sort as long as we are both associated with Sanditon and thus it seems right we should know each other better. Furthermore, I know it would especially please my friend Miss Heywood, to see you again. When I saw her last she did not seem quite herself. I was there when she announced she was newly affianced to a farmer, I saw that her smile did not quite reach her eyes and she was much subdued. Having known her to previously be adverse to any such arrangement, we were all stunned at the news. We in Sanditon fear something is amiss. Before she left Sanditon, she spoke so warmly of her time with you and Leo and I do think it would do her good to be surrounded by as many of her friends and dear ones as possible. Perhaps in your youthful candor you can convince her to unburden her heart. She is quite determined not to tell me all that has occurred. I do not know how to bring her back to life and I fear this marriage will be a grave error. I do hope your uncle will allow you to attend for her benefit if not for my own.

Warm Regards,

Miss Georgiana Lamb

His legs were as weak as water and almost gave out. He was forced to slump into a nearby chair. His head in his hands, he groaned. Realizing his hypocrisy, he observed that his outcome had been foremost in his mind for Char… Miss Heywood. Before, when it was only a theory. Now, faced with the reality he was not so sanguine. What had he wrought when he didn't offer for her, when he broke it off with her, when he so rudely treated her as "a member of his staff"? What had he done?

Taking a deep breath, he steels himself, gathers his will, and resolves to stand firm. They will not be attending. It is not fair to her for them to show up when she has set herself on a path to healing. She will be herself again in time and he has no right to insert himself into the situation. Augusta can't have seen the invitation so he takes it to his study and puts it in the desk. A giant yawn almost cracks his jaw. Tomorrow is soon enough for a response.