Nudging Alex in the back, I directed him to sit in the seat that was on the opposite end of the table from Eric: waiting for him to take his seat before selecting my own. "Now that I can FINALLY get back to work, let's see: Mosquito's ABL's…Jesus Christ…are these even in a human language?" Eric mumbled, ignoring me until I reached to pull out the seat next to him. "Not there." he denied, making me roll my eyes before moving over to the seat in the middle. "That's Mosquito's seat." he said, denying me again: oblivious to the involuntary 'twitch' my eyebrow made as I made to take the last seat in the row. "Not there either, Stupid." he stated once-again, clearly enjoying watching me move from seat-to-seat: smirking as I turned around and glared at him, curling my lip and exposing a fang at the smug expression on his face before moving to the opposite side of the table.
"Next seat you deny me is getting thrown at you." I mumbled, pulling out the chair on Alex's left and sitting my ass down in it: completely-ignoring any response to that Eric would have made, smirking at the amused 'snort' that came from my brother: at least one of us thought it was funny. "Alright, here's the deal: in order to play 'Superheroes', you have to have a 'Superhero Persona'. Then, you can file your 'Character Sheets' on 'Coonstagram'. Do either of you have a 'Coonstagram Page'?" Eric asked, turning his iPad around for us to see an apparent 'social media' page that he'd named after himself. 'Is there anything here that Eric DIDN'T name after himself?' I thought, sharing a confused look with Alex: who shrugged his shoulders in return.
"No. My parents barely allow me to have a Facebook and Xbox, and Alex isn't allowed anywhere near any kind of social media." I replied, understanding their reasoning, all things considered: didn't mean I thought it was fair, though. "Ohh boy…you're not even on Coonstagram, huh? Well, I guess I can create them for you…fucking unbelievable…let's see." he replied, mumbling the last half of his sentence as he tapped at the screen with his claws for several seconds before laying the iPad down face-up on the table for us to see. Taking a look at the screen, I saw he somehow had a picture of me with my body suit exposed: crouched low with teeth bared, the hood up and shredded wings flared as I prepared to pounce, how he got that picture: I hadn't a clue…I looked badass though. 'At least you didn't make me look stupid, I can appreciate that much.' I thought, turning my attention back to Eric as he pointed to a list of three different Titles on the side of the screen: giving it a light 'tap' with a claw to get my attention.
"So, the first thing we need to fill out on your Character Sheets are your 'Classes'. You know, what kind of Superheroes are you? Since you two are newbies: you can only choose between 'Brutalist', 'Blaster', or 'Speedster', for now." he said, watching me share a look with my brother as he stared intently at the screen: no doubt analyzing each Class and weighed the pros and cons of each one and how it would hinder or benefit him. However, since it was my picture on the screen, I had first pick: making me furrow my brows in confusion as the information about each available Class didn't include the…abilities, I had. "I noticed 'Shapeshifter' isn't up there." I stated, looking over the 'stats' each Class had and found none other than 'Brutalist' that even came close to the ruthless, savage and volatile nature of the Blacklight Virus.
"The fuck do you want, MacManus? These are the only three Classes available to newbies! You don't get to be picky when you're lucky to be getting THIS much. If you don't like the rules, you don't get to play." Eric snapped, meeting my glare with his own as I pulled the iPad over to Alex so he could get a better look without having to crawl across the table. "I'm not 'being picky'! Its literally what I can do! Yeah, I can fight like a Brutalist, but the extent of my power is literally changing my form: and if you want me as an ally instead of an enemy, you'll make an exception for that. We both know I'm not going to be something I'm not, since you have seen my abilities first hand, and I'm already getting back at Wendy for her bullshit 'jealousy' with the shit you gave me: the least you can do is grant me a Class that fits my abilities." I replied, watching the wheels turn in his head: before snatching the iPad back over to him with a 'scoff' of annoyance, making me smirk with triumph as he added 'Shapeshifter' to the list: however, I wasn't surprised to see that it had a 'Locked' status on the list.
