=Normal POV=
(Friday, 7/20/2018- 4:00 pm)
(Archian Island, Berk)
(Strondsen Household)
Nicole wasn't sure what else to do for Hunter other than what she was already doing. The two teenagers were standing in Nicole's bedroom, locked in a tight embrace while Nicole was trying to soothe her boyfriend, who was quietly sobbing on her shoulder. All Nicole knew was that Hunter had asked to come over and said that he needed her. And upon arriving at the house, then getting to Nicole's room, Hunter only started to cry and say that he needed her to hold him. Nicole didn't know what happened to bring Hunter to this state, whether it was a bad day, or Hunter had hit a point where he couldn't cope with whatever was going on. So, Nicole just held Hunter against her, trying to rub his back or the back of his head. Thus far, it had been about fifteen or twenty minutes since Hunter started crying, and Nicole began to notice that Hunter was calming down a little.
"Ssh," Nicole hushed in a light and gentle tone. "Ssh, baby," She continued. "Everything will be alright. Ssh…"
"I…Love you," Hunter sniffed.
"I love you too, Hunter," Nicole replied, still holding him. Nicole didn't want to pull back in case Hunter wasn't ready for her to let go yet, and she didn't want to upset him further.
"Don't deserve you…" Mumbled Hunter.
"What?" Nicole asked, a bit surprised at Hunter's words. "Baby, why do you say or even think that?"
"Because I'm a bad boyfriend…" Hunter sniffed again, but Nicole didn't say anything right away, in case he wasn't finished talking. "I do…Love you, but I…Don't deserve you after what I did…"
Of course, as it would anyone, hearing such things from her distraught boyfriend of six months made Nicole nervous and wondering what Hunter did to say that he loves, but doesn't deserve her. Still, Nicole wouldn't assume anything; she was trying to be there and help Hunter, so she had to be patient, and let Hunter move at his pace.
"What could you have done that makes you believe you don't deserve me and that you're a bad boyfriend?" Nicole wondered. Hunter didn't answer, and Nicole observed that it sounded as if Hunter was getting worked up again. "Hey, hey…Ssh, babe. It's okay. Please, don't cry," Nicole comforted. Thankfully, it slightly worked. "Come on, now, it's alright," Nicole tried to pull back just a little bit, and reluctantly, Hunter didn't stop her. Nicole had her hands on Hunter's shoulders, but he was keeping his head bowed in shame, or so Nicole assumed, at least. Nicole set her hands on Hunter's cheeks lightly, trying to give a small push for him to lift his head. "Look at me, love,"
Hunter raised his head just enough to be able to look in her eyes. "I'm not upset with you, but I want to understand why you feel that way," Nicole said softly as she shifted one hand down to hold Hunter's, then gave a slight pull to bring him to her bed so that they could sit down. Hunter went with her, and then they sat next to one another but angled to face each other slightly. "Talk to me, Hunter…" She finally asked in a light tone. "Why do you believe you're a bad boyfriend and don't deserve me?"
"I…Snapped at you two weeks ago, when you were trying to get me to talk," Hunter started, still glancing down.
"Hunter, you only yelled at me because I was pushing you to talk about what was wrong after you told me there wasn't anything going on," Nicole looked down and then sighed softly. "If anyone is the bad one in this relationship, it's me. I kept pushing until you did get upset. You said nothing was wrong, just busy, and I should have left it alone…But you did nothing wrong, Hunter…Nothing at all. Please don't feel like you're a bad boyfriend, or that you don't deserve me. I don't deserve you, and you had the right to snap at me when I was trying to make you talk when there was nothing to say," Nicole took a breath. "I'm so sorry…"
Hunter shook his head, sniffling, and looking down again. Hunter used the back of his sleeve to wipe his eyes. "You have nothing to apologize for…" Hunter stated, his tone was still a tad broken. "You were…Only trying to help, and I shouldn't have gotten mad…" Hunter continued.
