Panty and Stocking

Chapter 1

This story is written with the utmost respect and sincerity to the genius of the writers and contributors who worked on the original series. Please support the official release. I own nothing, and all rights go to Gainax, Trigger Studio, Funimation, Hiroyuki Imaishi, TAGRO, Kadokawa Shoten and all others associated with the production/creation of the show and manga. Should anyone associated with the official release wish for me to stop, please send me a message, and I will take this down immediately. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the story.

It was another 'glorious' day in Daten City. Just kidding. The dark smoky grey sky and occasional rumble in the clouds were an indication that the weather was going to be shit. A couple of weeks have passed since the entire world was almost completely annihilated by Corset's meticulous scheme. Things in Daten had, for the most part, returned to normal. Or as normal as things were in this shithole of a city. Today was no exception, it was about two in the afternoon and no notable events had happened. No Corset (who Garterbelt assumed was killed in the fight), no demon sisters (who Garterbelt knew were not dead, but we're definitely up to some shady shit), and no ghosts to exterminate. I wonder how long that'll last. Hahahaha.

"Shit's been quiet. Too quiet. Like the calm before the storm. I want you two hoes to be extra cautious out there. Something's gonna happen." Garterbelt was a father figure to the two anarchy sisters, Panty and Stocking, always trying to teach them to do better and to be better. Of course, Panty and Stocking didn't give a fuck about his sense of morality and mainly just chose to do whatever they wanted.

"Yeah, about that. Why the fuck are we still even doing this? I thought we collected enough heaven coins." Panty muttered tiringly as she and Stocking slowly paced into the kitchen, still not fully awake. They immediately took notice of the delicious smell in the kitchen and grabbed their food greedily.

"The reason why you're still doing this is because the motherfucking Lord deemed it so, that's fucking why. He was so happy with how you handled Corset that he decided that you two should remain down here for the time being. I don't know what He was thinking. I mean, the Corset situation was a fucking disaster." Garterbelt muttered the last part to himself as he sat down with his own plate of food. He put his hands on his head and massaged his temples. He was beginning to get a migraine.

"Why the fuck do I have to be here? Hasn't God tortured me enough?" Garterbelts strained voice sparked a reaction from Panty, who took the opportunity to respond playfully.

"Oh, come on, Garterbelt. Don't you love hanging out with us?" Panty smiled at him lustfully. She loved getting under his skin, especially considering how easy it was to do. Just make a sex joke or two, and that's it.

Garterbelt just stared at her, horrified. He knew she would say something fucked up like that; she always does. He just hoped that she wouldn't. To Garterbelt, hanging out with these two was just trouble waiting to happen. He could always count on Panty and Stocking, the Anarchy sisters, to take a simple task and fuck it up.

Stocking smacked her head against the table. Table-planting, so to speak. "God damnit, can't a sister get some motherfucking sugar in her body already!" Stocking wasn't eating the bacon and eggs like Garterbelt and Panty were, instead having her own personal diet – the diabetes special. See, her favourite meal was taking anything with over two hundred grams of sugar in it and gorging on it for three hours. How she gained no weight (except for that one time, which was only because of a ghost) was beyond anyone's conception. She would just argue that it all goes to her boobs, but Garter suspected she just had a whack-ass metabolism which allows her to eat like crazy.

Garterbelt just left the room in its entirety, unable to deal with these two and unwilling to give a shit. Whatever happens, happens.

"Stocking, won't you ever grow up and try something a bit more… adult? Fuck, you eat more goddamn cookies than the Cookie Monster."

"Cookie Monster? You're like the fucking 'cock'ie monster."

"Oh wow, good one, sis. More dick puns. Seriously, get some new fucking material." Panty replied sarcastically, shoving more 'meat' into her mouth. Bacon. I meant the bacon.

The Anarchy sisters had finished their breakfast and were now heading toward the other room to lounge on the couch to watch some television. As things have been so quiet, Panty and Stocking's ghost eliminating services were unneeded for the time being, giving the girls a lot of free time. And, of course, when anyone has free time, time seems to be inevitably wasted, especially on something like television.

Stocking was still gorging herself with some of her crappy ice cream cake while Panty lay next to her, lazily channel surfing. This seemed to be a recurring theme over the past couple of weeks, especially considering there have been no ghosts to hunt. As angels, Panty and Stocking were sent to kill 'ghosts', monsters that roamed the city and caused nothing but utter destruction in their path. The Anarchy sister's nemesis, Scanty and Kneesocks (two demon sisters), were behind the creation of many of the previously encountered ghosts.

"We interrupt your current broadcast for an emergency! Daten city is under attack by what appears to be a massive dinosaur. Its destructive rampage has left many homes destroyed and many lives ruined in –"

"Ahh, boring." Panty yawned as Stocking continued to scarf down her junk food, giving no indication that she even heard the news, much less gave a shit about it.

Garterbelt walks in and see's the news about the ghost, then looks at Panty and Stocking lazing about.

