Gonna be a little behind, hopefully will catch up in the coming days. Been super stressed and such. So, if I do miss any updates, I'm fine, just probably having a couch day binging Charmed while I ignore my problems :)

"Help Them"

I stared down at the stake in my hand. It seemed like such an insignificant tool, and yet it can be used to kill monsters that attack innocents at night.

At least, it's meant to.

Though maybe it isn't the tool's fault but the one that was wielding it.

I couldn't ignore the fact that the silver was so clean and yet the skin of my hands was coated red. It had dried, staining me as a sign of how I failed.

"Rose."

I didn't bother looking up at the man speaking to me. I didn't feel like craning my neck to see the disappointment in his eyes, and I sure as fuck didn't want to be lectured. It was probably some zen lesson crap he found in a fortune cookie, storing it away for when the new guardians fuck up. Telling me to walk it off while being ashamed that he was the one to train us.

It wasn't Dimitri's fault, he taught me how to do everything right. I was the reason that I got someone killed.

I could still hear her screams.

My eyes squeezed shut, shaking my head as if that would rid me of the images. Blood pooling on the ground around her from the tear of her throat.

I'd never seen so much blood before.

"Rose, look at me."

I kept my head low, "What's the point?" My question was loaded, the question behind my words applying to so much.

Dimitri breathed slowly through his nose. I could picture him running his fingers through his hair. My own was a tangled mess, I wanted to pull it back but didn't want to drag the blood through it.

"It wasn't your fault."

I made a noise, sounding like a strangled laugh. "Try telling her that." He didn't see the look she gave me, the hard, icy look as I watched her bleed to death.

"What we do—this isn't an easy thing to do, mistakes happen."

"What we do," I repeated. Finally lifting my head to lock eyes with him, "What is it that we do, exactly?"

He seemed confused, mind going through the possible reasons. "What do you mean?"

"When you gave me this stake. What did you say that we do?" I asked him firmly.

His lips pressed into a thin line, "Rose, it isn't–"

"Help them. That's what you said." My eyes dropped to the weapon in my hand, "You gave this to me and said that we help those that can't defend themselves from the monsters that haunt the night. Only we can help them."

"You did your best."

With a yell, I threw the stake away from me, watching it bounce on the pavement. "I didn't do shit!" I lept to my feet, marching up to Dimitri until our chests were almost touching. "I didn't help anyone, I got her killed. And for what? Because I thought I was good enough?" I laughed, the sound dark, "Well, lesson learnt. I'm not good enough and I never will be."

I spun on my heel, taking three steps before his hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me back around to face him. "You made a mistake, everyone does, but we don't let it stop us from trying again. You can't just give up."

I slapped his hand away. "Watch me, comrade. I never should have been here in the first place." With a hard glare, I turned away, zipping up my coat and shoving my hands into the pocket in hopes of hiding the blood.

"Where are you going!"

I didn't look back. Muttering my response to myself as I walked into the night, "Somewhere I won't hurt anyone else."