This story is written with the utmost respect and sincerity to the genius of the writers and contributors who worked on the original series. Please support the official release. I own nothing, and all rights go to Gainax, Trigger Studio, Funimation, Hiroyuki Imaishi, TAGRO, Kadokawa Shoten and all others associated with the production/creation of the show and manga. Should anyone associated with the official release wish for me to stop, please send me a message, and I will take this down immediately. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the story.
Hey everyone! New chapter, hopefully you all enjoy :)
"Have you ever had those days where everything you thought could never happen happened? When the inexplainable because reality and when the inconceivable becomes truth? Today happens to be such a day for our resident angels Panty and Stocking. Buckle your seatbelts for this ride, because shit has hit the metaphorical fan."
It was another motherfucking day in Daten city, where the birds were chirping, and the flowers were blooming. Garterbelt had just rocked the fucking world out of Panty and Stocking with the news he was about to deliver to them. Their punishment for the unnecessary destruction of the building was to do two weeks of community service. Now, how will they survive this? Who fucking knows? I'll tell you one thing; anything can happen when Panty and Stocking are involved.
"What the fuck do you mean we're doing community service?" Panty and Stocking were fuming, just as Garterbelt predicted. He knew the selfishness of these two bitches was overwhelming and that even the slightest amount of generosity would cause them to blow the fuck up.
"A couple weeks of community service would do you too a lot of good. Teach you about givi—"
"WHAT! Two weeks? Have you lost your motherfucking mind Garter? That's like… 14 days!"
"Two business weeks, so about eighty hours in total."
"WHAT! Eighty hours? That's fucking forever!"
"It's true. Panty can't even count that high."
"Fuck off Stocking, I'm being serious here bitch, go suck on your fucking lollipop like a loser in the other room!"
"What the fuck did you just say to me? This coming from the slut who runs a daily cockdog eating contest?"
Once again, the two angels began to bicker amongst themselves, leaving Garter to sigh at the commotion.
It was the next day, and Garter was in an excellent mood, only put in higher spirits because he would have a couple weeks of relative peace. Of course, he loved Panty and Stocking like daughters, but god damn, they could be a handful sometimes.
"C'mon sluts, get a move on. You can bitch amongst yourselves when I'm not around." Garterbelt grabbed the keys lying on the kitchen table and threw them in Panty's face. At this point, he was desperate to get them out of the church so he could sleep, relax, and not worry about them doing some dumb shit. He entered the television room and noticed that the two angels had fallen asleep, lying on the couch in a series of contorted and tangled positions. He faceplanted at their immaturity, then grabbed the microphone lying on the glass table in the other room and held it directly to Panty and Stocking's faces.
"Wake up sluts!" The voice vibrated throughout the entirety of the church, jolting Panty and Stocking to their full senses. They looked around quickly, agitated by the sudden disturbance, only to see a microphone Garterbelt was holding with a massive grin on his face. Needless to say, the sisters were definitely not happy, having their much-needed beauty sleep interrupted so violently.
"What the fuck, man? Who the fuck does that?" Panty cried out in a combination of both fatigue and frustration.
"I do slut. Now get up. It's seven-thirty in the morning, and you two bitches need to get searching for your jobs for the next two weeks.
"What the fuck? It's seven-thirty in the morning? Who the fuck wakes up at this time?" Stocking glared at Garterbelt while Panty fell back asleep.
"Normal people dumbass, now get the fuck up, get in the fucking shower because you smell like asshole, eat some food, and fuck the fuck off.
"Alright, alright fine. C'mon Stocking, let's go before Garter blows a bigger hole in his vagina."
"Couldn't be more split than yours. Your fucking shit's been split open so wide it looks like Moses was down there."
"Fuck off, at least I don't chop up my sugar and snort it like cocaine."
"It's still your fault we're in this situation."
Panty and Stocking had showered, changed, eaten breakfast, and were ready (but not looking forward) to find themselves some community work. Unfortunately, since they were both highly selfish people who never willingly gave anything back to the city, they had no clue where to start. Not like they really gave a shit. They were perfectly content with just sitting in the car and doing fuck all. Which was exactly what they were doing right now.
"Hey Panty, I heard from Garterbelt that you two were looking to do some community service?"
The girls completely ignored the noise, coming from a young ginger-haired man, with large fluffy bangs covering most of his face and freckles covering the visible spots of his face. This was Brief, or as Panty likes to call him, Geekboy. Despite having a massive crush on Panty and having fucked her, neither Panty nor Stocking had much interest in the kid.
"What are you doing here geekboy? Shouldn't you be playing with your action figures or something?
"Collectibles actually." Brief quickly corrected, acting purely on instinct. He then coughed and continued speaking.