"But you said that you didn't need any help, and I shouldn't have pushed," Nicole reminded. "You said that if you needed help, you'd make it known. I had no right to pursue after you told me nothing was going on. A good girlfriend would have accepted that answer, and respected the decision. I didn't…" She looked down.
"You did what any loving girlfriend would do…You had concerns and made them known. You didn't just brush it off, you wanted to be there for me, let me know I could tell you anything, and you would help. I…Shouldn't have yelled at you for that. I was wrong to do it," Hunter said as Nicole looked up a bit at Hunter, who still had his head down. "You didn't deserve to be snapped at, you were only yourself, and addressing things head-on. You told me if you had something on your mind, you would speak them. What I did…No, that wasn't me, and…It's why I'm a bad boyfriend and don't deserve you if I'm not the guy you fell in love with…You deserve better…And you should leave me."
"Hunter…" Nicole frowned.
"Besides…" Hunter paused a moment, getting more of Nicole's attention. "You were right…"
"Right? About…What?" Nicole asked, setting her hand on Hunter's.
"About there being something wrong," Hunter admitted.
"You told me that two weeks ago that you had a lot going on, but didn't need help," Nicole informed. "Why do you believe I deserve better and that I should leave you over that?"
Hunter buried his face in his palms and attempted to take a deep breath to keep himself from crying again. Nicole could hear it in his shaky breathing. "Because I lied to you…" Hunter confessed.
"What-," Nicole began, not understanding what Hunter meant, but he cut her off.
"I lied about being okay…" Hunter said, his voice breaking again. "I…Haven't been alright since surgery…" He went on as Nicole listened, but Hunter didn't keep talking after that.
Nicole moved her hands to try and lightly pull Hunter's hands down from his face. "Hey, hey…Ssh, it's alright," Hunter reluctantly lowered his hands as Nicole touched the side of his face and turned his head gently so he would be looking at her. Nicole could see tears resting in his green eyes. Nicole scooted closer and smiled a little, with her eyes still locked on his. "Listen," She stroked his cheek. "I already knew you weren't okay. I knew you weren't telling me the truth; that's why I'm not upset. And I'm certainly not going to leave you over it, babe,"
"How could you have known?" Hunter sighed.
"You hid having all those symptoms to the tumor until you were called out on it from fainting several times. You always acted like you were fine when you were constantly tired and sick. You got defensive and mad when we tried to talk to you about it. Even after you learned what was causing the symptoms, and had told me; you hid it from the others," Nicole explained. "This is no different, love," She added as Hunter looked down a bit. "I knew something was wrong the night you made everyone leave the hospital. You didn't see me, but I was one of the last ones out, and I saw how sad and miserable you looked." Taking a breath, Nicole had Hunter face her again. "Tell me something…Why did you come here? Why did you need me?"
"I promised you that I would remember you were here for me, anything at all, even just a hug if it would help…" Hunter replied in a soft tone, then took a breath. "And I promised someone else that if things started to become too much, I wouldn't be afraid to ask for help…"
"Well, you already came to me and got your hug…Is you admitting that you aren't okay and haven't been the part where you're asking for help?" Nicole wondered.
Giving in, Hunter sighed again. "I don't even know if I can call it asking for help…I feel like my reason for everything is something that everyone would tell me is foolish…That's why I've kept it to myself, to try and deal with…But it's just getting worse, and I've hit the point where I have to force myself to do things I know are essential to living. Like eating, or even getting out of bed in the morning. That's all I've wanted to do and have done…Stay in bed to sleep, or cry." Hunter explained.
"And you realized that you can't handle this by yourself and that we just want to help you get through whatever is going on?" Nicole asked.
"I've been suffering for weeks, and I was scared of what everyone would think about why I feel so depressed because of how everyone reacted to the tumor…" Hunter closed his eyes. "But after we fought two weeks ago, I understood that you and the others must have already known something was up with me if you were trying to have a serious conversation during our date…"
"I shouldn't have brought it up while we were on the date. That was wrong of-," Nicole started.
