Everyone thought it was a terrible idea. When Austin finished his year-long world tour and announced he wanted to take a break from the rock star life, they were surprised but understanding. But when the two of them announced that he'd be spending that break with Ally while she continued her studies at Harvard, all hell broke loose.
Living with your best friend never ends well, they said. It'll ruin your friendship and your partnership. You two are so different, and living together is just going to amplify those differences until you wanna kill each other.
But Austin and Ally ignored all that, and they moved into a nice three-bedroom apartment close to campus when Ally started her sophomore year. They put a piano and their big neon 'A' sign in the third bedroom and turned it into their new practice room, stocked the fridge with pickle jars and pancake mix, and they were pretty much set. After a year of only seeing each other when Ally was on breaks and able to fly out to visit him on tour, they were finally together again.
And sure enough, they proved everyone wrong. They're a year into it now, and while they've had their tiffs of course, it's still going great. Ally was admittedly a little worried that Austin would go crazy having nothing to do, but becoming famous at fifteen must've taken more of a toll on him than anyone realized. He doesn't mind being alone now, enjoys it even, and she wonders if touring around the world for a year straight was the straw that broke the camel's back for him. She's asked him about it before, but he's never really given her a straight answer, just that he learned to appreciate being alone.
Ally, on the other hand, is busy enough for the both of them. Junior year means her classes are getting serious now, and between school and homework and songwriting and trying to have a social life, she's a little all over the place. But she loves all of it.
Well, most of it.
"You can just set your stuff down anywhere," Ally says as she leads a classmate into the apartment. They're supposed to be studying together for their midterm tomorrow, but the library was packed and they couldn't find another quiet place on campus. Hence ending up here.
"This place is nice," she says.
"Thanks," Ally replies, walking over to where one of Austin's guitars is leaning against the couch, surrounded by loose sheets covered in lyrics and music in Austin's chaotic handwriting. "Sorry about the mess." She gathers the papers and picks up the guitar, moving them over to the corner of the room. "My roommate thrives in chaos."
Her friend laughs a little. "I take it she's an artsy music type?"
"You could say that. He's a bit of a slob."
"I heard that!" comes Austin's voice from down the hall.
"Oh, I didn't know you lived with a guy."
Then Austin walks in, wearing gray sweatpants and no shirt, his hair somehow perfectly messy and his favorite red electric guitar hanging in front of him by the strap slung over his shoulder. Good lord.
She glances at her friend, and the face she's making reminds Ally exactly why she tries not to tell people her roommate is Austin Moon.
But Austin doesn't seem to notice, his focus on Ally. "I am not a slob," he says. "I'm messy. There's a difference." Then he seems to realize there's another person in the room. "Oh. Hi. Who are you?"
Ally waits a couple seconds before speaking up. "This is my friend Sophie. We're studying—"
"You're Austin Moon," she blurts. Then she looks at Ally. "You live with Austin Moon? I mean, I guess I knew you knew each other and were friends, but it never really clicked in my mind that…" She knits her eyebrows. "Wait, didn't you two used to date? You live with your ex?"
Ally's cheeks heat, but Austin just laughs a little. "Yeah, I guess," he says.
"We were sixteen," Ally says. "And it lasted, like, a week."
"I mean, an ex is an ex," Sophie says.
Now Ally laughs. "I'm glad you latched onto me living with my ex and not me living with Austin Moon."
"I'm just saying, it's a little weird." Sophie giggles. "Especially when you look like…that," she says to Austin, gesturing to him up and down.
He grins. "I like you," he decides, and Sophie grins back.
"Great, more for the ego. But we actually have to study, and you're a walking distraction, so…" She makes shooing motions with her hands.
"Yeah, yeah," he says, rolling his eyes. "Good luck. And nice meeting you," he says to Sophie, and then he goes back to his room.
When he shuts the door, Sophie turns to Ally. "I can't believe you never told me."