"Garter called me and told me that you two needed some help with your community service. I think it's great to give back to the community," Brief added in his usual chirpy attitude, uncaring to the insult thrown his way. He was a punching bag to the girls and was constantly verbally and even physically attacked by them.
"So weird that you and Garter call each other." Stocking noted, earning a horrified face from Brief.
"I guess you can help us. Come along, Geekboy. We got to knock eighty hours of community service. I don't even know where to begin."
"Ahh, um. You really mean it? I can really come?"
"Shut up and get in."
Upon Brief's suggestion, the group decided to get out of See Through and walk around the city streets instead, searching for areas where they could help. Unfortunately, his idea was not met without resistance. Panty threw her arms up in frustration, already bored.
"Ugh, why the fuck do we have to do this. Can't we just lie to Garter? Say we did it."
Brief shook his head in disapproval. "I know it might seem boring, but Garter will figure out if you lie. He'll just ask where you worked and then call the store. Honestly, he's probably expecting it from you."
"Oh yeah, I forgot you're still here." Panty's eyes widen then her mouth twists into a smirk. Obviously, she was scheming something. Her sister Stocking could tell that look from a mile away.
"Oh Brief, why don't you do the hours for us. I'll give you a really good blowjob!" Panty started grinding on Brief in an attempt to seduce him. Stocking decided to apply reason to the situation and responded to Panty's pitiful and dishonourable display.
Brief stuttered pathetically, but Stocking just shook her head.
"Lay off Brief, Panty. Garter will just call, remember? God, use your brain for something other than sex."
"Right. Just throwing out ideas, that's all."
The three of them continued on their path, feeling a wild combination of comparable emotions. Confusion, anger, boredom, frustration – all the negative emotions expected.
"Hey, let's try out this place. They have a help wanted sign, so maybe they'll be interested?"
Brief had pointed out a hardware store, 'Bob's Hard-Ware's'. While Panty and Stocking both wanted to laugh in Brief's face for suggesting something so stupid, the previous hour had reminded them of their lack of success so far. So, with a mere shrug of the shoulders, the Anarchy sisters walked through the door.
The store was relatively small, more of a local family store. The store was divided into several isles, each with its own labels for the various tools and equipment being sold. The cash registers, all two of them, were pushed up against the wall, just adjacent to the entrance. One of the cash registers was empty, but the other was occupied by a young man wearing a red 'Bob's Hard-Wares' store shirt and beige khakis. He had unkempt black hair in a bowl cut and looked overly excited.
Panty and Stocking were not impressed. The store was pretty pathetic in their eyes, and in regards to its employees, the sisters thought he looked worse than Geekboy, which is a pretty low bar to cross.
"Welcome to 'Bob's Hard-Ware's', where we will find you the hard tools. How can I help you today?" The clerk greeted them in an uncomfortably high-pitched voice, earning a few raised eyebrows from the angels.
"Yeah, we need to get some… community service hours soooo." Panty droned on, expecting the cashier to pick up on the clue given. Regrettable to say, but the cashier was a moron and didn't understand the sentence at all.
"Sooo what?" He asked innocently, maintaining his high-pitched squeaky voice, which managed to annoy the sisters even more.
"So, we want to work here dipshit!" Stocking blurted out, not giving a fuck about any sort of mannerisms.
"Oh, well, let me just find the boss." And like that, the young man had left the three alone.
Panty took a seat on the cashier, while Stocking just stood there, looking impatient. Brief was browsing through the impressively large collection of tools and equipment, seeing if there was anything useful he could buy. It could come in handy with the frequency of ghosts he's encountered while hanging around with Panty.
"Hello, I take it you two need some community service? Well, look no further. My name is Bob, and these are my hard wares." Bob was a big guy, easily over six feet and weighing three hundred pounds. He had a scraggly brown beard and was in his sixties at least.
"Yeah, yeah, let's get this over with. So, what do you need us to do oldy?"
Most people would likely be put off by Panty's crude comments, but Bob just laughed and patted both Panty and Stocking on their backs.
"Come, come you two. Let's get you stacking some merchandise, shall we?"
"Up yours, asshole."
Bob just ignored that last comment and shooed Panty and Stocking hurriedly into the back. Brief ignored them, still focussing on any potential items that could be helpful.
Panty and Stocking walked out of the store after about five minutes of genuinely not too challenging labour. Brief ran after them with various shopping bags, eager to get them to reconsider. They anticipated it would be boring, but the work they were doing was so bad they instead would be feeling Garterbelt's wrath. Which they will right now as Panty's phone begins to ring.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"You sluts find any work yet?"
"Yeah, just quit though."
Garter began to yell at them, annoyed at how they fucked up again.
"What the fuck's that supposed to mean? Why'd you quit? Can't handle a little hard labour Panty, hmm?"
