Set post Happy Birthday Isabella.

I read a work a little bit ago that kind of inspired this one, and I can't for the life of me remember the name or find it in my history. Basically this is just "Perry has a truly shitty day and is one step away from blowing his cover and/or losing his mind, and Stacy just happens to be there."

Cause we were robbed of their friendship. I'm gonna singlehandedly fill the Perry and Stacy tag if it kills me.

Little bit of self-deprecating thoughts on Perry's part, though there's nothing crazy.


99% of the time, defeating Doofenshmirtz was a piece of cake. 99% of the time, all Perry had to do was escape a concerningly simple trap and hit a giant red button that was clearly marked "Self-Destruct." 99% of the time, he was home in time to see the end of Phineas and Ferb's projects and maybe sneak a piece of pie crust from Ferb's fingers under the table.

Today was the 1% of days.

The days where Doofenshmirtz seemed to realize he was supposed to actually be evil, where he remembered that he was really kind of a genius, where he made both a trap and an -inator that took every ounce of Perry's secret agent knowledge to escape and foil. The trap had taken him almost an hour to undo, an hour that Doof didn't spend monologuing for once, where he actually focused and did his work the way he was supposed to.

Those days were admittedly a little scary. Those days reminded Perry why he'd joined the agency in the first place, why he continued to fight Doof even though seemingly bigger threats like Rodney existed.

When he put his brain to it, Heinz could be genuinely scary.

Of course, in the end, Doof always ended with an exploded machine and a, "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Of course, the next day he was always back to his goofy schemes and petty revenge.

But today, Perry was exhausted.

The -inator had been one that would have lifted the Tri-State Area into space. Perry had tuned out Doof's reasonings as to why he was doing this particular scheme – it didn't matter. Space meant no oxygen, crippling pressure, and freezing cold. Space meant people died, and though Doofenshmirtz was smart, he always seemed to overlook those points.

Perry's fight had been further slowed down by a bunch of mini-Norms that Doof had been working on. Though they were small, no bigger than his boys, there were dozens of them, all with the same abilities as their larger counterpart, and Perry had dodged more lasers and metal fists than he cared to admit that afternoon.

He hadn't always been successful in the dodging, either; he had several bruises forming under his fur that he was grateful his family wouldn't be able to see, and a few laser burns that he wasn't sure he'd be as lucky to get overlooked. He'd defeated them and the -inator, in the end, by luring the many, many squirrels in the mini-Norms to attack the machine (bribed with nuts, of course), and send it hurtling over the edge of the building.

And then of course, of course, he'd had to swing by the agency on the way back for medical care and listen to Monogram lecture him about how he'd gotten too close to discovery by his family again, how if he was discovered he'd be relocated, the usual spiel.

Frankly, Perry was tired.

He was tired of hiding from his kids. They were smart – they were literally some of the smartest people he'd ever met, possibly the smartest. All three of them, in different ways, all their friends. They could be useful to the agency (not that Perry would ever let them anywhere near OWCA), they could keep his secret, they'd be in less danger if they knew that he could help them in an emergency, and he was just…

So tired.

Perry sighed, leaning against the side of the house and shutting his eyes for a moment. He could hear Buford around the corner, exclaiming about how their project had been carried into space by some random beam from the sky (how did that always happen?), and part of him wondered what would happen if he just walked around the corner, hat on head, and joined them like nothing was amiss.

The rest of him knew that the yards were covered in cameras, that at least outside, he was being surveilled by the agency 24/7, and they'd be there in trucks with the memory device and a relocation team in minutes at best.

So he sighed, put the hat away, pinched the bridge of his bill, and then dropped to all fours and trotted around the corner in time to watch Phineas and Ferb wave off their friends, leaving them the only three in the backyard. The boys turned as he chattered, grinning, and then Phineas' smile fell unnaturally fast and both kids darted to his side.

Ah, fuck.

"Perry, what happened buddy?" Phineas whined, his fingers dancing lightly over the burn marks on his fur.

Ferb's hands were cool as he picked him up, turning him to expose his belly and another unfortunate burn mark right on his stomach. Perry knew they'd heal up in a day or two, knew that he'd be fine – he'd gotten medical care at OWCA. But the boys didn't know that.

He wanted to tell them. He wanted to explain, he wanted them to know, wanted to complain about his day to them and sit down with hot cocoa and hear about their invention that he missed yet again. He always missed them in the initial run. Sure, he was able to watch playbacks in his lair later, he would always have record of everything they'd done, but it wasn't the same as actually being there. He wanted to tell them, and he couldn't.

Perry chattered instead, low and soothing, and Ferb turned him right-side up again, nails digging into the perpetually itchy spot on the back of his neck that he could never reach, whether he was a pet or an agent. He shut his eyes and purred, and Ferb hummed, a gentle sound against Perry's ear that he nuzzled into.

"It seems like they're not effecting him too much," Ferb noted, his voice soft. "Perhaps we just let him rest tonight."