"Brutalist, then: like 'The Thing' or a really pissed-off 'Batman'. What about you, Douchebag?" he said, selecting the Brutalist option in my Class section, before switching tabs and showed Alex his Character Sheet: still without a costume of his own, but that would be an easy fix: especially with all the available costumes in the 'Coon Store'. Taking the iPad, I watched Alex point at the 'Blaster' Class: which caused Eric to raise an eyebrow with a mildly-impressed look on his face. "A Blaster. With ranged powers, like Cyclops. You ready to blast more than just farts?" he questioned, only to be met with a determined look and a single 'nod' from my brother, giving him all the information he needed as he granted him his Class. "Just don't set anything or anyone on fire, please. And as for my future Shapeshifter Class: I was thinking along the lines of copying a Symbiote like 'Riot' or 'Carnage', since 'Venom' himself doesn't have weapons in his base form…though, he did turn into a dragon at one point: so Venom works too." I said, narrowing my eyes at Alex as he gave me a sheepish look in return: knowing very well that I knew how he could get, especially once certain...'triggers' came into play.
"A chick that knows Marvel comics…huh. Have to admit, MacManus: didn't see that shit coming." Eric said, turning his mildly-impressed look to me, causing me to 'shrug' in return with a grin: glad he seemed to approve of the fact that I wasn't into the girly shit that tended to drive the boys insane…and not in a good way. "Alright, we've got your Classes covered, but now…we need to find out what terrible event in your past drives you. You see, MacManus and Douche, all Superheroes have a compelling backstory. It's from that backstory that their powers gain meaning. Let's take you back to when you were just a child, Douchebag." Eric explained, causing us both to subconsciously 'tense' at his words, surely he wasn't going to-"Don't you fucking dare." I warned, causing Eric to raise an eyebrow from his laidback position in his chair: probably wondering why Alex was suddenly gripping onto my arm, trying to use me as a focus point to keep the memories and future nightmares away in case Eric decided to bring up the literal hell that had been our lives for four, solid years.
"Calm the fuck down, MacManus. I already put you down as a 'Failed, Genetically-Engineered Super Soldier that's hellbent on vengeance and will stop at nothing to get it'. Now, its Douchebag's turn." he said, making me subconsciously make a fist at how close he made my 'backstory' to the very real one: and while I didn't care all that much, it was my brother's that I was more concerned with…words couldn't even begin to describe the torture behind those noises he'd made: and the unspeakable nightmares he's still having to this day, the main reason we're still sharing a room. "Anyway, you lay awake that night…like so many other nights, you couldn't sleep because you knew you weren't like the other kids." he began, oblivious to the panicked look Alex sent me: worried that Eric somehow knew what we'd take to our graves, calming down as soon as I wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"Cartman, I'm warning you." I growled, watching my eyesight flicker orange as he completely-ignored me: loudly clearing his throat and started talking again, as if I didn't just interrupt him for the second time. "You walked to the mirror and felt alone and that's when you heard it: a loud noise! You swore you could hear your mother, calling for help!" he began, causing my 'snarl' to disappear with the sudden realization that he was making Alex's backstory up…and I was getting an uneasy feeling about the direction Eric was going to be taking it. "You left your room, and out in the hallway you saw two intruders out in front of your parents' door! You had to stop them from hurting your parents! You KNEW you had the power to stop them! So, for the first time, you called upon your Blaster powers! Heating up your hands: you summoned fire to your fingertips and prepared to burn them to ash!" he narrated, getting animated with explaining each ability a Blaster had: telling of how Alex set the 'intruders' ablaze: melting them to the bone until nothing was left.
'Alright, I give you points, Eric: making my little brother sound badass. I'm sure he appreciates it.' I thought, turning to Alex as he let go of my arm: paying attention to Eric's story and seemed to approve, I could almost see a smile hidden under his scarf. "Reduced to nothing but piles of ash: everything seemed okay, until the biggest n'er-do-well you've ever seen entered the fray from his hiding place in the bathroom! So, you turned around to face your new foe!" Eric continued, getting more into the story as he described how Alex grabbed fistfuls of ash from the fallen foes and threw it into the large enemy's eyes: blinding him and caused him to scream, which only intensified as Alex 'summoned' a blast of fire to both hands and sent it flying forwards like a concentrated flamethrower…or something out of DBZ.
"Hehehe, nice! Fucking sweet, man! And so you beat them, all seemed to be okay. But then you finally reached your parents' door. And what you saw when you opened that door, changed your life forever: and led you to start fighting crime. You were too late! Because when you opened that door, you saw…you saw your dad…fuck your mom." Eric said, and I couldn't help it and completely lost it: I started cracking up laughing to the point of tears: nearly laughing to the point where I almost fell backwards out of my chair as soon as I heard the telltale 'thud' of Alex's head smacking into the table. 'Oh my fucking god! This is too much!' I thought, memories of seeing Alex's face after he accidentally walked in on my parents 'testing out the sheets' had to be one of the funniest things I've seen in a very long time, and his reaction to it now was even more perfect.
