The sun was one of the few recurring constants in Aubrey's life. It would rise and fall every day and it was one of the few things which stayed constant in her turbulent life.
The other constant was Sunshine, Well not literally But he was her Sunshine, A ray of hope and warmth to comfort her, he was the boy she loved so very much.
She remembered countless hours spent on their favourite swings. She had a lot of places dear to her, The treehouse, the secret hiding spot near the lake and the picnic where they'd spend so much time together…
But this spot was different, this spot belonged only to her and Sunny, she'd always find her heart racing when she thought of it like that. This spot was theirs and theirs alone…
You'd think it would be impossible to take him away from her after all how does one steal someone's sunshine?
Her sunshine will be there to give her warmth… her sunshine will be there to protect her... Right?
The day of the Recital was quite possibly the worst day of their lives. The Recital had gone smoothly... So smoothly that most of the crowd had given the siblings a standing ovation…
The future looked bright for the teens, Mari looked up with the composure that Aubrey admired so much, she put her hand on her little brother, Sunny had made her so proud, she hugged him from the side. Not Noticing how the violin slipped from his hand.
As the host instructed them to get off the stage. She left Sunny, he was still somehow standing up straight facing the crowd, however, Aubrey noticed something
His hands over his mouth... Specifically under his nose and a bit of dark red poked through his hands. Sunny's nose was bleeding.
The next thing she heard was a sound she wished she could forget, the crash sound of the piano as if someone just head-butted the piano instead of playing it, the stage was now in a layer of crimson, no one could speak for a minute. The piano wires had sunk deep into his head.
" SUNNY! "
The sterile hospital ward was unwelcoming, cold, it resembled nothing like the calm and welcoming warmth of Sunny's affection.
The clean white tiles made Aubrey want to leave the room immediately, the bright lights cast a reflection on the glass windows, there was just darkness outside. It felt like this hallway was just sinking in an ocean of darkness.
Sitting next to her was Basil, His eyes were fixed on the floor like he was looking away from reality... Kel was repeatedly swapping between looking at Hero and Mari, Basil and Aubrey and the large door in front of him that led to the operation theatre.
Hero was holding Mari's hand, Mari sobbing to herself, she could make out something about pushing him too much and something more… Aubrey didn't know or care about what she was talking about. She just wanted Him to be Okay…
From what she did remember, she could make out that the doctor mentioned brain tumour and then the consequent breakdown of Sunny's parents. It was heartbreaking.
Sunny's parents were putting him in an intensive care unit, Effectively trying to prolong his life by keeping him in a hospital. They tried to word it better, But it didn't take a master face reader to decipher the true meaning of what was happening, Aubrey could understand everything with just the radical changes in Mari's expressions over each sentence.
She looked through the window in the door, her sunshine... The boy who she loved so much… he was dying. And the worst part is… he's probably the only one who doesn't know…
The last two years haven't been the best, to say the least, It seems no one can really handle losing sunny... Except for Kel… that Fucking jerk just found new friends like it was nothing, he still plays with all of them, He still comes to visit us. But She was mad he wasn't as sad as her…
It was getting difficult to visit him. His arms had grown so thin, his one round face and plump cheeks had caved in and looked hollow… barely keeping themselves alive. Sunny looked like a skeleton, even had dark bags under his eyes
The doctors mentioned a little something called dissociative Amnesia, He was forgetting his memories. It seemed that he still thinks it's only been two or three weeks since he got admitted to the hospital...
His smile was even rarer than before. She was almost scared of visiting him. Even if it was only slightly, You could tell he was getting worse. His skin was sickly pale, strands of his hair would just fall off when she stroked his hair.
Her sunshine was dying and she was scared of seeing him die. Slowly… Painfully… Why was God doing this to a good person? She might not be a good person, But Sunny's a good person. Why does he have to die?!
She stood beside him, she held his hand. His hand still felt warm, He was still making her feel warm and welcome even in a sorry state like this…
Someone… anyone…
She needed help, this was too much for her. She didn't want to do this... She couldn't take all of this alone…
" Sunny… ", It was probably not gonna work, " Please wake up.. "
Sunny spends most of his time sleeping for a reason, he won't wake up, she didn't want to do any of this…
Her tears are clouding her eyes… she can't take it anymore… It's too much.
She didn't remember how she ended up here, Sunny was still sleeping soundly under the effect of medication. Aubrey was in his hospital bed, she was just on his side with her head resting on his shoulder
Her eyes were directly aimed at his sweet chiselled face, even in a state like his She could still find him so pretty...