"I try not to advertise it," Ally says.
"I guess that makes sense," Sophie replies. "So, your roommate is an insanely hot rock star who just walks around shirtless all the time. Have you guys ever…?"
Her mind wanders to that night a few months ago…but she quickly shakes her head. "No," she lies. And that seems to be a good enough answer.
Sophie actually ends up being pretty cool about the whole thing, and Ally's grateful. Sometimes, when people find out she lives with Austin, they get weird. Suddenly they always want to come over, and it's like she simply becomes a means by which they might get a glimpse of the now-elusive Austin Moon.
That's the part she doesn't like. Especially when those people actually interact with Austin and she sees the discomfort in his eyes. She knows it isn't her fault, but it makes her guilty anyway.
"Your friend seems nice," Austin says later that night when he comes out of his room again. Still shirtless, still in the sinful gray sweats, still with hair that should be illegal to look like that but fortunately sans the guitar. Or maybe unfortunately, because now she can see the toned abs he's so damn proud of. He sits on the couch next to her, draping an arm across the back of it behind her head. "I forgot we used to date until she mentioned it."
Ally giggles a little. "Yeah, me too. God, what were we thinking?"
He shakes his head, a small smile on his face. "I don't think we were thinking."
They fall into a comfortable silence, and she finds her mind wandering to the memory she pushed aside earlier, the one when she and Austin…
She's never been sure how well he knows her. Sure, they're best friends, but some people can read each other as if they share one mind. She likes to think she can read him that well, but she's always wondered whether he can do the same.
Times like these, she worries that he might. He shifts uncomfortably and clears his throat, sitting up a little. The silence takes on an edge, as if he knows she's thinking about that night. It isn't awkward necessarily, but it isn't as easy as it should be.
In her mind, she sees herself a few weeks ago, walking in the apartment and collapsing on the couch after breaking up with her boyfriend at the time. Austin had come out and sat down next to her, and she had told him the story. It had been something stupid and she wasn't too broken up about it, but Austin always said any reason was a good reason to drink and he brought out a bottle of wine.
A few glasses in, she had admitted to Austin that her ex was the only person she'd ever slept with. Then she'd admitted that she was pretty sure there was something wrong with her because he was never able to make her come, and while he always seemed to be having a great time, for her the sex was only fine at best.
"I doubt there's anything wrong with you," Austin had said, tipsy enough himself on the wine that he must not have thought twice about her admission. "Some guys—a lot of guys, actually—prioritize their own pleasure and don't really care if the girl finishes."
"Do you?" she had asked, genuinely curious. She had an inkling of his answer; he'd brought girls home before, and as much as she tried to tune it out, they shared a thin wall. The girls always seemed to be having a great time.
"Do I what?"
"Care if the girl finishes."
He had snorted, stealing the wine bottle from her, their glasses long forgotten. "Of course I do," he said, taking a few sips. "I don't know why so many people don't. It's hot, seeing someone like that and knowing you caused it."
She took the bottle back. "Maybe we should see if it was really his fault then," she said. "I'd like to know."
Austin's eyes had cleared for a moment. "What?"
She had shrugged, drinking more wine. "I mean, if you're willing, that is."
"You're saying you want to sleep with me just to confirm your ex was bad at sex?"
The wine was making her feel daring, so she had sat up a little and moved closer to him on the couch, holding his gaze as best she could. "Among other reasons." She placed a hand on his chest and leaned her face close to his, until she could feel his breath tickling her lips.
"How intoxicated are you?" he had asked, but she could see that his eyes were on her mouth and she could feel his heart pounding.
"Just tipsy. I'm in that sweet spot where I have little to no inhibitions but I still know exactly what I'm doing." His eyes met hers, and the way they darkened made her feel powerful. She smiled a little. "I promise."
"Okay," he had said, so quietly she barely heard him. Her heart pounded. "But," he added, pushing her away gently, "we still need to sober up a little." Then he grabbed his phone. "And I'm ordering a pizza because if we're doing this, I'm at least buying you dinner first."
