=Hunter's POV=
(Saturday, 8/18/2018- 2:00 pm)
(Archian Island, Berk)
(Hooligan Town Beach)
So, a month has gone by since my small breakdown against Nicole, and honestly; I'm already feeling a little better than I did. I'm still not perfect, but I'm okay, and that's an improvement from where I was. After dinner at Nicole's that night, she pulled her dad aside for me, and I asked if his offer to find me someone I could talk to was available. With a little discussion, Keith said that he didn't believe I needed a Psychologist or Psychiatrist, so once it was decided that I would only need a therapist; Keith stated he knew a few colleagues in that field and would get me the names and other information on Monday when he went into work. When Monday came, around 9:00 am, I woke up to a text from Keith with some choices for me to pick from. I chose a male therapist who worked in an office about ten minutes away from where I live, his name is Harry Anderson, and I see him twice a week. It has helped, all we do is sit together in his office and talk about how I'm feeling, or what could help to change a bad thought or feeling into something happier.
I told my dad and godfather what I'd been going through, and got the expected responses from both that I never should have been afraid to come to them. Of course, both males were happy that I admitted I needed help before things got worse, and was now seeing a therapist to talk it out and find healthier coping mechanisms. Nicole took care of telling our friends, which I did appreciate, and all of them were thankful that I'd asked for help and would do anything they could. I got back to responding more in messages and joining a few calls on Skype. I didn't talk much, but at least I was there. Nicole and I started going on dates once a week again, we're up to two now, and just last week; we enjoyed a little foreplay before I went home. I've hung out with Nicole and our friends once or twice since the second week of therapy, but I was still super busy with work and figuring out all my schooling things. My freshman year of college was starting on September 3rd, so it was about two weeks.
I had all my classes set, and my schedule would be given to me next week, which was orientation. I am still going to AIU, it's always been my choice, and I knew I had the grades to be accepted in. I got my letter at the beginning of August, so that was nice, but I never really had any doubts about being accepted there. Next week, I'd likely stop at the university store to pick up my books for my first semester classes and pay the tuition for my first year off. I know it was pricey, but if I paid now, I could work on my off or early class days at the auto shop to put some of the money back. But that's all next week's plans, today, I'm going to the beach with my friends. This is the first time we will all be hanging out together since the graduation party two months ago. The other hangouts were just those of us who were free since some of the group had jobs to work.
As far as I knew, even Myra and Devon were joining us. And Myra is thirty-one weeks pregnant, she's due mid-October. I hoped it would be a fun time, I feel like I'm doing good enough to actually be able to enjoy myself at a hang out with everyone. The graduation party was alright, but I was more in the I don't want to do anything phase of my depression. Dr. Anderson confirmed that I did have a moderate case, given I admitted to forcing myself to take care of myself with getting out of bed, and eating. But after the last month, Harry told me that with my drive to do things again without feeling like I'm forcing myself to do it all, I've gone down to mild. I do still deal with a lot, we've also worked out that my mother's passing was a factor, and me having the same thing that she did was one too. There were a lot of things that came up, honestly, things I never expected would have played a role, but I guess that's what professionals are for; they're trained to find everything and bring it to light.
Harry and I are working on everything, so I guess I'll be doing this therapy things for a while, which I honestly don't mind one bit. Once I get my school schedule and work that around my shifts at the auto-shop, Harry and I will probably set once a week appointments to continue my sessions. For now, until all that is sorted out next week, I just want to focus on enjoying my day with my friends and girlfriend. This was probably going to be one last hoo-rah before real life set in with college and jobs, some with both, like me. We decided to meet up a little later in the day as most would probably be leaving after being there since this morning.
"It's a lovely day to be at the beach with friends!" Addilyn cheered with her arms up and a broad smile.
As expected, the beach was pretty quiet, so we found a nice spot to set up our things. I wasn't saying much while the others were chatting, I still felt odd to be with everyone after shutting them out as long as I did. As far as everyone knew, I was getting help, and doing better than before, but it didn't mean I was all better and they still didn't know what everything was about. Nicole told me that no one even asked, just wanted to know if I was okay, and if there was anything they could do to let them know. My dad and Glenn knew; I couldn't not tell them. Well, I didn't have to, I decided to save myself the looks of them wondering every day when I would tell them.
"It's nice that we finally get to all hang out together," Ashley mentioned.
"Good thing we put in the time to all have the same day off a couple of weeks ago," Elijah chuckled.
We had eaten before coming here, to save on carrying things. All we brought was a cooler with water and soda, blankets, chairs, and umbrellas. There was a bag of snacks too, mostly individual chips. "Well, alright! Arrived, found a spot and set up all in fifteen minutes. Good job, everyone." Shane cheered.
"Let's hit the water!" Travis called. I watched as they darted off to start having fun in the water. I shook my head some and continued setting mine and Nicole's things up. I wasn't in a rush like the rest of them were, we had all day, and it didn't get dark until about 7:00 pm. It was only 2 pm, and I wasn't looking to kill all my energy early on.
"Aren't you coming, babe?" Nicole asked.
"I will in a little bit. I'm still setting our stuff up and letting lunch settle before swimming," I replied.
"I'll wait for you," Nicole smiled as she moved a bit to come help me lay out the blanket, then put the weights down to keep it in place. After another ten minutes, we had finished and were just sitting together as Nicole was leaning her head on my shoulder. "You seem quiet today, love. Everything okay?" She wondered after a few moments of silence.
I shrugged. "I guess it's just weird to be with everyone again after I shut them out for so long…" I admitted.
"You know they aren't holding it against you," Nicole reminded.
"I do know that, but it doesn't erase the feeling of also knowing they want to know what it was all for…" I sighed some.