She slowly moved her hand to his cheek, the skin was smooth, Just like she remembered it… she doesn't even remember why she does remember the texture of his skin…
She moved her face to his cheek, firmly planting a small kiss on the boy of her dreams. She wrapped him in her arms as if to contain his warmth and keep Sunny warm. As if she wanted to protect him.
Her hand held his hands delicately, He was to be handled with care.
She wondered if what she was doing was a crime? Climbing into a patient's bed and Kissing them and doing lewd things like holding hands and hugging him…
Mari would not approve of what she was doing...
She kissed his cheek again, this time a bit longer, leaving a little wet spot on his face… this was wrong… what she's doing was wrong…
She moved in a bit closer, Positioning herself to be on top of Sunny, kind of like doing a pushup. With only her arms strength separating them, she slowly let herself down on him.
Her legs were on top of his, Her waist was on top of his, Her chest was pressed against his, her face was near his shoulder. This is wrong, Stop it.
" Sunny… " She looked at him, still asleep. Her eyes were filled with love and she wanted nothing more than to stay with him. That doesn't mean you can-
The voice in her head started becoming fainter. She pinched his cute little nose and moved it out the way as she pressed her lips onto him.
How long was it, seconds? Minutes? Hours? How long did it take her to come back to her senses... Sunny didn't wake up for even a second of it…
She climbed off her bed… his lips were swollen… not too much, just enough to notice. Were her lips red too, she didn't know...
She got off the bed, Disgusted by her own self. She wanted to punch herself. The voice in her head was stronger than ever, telling her to die, telling her to get away from Sunny.
" I'm so fucked up… " She said while staring at her hand… tears cascaded down her face. Her dark brown eyes were filled with emotion, her black hair covered the side of her face as she leaned down and kissed his forehead, the boy she loved so much, the boy who helped her so much, the boy she was gonna leave. She was a monster.
He had helped her so much and she was gonna run away. She was gonna abandon Sunny, even after all he had done. She put her hand on his forehead. " I'm so sorry Sunny "
The 14-year-old girl walked out of the ward. Leaving her sunshine.
[Just in case, I'm clarifying it here, She only kissed him repeatedly, nothing more happened, she had no support, tried to lean on him and ended up doing something terrible. Because yes what she did is a crime]
" We just don't want you hanging around a bad crowd ! Try to understand Aubrey. " Kel insisted, however, the girl with fresh bright pink hair didn't care to answer back. Her wooden bat sat beside her as she sat down on the pier of the lake. The hooligans weren't that far away from where she is, they're probably there to back her up in case a fight breaks out.
" Aubrey, please... " Basil requested.
She knew Basil was innocent... He had also closed himself off more from the rest of society, He was even subjected to getting bullied by the people at school. She didn't want to hurt them. And more importantly, she didn't want to hurt herself.
" Kel… you got new friends, So why can't I? "
" You don't get it! What would Sunny think of this?! " Kel shouted, probably trying to force some sense into her head.
" Don't bring him into this Kel " She looked away.
" Please… Hero and Mari are worried about you- "
" Then why don't they come by themselves?! " Aubrey shouted.
Kel froze, he didn't know how to confront this much hurt, that's the whole reason he tried to give everyone space to heal…
" Aubrey… they can't… they're in college "
" … "
" You aren't the only person in faraway who has problems, Aubrey! "
" Please… Sunny keeps asking me and Basil why you don't come… "
She felt something inside her break, a pang of guilt so deep that it entirely broke her strong tough act. This isn't right, He doesn't get to Use sunny as leverage when he didn't care enough to visit him for so long. She was coming every day back then he showed up twice a month. He doesn't get to bring up Sunny.
She was about to say something, She was gonna tell him he doesn't get to bring Sunny up, But… she abandoned him too. She's no better.
There are two ways to protect herself,
" … "
Kel finally felt that his words were getting through, but he didn't realise she was always listening but chose to ignore him.
" Sunny won't be happy if we tell him… "
He did not just do that, " Are you trying to blackmail me Kel? " Silence is no longer an option.
He backed off, bad move. Need to fix everything fast. " I'm not trying anything "
" No no, Say more, make me a villain! Go ahead! "
" Aubrey, Kel… both of you please calm down " Basil requested, with fear in his eyes.
But then Kel got punched in the face by one of the hooligans.
Aubrey was shocked, Maybe they got alerted by the shouts, But they didn't need to engage. Before she could do so, Basil was pushed to the ground.
" Aubrey! tell them to stop! " Basil cried.
" Let Basil go " She slowly muttered, as she did, Kim stopped the attack on Basil.