She had grinned, even though her heart was going insane with anticipation. "Such a gentleman."
If both of them ate a little quicker than usual, neither of them mentioned it. And the pizza helped sober them to a slight buzz, enough for her to insist they both go brush their teeth before doing anything. He had laughed all the way to his room.
The time alone with her thoughts gave her the chance to get nervous. Maybe she was the one who had been bad in bed in her past relationship. Did she really want Austin to know that about her?
But when she finished brushing her teeth and saw him in the mirror, leaning against her doorframe with his arms crossed, a troublemaker's smile, and a mischievous glint in his eyes, her doubts evaporated.
"So," he'd said when she turned around, "second thoughts?"
She had shaken her head, walking over to him with a smile of her own. "I wanna see what all the hype is around Austin Moon."
"I thought it was because you wanted to know just how bad your ex was."
"Can it be both?"
He had grinned and kissed her, resting his hands on her back before moving them lower, testing the waters. She knew that both of them had practically been searching for a reason to do this—even if it was just the one time—but she was still surprised Austin had agreed so easily.
Suddenly, she yelped as Austin bent and lifted her up, holding her thighs and pulling her legs around his waist. She pulled away to look at him in surprise even as she tightened her legs around him, but he just smirked and raised his eyebrows as he slowly slid his hands to her ass.
"Your room or mine?" he asked, searching her face and still wearing that smirk.
"I don't care."
His eyes darkened and the smirk grew as he started walking, keeping his gaze locked on hers. His bangs were hanging in his eyes, and she could've sworn she stopped breathing.
"I have wanted you," he murmured against her lips, walking into his room and kicking the door closed behind him, "so bad, and for so long…"
A part of her had wondered at the time if it was normal to want with every ounce of your being to sleep with your best friend, but he had kissed her again and the thought disappeared.
"We finally found a reason," she had giggled as he sat on the edge of his bed, her knees on either side of his hips, and tugged her shirt over her head before taking off his own.
She pushed him to his back and ran her hands over his chest and abdomen. She could feel his eyes on her, watching as she finally touched him for once without the wall of friendship between them. His fingers dug into her thighs.
"You shouldn't be allowed to look like this—so gorgeous it hurts," she had said quietly, brushing her fingertips over his abs in fascination as he flexed beneath her hand. "It's not fair, living with you, watching you walk around shirtless all the time when you look like this and I can't touch you."
"You can touch me anytime," he'd said, sitting up a little and trailing a calloused fingertip up her spine, making her shiver, before unclasping her bra. She knew what he said definitely wasn't true, but the thrill of it distracted her from her nerves as she took her bra off.
Suddenly he wrapped an arm around her waist and flipped them so she was on her back and he was hovering over her. She looked up at him, wide-eyed and breathless.
"I wasn't done," she huffed, and he smiled a little, pressing an intense kiss to her lips.
"Feel free to continue," he said. Then he kissed her one more time before dipping his head to kiss along her jaw and down her neck. "But tonight is about you." He paused, sucking on a sensitive spot until she gasped. "Your desires…" He moved to the other side of her neck, and she tilted her head back farther. "Your pleasure." Her mind was already going fuzzy at the edges and all they'd done was kiss. She tightened her arms around his neck. "So touch me all you want, but I'm taking care of you."
He stopped to kiss just under her jaw, biting lightly before swirling his tongue over her skin and sucking until she released a soft moan. "My desires?" she asked, unable to manage much more than a whisper.
"Mmhm."
She pushed him away just enough so he'd look at her, and she met his eyes. "I want this," she said, then she glanced down. His seductive smile turned into a grin as he understood her meaning. "Down there."
He obliged without hesitation, and she came twice by the time he was finished. When he lifted his head to meet her eyes, the look on his face was absolutely sinful.
