Aiko had long decided, watching her twin's corpse burning-that she hated being an Uchiha.

It was so stupid, a lifetime of pointless war and loss wasn't any prize. It didn't matter how well off they were supposed to be than other clans, or how much stronger they claimed to be.

How strong was the Clan really, when they had to bury so many of Aiko's brothers to claim that so-called strength?

And she was hardly the only one. It was normal to find clan members who'd lost too much staring into space around the compound, tears flowing silently down their cheeks as they tried to deal with the loss of a parent, or a partner.

A brother.

Aiko hadn't spent enough time with Daisuke.

She would almost blame her mother, she had always kept them far away from each other, warning her constantly not to get attached to any of her brothers, especially her twin.

But he had her face, and she had felt the happiest she could remember ever being feeding him.

Aiko could remember standing just outside the door with her first bento clutched so tightly it bit into her palms, trying not to look guilty as she waited for Daisuke to come home from the training field. She hadn't said anything to her brother then, not brave enough to break her mothers rules even further, but she'd shoved the bento into his chest until he'd taken it from her and run inside.

The next day he'd ambushed her with a grateful hug, a smile splitting his face in two and told her it was the best meal he'd ever had.

It had been impossible not to keep feeding him then. Even if she could never find the courage to talk to him, she'd hoard as much food as she dared and saved it for him. Her mother was kind enough to turn a blind eye. It was why she could never truly blame her for the distance she'd kept from Daisuke-her mother never truly denied her daughters anything that was in her power to give.

But she hadn't known that then, she'd thought that Akemi sweating blind that Aiko didn't actually talk to Daisuke was what afforded her her mothers silence on the subject. Her older sister mostly watched her with concern, Akemi didn't have a rebellious bone in her body.

Her older sister didn't understand why she would go against her mothers orders.

She dreaded the day her mother took exception to Aiko's actions even more than Aiko did. Akemi tried to convince her to stop several times, but she always refused. She'd thought that if it was the only contact she could have with her twin, small as it was-that she would cling to it.

It was what pushed her to cook better and better dishes, watching his face light up with delight every time he spotted a bento in her hands. Daisuke smiled like the sun when he saw her. Held her tight with gratitude every chance he got. He even talked to her, it didn't seem to matter to him that Aiko wasn't brave enough to talk back.

He always looked so happy to see her, even when she didn't have food, until he just wasn't there anymore. He'd left her with a hole in her heart and empty space in her soul where he was supposed to be at her side.

She hated herself then.

Hated her weak cowardly self that had been so unworthy of her twin's affections. Of his efforts to connect with her, no matter what their mother said, of his love. Daisuke had tried so hard, and Aiko hadn't even managed to meet him halfway.

Aiko probably wouldn't have managed to keep going if not for Akane. Mother often left her minding Akane the way she'd never quite let her get close to Junto or Akio.

Akane was sweet.

She was a quiet, happy baby who always reached for hugs and only ever cried when she soiled her diaper.

Otherwise she liked to play, her attempts to be sneaky on her unsteady little legs made Aiko smile despite herself most days. Akane had lost a lot of her tranquility in the wake of curiosity once she got to crawling, and gained all the energy and rambunctiousness she'd been putting off as a baby when she started to walk.

Akane was also brave.

She never let her mothers warning put her off the rest of her brothers the way Aiko and Akemi had. Akane had so much love in her heart-she knew it wouldn't be enough to just love their mother and her sisters. It seemed inevitable that she'd reach for her brothers too.

Sometimes she wondered who Akane took after. As loving as their mother was, it was nothing like Akanes' easy affection. It was desperate, like her mother tried to give them all the love she had-so she wouldn't have any to spare for any of Aiko's brothers.

Her father had a distant affection, Aiko had been rebuffed by him mostly in confusion. He simply didn't understand what to do with her, when he couldn't train her the way he did her brothers. She thought he'd loved her anyway, mostly because he loved Daisuke for sure, and Aiko looked so much like him, but she'd never really felt it. Her parents had split their affections evenly, her mother reserved hers for her daughters, and her father kept his for his sons.