" Kel… Leave me alone. " She said again, '' She doesn't want to hurt him or Basil, But if he keeps coming back... She'll do something she regrets. Just like last time...
" I won't… I promised Sunny! "
Sunny wants to see her… No... She can't face him… not after everything… It's been so long since she abandoned her.
" Stop bringing Sunny up… I… Don't wanna see him… "
" HOW CAN YOU DO THAT! "
" … "
" Aubrey… " Basil was about to speak again.
" Sunny- "
" Shut up"
" Aub-" Kel got a punch to his face.
" Shut up.. "
" … " Kel didn't say anything, just glared at her.
" You don't understand anything! "
" Stop being selfish... " Kel hissed.
Aubrey felt a large amount of rage take over her very being. Another punch landed on Kels face
"Shut up! "
Another punch
" You don't know anything! "
Another punch
" It's so difficult to just watch him go away! You didn't ever see him getting worse every day did you?!"
Another punch
" DID YOU?! "
Another punch
" He's gonna die soon anyway… I… I don't wanna think about him "
Kel looked at her, unfazed by her bullshit. He headbutted her and pushed her back. " Fuck off Aubrey. "
Aubrey didn't quite remember what happened next, she found herself sitting on top of Kel... Her fists were soaking in red. A terrified Basil had attempted to stop her but he had failed. Landing straight in the water. By her hand.
Kels lip was bleeding. Still, he had taken no time to jump into the water to save him
The nights from that day forward were a blur. Avoiding Basil like the plague, Feeling guilty about hurting Kel. And just venting her frustrations out in the church. Maybe there she will find peace for her bad actions.
If the anonymous priest from the confession box had anything to say, it was that she should find peace with sunny.
Her mother would occasionally scream at her own shadow. The churchgoers would talk shit about her… but she didn't care. At Least here she's safe...
Aubrey didn't cry when Sunny's news was revealed, she didn't cry when Mari and everyone else did, she only cried when she was alone, and today she was crying in front of the last people she wanted to see her like this.
She found herself being wrapped around in a giant group hug by Mari, Hero and Basil, but not Kel… he was keeping his distance.
Maybe he was intimidated by their last confrontation. No... He wasn't afraid of making her mad, Nothing she would do would hurt more, he was scared of hurting her. Not physically but emotionally, Kel now knew Aubrey was no hot-headed bully, and he didn't need to treat her as such.
He was scared of ruining everything with his toxic positivity. Kel didn't say anything but kept his distance, Aubrey didn't waste a second when She realised what he was doing. She pulled Kel into the group hug as well…
A lot has happened.
Hero and Mari are no longer a couple, from what she was able to tell, Hero and Mari both weren't good with handling their emotions at all. Neither had taken too well to the situation at hand.
Somehow they had developed a sort of co-dependency relationship. They were inseparable, they were stable But it wasn't healthy…
College kept increasing pressure on them, apparently on one night when Mari had tried to get intimate with Hero for the first time, She thought Forcing both of them into a deeper relationship would make her feel better. She had an ugly cry and a mental breakdown in the middle of their bedtime. They had separated shortly thereafter.
Now after a few years of therapy, They are functioning adults. They are seeing each other again, and Hero has decided to become a doctor for Sunny's sake.
Mari... She doesn't smile as much as Aubrey remembers, she kind of looks a bit more like Sunny now... She definitely took it the hardest out of everyone.
To think that the last thing they talked about together before his hospitalisation was an argument with Mari just berating sunny. Mari wasn't able to handle that… It took her 4 years to get rid of that feeling.
Sunny… she didn't know if she could even face the boy ever since she abandoned him 2 years ago, Would he be angry? No… it's more like he would be sad…
Most importantly, is she ready to face him again? No… not yet...
Mari didn't know what she was about to be told, But right there, Aubrey unloaded everything onto Her, her crush on Sunny, and how she had done a terrible thing before she ultimately abandoned him.
Mari wasn't prepared to think that Aubrey had essentially taken advantage of a defenceless boy… to think that that boy was sunny…
Mari didn't say anything, She hugged Aubrey…
" Everything will be okay… "
Sunny's eyes widened in fear the first time he saw Aubrey after so long. She looked so different. Mari even tagged along to help him stabilise because she knew the immediate change would stress him out...
He would always ask if she was coming, even if he was forgetting most of his time spent in the hospital room. He remembered their fun memories and the summer they'd spent together.
He'd apparently spent most of his time asleep, He was asleep when she first entered the room. She heard him mumble something… was it Humphrey? That didn't really matter what did matter was the way he reacted to her...