"No," Hunter cut in. "No…You had the right to bring up your concerns. I was the wrong one to get defensive, mad, and lie…" He continued. "We agreed when we got together not to keep secrets, that if there were something wrong, we'd sit down and talk about it…And I didn't do either because I was afraid of what everyone would think of my reason for being depressed. You brought it up because you already knew something was wrong, and the others knew it too…I should have just come clean in the beginning, instead of letting it sit like this, and build to the point of not taking care of myself, or even wanting to. I shouldn't have been scared to come to any of you about what was wrong, to ask for help when I couldn't cope with it." Hunter lowered his head a bit.
"Hunter…" Nicole got his attention. "We all know something is going on, and it was for all the reasons I mentioned two weeks ago. You've gotten more and more distant from us. You never want to hang out, and you barely answered messages or calls. We don't know if Spencer or Glenn have picked up on anything, but the point is that it was a group decision for one of us to bring things up with you. I volunteered to be that person. We knew that the result would be one of two things…Either you would accept that we figured it out and reveal whatever was wrong, or you would get mad and deny it." Nicole explained.
Hunter sighed heavily. "However," Hunter looked at Nicole when she started again. "The hope was also that if the second choice came to pass, it would give you a chance to realize we knew you were suffering, and only wanted to help you because we love and care about you. We prayed that after what happened two weeks ago, you would understand we're here for you and that we want to help, but you had to be the one to come to us…"
"I…Still don't know about telling all of them yet…My dad and godfather don't know. But after the ridiculous day I had, and dealing with everything the past two months…I just couldn't do it anymore, coping with everything going on since that surgery…" Hunter looked down, ashamed. "What you said came forward to me, and I didn't want to keep lying to you about what was happening. I know if I don't…Get some kind of handle on how I feel; I'm just going to get worse, and I…Know where worse can lead…" Hunter took a breath. "So when that realization hit me, how bad things were already, I knew I needed help. And I said that when I can't deal with it anymore, I'd make it known…"
"And this is you making it known. That's why you wanted to come over, so you wouldn't breakdown alone and risk doing anything to yourself," Nicole said as Hunter nodded.
"I just…Didn't want to be alone period. I…Always end up crying alone, and it doesn't do anything to help. But when I remembered what you told me…I don't know; I wanted to be with you. I didn't want to go home and be by myself again. I…Felt like I needed you, and I'd feel a little better," Hunter replied.
"Do you?" Nicole questioned.
"When I first got here and saw you, no. I felt like an ass for being a jerk to you two weeks ago. For staying away, not talking to anyone. For shutting everyone out, distancing myself. I felt horrible…Until you hugged me, and I just…I couldn't keep it in anymore. And I didn't want you to let go because it was the most comfort I'd felt in weeks…I didn't want to lose the feeling, but it also let me see that if I hadn't been such a stubborn ass…I wouldn't have had to feel alone all this time. That's why I said I didn't deserve you…You've been trying to help me, and I pushed it away. Same as I did to the others. You were all only trying to be here for me, and I was an idiot…" Hunter closed his eyes. "I still don't feel great, but I guess it feels somewhat better to have admitted to not being okay and needing help…"
Nicole lifted his head, and Hunter looked at her again. "Then let us help you, baby. We'll do all we can, but you have to let us in," Nicole informed. "If you don't want to tell the others yet, that's fine. We already discussed that we had to let you know we were here for you, but that you had to come to us when you were ready. So if you're not prepared to tell them…Talk to me. You came to me, said you needed me…I was the first you told the tumor about, so tell me now what's going on. We've got all night, and you know you can stay over with me…Just remember that my parents will be overjoyed if you stay for dinner…" Nicole smiled some.
Hunter leaned closer and hugged Nicole again, she smiled and returned the gesture. "Thank you…" Hunter whispered.