"I think we can agree once and for all that your piece of shit ex just didn't know anything about satisfying a woman."
"Agreed," she managed, still catching her breath. "But please tell me we're not stopping."
His face went from sinful to downright obscene. "Of course not. This is just foreplay."
"Then I want you inside me. Now."
That stopped him in his tracks. He held her gaze, eyes wide, but she could practically feel the energy crackling like lightning around them. "Holy shit."
"Ally," Austin says, bringing her out of the memory. She looks at him, eyes wide and cheeks heating as if she's been caught. "You okay?"
She swallows, and from the look in his eyes she knows that he knows exactly where her mind has been. "I'm good," she says, and he drops it.
He surprises her a few weeks later when she tells him she's going to a party; he asks to go with her. Since moving in with her, he's been a bit of a homebody. He goes out some, but he seems to prefer being alone now. But apparently this weekend is different, because he accompanies her to her friend's house on Saturday night as if they do this all the time.
"Are you nervous?" she asks when she notices him wiping his hands on his jeans for the third time in five minutes.
"A little," he admits, looking around as they make their way through the crowd to the drink coolers. "I don't go out much anymore." Someone near them says something unintelligible, besides the words Austin Moon sticking out. Austin ducks his head. "And I don't wanna ruin the night by getting recognized."
"Don't worry about that," she says, mixing drinks for them both and then handing him one. "You came to have fun, remember? I know there's still an extrovert somewhere in there." She pokes his chest.
He downs his drink all at once and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, looking around again. Maybe avoiding her eyes. "I miss my guitar," he says. "And my bed. This was a bad idea."
"C'mon," she insists, pouring another drink for him, "this'll be good for you. Return to the land of the living."
Before he can say anything, a couple of Ally's friends walk over and start up a conversation with them. The next few hours flash by like a montage of mingling and dancing and drinking, and Austin actually seems to start letting go a little. Which probably has nothing to do with her getting a little too cocky on the dance floor, because she totally didn't see the way he was watching her shake her ass with her friends and then proceed to grind on him for two songs when her friends left to get more drinks. Ally Dawson would never do that. No matter how hot his little smirk was when he noticed that she saw him watching her, and no matter what kind of thrill went up her spine when he grabbed her hips and pulled her back against him as soon as her friends walked away.
But at some point between then and now, she lost him. She's pretty sure Austin said he was gonna get another drink, but that was a while ago and she got pulled into a conversation with a few other friends and got distracted. She excuses herself to go look for him, absently wondering if maybe things got a little too intense back there and he just needed a bit to cool off.
Then she sees him on the couch, making out with some girl sitting on his lap. Her chest drops in that way she's all too familiar with, and luckily she has plenty of practice either ignoring it or actively pushing it away. She takes a shot to replace that painful squeezing in her chest with the more comfortable burn of alcohol in her throat. Her friends choose that moment drag her away to play beer pong, and she tries her best to forget about what she saw.
But she must be a glutton for punishment, because every so often she can't stop herself from glancing over at them before quickly turning away, feeling sick. She knows jealousy when she feels it, knows the hurt of seeing Austin with someone else all too well, but for some reason, this time is worse than the others. Maybe it's because this is the first time since they slept together that she's seen him with another girl. Maybe somewhere in her subconscious, a part of her believed he meant it when he said he'd wanted her for a while, and maybe she wanted to believe he relives that night as much as she does.
Eventually, Austin and the girl disappear from the couch, and she tries not to catastrophize what that could mean. Or, at least, she tries to convince herself that she doesn't care what it means. After another shot, it almost sort of works.
A little after the game, she finds Austin leaning against the wall alone, arms crossed and face unreadable. She approaches him warily, once again ignoring the twisting in her chest as the image of him and the girl plays on a loop in her mind.
"Having fun?" she asks. "I saw you getting pretty acquainted with that girl earlier." She nudges him, but he doesn't react.