"Hunter, I told you that they didn't even ask about it. All any of them asked was if you were alright; that's all that matters to our friends," Nicole said gently.
"Yeah, but how long until they start asking, babe? Maybe before it was just want to know if I'm okay, but now that I'm in therapy to work through things, and finally out with everyone…I don't know, it just feels like they want to know, but afraid to ask and upset me," I informed softly.
"Our friends probably do what to know, love, but they understand you will tell them when you're ready and have to be patient," Nicole stated. "You have to understand their side too, Hunty, we watched you fake a smile and push through every day when you were pushing us away from you." She continued as I looked down a little. "It was hard for you to try and deal with things alone, but it was hard for us to watch you suffer and know that we couldn't push you or you would pull away more. Our friends do want to know, Hunter, because they want to understand what upset you so much that you shut down and felt like you couldn't come to us, that drove you into a depression so far you had no desire to take care of yourself. And the people who love you, baby, don't ever want to watch you waste away, or wake up one day and learn you might have hurt or killed yourself. Then wonder every day what it was that caused it," Nicole said as I looked at her.
"I wasn't that low…" I mumbled a little and sighed.
"But you could have become so over time, Hunter," Nicole informed. "Depression is one of the worst mental illnesses around because of all the symptoms and effects it can have on someone suffering from it. It starts little, and then it grows the longer it goes untreated. A lot of people do what you did, figured it was nothing big and you'd get over it. But you felt and saw that it's not always that easy, and then things get harder to deal with. In only a month, love, you admitted to me that day you had no desire to take care of yourself. You didn't want to eat, you didn't even want to get out of bed. You were diagnosed with a moderate case of depression, and that's only because you woke up and realized that it would get worse if you didn't get help. Some people don't wake up and see it, and things continue to get harder, worse, and it the worst scenario…They end up killing themselves," Nicole explained.
"So maybe you weren't that low, but not wanting to eat or get out of bed? Spend your days in bed, sleeping, wanting to cry, or actually crying? Mood swings? Hunter those things aren't far off from turning moderate to severe depression, where self-harm and suicidal thoughts are. Where suicide attempts are. And eventually, actual suicide," Nicole paused. "It's not to scare you, baby, but that is where a lot of people who refuse to get help end up, because they keep denying there's a problem, and continue to push away from the people they love who want to help." Nicole went on as she held his hand. "You can't blame us for being worried when we noticed the signs of you becoming more and more distant after the surgery. It was hard for us to know something was wrong, but know we couldn't do anything until you wanted and asked for help."
"I should probably tell them…" I gave in. Nicole was right, things could have gotten a lot worse if she hadn't tried to talk to me that day on our date and make me realize over those two weeks until I broke down on her that they knew something wasn't wrong with me and were only trying to help me. I should have seen it sooner; they brought it up because they knew, and at that point; I shouldn't have denied anything. My friends and girlfriend brought things up because they knew and were trying to let me know they knew and were here to help me.
Nicole turned my head a bit and kissed my lips, I blinked a few times but returned the action. "Yes, you should…" Nicole said after pulling back, she was smiling at me. "But when you're ready to tell them, and you're not just yet if you're having all these doubts and worries,"
"But…" I started, Nicole giggled and put a finger to my lips.
"But nothing. Today wasn't planned to get everyone together so they could get you to tell them why you're depressed, okay? Today was everyone wanted to hang out before summer is over, college starts and others continue working the job they have. Today is for fun, Hunter. And while the others may want to know what's going on with you, they understand you're working through things at your pace and will tell them when you're ready. Right now, our friends are simply happy that you feel alright enough to be with us today," Nicole smiled softly. "Stop worrying, love. And have fun. Or have you forgotten what that is?" Nicole teased a little. "It's this great time you have with friends where you forget about all your other troubles and worries because you know deep down that we're all just glad to have you with us," Nicole got up and pulled me with her. "So come on and have some fun, baby. I promise you that you won't regret it. You'll go home feeling amazing and thankful that you decided to come,"
"Okay, okay…You win," I rolled my eyes and smiled a little. Nicole kissed me again, I barely had time to kiss back before she grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the water with her. Our friends instantly cheered that I'd joined them, and suddenly, I felt just a little bit better that I came along today.
. . .
(5:00 pm)
I definitely had a great time today with my girlfriend and friends. I honestly didn't want it to stop, usually sitting at home with nothing to do is when the sadness started to creep back up. I was considering to ask Nicole if she wanted to spend the night with me, and maybe we can turn this fun day into a romantic night for us. My friends and I were wiped out from being in the sun and water all day; we're planning to go out to dinner, and then likely split off for the evening.
"This has been an awesome day," Fisher said as Heather was leaning against him, nodding in agreement.
"Hey, it's not over yet," Raelyn chuckled.
"We still got dinner to have," Travis fist-bumped his sister.
"Where are we going to go?" Nicole wondered.
"I think we should let the guy who hasn't been able to choose one for our hangouts through the summer pick," Shane remarked. I suddenly saw all eyes on me and blinked a bit.
"Who? Me?" I asked.
"Yeah you," Devon grinned.
"You decide where we go for dinner tonight," Mindy smiled.
"Oh, uh…I don't know…Berkbees?" I suggested with a shrug. "It's fast, cheap and close by," I added.
"The man has spoken! We dine at thy local bees of Berk!" Travis called in a dramatic tone where everyone laughed, even me.
"Berkbees it is," The group agreed with smiles.
I really was happy that I came out and joined them today, I never should have shut them out; they probably could have helped me cheer up a little a while ago and I wouldn't have gone so long miserable or without help. All that is different now, I'm getting help with a professional, and I'm getting help through friend therapy. I absolutely did not want tonight to end.
