"I'll Never Forgive You"
Set after Dimitri has been restored.
Dimitri POV
The walls were white, bright light on above me, and yet, everything looked dim. My eyes weren't able to adjust, not after months of being able to see so clearly. Even at night, it looked like daylight.
I cringed at the thought of what the sunlight would be like.
Even the sounds were muffled. I used to be able to hear the sounds of blood rushing through veins, and now I'm straining to hear what the guards outside my cell were saying.
My hands keep shaking. I couldn't look down at them, each time I did I pictured them covered in blood. Wrapped around a nameless person's throat before I killed them. So many faces haunted me. One after the other, I would remember their death, reliving it with new eyes.
My soul has returned and with it the guilt of what I have done.
It was like a horror film I was being forced to watch over and over from the killer's perspective. But it was me.
All of it was me.
Then through all of the memories, I would see her face. I would remember everything I did to her. Everything I wanted to do.
I could still feel the pleasure I felt when I first drank from her, how sweet she tasted. I took joy in controlling her with the bite, watching her world become solely focused on me. The awe in her eyes as she stared up at me. I wanted to own her in every sense of the word.
I would have turned her. I would have done so much to her.
I covered my face with my hands, the guilt so painful it felt like my heart was being torn to shreds. My heart and soul were in tatters, broken and disfigured from all the pain and grief I caused.
I had hurt Roza. My Roza. I took the thing that matters most to me and tried to destroy it.
There was no returning from this, no returning to her.
I was warned I would lose what I treasured most and I have. I could never be with Roza again and she would never want me. I was dangerous, I may still be.
No matter how much I may crave for the past months to be forgotten, to be given the forgiveness I didn't deserve, I will never have it.
I could hear the beautiful sound of her voice in my head. Even as she would say the words that will destroy me further, I know I would cherish hearing her voice one last time.
"I'll never forgive you."
I know she would tell me calmly, a look of disgust in her eyes. I wouldn't blame her.
I was disgusted by myself. I could never forgive myself.
My sharp inhales echoed around my cell, the closest I've allowed myself to breaking again. If I let myself fall apart there was no way I could put myself back together again. While I could never earn her forgiveness, I had to make amends for what I did. My soul was doomed no matter what I did but I had to try.
Giving myself totally to protecting others was all I had left now.
