Ruby threw herself into the bed and curled up with a sob, what the heck had she been thinking? Qrow was nice, kind and she felt like she resonated with him, but why had she kissed him? He was much older than her… but given her love for Ozpin that was more of a turn on then off. She shivered and pulled the house coat over her feet, a tiny smile graced her lips. It was so kind of him to make her a coat and ask for nothing in return. Her heart panged painfully, Oz had been a gifter as well, a hair pin here, a new ring there. Oz would always give her soft smiles and happy eyes whenever he saw her wearing them with pride. Her tears dried as she hummed happily at the memories, he had such a way of making promises without towardly stating them.

She had loved him like family at first, her first friend and teacher but as she got older all that started to change. He always seemed to be the person she turned to when she was younger. She never said a word, not even at Beacon when it all went to hell. However for that whole time Ruby knew that Oz was aware of the changes in her. When smiles became a little more strained with a secret she knew she could never share. Then Beacon fell and she thought he had been lost to her before they could ever be. Then they had met again only this time with a boy named Oscar in the way.

Oscar, her hand dug into the blankets, she had hated him when they first met. She hadn't shown it of course, because he was the vessel for her Oz, but he was also in the way. Patience had been the key in that situation and eventually she did very slowly warm to the young teen. Very slowly, the reincarnation processes took time, months and how Ruby had hated waiting. Minute by minute, hour by hour, waiting for her Oz to show through. Waiting to be able to hug him without it being awkward. It had been worth it though, worth it to see those green eyes of Oscar's turn copper. Then he had come to her and it had been like coming home, that first hug that had meant the world to her.

Their relationship had started from that, that one hug that had been slow and secret hidden behind a line of trees and the sounds of night. Sure Oscar was still somewhere in that body but he was just a small part of the whole and everyone would know it wasn't Oscar that Ruby wanted. So they kept it a secret, clandestine meetings and hidden kisses, as they both waited for their bodies to catch up with their hearts. Ruby giggled, Oz had been so funny, groaning about having to go through puberty AGAIN. They had shared the pain on that front.

She smirked then her smile faded away, remembering how Salem had taken it all away just as soon as they had been able to be together. Her hand went to her belly as she drew circles over it with a finger, tears collecting in her eyes again. Ruby grabbed Qrow's pillow and hid her face in it as she sobbed, pressing a hand over the now empty womb. Once long ago, there had been life in it but Salem had stolen that from her too. Ruby never told anyone, not her sister and not Tai and she had hidden it well. The pregnancy had been easy to hide at first, the morning sickness taking her at the hours of dawn. Then as she began to show the silver eyes started spending more and more time away from home wanting to go unnoticed as long as possible. The baby had been carried for months, long enough for her to hope that she'd get to meet the little life she and Oz had created. Long enough that her movements had become slower, her weakness growing. Then she had been out hunting alone, her Aura had broken and a Grimm took a cheap shot. Several hours later her baby was gone, a little boy that she had fought so hard to keep.

The silver eyed woman tried to quiet her tears, it hurt every time she remembered. Well the memories were always there, they lingered behind those mournful silver eyes. She remember how small he had been, his little tuft of red hair, ears so thin that the light passed through them. Holding and rocking the infant, saying over and over that she was sorry that she should have never gone hunting. That day she buried him alone, then gone to the nearest hospital to get checked out. It had been too easy after that to fall out of contact with her family and friends then and it was never really been restored. All her friends moved on, and every time one of them had a child Ruby's heart ached with such agonizing pain that she just stopped visiting them. She visited Oz's grave often and her son's, apologizing to them both over and over. Telling Oz she was sorry she had failed to have their child, that she missed him. She named their baby Ash, for a phoenix that never got to rise.

Ruby's sobs turned silent, there had been so many nights spent crying in these lonely years. Hiding from her friends and their happy families, hiding the secret from them. It weighed heavy on her heart and prevented her from even wanting to look for a partner. She couldn't bare to tell anyone that she had failed to protect something so precious.

Her mind turned to Qrow, she could hear him in the kitchen, smell cooking rabbit. She bit her lip and thought about the tall man, she liked him he was calm and quiet. Something that the Huntress was drawn to like a moth to flame, he reminded her of Oz in some small ways. They had that same calm demeanor. Ruby sat up and rubbed her eyes, was that why Tai set her here? Had he thought that Qrow would remind her of Oz? Ruby shook her head, that didn't seem likely, Taiyang hadn't know about Ash. Well maybe he did, though she had never told him but he had two children of his own. He probably saw the signs and had chosen to keep quiet until she was ready to talk about it.

The redhead hugged herself and lay on her side gazing at the door to the living room. Qrow had been so easy to talk to and he understood things in his own quiet way. He wasn't family so he wouldn't know about everyone else and he was just far enough away, lonely enough like her not to judge. Maybe it was time she told someone, when she left it wouldn't matter. The only person he might tell would be Tai but somehow she didn't think he'd say a word if she asked him not to. Ruby reached up and touched her lip with a cold finger then after half an hour of thinking it over forced herself out of the bed.