Garterbelt began screaming at the two sisters, his typical berating tone jolting them to full attention. "What the fuck? I told you two bitches to be extra vigilant. Now some goddamn ghost is destroying the city and you two are fucking doing nothing about it? Get your lazy asses out there and fuck that ghost up! You're acting like you don't even give a shit!"

"Yeah, because we don't." Stocking scoffs.

"Fuck you. Get your fucking asses out there now and help those goddamn people!"

"FINE! Not like there's anything else to do."

Panty had fallen asleep mid-conversation, earning a disapproving shake of the head from Garterbelt and a raised eyebrow from Stocking. Stocking belched loudly, then kicked Panty off the couch.

"What the fuck Stocking?"

"Come on, we have a ghost to kill."

As the two angels ran off to dispose of this uncanny threat, Garterbelt couldn't help but speak to himself. "Fatass hoes have no discipline."

Panty and Stocking got in See Through, a beautiful but exceptionally tacky, pink Hummer with a twin-turbocharged V12 engine. It looked like something a douchebag would drive, but no one really had the balls to comment unless they wanted theirs to be shot off.

Either way, the car was fast, and, with Panty's incredibly reckless driving, they were able to get to the threat of the dinosaur ghost in no time.

The sisters smirked as they got a look at the ghost. A massive T-Rex, easily as tall as any skyscraper in the vicinity, was looming over the people, knocking buildings down like it was discount Godzilla. The monster was black, with streaks of red occasionally spotted throughout its body.

"Alright. Finally, a fucking challenge. I was beginning to think we'd never see another ghost."

Panty pushed harder on the acceleration, speeding toward the ghost with absolutely no fear. She turned the wheel and slammed on the breaks, drifting to a complete halt, before jumping out of the car alongside Stocking, landing a striking pose right in front of the monster.

"Hey, it's the Anarchy Sisters, they'll save us!"

"We love you Panty and Stocking!"

The admiration and joy the citizens of Daten City felt was excessive, and Panty and Stocking let this get straight to their heads, inflating their ego faster than Panty can make a limp dick go hard.

"Thank you, thank you everyone." Panty and Stocking always enjoyed the constant spotlight and attention while the people were usually perverted enough (and stupid enough) to give them. Panty and Stocking began to pose in various sultry and sexually revealing stances, garnering even more attention from the perverted audience. During their posing and expressions of gratitude, the angelic sisters failed to see that the dinosaur had begun to run off, laughing as the two sisters didn't even attempt to stop it. Of course, the people picked up on this and immediately took action, reminding the angels of their jobs.

"Hey, aren't you two going to stop the monster?"

"Yea, you should probably go after it."

The sisters stopped immediately what they were doing and looked around, frantically searching for any hint of the ghost's location. After failing to notice any monster, Panty began to comment.

"Shit, Garterbelt's going to fucking kill us."

And, as if karma had just smacked them right in their faces, Panty's phone began to ring.

Panty declined the phone call immediately, but Stocking's phone rang this time. Stocking accepts the call, whispering a muted 'hello.' She knew that Garterbelt's vagina would explode when he discovered they had lost the ghost. i

"Hello? Hello? Don't fucking hello me until you tell me you've defeated the ghost."

"… Not yet," Panty and Stocking both said at the same.

"Then what the fuck are you doing?"

"We… kind of lost it." Only Stocking answered that time and did so in a whisper, a bit embarrassed about the circumstances.

"Lost it? LOST IT? How the fuck do you lose sight of a dinosaur that's over two hundred feet tall?" Garterbelt was, once again, screaming over the phone, berating the sisters for their nonchalant attitudes towards letting a massive dinosaur evade them. I mean, it's not exactly the stealthiest of animals.

"Chillax dickwad, we were just distracted, that's all. But this time, we'll get it for sure. Got to go, bye."

"Don't you fucking hang up on me—" CLICK

Stocking hung up the phone and, with a bit more determination and professionalism, the sisters ran toward See Through.

"Alright. Let's find this fucking ghost and finish this."

Panty steps on the accelerator determined to get this over with and get laid. Again. Fucking slut.

By this time, they had been driving for twenty minutes and had still not seen the ghost itself. They were relying purely on visual clues which were quite obvious. Massie property damage and footprints from the dinosaur, as well as the occasional roar, meant that they were getting closer to it.

"Alright Stocking, time to re-extinctify this dinosaur."

Stocking turned her head, staring at her sister as they cruise forward at ludicrous speeds. "Re-extinctify's not a word. If you actually had a brain that thought of something besides cock you would know that. Or maybe if you actually passed fucking school."

"Who gives a shit. I'm going to go all asteroid on its ass. Fuck this thing up like it's goddamn Barney."

About a kilometer in the distance was a massive monster, knocking over every building in its path and roaring viciously. After finally coming into contact with it, the Anarchy sisters pushed the pedal to the medal and gunned it straight towards that monster.

The monster had heard them coming and decided to knock down a couple other buildings towards the road in an attempt to stop them. With quick reflexes, Panty was able to swerve the car away from the collapsed buildings rubble and continue their pursuit on the dinosaur, which had fled.