Akane loved like she breathed, just happy to spend time together, to see her family, to tease them, and hug them. Aiko never told her mother when Akane started sneaking out at night. It had been easy to convince Akemi to keep the secret, her older sister struggled to deny Akane anything. Mostly because Akane was the youngest and Akemi loved little kids. She'd seen the wistful way her older sister watched expecting mothers and those that held their crying infants.

Aiko thought Akane would grow up significantly more spoiled than she had. But Akane was too sweet to throw tantrums like she'd seen other little kids, even Junto and Akio throw. Her sister genuinely just seemed to want to pull all her siblings close.

She wished their little sister had been born before her, that she had raised Aiko and Daisuke with the tenderness that came to her so easily. A younger Aiko would have followed an older Akane's lead just as she had Akemi's. She would have found the strength to go against her mothers wishes and spend time with her twin. To talk and confide in each other the way he'd so clearly wanted to and never managed. Her family would have been so different if Akane had been the eldest daughter.

Akane was so easy to love.

She wished Daisuke had the chance to. Her twin would have adored their little sister, he would have leaned eagerly into her hugs the way Aiko did.

The way she couldn't, when they lost Akemi, and Naoya wouldn't put their little sister down because they'd almost lost her too. Aiko had almost thrown up when Ryota had come to collect his daughters and simply told them that Akemi was dead.

Her mother had fainted.

Aiko had barely fought off her nausea long enough to make sure mother was still breathing before taking off in a dead run towards the main house. She had known in her heart that the Main house's children would have been the primary target, and that no one would think to tell them if Akane was hurt or worse in the attack. At least not until long after they were sure they killed all the enemies in the compound.

She found Akane unconscious in her older brother's arms. Hurt but alive-Naoya had sent her to get another healer, the ones present were focused on saving the main house children that survived.

It wasn't until she'd come back with an old half blind widow, one of the few retired healers that hadn't already been swept up to tend to the wounded, that she realized Naoya had red eyes.

Her older brother had activated the vaunted sharingan. She thought that if it hadn't cost her Akemi, her mother would have been glad for the attack.

It was a dark thought-but one she couldn't shake. Having a sharingan warrior would make their families life easier. That was all Aiko had been taught to aspire to. More food in the home and daughters to love, knowing better than to set her heart of a warrior whose life would inevitably be lost to the battlefield.

Then Akane was declared the fiancé of Madara Uchiha, the clan heir, and a warrior in the same breath.

It broke Aiko's mother.

Whatever she had managed to gather of herself after they lost Akemi was torn to shreds all over again when she was told one of her only two surviving daughters would be sent to fight in the war that had already taken so much from her.

Her mother didn't talk about it much-but Akemi had told her that her parents were both orphans when they got together.

They had both lost so much family. Her mother had four brothers, and her father a twin and a sister. They had no one left but the small family they had made together.

Her mother refused to see Akane.

Aiko could tell how much it hurt her sister-but worse, she could tell Akane understood. That her little sister didn't blame her mother even when Aiko wanted to. She'd taken to giving Aiko hugs to pass on to their mother, swearing her to secrecy about who the hugs were from in a manner so dramatic it had to be to make Aiko smile. To make things just a little easier for her older sister when she was already in so much pain.

Akane was so easy to love.

She didn't know how her mother was convinced she had any way to stop loving the treasured baby of their family. Aiko couldn't understand even wanting to try when every time she saw her little sister might be the last. Aiko hadn't cherished her bond with Daisuke the way she should have while he was still alive. She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

Aiko didn't understand how her mother kept making it. Disregarding more than half the family she had left, constantly convincing herself that she couldn't afford to love them.

But if the illusion that she could magically stop loving her daughter was all her mother had to stay in the realm of functionality, Aiko wouldn't shatter it. Not when she had to be the one to field marriage offers for Naoya, who was now a senior warrior and a sharingan wielder both. Not when her little sister trained all day to survive her missions and barely had any time to come home. Her mother retaining the ability to eat and clothed herself would have to be enough.

