Sorry for disappearing, I got super into drawing a Romitri comic, so if you like VA go check it out on Instagram, just look up Hiccupped_studio. I will put a link in my profile as well.

Enjoy the shorts :D

"I dreamt you were alive"

It was the middle of the night, I wasn't meant to be out here. I was meant to be back in my room, fast asleep like everyone else but instead, I was here.

I wish I had had the afterthought to grab a jacket before leaving my room. The sun helped but it was still cold as I made my way through the snow, the crunch of it under my shoes was the only sound in the small cemetery.

Even the birds weren't singing. It's like they could sense my mood, the dark thoughts that were plaguing my mind as I made my way to the small headstone.

He wasn't buried here, his mother had his body sent to where she lived, but the academy wanted to honour him. A small rectangle block of cement with a plaque on top that had his name engraved into it.

Mason Ashford.

I knelt down, barely feeling the icy ground as the moisture seeped through my pants. I brushed off the freshly fallen snow, it was the least I could do for him. Especially after everything that happened because of me.

Dimitri's words that Mason had made his own choices would sometimes break through the depressive guilt that had wrapped itself around my heart to the point that it hurt to breathe. Those times were few and far between.

"Hey, Mase," I started. My hand rested against the stone, feeling the indent of his name under my fingers. "I'm breaking curfew again, I doubt you're surprised." I huffed a laugh but it sounded as empty as I felt.

My throat became tight, making me struggle to force words out past the lump that had formed.

"I dreamt you were alive"

Tears slipped down my cheeks, the cold wind making them feel like ice.

I only felt cold, and empty.

There would be times I would feel a rage building in me, I was angry at everything and everyone. At the Strigoi. At Dimitri. At myself. At Mason.

Mason.

He never should have come back. I was so pissed that he came back.

Why couldn't he have just left, I was ready to die if it meant that my friends were okay. All I wanted was for them all to live, but Mason had to come back and he—

"Why did you do that?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper being carried away by the wind. "Why did you come back? I wasn't worth it."

My fist came down on the stone, the small amount of pain was like a shock to my system, finally feeling something other than guilt. So I did it again. And again.

"I wasn't worth your life!"

A hand gripped my wrist, stopping my fist from connecting with the stone again. Through blurry eyes I looked at the person beside me, finding Alberta's concerned face. Her eyes took in my face and then my hand, turning it over to examine it. The knuckles had split, the stinging sensation was welcomed.

"Rose." Her voice wasn't scolding, but sorrowful.

I tried to pull back though it was a weak attempt. Her arms moved to hold me, pressing me close to her chest, rubbing my back in a soothing motion.

I crumbled in her arms.

"Why did he do it, Alberta? I wasn't worth it." I sobbed into her jacket, gripping the material tightly.

She shushed me gently, "Because he cared for you, Rose. He wanted to protect you just as much as you wanted to protect him."

"I miss him."

There were so many times I would think of something I wanted to say to him, or I would see something that I knew he would like. For those split seconds he would be alive again, ready to give me one of his easy smiles, cracking a joke to make me laugh. Then reality would hit and I was drowning again.

"I know. I miss him, too, so much," Her voice breaking in a way I hadn't heard before. While Mason and I had parents, Alberta and the other teachers here had been the ones to raise us.

We were both close to her. The day he died, Alberta had lost someone special as well.

She pulled back, hands cupping my cheeks, wiping the tears that were still falling. "You're freezing," She frowned, grabbing my hands and trying to warm them.

A moment later I was startled as a warm, very large, duster was draped over my shoulders. I peered up at Dimitri, not even realising he had been there. He kept his expression blank but his eyes spoke volumes of how concerned he was for me.

"Let's get you back to your room," Alberta prompted, rising to her feet. I followed suit, though with the help of both her and Dimitri.

I pulled at the worn leather around me, inhaling deeply. "Am I in trouble?"

"I won't tell if you don't." She turned me, an arm around my shoulders to guide me back towards the dorms. "It'll take time, Rose, but it will get easier."

A large hand pressed against my lower back. "You aren't alone here," Dimitri spoke softly. His hand didn't drop from my back, that small touch and their words gave me the strength to keep breathing through the pain.