"I just wanna go home," he says.
She frowns. "What happened?" she asks. "It looked like you were having a good time. Do you want another drink?"
He shoves his hands in his pockets and turns his body towards her so his shoulder is against the wall. "I don't want to get drunk, Ally, I just…Do you care if I head home? I don't know anyone here, and I'm tired, and people keep asking for pictures." A camera flash startles them both, and Austin looks down at her. "Or not asking."
"I mean, yeah, we can go home," she says. "I just thought you were finally having fun."
"Don't feel like you have to come with me." He pulls out his phone, probably ordering an Uber.
"I want to. But we need to find a way to bring your sunshine back."
"My name's Austin Moon. I never had any sunshine."
"We both know that's not true."
Austin shakes his head. "I'm serious. All I've ever done, all I've ever been good at, is reflecting other people's energy." He shrugs. "That's why I'm such a good performer."
"Well, what about me? When you're with me, you create your own light just fine."
"Are you kidding?" he asks her. "Your name is literally Ally Daw-sun. Any 'sunshine' you think I have is because of you." Her heart skips, and he meets her eyes. "You always ask me why I went on a break. It's because touring, performing, the music itself just wasn't the same. It wasn't anything,actually. When you're not there, I'm just…drained." He shrugs again, as if he isn't dropping a nuke on everything she thought she knew about him and his decision to step out of the spotlight. "The sun is the only reason the moon shines at all. Without it, the moon's just another big rock in space."
Before she can say anything, Austin's phone chimes, and she follows him wordlessly to the Uber. She spends the whole drive home trying to process what he said.
He always used to say he couldn't do what he did without her, that he didn't want to do it without her, but that's just something teenagers say in lieu of admitting their feelings. She never would've imagined that she's just as intertwined with music in his mind as he is in hers. It wasn't always like this, but at some point in their partnership all of her emotions tied to music became tied to him as well, so that now he's just as much a part of music for her as the sound waves themselves. Music just isn't music without him.
And evidently, he feels the same way.
When they get home, he grabs her wrist in the living room. The only light in the room is coming from a small lamp by the couch, leaving Austin's face bathed in shadow. But his eyes are full of stars, and she's immediately mesmerized.
"I don't want you to feel guilty because of me stepping back," he says quietly. "I don't miss it, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you, writing songs for fun and finally taking a break."
She swallows and nods, searching his eyes. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be, either." She hesitates for a moment, but the question tumbles out of her mouth before she can stop it. "Why didn't you stay with that girl?"
His eyebrows pull together. "What girl?"
"The one you were making out with on the couch at the party." The image flashes in her mind again, and all the air leaves her lungs. But she pushes the pain away and focuses back on Austin.
"Oh. I don't know. I didn't want to."
"Why not?"
He shrugs, brushing past her and walking towards his room. "Wasn't my type, I guess."
She follows Austin down the hall and into his room, even as she hears his shower start running and he walks out of his bathroom with his shirt off, crumpled in his hand. He tosses it in the hamper in the corner of his room.
"She was totally your type," Ally says, crossing her arms and keeping her eyes on his face. "Blonde, hot, and into you."
"As my best friend, it hurts me that you don't know I prefer brunettes." He walks into his bathroom, and she follows him, sighing in exasperation.
"You don't care that much about hair color."
"Why are we even talking about this?"
"Because I feel like something happened with that girl that upset you," she says.
Austin rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Nothing happened. Now I'm gonna shower, and I'm gonna assume you don't wanna see that, so get out." He nods towards the door as he starts unbuttoning his jeans.
She actually wouldn't mind seeing that, but she steps forward and grabs his wrist to stop him. "Austin. What happened?"
"Nothing. Just drop it."
"I know you're lying!"
"You know what?" he says, yanking his wrist out of her grip. "Fine. You really wanna know what happened?"