"Anytime, love," Nicole replied. "You never have to be afraid to come to me, or the others. We love you," She said. "And we'll always be here for you," Nicole reminded. "Don't ever forget that. Whatever the reason might be, big or small, silly or serious; if it's important to you, Hunter, then it's important to us. What matters to us, is that you are okay, and if you aren't, then we're going to do everything we can to make you okay again," The two teenagers pulled from the hug as Nicole held Hunter's hands, offer a light smile. "Now, let go of whatever fear you had before, and tell me what's been bothering you,"
Hunter took a deep breath, then let it out. "Okay," Hunter nodded at her request. After that, Hunter began to tell Nicole everything about what was making him depressed since the surgery. Hunter informed Nicole that everything stemmed from realizing that his choice to push off his symptoms until he was forced to see a doctor due to the fainting spells. And then again, Hunter chose to put off surgery for the sake of Basketball because he wanted the chance to get a sports scholarship through college while he studied to be an engineer. Nicole began to understand that the reason Hunter got upset, and then it ventured into depression was because of him losing his chance to get a Basketball Scholarship.
Nicole remembered how adamant Hunter was to put off the tumor removal surgery so that he wouldn't be absent for the playoffs and championship due to recovering from the operation. Nicole recalled that her father was also on board with this decision, provided Hunter's health wasn't at risk, but because Hunter missed a few appointments with her father due to valid reasons, there was no telling what the status of Hunter's tumor was and on top of that; Hunter took a hard hit to the chest during the game, which also could have been the reason things became an emergency. Unfortunately, Keith was unable to provide an answer as to what might have happened, if it had been due to the tumor getting worse, or Hunter got whacked in the chest caused the problem. Regardless, Nicole understood why Hunter was upset.
Hunter chose to ignore the symptoms he felt until he was forced to see a doctor. And then Hunter decided to hold off the surgery for the sake of not needing to recover during crucial games where scholarship scouts would be to see players and be able to talk with them. However, Hunter went down during the biggest game of his Basketball career, and missed the chance to talk to the people. What made things worse was hearing everyone talk about the last game, how it was still won even after Hunter's collapse. Hunter explained that he hated everyone saying he was part of the we that won. Hunter also went on about how it just started to get worse with his mood as he realized he wouldn't be able to keep playing through college, he would have to pay for college, and it was going to put off or change his entire plan that Hunter made for his life.
Nicole understood, and she felt bad. Hunter admitted that he felt like the depression worsened again because he believed his reasoning for being upset at all, would be looked at like he had no reason to be upset. Nicole now got why Hunter was afraid to talk to people, to say he felt depressed, because of his choices that cost him what he considered his future. Hunter, of course, knew that his future wasn't gone; he could still go to college, and would have to pay out of pocket for it, but Hunter explained that he hadn't wanted to use the money he worked to save up for after his schooling was completed. Hunter wanted to hold onto his money, so that after college, if he was in a stable relationship; perhaps get an apartment, get engaged, plan a wedding, buy a house, have a kid or three. Nicole could understand why Hunter was upset; it was a hard hit to suddenly have your plans changed.
Around 5:00 pm, Hunter had finished telling Nicole everything from start to finish about what was wrong, how he felt, and so on. "I know…It's stupid, but I guess for me when you have spent years planning things to give yourself and possibly a family, a secure life…It smacks you pretty hard when the chance to set those plans in motion is gone, and you only have yourself to blame…" Hunter sighed, looking down. "I thought I might feel better after I was recovered fully, but the more time I spent limited from my normal routine and active lifestyle…"
"The more you had time to be resting and letting your thoughts take over," Nicole nodded, understanding. "And no, it's not stupid, Hunter. You've had your whole life planned around something you love to do. Two things, actually; inventing and playing basketball. It does hurt when the things you've set up for don't go the way you hoped. You're entitled to be upset about that, and none of our friends, your family, or I is going to judge you for it." She continued with her hand on his shoulder. "The only thing they might remark is that you shouldn't have been afraid to come to us, and you shouldn't have distanced yourself to a point you couldn't handle things anymore."
"I know…" Hunter said softly.