Phineas sighed, running his fingers down Perry's back. "Okay. But if he doesn't look better in the morning, we're getting Mom and taking him to the vet."

Perry shuddered involuntarily – he hated that guy. So much less professional than the OWCA vet. His hands were always cold and he smelled like licorice. Licorice. Who smelled like licorice except old ladies?

Both boys chuckled at the reaction and they stood, Ferb cradling Perry carefully. As they walked into the house, Perry burrowed his face into Ferb's shirt. Ferb's grip tightened on him, just a little, and Perry wished, not for the first time, that he could actually hug him. Hug both of them.

God, he'd kill for a hug.

Agents weren't exactly touchy feely at the agency. Pinky was about the only agent Perry really had a relationship with beyond work, and that was more from proximity than anything. They weren't even in the same division. OWCA was a cold place, and though all the agents were friendly enough, they had to be on their guard constantly. Perry couldn't just waltz up to them and ask for a hug.

The last time he'd physically hugged someone was probably back during the second-dimension incident, and that tugged at his soul in a way that hurt.

The inside of the house was quiet, and Perry had to assume that Linda and Lawrence were still out at the antique event they'd mentioned over breakfast. There was no sound of teenage screeching, which meant that Candace wasn't in the house, and there were no OWCA cameras on most of the interior of the house, which meant that if Perry really wanted to-

"All right, hang out here buddy," Phineas cooed, giving him a scratch on the head as Ferb nestled him into his basket. "Ferb and I are gonna get cleaned up from the monkey badminton-"

The what?

"-and then we'll be back down and we can all have some dinner together, hmm? Ferb, maybe we can find some first aid cream in Perry's platypus first aid kit."

Ferb gave him a pat on the head and the boys bolted, leaving Perry to sigh and cross his paws over his beak. His stomach rolled in what he knew from prior experience was intense sadness.

This happened more often now than it did when the kids first brought him home. Since the second-dimension, Perry had, at least once a week, had this weird feeling of loss in the pit of his stomach, which was stupid; his boys were still here. Candace was still here. The Tri-State Area was still here. So he shouldn't feel like this, but he did.

He missed them, which was dumb, because they were right here. They were right upstairs, probably searching high and low for something that would make him feel better, and that was why he loved them so much. They had nothing but kindness deep in their hearts and he…he was a liar.

Ah, there it was, the sadness switching to loathing.

Perry huffed, crossing his arms over his eyes tighter and trying to fight off the prickling in his eyes. He didn't know when the boys were coming back down, and he didn't want to worry them more than they already had, didn't want anyone seeing him on the verge of tears, for that matter.

Speak of the devil, there was the front door opening.

"No seriously, Stace, I was literally about to tell him that the spinach was in his teeth, and then there was a monkey of all things! And it had a badminton racket!"

Stacy's voice was confused. "Okay but how does this relate to-?"

"OH MY GOD, I left my phone at Jeremy's, I need to go get it now!"

"Well you can just borrow my phone and call him and-"

"Stacy, you don't understand," and frankly Perry didn't understand either, but at least Candace's screeching was somehow calming him down. "I have the most embarrassing photo of us as my lock screen, he CAN'T see it! I'll be back in ten, wait for me!"

The front door slammed seconds later, rattling the house in a way that was oddly familiar and comforting, and the room fell silent again. Perry let out the tight breath he'd been holding slowly, trying to ease the tension in his stomach, and then-

"Perry?"

He flinched at the sound of Stacy's voice addressing him. The two of them hadn't really…talked since the bug incident. Sure, she'd covered for him a few times, and he'd tipped his hat at her when he caught sight of her around town, but for the most part they'd stayed far away from each other. Perry thought it was safer that way, and she must have too. Of course their first real interaction since the incident was him trying to stave off a wave a self-hatred and contempt for his profession.

The sound of rustling fabric caught his ear, and he shut his eyes tightly as she presumably knelt next to him. "We good to talk here, or…?"

She left the question unasked, but Perry knew what she was implying, and he nodded.

"You okay? You're kinda beat up more than normal."

Of course it was her who knew. Of course, of course it was her, and not his boys, not even Candace or even Linda or Lawrence (though they were kind of the last people Perry wanted knowing, to be perfectly honest). He held nothing against Stacy, nothing, and he was relieved she'd found the loophole in the brochure, because he couldn't bear to watch the kid go through the mind erasing yet again, but he wanted it to be them.

He'd gone too long without answering, and Stacy's hand settled lightly on his neck, just where his collar was. He flinched and she lifted her fingers. "Sorry. This weird now? You just seem…upset."

He swallowed. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault.

Perry sighed and twisted, sitting up and rubbing a weary hand over his forehead. He'd hear the boys when they started down the stairs, and they'd both hear Candace before she even got in the house, so he wasn't worried about getting caught. When he glanced back, Stacy had snatched her hand back, and her eyes were studying him warily. She softened a little when their gazes met. "Rough day?" she asked, eyeing the burns on his fur.