She nods, expecting him to yell that the girl didn't want him or something else he'd be embarrassed about. But instead he sets his jaw, glaring at her, his eyes shifting back and forth slightly as his focus alternates between her eyes.
"I saw your face when you saw us," he finally says, so quiet she almost doesn't hear him over the shower still running in the background.
Her heart drops and she takes a step back, eyes going wide as she remembers that moment again. She could've sworn his eyes were closed. But then again, she wasn't really focusing on his eyes, was she? She tries to push the image out of her head, feeling nauseous and taking another few steps away from him in the small bathroom.
"That's what fucking happened, Ally," Austin says, matching every one of her steps backwards with his own, moving towards her. "I saw the look on your face the moment you saw me with her."
He almost looks like a predator stalking its prey as she presses her back against the door, and he takes another step towards her. He's not touching her, but he's definitely too close for comfort as his eyes search her face. The back of her throat burns, and she sets her jaw as she stares up at him.
"I saw you when you kept looking over at us, too. Every time, your face looked like you were seeing it for the first time all over again. Like the entire fucking world was falling out from under you."
He sounds angry. Why is he angry? How dare he be angry, when he saw how hurt she clearly was and didn't have the decency to take the girl to another room sooner. Maybe he even enjoyed it, seeing how jealous she got and knowing it was his doing. Didn't he say he thought it was hot, seeing the way he can make girls feel? Of course, when he originally said it, he had been talking about something completely different. But isn't the idea still the same?
Her vision goes blurry. "So you kept going," she says through gritted teeth, hating the way her voice is shaking.
"I apologized to the girl and went outside to get some air," he says. "And then when I came back inside, you found me, and I saw the look in your eyes when we were talking. You were acting like everything was fine, like you were worried about me, but I've spent the better part of a decade with you, Ally. I know your tells, and I know your eyes, and I know when you're trying to hide the way you really feel."
"And you weren't gonna say anything?" She can feel tears rolling down her cheeks now, and her voice is thick with emotion. But she can't tell if she's crying out of anger or hurt. Maybe both.
"Not until you wouldn't leave me alone about it."
"You're a fucking coward, Austin."
He laughs exasperatedly. "No shit, Ally!" he says, throwing his hands up as he finally steps back and gives her a little space. She takes a deep, shaky breath, while he runs his hands through his hair. "You've always held me as this monument of bravery just because I never had stage fright, but I'm not! When will you understand that I'm not this fucking fearless guy who's just completely comfortable with his emotions and always knows what to do?"
"I never thought you were fearless, but I at least thought you had the decency to tell me the fucking truth without me having to force it out of you!" It's getting warm in here, both from their rising emotions and the steam emitting from the shower. The mirror is starting to fog up, but that's probably a good thing. She doesn't want to know what she must look like right now.
"But I'm not that guy! I've never been that guy! I'm the guy who hides my feelings behind song lyrics and gets scared when girls cry and asked another girl to be my girlfriend right after realizing I liked you when we were kids. When I saw your face at that party, it was like I was fucking sixteen again with Kira agreeing to be my girlfriend right after I kissed you." She looks away from him at the memory, squeezing her eyes shut and pursing her lips as her chin quivers.
It was one of the most humiliating moments of her life, and Austin is right: she went back to that moment too when she saw him with that girl at the party. But the pain had multiplied tenfold, even as she tried to ignore it. And now, all of it comes rushing back. She let him do this to her twice.
"I'm the guy who didn't even hesitate to be a rebound when my best friend was fresh out of a breakup and emotionally vulnerable, just because I wanted to show her, to hear her say how much better I was than her ex." Her heart pounds. They haven't exactly talked about that night before, but apparently nothing is off-limits right now. "I'm a selfish coward, Ally, and deep down you know that."
"That doesn't give you the right to get mad at me for what happened at the party and wanting you to tell me the truth!"