"Shut up, Saphira." said brother mumbled, apparently remembering the same thing and was too embarrassed to do much else other than hide in his arms and try to block out my hysterical giggles. "Yeah, shut the fuck up, MacManus! Laughing at such a tragic and heavy backstory is just cruel! And because its so heavy, your brother now fights crime because he can never forget the night he wasn't in time…and you saw your own father, the man you TRUSTED…fuck your mom. Its like a ripple in time that can't ever be changed, isn't it?" Eric continued, giving me an unamused look as I wiped the tears from my face and finally managed to control myself after a few minutes of continuous laughter: only sobering up as soon as my dad was mentioned. ''Trusted' is definitely NOT the word I would use to describe him.' I thought, sending Alex a shit-eating grin as he raised his head and glared at me: knowing for a fact that I would use his 'backstory' to tease him relentlessly in a typical 'older sibling' manner, and had every intention of poking fun at him for it every chance I got.
"Alright, we've got your Classes and backstory: now its time for your costumes and names: the shit you need for a Blaster Class is over there." Eric said, directing Alex to a black, long-sleeved shirt with a fire design on the bottom third, black pants, gauntlets with cans of hairspray and a pair of lighters, and goggles with a headband that was meant to keep his hair out of the way of the flames. 'Why am I not surprised Eric is actually encouraging the use of real fire.' I thought as I watched Alex put the costume on: waiting to see if he needed my help and was pleased to see that he got it on without any problems and seemed to like how it looked on him. "Alright, MacManus: I already know you're going to bitch about the Brutalist costume and won't wear it so I'm not going to waste my breath. Go on then, put on that stupid, fucking costume of yours." Eric griped, 'shooing' at me with a clawed hand, rolling his eyes at me as I stuck my tongue out at him before standing up out of my seat and moving a couple steps away.
"You're just jealous because its cooler than yours. And Eric, call me 'Blacklight'. I'll help Alex decide on a name for himself and put it on his page, later: like hell I'm going to let you pick it for him." I snarked back, paying him no further mind as I closed my eyes and flexed my spine: calling forth my body suit as the biomass surged and ripped from beneath my clothes: consuming them and allowed my black and glowing-red body suit to show itself once again. Pulling the beaked hood up, I watched from beneath the shadows as Eric gave my true form a once-over before frowning: making me raise a hidden eyebrow at what he could possibly find wrong with the body suit he'd seen so many times before. "Not bad…'Blacklight': but Superheroes need to conceal their identity, its not going to be a mystery as to who you are if everyone can see your fucking face." he said, making an idea spark in my mind: especially when the lower half of my face was the only thing people could see when my hood was up: so covering that shouldn't be too much of a problem.
"Alright, how about this?" I asked, commanding the virus to crawl up my body suit in a ripple of biomass and settle on the lower half of my face: covering my nose and mouth in a breathable 'mask' of hardened, black biomass and a set of savage, serrated white teeth set across the surface in a savage, bloodthirsty smile: eerily rivaling Venom's Cheshire grin in nearly-perfect detail. "That has to be the scariest shit I've ever seen in my fucking life! Thanks for the future nightmares, you bitch!" Eric complained, ripping his gaze away from my new 'mask' and nearly flew from his seat as he realized it was articulated: teeth and jaws opening into a pitch-black maw as I stretched my jaw into a deliberate 'yawn'. 'As soon as I find a mirror, I'm going to see how this looks: might use it as a postcard to Blackwatch.' I thought sinisterly, turning to Alex and noticed how he 'flinched' at the sight of my new appearance, but quickly got used to it as he walked over and stood next to me.
"Alright, now that you're Superheroes, I have a mission for you. I need you to go out into town and try to get as many Followers on Coonstagram as you can. It's the only way our Franchise will survive! Blacklight! I need you to seek out any information on Freedom Pals! What they're up to, their contacts, anything! We can't let those 'DC' fucks gain any more popularity then they already have!" he commanded, paying no further attention to us as we turned around to do as he…requested: only to watch Eric glance up at me as I was halfway to the staircase. "And Blacklight, one more thing." he called, beckoning me back to the table as he picked the iPad back up and started 'tapping' at the screen again. "I'll wait for you." Alex mumbled, making me send him a 'nod' as I turned around and headed back over to the table as my brother headed back upstairs: wanting no further part in any conversation with Eric if it meant he would be adding to his 'tragic' backstory.