Aiko had given up her job in the kitchens mostly to take care of her mother. They now had the income of three warriors and only five people to feed. She could focus on taking care of the house, her mother, and making sure her brothers and sister were well fed enough to keep coming home. Somewhere in between she would even manage to check in on her nieces, she'd taken to bringing them dinner as the toddlers were finally on solids, and there wasn't much else she could do about Ryotas cold war with his elders. Aiko tried to help her late sister's daughters whenever she could. No matter how much it hurt her heart to see them. Aiko was going to be better to her family, she'd lost too much to take any of them for granted. Especially because she could lose half of them at any moment.

Her friends whispered about how lucky Akane was. How the clan head had personally granted her the chance to prove her worthiness on the field, so she could marry Madara with pride. Tales of warrior Uchiha women were few and far in between, her friends all thought Akane would be the next legend. They talked about what an honor it was to be engaged to such a powerful shinobi, one whose children could awaken the Sharingan gifts of the main line.

Her friends didn't know what they were talking about.

But these days she kicked out her friends, who always managed to drop by when Naoya was seen coming back to the compound, with an icy smile and the excuse of her brother's exhaustion. It wasn't surprising that her friends wanted to marry her brother. They were all from family lines that had long lost the bloodline gift. Actually being on speaking terms with a family member of someone who had the Sharingan no doubt gave them hope of marrying up.

It was all they ever talked about these days. Who had gotten married, who was engaged, who they wanted to marry. Technically Aiko was of the age where she should be at least looking at men in the clan. It was a stage that seemed to have skipped her. She never had any of the cautions crushes on the shinobi on the training grounds her friends had squealed about-but Aiko had initially attributed her lack of understanding to the fact that she wasn't allowed on the training grounds.

After her twin died she'd barely spoken to anyone else in the clan. And these days, after losing Akem, and Akane's death sentence, she would have never bothered to talk to anyone she didn't have to.

She had started to wonder why she still called the girls she'd grown up with her friends. Especially knowing she didn't want any of them as a sister in law. Aiko would almost feel guilty about it if Naoya hadn't clearly stated that he had no interest in marrying any of the three silly girls that kept visiting in the hopes of drawing his attention. His rations and mission pay were still the bulk of what supported their household.

Aiko was incredibly grateful and privately agreed with Naoya, who seemingly had no interest in marriage or making more canon fodder for the clan war that had cost her so much family. It had ultimately come down to the simple, cruel matter of survival.

If Akane could make it to eighteen, the age set for her betrothal contract, then she could be the Uchiha Matriarch and she would never have to see battle again.

The current head's wife had been ill since the birth of her fourth son, and she no longer so much as stepped out of the Amaterasu home. None of the rest of the clan had even seen her since the relocation. If she had any duties, they could clearly be handed to others, and there had to be some privilege to marrying the head of the clan. If nothing else, pregnancy was the perfect excuse to avoid being sent out on missions.

As long as Akane became the Uchiha Clan Matriarch, Aiko could be assured of keeping her sister in truth.

If her brothers could hold out long enough, Akane could even name them her guards. Aiko might manage to keep all the family she had left.

It was an impossible dream.

But Aiko took after her mother, if that illusion was all she had to stay functional, then she would make it enough. She had to believe they could all make it.

It was the only thing keeping her going.

x

Y'all I cried writing this.

I cried while editing it.

As if I, the author, wasn't responsible for writing this sad ass chapter in the first place. I know I'm doing it to myself, but I genuinely can't write angst if it isn't justified and well, Aiko's been through a lot and doesn't have constant battlefield trauma to arrest her development enough to ignore it.

Like war is ugly and hard and it ruins everything it touches…So it's gonna do a number on Akane is all I'm saying. But it won't be all bad! Light at the end of the tunnel y'all, change is coming, just hang in there with me. We start to see things change for the better in the clan next chapter.