Qrow ground some rosemary between his fingers before dropping it into the pot and stirring. "Qrow." The voice was so soft and he hadn't heard her enter, he jumped up like a startled cat before gathering himself. Still the action earned him a tiny giggle, he looked over to Ruby, her eyes red and cheeks stained in tears.

"Ruby." He said softly and turned away from the stove, the stew would be fine now, it just had to simmer. He was surpised when she walked up and hugged him again, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head in the clothed chest. Qrow didn't respond right away unsure of what brought this about.

Ruby snuggled her face into his chest, the wool of his shirt scratching her cheek the smell of pine filling her nose. She took a deep shaky breath and whispered. "I had a baby once."

Qrow's brow shot up, that wasn't a hard one to figure out. Oz had… Gods above no wonder she was depressed, 'had' a baby once. Ruby was a Huntress, it wasn't hard to figure out what had probably happened. He wrapped his arms tight around her and hugged fiercely, for he could think of nothing else to do. "I'm sorry." He said softly, for there was nothing else to say. There was nothing he could say that would make this better, slowly but surely he could see the sources of the shadows that clung to her.

"You've nothing to be sorry for, I was the stupid one that went hunting while pregnant." She mumbled into his firm chest, it felt so good to be held even if she didn't deserve it.

Qrow struggled to find words for her, to figure out what to say in the end he settled on. "You are not the first Huntress to do that and women can lose their babies for lots of reasons. You're not alone in that, I can't say I know what that feels like but it's not your fault. Oz would understand that, he'd get protective as all hell over you but he'd understand."

"But if I hadn't gone hunting I could have my baby, right now. Who knows where I would be, if I had just told someone. I know Tai or Yang would have helped me hunt, or kept me safe from my own stupidity." Ruby squeezed him tighter, letting him ground her, Gods it felt so good to hold someone.

"You could have lost it for another reason, it could have just not meant to be. Thinking about where you could be." He paused and closed his eyes. How often he had thought like this, 'what if' he had stayed with his team, 'what if' he had been on the front lines. "It's a slow death Ruby, to waste away on the 'what if's' and becoming dead to the now." He glanced around his kitchen then out into the living room, what a tomb he had made for himself. Qrow could feel his shirt growing wet and rubbed up and down her back.

Ruby knew what he meant, she wasn't ignorant about how she had been living, or not as the case was. "How do you let go?"

"You don't, at least I don't know how. I have wasted days, maybe even weeks of my life wondering about what could have been. What if I stayed with my team? What if I came back when Yang was born, what if my Semblance wasn't Misfortune, what if I stayed by Oz's side. What if I had been there to help him at the end. What if I had found someone and had a family of my own, but I'll never know the answers to these questions. They just slowly eat away at my soul. Please don't fall into that trap Ruby, chasing the 'what if's' for your whole life will be your death." Don't do what I have done, don't shut everyone out. You have family and friends who still love you. Qrow searched for something positive to say, to guide them out of this depressing conversation. "Think about it, you're still young, you could still have other children. Find someone to love, Oz would want that. He wouldn't want you fading away lost in the memories and questions of what could have been."

Ruby smiled at his attempt to cheer her up and mumbled into his chest. "Not likely, not everyone is as calm and understanding as you Qrow."

Qrow shrugged and smiled a little at that. "It must be the grey in my hair and a hermit's life."

The silver eyed woman giggled at that and pulled away, Qrow's hands tracing over her arms while hers did the same till their hands met for a moment. Both calloused, both having touched more than their fair share of blood and death, hers small in his, her soft skin paler. Ruby's hands were chilled on the backs but warm on her front, Qrow's were warm entirely from cooking. They held together for the briefest moment before Qrow pulled his away as if she burned him and tucked them under his arms. Blush tinted his cheeks on so slightly and he bit the inside of his cheek. Gods if I am not careful this is going to be very painful when she leaves.

Ruby yanked her hands back startled when he moved so abruptly, she had liked the feel of those hands. Well used and worn, but still very strong and capable. She looked up to him, his hair messy from when she had buried her fingers in it, blush dusting his cheeks but his gaze locked on her. Blush warmed her own cheeks, Stop thinking about how you like him Ruby! There is no way Dad sent you here to fall for his own school friend! Remember Oz? You love him, not Qrow, you've only been here for two days! Then her mind reasoned that Qrow as right and Oz wouldn't want her to live her life alone, not matter how that thought hurt. She shook her head and turned her attention to the stew, reaching out and giving it a stir with the long wooden ladle. "This smells familiar."

Qrow backed away from her with a step and reached up to the cupboard collecting bowls and plates. "It's Tai's recipe, I thought it might help you cheer up. Err you know, comfort food." He turned away and set them on the little table, the dull chunk of wood on wood filled the room. The fire in the range had burned long and was largely silent. He walked around the table and into the pantry returning a minute later with a half eaten sour dough bread loaf and a seasoned wooden cutting board.

Ruby looked up from her stirring when he returned. "I'm amazed you remember it, I thought you left right after Beacon."

Qrow shrugged collecting a serrated bread knife from a drawer. "I did, but Tai liked to cook even then and I remember the things I like." He set the knife to the bread as he spoke casually, the smell of the bread adding to the herbal scent of the stew.