"So…a 'Little Birdie' tells me that you're 'buddy-buddy' with Mysterion." he started, causing an icy chill to run down my back: his sudden change in tone telling me EXACTLY the sort of conversation this was, and the feeling of dread came back in addition to a sudden fear: though I wasn't sure if it was myself that I was afraid for this time. "We're friends, though I don't see how that's any of your business." I returned, glaring at Eric as a whirlwind of defensive emotions flooded my form as I bared my hidden teeth at the hidden threat in Eric's eyes: though the teeth of my mask did a much better job at getting the message across. "Yeah…you see, Mysterion is a fucking 'Super Traitor' and your…'friendship' with him makes you compromised. If you're going to be a part of Coon and Friends: that shit needs to go. Permanently. I let that bullshit slide in 'Stick of Truth', but now it needs to go: there's no 'both sides' this time." he said, making me freeze in place for several seconds as it finally sunk in that Eric knew ALL about the fact that I was playing both sides the whole time! And now he knew about my friendship with Mysterion…like HELL I was going to give that kind of friendship up just because of a fucking game.
"My friendship with him is none of your fucking business, Coon. And there's no way in hell am I giving that up because you want me to! I've suffered too much to let one of the VERY few good things that's ever happened to me, go: especially over a fucking game!" I snarled, feeling a 'growl' start to rumble in my chest and screw with my voice: but I was too floored by the audacity of Eric Cartman to give two shits about it. "They told me you'd say that, and if me 'asking nicely' wouldn't convince you…then maybe THIS will." he said, turning the iPad around to show me what was on the screen: making my blood run cold immediately: for on the screen, was the contact information for 'Red Crown': and a highly-detailed email describing my current location and ALL my new abilities: how they worked, what they did, and how to effectively combat them. The email also contained information about how fiercely protective I was about certain people, and how using them would be a GREAT means of getting me to do what they wanted by using them as leverage.
"You…You crazy fucking-""So…I take it we have a deal?" he said, hovering his claw over 'send' like it was the thing that would tip 'The Scales of Judgement': smirking in triumph when he saw just how 'by the balls' he had me: not even batting an eye when I slammed my fist down on the table with a resounding 'bang', and leaving a sizable dent in the plastic as a result. "Arschloch! You have no fucking clue about the lethal game you're playing! You send that and they'll be crawling all over this town like roaches again, MAYBE taking you for some 'experimental fun' this time, too! As a moral rule: I don't kill kids…but you are making it very VERY hard for me to keep that word, Cartman: and its taking everything, and I literally mean EVERYTHING in me, not to rip you apart." I snarled, openly-hissing through my mask's savage teeth as he 'smirked'(actually fucking smirked) at me: as if my words were nothing and I was merely bluffing.
"Its called an 'Ultimatum', MacManus: and here's my ONLY offer, you break ties with Mysterion: and I don't send this little…bitty…'Instruction Manual'. Understand?" he stated, making me release a high-pitched, monstrous 'screech': a sound I didn't even know I could make in my human form and leapt forward to swipe at the iPad with my bladed Claws with every intention of destroying it, snapping the mask's savage teeth mere inches from his flabby face: only to watch him pull back at the last possible second as Eric pulled it closer to himself, wordlessly showing that if I wanted to slice the device, I would also have to slice him: taking full-advantage of my moral code and throwing it back in my face.
"Ah ah ah! None of that, you almost made me press this button: and oh-whatever would you do if I did that?. Now! Go do what I fucking told you to do, and I'll know if you didn't…or else I know of PLENTY of people that would be taking the fall each time you say 'no'. The REAL question is: how many is it going to take before you do what you're fucking told?" he dismissed, paying me no further amount of his attention as I stood there: clenching my fists to keep in desperate control of the virus: feeling warm blood seep between my gloved fingers and drip onto the floor as my Claws struggled to make an appearance.
"You're either REALLY brave, or really REALLY fucking stupid to threaten ME, Cartman. When you burn in hell, I want a front-row seat: and you'd better PRAY to every single God in existence that I'm not the one sending you there…because I will NOT make it pleasant for you." I spat, watching my vision flicker between orange and red as I turned on my heel and hauled ass back up the stairs and out the door: determined to cool off before I made good on my threat and ground him into paste in the most brutal, creative way I could possibly think of.