"Aww, little dinosaur scared of big ol' me?" Panty taunted loudly, ensuring that her words would be heard. Needless to say, the dinosaur turned around and responded.

"Fuck you bitch!"

"Woah! Calm down asshole. What's got you acting like such a fucking prick."

"What the fuck do you think? Look at the size of my arms. I have blue balled and haven't been able to bust a nut in over fifty million fucking years."

"Great. Another pervert. You, Panty, and the rest of this fucking city will get along just fine." Stocking muttered loudly.

"If you need a hand big boy, you should 'a just told me!"

The dinosaur, still running away from the two, turned his head and looked at her, surprised from her openly sexual comment. Then, he started to cackle.

"Haha, you're a fucking riot. But if you want something hard to grab, then catch this!" Immediately, the ghost spun around quickly, knocking down building after building. Fortunately for the Anarchy sisters, Panty's driving skills were meticulous, and she was able to dodge all of the falling debris.

"Dude. That was a dick move, fuck you!" Panty yelled at the dinosaur, exasperated by his bullshit as the monster continued to laugh hysterically. Stocking on the other hand was beginning to get annoyed as well, mainly because she was sick of hearing these dick jokes and was craving fucking sugar.

"When I get out of this, there is cake waiting for me at home." Stocking whispered to herself repeatedly as if uttering a prayer.

"Oh shit!"

Stocking looked up to notice that Panty's attempts to turn the car resulted in it losing traction as it began to drift straight for an office building. Panty stuck her foot out and jammed it into the ground to prevent crashing See Through in a last-ditch effort. At the same time, she spun around and delivered a powerful side kick to the building, completely collapsing the entirety of its building's foundation. The kick Panty delivered had stopped the car from crashing and actually gave them a bit of momentum, allowing Panty to drive off after the dinosaur while maintaining good speed. Stocking looked back at the destroyed building as it began to crumble and plummet downwards, creating a large rumbling sound and a massive amount of destruction. She then looked at the helicopter circling over them, most certainly a news station reporting live.

"What the fuck Panty."

"What?"

"The building? You knocked it down! Who the fuck do you think pays for the damages you dumbass?"

"… Wait, we do?"

"No, Garter does. Out of donations to the church."

"Oh, then who the fuck cares?"

Meanwhile, Garterbelt had been watching the chase and was fuming in anger.

"That bitch is out of control."

Stocking faceplanted, amazed at the stupidity of her slutty sister.

"I do, because it means that when we get home, he's going to make our lives a living hell."

Panty's face paled a bit as she thought of the harsh punishment Garterbelt would deliver upon her.

Meanwhile, Garterbelt had a mischievous smile on his face and was chuckling to himself.

"Them hookers is fucked."

Panty began to take off her pants, and it immediately transformed into a pair of two handguns. In contrast, Stocking took off her stockings, those pieces of clothing transforming into two swords.

"Haha, look at this shit. I get a firstclass viewing of a striptease from the two biggest sluts in the 'fucking city."

And immediately, with blinding fast speeds, Stocking sliced the ghost's legs, cutting them clean off, while Panty jumped on top of it and kicked its face into the ground, leaving a crater. She took Backlace, her gun (which were transformed from her panties) and jammed it into the monsters face.

"Yeah, you know something. You talk too much asshole. Maybe if your mouth was small as your arms, God wouldn't have felt the need to smite the fuck out of you." Panty said as she and Stocking prepared their weapons, ready for the final strike.

"Repent, motherfucker!"

"That was totally dino-mite!"

The dinosaur monster was able to speak his final words as Panty and Stocking delivered swift vengeance, a combination of bullets and slashes utterly annihilating the dinosaur in a colossal explosion. Out of the explosion, two Heaven coins, currency the angels receive for defeating ghosts, fell from the sky.

"Ehh, kind'a cheap." Stocking grabbed the coins and walked off while Panty followed her, blowing smoke from the tip of her gun.

"GOOONGG" The bells from the church could be heard, signalling to the Anarchy sisters that the ghost was indeed defeated.

Several moments passed since the defeat of the ghost, and the authorities arrived. Garterbelt was there and had a surprisingly stoic face, scaring the fuck out of Panty and Stocking. The calm before the storm.

"Good work today, angels. You managed to re-extinctify the ghost." Gartbelt said calmly as he walked up to them and gazed at the three Heaven coins in Stocking's hand.

"You even managed to get some Heaven coins. Good… Now for your motherfucking punishment."

"Wait, why the fuck am I getting punished? She's the one that kicked the building down!" Stocking blurted out, earning a smirk from Garterbelt and a look of betrayal, which soon morphed into rage from Panty.

"What the fuck bitch?" Way to throw me under the bus like that, you fucking whore!"

"Why should I be punished for your fuck up?"

Garterbelt watched as the two angels began to bicker amongst themselves before finally putting an end to it.

"Shut up! I have more than enough punishment for the both of you." This earned a reluctant silence from the sisters as they stared nervously at Garterbelt.

"Your punishment for destroying the building is eighty hours of… community service."

Panty and Stocking both yell. "What the fuck?"