"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself!" he shouts. Then his breath catches—that was probably something he didn't want to admit to her. But he doesn't take it back. When he speaks again, his voice is calmer. "I hurt you," he says, and then he pauses for a moment, searching her eyes before continuing. "I knew I was hurting you, and you know what? A part of me liked it. How fucked up is that? You're my best friend in the world, and you've stuck by me through everything, and that's how I returned the favor—fucking getting off on making you jealous."
She clenches her jaw again and wipes her face, pushing past him to open the bathroom door a little and air out some of the steam. "You're a piece of shit, Austin," she mutters before turning on him. "You're lying to me again!"
She knows Austin wouldn't have done that, no matter what she may have thought a few minutes ago, when she was shocked and hurt. This is Austin Moon, her best friend, who has shown time and time again over the years that he cares about her far more than he cares about himself.
He looks to the side, working his jaw, but doesn't deny it. He must have forgotten that she knows him as well as he knows her—he was clearly going for shock value over any kind of substance, which means he's getting desperate.
"You're trying to make me see you the way you see yourself," she says quietly. "Why?"
"I hurt you," he repeats, looking down. "And then, instead of stopping, I just tried to convince myself I was wrong until your face in that moment was all I could fucking think about. And the worst part is that I was only with her in the first place to distract myself from you." He shakes his head, finally meeting her eyes. "That's not how you treat someone you care about."
"No, it's not. So why did you?"
"Because I got in over my head going to that party, with you laughing and dancing and flirting and then fucking grinding on me in that." He gestures to her outfit, a tight skirt that she wore higher on her waist so it barely covers her ass and her favorite bralette. In all fairness, she does look pretty damn good. "Are you kidding me? And we were drinking, so it was just a matter of time before I said something I'd regret. But then you saw me, and I saw that look on your face, and I made the conscious decision to keep doing it instead of risk being around you again and telling you something I didn't want you to know." He swallows. "I'm sorry."
Now she looks away. "I don't even know why I reacted like that. It's not like…well. You know. There wasn't a reason. You can make out with anyone. I shouldn't be a factor in anything like that, because there's nothing…We aren't—you can do whatever you want with whoever you want." She knows she's rambling, but it's getting hot in here with all the steam and Austin's been saying things that have sort of implied otherthings and if he knows she was hurt about him kissing that girl then he's probably come to conclusions about her own other things and why is he still not wearing a shirt? The steam is clinging to him and making his skin shine and dear god this really isn't helping.
"I'm sorry," he says again. Then he takes a breath and pauses, as if contemplating whether he wants to keep going. "It's hard for me too, you know." He takes a step towards her. "Living with you, being so close to you, watching you walk around in those tiny little fucking pajama shorts and pretending I don't think about you all the goddamn time. Seeing the way you look at me." She manages to stop ogling him and meet his eyes.
"It really isn't fair," she says sheepishly. "My best friend is number one on every magazine's list of hottest celebrities."
"Your best friend is this close to ruining the friendship if you don't stop looking at me like that."
"Please, for the love of God, ruin the friendship. Burn it to the fucking ground."
He kisses her as soon as the words leave her mouth, grabbing her hips and pulling her against him. She plunges her fingers into his hair and his hands are everywhere as he bites her bottom lip.
"Shower," he mutters into her mouth, already unzipping her skirt. "You. Me. Now."
They practically stumble over themselves getting their clothes off and stepping into the shower, and as soon as they're under the water, she pauses, looking up at him. They stare at each other for a second, the only sounds between them their heavy breathing and the hot water pouring over them.
Then, Austin's face slowly breaks into a smile, and he starts giggling, which makes her start giggling, and then they're both laughing uncontrollably. His dimples are adorable and he's radiating sunshine like he's made of it, and no matter what he might think, she knows that this boy does so much more than just reflect the light of other people—he creates it, he's the reason for it.
Their laughter dies down and he leans in to kiss her again, now with an easy smile on his face. It's not frantic or desperate or rushed anymore, like he knows he's got all the time in the world. His hands travel slowly over her bare skin, warm and solid. She moves her hands into his hair as she slides her tongue lazily against his, unable to wipe the smile from her face.