He was scared. He was scared of her now sharp and blue eyes. He was scared of the perpetual frown on her face… " H-hello? "
He didn't even recognize her… she deserves that… she could run now… she could make an excuse and run away…
" Hi Sunny… do you still remember me? "
Sunny didn't respond, his eyes focused on Mari, for a second he was confused, was Mari always so tall? Mari took this as a cue to hug her little brother…
" She looks scary… " Sunny muttered, still not recognizing her… he had seen Basil and Kel get taller. Even if they looked older his brain didn't notice… but now it looked like some scary looking older girl with pink hair had broken into his room
Her heart sank further, but she deserved it didn't she… she took a deep breath. " It's me, Aubrey.. "
" Huh? Aubrey? " Sunny confusedly pointed his finger at her, " What happened to your eyes? "
" These are just contacts… " Probably should have removed them before visiting him whoops….
Sunny thought about something for a bit, after taking a lot of time making Aubrey really uncomfortable, he remembered how she and Mari were gonna dye her hair...
" You didn't get it purple? " Sunny looked at Mari
Mari smiled... She can't really explain everything. " I was a bit busy… "
" Sunny… how have you been? "
" I'm fine... It just gets really boring in here… "
" Oh.."
" Do those contacts hurt? "
" What? No silly.. "
" Then can I try them on? " Mari frowned, no way. That's too unhygienic, he really needs to stay clean...
" Probably not Sunny… '' Mari interjected.
" Yeah… "
That day Aubrey learned of Many horrifying things... Sunny would play Pokemon Diamond and Pearl and when Basil would ask Sunny every day where he was in the game… they'd have to adjust the game and load a previous save file… They didn't want him to be stressed...
She also found his drawing book. There was just something intensely terrifying about the same drawing made by Sunny over and over. His skill was improving because of muscle memory. But he didn't remember how he suddenly got better.
Aubrey stopped wearing contacts and coloured her hair back to black, the hooligans didn't mind and supported her, she even got two same light blue dresses similar to the ones she used to wear four years ago. It was so Sunny didn't freak out every time he saw her…
Sunny himself was still the same. The only constant in her life. Still staying constant... And warm. She wondered if he remembered what she did...
At one point where the group freed Aubrey from her abusive parent, she had gone to meet Sunny and he had noticed something was off and comforted her... Even if he didn't remember, even if he wasn't there to know anything, He could give her warmth…
He never stopped being her sunshine...
" I want to go outside … " Sunny had said, between his violent coughs.
He probably had the mental attitude of a fifteen-year-old, while Aubrey was 17 already. Five years, he had spent half a decade in this room, and she found it heartbreaking that it took him that long to make his first request…
Aubrey still couldn't accept it, her black hair cascaded down her side, she wondered If he noticed she was Taller and older than the version of Mari he remembered. Sunny has gone too far… It was even deemed "Torturous for Sunny" to keep the poor boy alive.
Sunny was to be given a mercy death… he wouldn't last much longer with the hospital equipment anyway...
Mercy death, that's bull shit... There's no such thing as a mercy death.
Everyone was spending more time with the ever oblivious Sunny. Everyone was sad to see him go…
She looked at his thin hands, his nails, He had asked her to paint his nails out of the blue one day, He thought they looked pretty on her… she looked at his eyes, Still black bags. And he almost had a bald spot in his head.
He was gonna die in a week... Christmas was tomorrow even if he remembered it to be in a few weeks. Aubrey smiled one last time… she's a delinquent, isn't she? They can surely bust him out…
" I promise… I'll get you out of here…"
Aubrey could at least say she had achieved two of her childhood dreams… stripping Sunny naked then dressing him up herself, she can't really say she's proud of how she got to live out her first dream. but even if the second dream is still morally ambiguous, it's better... He looked weird in the oversized sweater. The Maverick's old jeans
No shocker he couldn't even walk so Aubrey had to carry him like a princess every step of the way. It seemed he had fallen asleep in her arms... Sunny looked so adorable.
Kim and the Gang were waiting outside… mostly to help sneak Aubrey in and out of his ward, Sunny was in her arms, and for Once even The Maverick didn't say anything other than " He looks so happy... " In a sad tone.
Aubrey did appreciate That he respected the mood and gave Mikhael a short nod.
Going to the mall decked out for Christmas was fun, Along with people giving her stares for carrying him, Lovey-dovey couple too much? Aubrey didn't really care
She only cared about the stars in his eyes as he played against Kim on the crane machines, the stars in his eyes when he beat the maverick in a video game. His face when he looked at the giant sparkling Christmas tree.
He looked so happy when he saw the outside room for the first time, Like a child in an amusement park.