"Boring as fuck, I'm going to get some ice cream." Stocking responded this time, walking off in a separate direction from Panty and Brief.
"Well at least tell me how long you lasted?"
"Ha, sex pun."
There was an awkward silence, as no one wanted to acknowledge her shitty joke.
"Okay, okay, fuck. Tough crowd. We were there about five minutes."
"Five minutes? You two couldn't last longer than five minutes?"
"Haha, another sex pun." Panty quickly added before Garter could continue.
"You two are un the fuck believable. Most people work an average of eight hours a day, five days a week, but you two couldn't last five moherfucking minutes? Hehehe. Luckily for you two, I've got a contingency plan. See, I spoke to some people and was able to get you some *ahem* physical labour that'll be outside. It's the best gig you're gonna get so you might as well take it."
Panty and Stocking looked at each other nervously.
"Alright Garter, what is it?"
"Gardening."
"Gardening? Seriously Garter, you're joking right?"
"Not at all sluts. You two will be gardening for the next two weeks. No running away from this job like your last one. The location is close to city hall. Get moving angels."
And just like that Garter hung up, leaving the angels and Brief to get their asses to their new jobs.
They had just arrived at their new workplace and were waiting for someone to tell them what they were to do. Panty was beginning to get increasingly agitated. Luckily Brief was there, or as she likes to think of him, the human punching bag who can absorb all kinds of emotional abuse. But before she could begin to sink her claws into him, a large middle-aged man in his late forties, smoking a cigarette and with a greyish brown stubble, threw them two gardening shovels, then walked off.
"Hello to you too, tree hugger." Stocking responded as she picked up the shovel and walked off, Panty reluctantly joining her.
As they began gardening, they noticed that they were actually standing outside the Daten City Courthouse. a massive white concrete building with several columns in front and a massive wide staircase leading up to them. In front of it was an enormous lawn, with ample greenery, flowers and trees decorating the grounds. People were rushing in and out of the building.
The two angels sighed, knowing that they wouldn't even be able to work with some privacy. They usually wouldn't mind, but they had a feeling that they were going to become very bitchy after the day's end and didn't want the added problem of a headache.
The hours passed, and it was already lunchtime. As both sisters predicted, they were beginning to get bitchy and, as such, began thinking of several ways to entertain themselves on the job. Panty and Stocking were beyond bored, never having to work that hard for anything ever. Panty looked at the building they were working at and smirked, having just the idea in mind to make things a bit more… raunchy.
Garterbelt had just received a phone call about some lewd behaviour around the courthouse and had no doubt in his mind that it was those two angels. As he arrived at the crime scene, he noticed Panty in nothing but her underwear and bra. She was grinding her ass against one of the columns, twerking like Miley Cyrus, while Brief was passed out a couple feet behind her. As expected (or should I say 'ass' expected), there was a massive audience, encouraging her to continue her sultry behaviour while cheering. The gardeners were a part of the crowd, earning a faceplant from Garter. Stocking was missing, but he had a feeling that she was not innocent in this as well. He marched over there, eager for some answers to the chaos.
"What in the name of fuck are you doing? I sent you here to become a productive member of society, not to shove her fatass on the column like your some twerking celebrity. How the fuck can you take something as simple as goddamn community service and turn it into the prototype for a fucking strip club." Garterbelt was pissed. His punishment was intended to transform their sin into something morally righteous. Instead, it just furthered their insatiable appetite for discord.
"What's wrong Garter? We're giving back to the community." Panty said as she began to work to strip-pole, AKA the column on the side of the Daten City Courthouse, earning a round of cheers from the visitors.
"You two are a fucking disgrace. Speaking of which, where the fuck is Stocking."
Panty replied with a smirk as she continued making her way around the column like a strip-pole.
Garter looked up, the rays from the Sun forcing him to raise his hand to protect himself from the brightness. Just as his eyes opened briefly, he saw an outline of a figure standing on the top of the courthouse.
"Who in the name of God…"
"Wooohoooo bitches!" Stocking screeched as she jumped off the building. Unfortunately, no one was looking as they were preoccupied with her sister. She crashed in the middle of the ground, leaving a 'Stocking' sized dent.
"… I told you all that sugar was affecting your mental health." Garter calmly addressed her as he shook his head. Then, he walked up to Panty working the pole, her feet now littered with wads of cash from 'generous' donators.
"Huh… wha – what happened? Garter?"
Garterbelt looked at Brief then looked back at the two sisters. He sighed.
"I see now that these two are just too goddamn irresponsible. From now on, every time they do dumb shit like this… I'll just knock off a couple Heaven coins. I'll have to write to the Lord almighty and see if he approves of my new method of punishment."
Garter began speaking to himself as he grabbed Brief and walked off, letting whatever happens, happen.
"Uhm, Garter? Do you think I can stay a b—"
"No."