He pulls away, and she opens her eyes to meet his. He brushes a strand of wet hair out of her face as her eyes catch on the water droplets sticking to his eyelashes.
"I love you," he says quietly, cupping her cheek and wrapping his other arm around her waist.
"I love you, too," she says.
His smile grows, and he kisses her again. She gasps as he pushes her against the cold shower wall and pins her arms above her head. "Then if you don't mind," he murmurs, holding her wrists with one hand and using the other to explore, "I'm going to take my sweet time."
Approximately zero people are shocked when they announce they're together. It's a little embarrassing, really, that everyone but them knew they'd end up together. But they still get the last laugh in a way, because they ignore everyone's advice and renew their lease.
It's cheaper to live together, not that money is really an issue, and trying to split up their practice room and all the work of moving out of this apartment and into new ones is just too much. So they take the easy route and stay. Besides, they still have their own rooms, so it's basically like they're just neighbors. And she's pretty sure they both know this is it. They would've ended up moving back in together at some point eventually anyway.
"Do you think you'll go back to music when I graduate?" she asks him one day.
"Maybe," he says. "Why?"
"Because I wanna go back to music, too. I thought that since it's sort of a fresh start for both of us, we could do it together. Officially." She tries not to sound insecure when she says it, but she's been thinking about this for a while and she's terrified he'll hate the idea.
But he smiles, and that feels like a good sign. "Like a duo?" he asks.
"Yeah. Austin and Ally." She splays her hands out, as if she can see it on a sign. Her cheeks heat, and she drops her arms. "That way, our careers can never come between us again." She glances away from him, suddenly shy, and it only gets worse when he doesn't say anything. "I'm willing to workshop the name," she adds quickly. "I went simple, but we could do something more creative, like maybe have a moon and sun theme? I don't know. I'm not married to any of it, I just thought—"
He cuts off her rambling with a kiss, and she relaxes a little as he smiles against her lips. "Austin and Ally is perfect."
She pulls away and looks at him with a hopeful smile. "You really think so? We'll obviously have a ton to figure out, but I don't graduate for another year, so we have plenty of time, especially if we start planning and working it out now."
He nods. "I can do all the dumb stuff so you can focus on school. I'm sure Trish will be down to help."
Ally grins. "We need to be careful how we tell her and everyone else the news. They're all gonna think we're announcing our engagement."
Austin chuckles and wraps his arms around her. "I don't think they will. We've only been together, like, two months."
"That's longer than our first relationship. Pretty sure all our loved ones have been assuming we'd get married basically since we met."
His smile grows. "Don't get me wrong, I fully intend to marry you someday." Her heart flutters. "But you're still in school, and we're still so young, and if they think my fish-brained ass has the attention span to plan a wedding, they don't know me at all."
She laughs. "Didn't you plan a whole wedding for that home-ec project we did in high school?"
"Well, yeah, but I was only able to do that 'cause I wasn't allowed to make music."
"You're not making music now!" she reminds him.
He tilts his head. "Oh yeah." Then he looks at her again with bright eyes. "Well, shit, Ally. Maybe we should get engaged."
She snorts, but he doesn't laugh with her. "I wasn't trying to convince you!" she says, and he grins.
"I know."
"We're about to make a huge career move. Let's take care of that before we talk about weddings. One massive life change at a time."
"We could also elope." He starts swaying gently, his arms still around her, and she chuckles and drapes her arms around his neck.
"Your mother would kill you."
"Yeah, probably," he sighs. "Okay. Career move, then wedding."
"Assuming you propose."
He kisses her. "I'd say that's a pretty safe assumption. You are my favorite person in the whole world, my dear."
"And you are mine."
idk this is longer than i thought it would be and didn't turn out how i expected but i don't hate it