Something about the question, the softness of her voice, made Perry's throat ache and his eyes water embarrassingly. He let out a pathetic sounding chatter and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes hard enough to see stars.

"Hey, whoa dude," Stacy murmured, her hand falling gently against his shoulder. "Okay, clearly a bad day. I didn't get the impression that the pharmacist guy was actually that menacing."

Perry scoffed, rolling his eyes and letting his hands drop into his lap. He avoided Stacy's face, instead letting his gaze drift to the stairs, his shoulders slumping. From his peripheral, he could see Stacy's head turn to follow his look. "Ah," she breathed, sounding too knowing for her own good.

She turned back to him fully, pulling her hand back, and Perry shut his eyes at the loss of contact. "I'm sorry I'm not them," she murmured, and the underlying notes in her voice made Perry whip around to face her, eyes wide and panicked as he held up his hands in protest. The easy smile Stacy gave him calmed his fears that she genuinely felt bad.

"You want to talk to them, I get it," Stacy said, lifting her shoulder in a shrug. "If I couldn't talk to Candace or Coltrane or even my sister about shitty days, I think I'd probably be in a similar boat to you right now. And like…talking to my mom just isn't the same. So I know I'm not the same as the boys, but like…I'm here. If you want to vent about work. Or…not getting to talk to them instead."

Perry just stared at her for a long moment.

He'd never been upset at the idea of letting Stacy keep her memories, but he'd never really thought anything would come of it. The couple of cover ups for him had been a pleasant surprise, but he hadn't expected it of her.

He hadn't expected this, either.

Stacy was gnawing on her lip. "I mean, you don't have to, it's fine, I get that you didn't really want to let me know in the first place, but obviously since I do know, you might as well take advantage of it, right?"

She wasn't them.

She wasn't them.

But she was here, and she was offering, and Perry was so, so tired, and they probably only had about a minute or two before either the boys came back down or Candace ran back inside, and he just…

He just wanted a hug.

Shoving down the awkwardness that was growing from his lack of response, Perry swallowed the lump in his throat and swung his arms out on either side of his body, hesitant. Stacy blinked rapidly, sitting back a little on her knees, and then offered a soft smile that was usually reserved for her fondness towards her friends and family. "Sure, why not?"

Stacy had picked him up a few times before, as a pet, but now she pulled him in like a person, and that alone was enough to make Perry relax. Her hug was tight, if not a little weird at first, and Perry took just a moment to shut his eyes and relish in the feeling of actually getting to hug someone back for once.

The tension eased from his shoulders and he tightened his grip on her shoulders, giving himself ten seconds to just breathe before he eased back and rubbed his hand up and down his arm. He offered Stacy a sheepish smile and she returned it with a cocky grin, crossing her arms and lifting an eyebrow. "You really are just a big softy, huh?"

He rolled his eyes and they both glanced up as Phineas and Ferb's feet pitter pattered along the upstairs hallway. Stacy stretched her arms behind her back, giving him a look. "That's my cue. Seriously though, I'm available if you need. I know I'm not the ideal person, but-"

Perry held up his hand to stop her, and her lips twitched in amusement. She leaned over, ruffling the fur on his head, and then stood, cracking her back. "Besides, I know you definitely have my phone number somewhere. There's no way you don't."

He hoped she understood the apology in his offered grin, and she must have, because all she did was chuckle and pull out her phone, leaning back against the hallway wall. Perry dropped back to all fours, letting himself settle back into his basket as Phineas and Ferb scrambled down the stairs.

"Hey Stacy!" Phineas said breathlessly, not seeming surprised to see the girl standing there. "Candace home?"

"She's grabbing her phone from Jeremy's," Stacy answered, nodding her head to the door.

The boys nodded sagely, Phineas gathering Perry up gently into his arms. "Ah. Embarrassing lock screen," Ferb noted.

Stacy's eyes twinkled mischievously. "You know it. See you guys later!"

"Bye Stacy!" Phineas hollered over his shoulder as he and Ferb took Perry upstairs.

The agent met Stacy's eyes over Phineas' shoulder and she shot him a scowl, then pointed at her phone meaningfully. He smiled and tilted his head in acknowledgement before she was out of sight.

As Phineas and Ferb settled him in a meticulously made-up pet bed in the middle of their room (so that was what had taken them so long), carefully spreading burn cream over his visible burns, Perry let himself relax again. He still wanted to tell them, still wanted to just…exist together with them. Wanted it to be them, wanted to defy every order in the OWCA handbook and just spit it out, consequences be damned.

And she wasn't them, Perry acknowledged as he started falling asleep under the rhythmic pressure of his kids scratching his head.

But on the 1% of days, he was grateful to have her.


If you or anyone you know is in the Ukraine right now, I'm sending you and them best wishes. I know there's not much I personally can do, but the whole world is backing Ukraine. Hang in there