The silver eyed woman smiled at that, for someone who had left his family so long ago. He must have remembered a great many things and held them tight to him as to never forget them. She turned her attention back to the stew listening to it bubble, she pushed the bay leaf to the side so they didn't have to worry about it when they served it. "I think it's done, it sure smells good."

Finished with the bread Qrow came over and studied the stew for a moment. "I think you are right." Ruby grabbed the bowls from the table and offered them up for Qrow to ladle the stew into. Unconsciously as he poured into the first one he raised a hand to hold the bowl steady, it rested over Ruby's. She bit her lip but didn't say a word, he was too focused on making sure the stew didn't spill to realize what he had done. He did the same with the next bowl and only noticed when it was full as well. He snatched his hand back, blush darkening his cheeks again. "I'll uhh, get the bread." The stew would be fine with the residual heat from the range, he turned away from her lightning fast and grabbed the plated bread.

Ruby suppressed a smile as she turned away from him and very carefully headed out into the living room, being mindful not to spill the bowls. Qrow followed watching her, even in this she someone managed to be graceful, kneeling fluidly to set the bowls on his low battered coffee table. He shook his head and forced himself to move before she noticed he was staring. They settled on the couch with their meal, sharing the blanket over their feet from their respective sides of the couch.

Qrow finished first, thinking the day over, did Tai know about her baby? Why had she not told him? He put his bowl on the table on the empty plate, the bread having long since being consumed. The red eyed man curled up back into the couch and mulled it over in his head. What had Tai being thinking? Fact one; she was very lonely, two she was depressed, three she still loved a dead man. Not that he could fault her there, but while it's good to love, it's also extremely important to learn to let go of those you have loved. Four she had once been pregnant and it had been Oz's child, Gods was that ever hard to get his mind around. He always found companionship with Oz, but never thought of the other man ever having kids of his own. Qrow frowned, he would have liked to meet that kid. All this however did not answer his question, why send Ruby to him? He looked up over to her as she set her bowl besides his, sliding down and pulling the blanket up to curl into the couch.

Ruby hid her face in the black couch cushion crossing her arms over her chest. She closed her silver eyes just trying to keep the memories away. She missed her baby, she had thought about looking for another partner, even just a temporary one just to try again. Ruby shivered and shoved the thought away for the same reason she had done dozens of times, it wouldn't be Oz's child. That was what she ached for and wanted, another chance, and she wanted it to be a product of love not desperation. The silver eyed woman ached to fill the void in her heart, where Oz and her baby Ash lived, but never found someone she could love. Tai had told her time and time again to let Oz go, but the memories of him were all she had left. Tears leaked from her eyes and the petite woman shook trying to keep the tears at bay, not wanting to show Qrow yet more weakness.

Qrow bit his lip till it almost bleed, even as Ruby tried to hid it he saw, the tiny glimmering drop of water that leaked from her eyes. What should he do? The red eyed man warred with himself, part of him just said to leave her in peace, get ready for bed or something. The other part said, that she had shown him so much trust already that it would be wrong to leave her alone with only grief for company. The black haired man let out a long sigh and made up his mind. Qrow lifted the blanket up and moved over into the middle of the couch. He reached out then hesitated withdrawing his hands mere centimeters from her skin. Would she even welcome his touch? Him and the bad luck charm? Qrow took a deep breath and touched her forearm, squeezing and pulling her gently up. Qrow near jumped out of his skin when she threw her arms around his neck and tucked her face into his neck.

Gently he laid down holding her to him with an arm around her middle, he used the other to fix the pillow and pulled the blanket over them. Ruby moved her hands to his collar, holding him tight as she cried, her chest shaking as she tried to breath through her silent tears. Qrow adjusted the blanket over them with his legs and relaxed, it was so odd to have weight on his chest. Not bad mind you, just odd, he couldn't remember the last time he had cuddled someone. She was just that right place between tall enough to keep him warm and heavy enough to feel almost like a blanket to him. It was easy to hold Ruby to him, she wasn't heavy enough for him to have to work at breathing, she was just perfect for him.

The man's brain stalled at that, no, no, that was not a wise thought. She was not perfect for him, she'd leave as soon as the storm passed. It didn't matter that she was cute, beautiful even, that her laugh was brilliant and he longed to hear more of it. That she was very pleasant to have around, that they held the same calm demeanor. Or that … that she was just as broken as he was. In a sad way they matched. He shook his head as subtly as he could, no these were bad thoughts, he was almost fifty!

Qrow as much as he knew Ruby wanted a family and even though he could give her that, he would most definitely not want to wait. Qrow paused at that, but then she wasn't young anymore either, chances were good she wouldn't want to wait as well. Why are you even thinking about this you moron? It will never happen! You're just a dusty old crow, a bad luck charm! You came to the conclusion long ago that no one would ever be able to love you. Want a family with you, that ship sailed when you left your team. He felt Ruby moved down and snuggled into his chest and felt her breath deepen. Qrow took a deep breath and focused himself to relax, well it seemed he wasn't moving for a while. He stared up at the ceiling and let out a long sigh, well he could think of worse places to be stuck.