Her sunshine was Happy, He deserved to be happy… more so than anyone else.
She knew she couldn't keep him outside for long, and she knew she would have to take him back… a good thing that the weather forecast alarmed them of a snow storm... That made it easier to convince Sunny to go back
She was slowly carrying him back through the snow, It would probably fall a lot more heavily in a bit. Her breaths condensed instantly out of her mouth. She was shivering, wasn't she…
Sunny looks tired. Of course, it's the first time in 5 years that he's out, his eyes are closed and he's in a peaceful slumber. But even so, he had a small smile on his face.
A tear ran down her cheek. She had never done anything for him in return. She abandoned him and even did something terrible. He still gave her all of his warmth and affection.
Her warm tears froze upon her skin. It really was cold today. Then she felt fingers on her face, not warm but cold fingers. She looked down and Sunny looked at her with a concerned expression.
" Aubrey? "
" Yeah, sunny? "
" Can we go to the swings? "
" Anything for you, sunny.. "
Aubrey carefully Manoeuvred her way through the snow to reach their swings, the ones which belonged only to sunny and Aubrey.
She gently rubbed the snow off the swings and placed him on the seat...
Sunny didn't say anything for a bit… as if something inside him had vanished...
" Aubrey… "
" Yeah? "
" Will you miss me? "
" … Sunny... You're gonna be fine- " She was still trying to tell him he wasn't gonna die…
" No...I can feel it… " Sunny said... In a Scaringly calm voice…
" … "
" I'm gonna die, aren't I? " His voice was barely a whisper.
" Sunny… "
" I don't wanna die…. I'm so scared…" He cried… his calmness from moments prior completely vanished.
" Sunny… " She hugged him, " We'll all be there with you... We would never let you die… " She was willing to see this lie to the very end...
" That doesn't solve anything! You Liar! "
" … " Aubrey began to tear up as well...
" I still want to go to the beach… the mountains… I want to camp with Hero … I want to grow sunflowers with basil. I don't want to die, I don't want to die… Aubrey… "
" I'm so sorry Sunny .. "
" Aubrey? "
" I… I'm sorry for abandoning you… Even after everything you did… I couldn't do anything… "
" Abandoned? "
" I'm sorry… You started looking so thin… I got scared… "
" You ran away because I looked sick… ? "
She hugged him tightly, " No! I was just so afraid of seeing you go… "
" … "
" And if that wasn't enough I did something terrible too… "
" … "
" I am sorry it took me so long… I'm sorry Sunny… I'm sorry for being a bad person… "
Sunny didn't reply...
" Sunny… I wish I could have told you this earlier… I wish we had more time " Maybe she could spark some truth into her lie today.
Sunny's fingers felt cold.
" I love you... I love you so much "
" … "
" I've loved you since I was 10, You were always there for me… I wasn't…"
She slowly moved away from his hug. She looked at his face and froze, His eyelashes had frozen, and so were his tears. His face had contracted into that of a sobbing child.
" S-sunny? "
" … "
" No... "
" … "
" Nononononononononononono… "
" ... "
She took hold of his hand, His fingers were cold, with no sign of life.
" Please no… not yet… not so soon, please God… " She cried, she had told herself she was prepared for this, she told herself she was not gonna cry. Of all of it was a lie...
She took off her coat and wrapped it around him. His body was getting cold, Her tears were frozen, stuck to her body. The snowstorm became worse and worse…
She took off her muffler, wrapped it around him to keep him warm. She took off her t-shirt and put it on him…
Huh?
Why does it feel… hot?
She could swear It was deathly cold just a minute ago.
She didn't care that Sunny was still frozen. There was only one thing she could do. With only her undershirt left on her body, she pulled it off too, Exposing her bare chest and undergarments to the open world.
It was alright, it was so hot, It's probably good, it's so not... She won't freeze.
It's so hot that she's fainting.
She landed by his side. Sunny still didn't move, She wasn't shivering, there was only one thing left to keep him warm, her own self. She hugged him. Melting into him, she remembered some very bad memories of the terrible thing she made.
A white layer of ice formed over her skin, she could no longer close her eyes, Her hands were numb, her fingers could fall off.
Yet even amongst that pain, only one thought was on Aubrey's mind. How much did Sunny hear before he….
Did he think Aubrey always hated him?
Did he even know that she loved him?
These questions clawed at her mind, Tearing her apart. Her eyelashes were frozen, Her tears were frozen, Her sunshine was frozen.
Her neck couldn't support the weight of her own neck, her head bent forwards, crashing into the cushiony overdressed sunny.
Aubrey was cold. So cold.