"If we had known you were upset over losing your chance to get a scholarship, we could have given you your time to sit with things, maybe come up with a new plan…But you shouldn't have shut us out, and put yourself through all this suffering to the level you're at now, baby. You've tormented yourself alone for two months, and put yourself in a state of depression. That's what this is, love…It's depression, and if you're feeling the way you are, forcing yourself to eat, even get out of bed…It's not anything slight or mild," Nicole explained gently. Hunter looked down, closing his eyes. Nicole lifted his chin, and gave Hunter a light peck on the lips before pulling back and giving a small smile.
"But what matters is that you realized you don't have to do this alone. You see that you need help because this is getting bad for you. And perhaps the most important part, Hunter…" Nicole stroked his cheek. "Is that you want help to get through this. And we're all more than willing to assist, going at your pace, with whatever or however you're comfortable in tackling this with us by your side as your support system,"
"Really?" Hunter asked.
"Really," Nicole nodded.
"Okay," Hunter took a breath. "As I haven't had much luck in figuring out how to cope with this…What do you suggest?" He asked.
Nicole held Hunter's hands, still smiling at him. "Three things," Nicole began as Hunter arched a brow at her. "One, you need to spend the night because I miss the hell out of you, and I think you could use the comfort tonight. Two, we should head out of the room to eat dinner. And three," Nicole paused. "I think we should find you a professional to talk to about all this. It's still depression, Hunter…And that's not something anyone who isn't licensed therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist should be trying to act as. We all love you, and we want to help you, but we want you to get the best help you can from someone who is trained to work in this field," Nicole explained as Hunter nodded, understanding. Honestly, Hunter had a feeling that might be what needed to happen. "Why don't we go enjoy dinner, and then after, we can talk to my dad; I'm sure he can point you in the right direction of a good person to talk with?"
"Alright…" Hunter said. "I'll stay over, and we'll go eat…Then we'll talk to your father. But I don't want the others knowing yet…I'll tell them, eventually…Maybe after I start seeing someone and stop feeling the overwhelming fear of them telling me I'm an idiot…I know it's because I stayed quiet…But…" Hunter sighed.
"Hey, we go at your pace with whatever or however you're comfortable. How about you just let me tell them that you realized you needed help, you're working on it with a professional, and it can be left at that until you're ready to give more than that? Just so they know you're no longer wallowing away in misery because they have been worried. I'll do this with our friends, but I do think you should tell your dad and Glenn. Maybe not everything you revealed to me tonight, but at least that you've been going through some stuff and you're getting help for it, that you'll tell me more when you're ready." Nicole informed.
"Yeah…Probably a good idea. I don't want dad getting all upset that others knew before he did…We talked about that; he told me he got worked up because my mom was quiet too, and if she'd spoken up about her symptoms, they might have been able to save her. Dad was scared because he almost lost me too, and if he learned that I started feeling depressed and basically stopped taking care of myself over the last few weeks, but didn't tell him...He'll go back on my son hates and doesn't trust me again…" Hunter muttered a bit. "I'll tell them after I find someone to talk to," He agreed.
"Good, now…Use my bedroom's bathroom, wash up a little, and we'll go eat." Nicole got up, pulling Hunter to his feet.
"Okay," Hunter replied as Nicole was about to let go of his hand so he could head to her bathroom. Hunter pulled her against his figure, hugging her tightly as Nicole stood there a bit surprised. "Thank you…For all this now, and everything you've done since we met for me…" Hunter whispered. Nicole smiled as she hugged him back.
"You're welcome, and any time," Nicole said as they pulled away from one another, and then Hunter leaned in for a kiss, which Nicole happily met him in the middle for. "I love you,"
"I love you too," Hunter gave a small smile, and then walked to the bathroom in Nicole's room to wash his hands and face before joining her family for dinner. Maybe things weren't okay right now, and Hunter still felt awful, but he knew that he had nothing to be afraid of in asking for help to get through this, and learn to cope with it. Hunter knew that, eventually, he would be feeling a lot better and be okay again.
