"Isabel, when I touch your elbow you will be fully awake and you will instantly feel safe and calm." With an urgent, yet nervous, hand Deanna reached out to the young woman currently shaking uncontrollably on the couch in her office.
Deanna was at a loss. It had only been about ten minutes since they began Isabel's first regression session when things took an unexpected turn. They had decided to focus on positive memories from her childhood during their morning session to see how Isabel would respond before deciding if she wanted to dive into the traumatic memory that had resurfaced in her dream the night prior. As far as Deanna could tell everything was going well. Isabel had regressed back to a memory of her and Drew playing in a treehouse when suddenly Isabel started screaming and convulsing hysterically.
Making contact with her elbow, Deanna watched as Isabel's eye flew open. While her breathing returned to normal, the look of sheer panic was still plastered across her face. Instantly scrambling off the couch, Isabel moved to the closet corner, pressing her back firmly against the wall as she fought to catch her breath. Slowly sliding down to the floor, tears began streaming down her face as she struggled to fully come out of the regression.
Immediately by her side, Deanna reached out to place her hands reassuringly on Isabel's bent knees. Sensing immense fear, shock, and pain, she hoped Isabel would be able to shed some light on what had just transpired. "Isabel, what happened? What did you remember?"
Isabel reached up to palm away the tears blurring her vision. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead shook her head and pressed further back into the wall as another wave of tears trekked down her face. "It hurts." Clutching at her chest, her breathing became labored as a panic attack threatened to take over.
"Stay here. Focus on your breathing. I'm going to get you a hypo to help you relax." Rushing across the room Deanna quickly loaded the hypospray and returned to Isabel's side. Pressing the device to the girl's neck, Deanna waited a moment before speaking, focusing on keeping her voice calm and even. "Isabel, please talk to me."
Shaking her head, Isabel's tears slowed, but she was now staring blankly at the wall across from her. Deanna reached out to hold her hand as she let herself into Isabel's mind, probing through the jumble of emotions to try and pinpoint any detail that may provide some clarity into what had just happened.
"I can't be here." Just above a whisper, Deanna barely heard Isabel's words.
Pulling her focus out of Isabel's mind she reached over to smooth Isabel's hair from her face, now damp from her tears. "Do you want to go back to your quarters?"
"I…I'm…" Isabel's voice cracked and she bowed her head, pursing her lips tightly together as her emotions threatened to take over once again.
"Shh, it's okay. Just take your time. This is a safe space and I want to help you. Can you talk about what you just experienced?"
Shaking her head, Isabel finally lifted her head to meet Deanna's gaze. The tiny gold flecks in her hazel eyes shining brightly through her tears. "My memories. I think all of my memories just came back."
"Does that mean you can remember…"
"I can remember everything, yes."
Taking a deep breath Deanna finally let herself sink fully onto the floor at Isabel's realization. Finally. After two weeks of desperately trying, Isabel's memories had come back in one fail swoop. No wonder she had such a reaction to the regression, it must have been an awfully overwhelming experience – especially after her memory of the horrific Borg attack just hours before.
"Do you want to talk through some of them? Maybe that would help you calm down, put everything into perspective. We could…"
Isabel cut her off. "No. I can't, I…I need some time to process all of this on my own." Looking at Deanna she reached out to grab her hand as well. "Can we talk about this during our afternoon session today?"
Deanna nodded. "Of course. Take your time. Why don't you go back to your quarters and I'll come check on you in a little while. Do you want me to walk with you?"
Pushing herself up slowly, Isabel stood and wiped her tear-stained cheeks. "No. No, it's okay. I can make it back on my own. Thank you for the hypo." Smiling slightly, Isabel turned and walked out of the room, leaving a still somewhat shocked Deanna sitting on the floor wondering at the depth of everything that had just happened.
"What do you mean she's missing?" Beverly was infuriated. No, she was beyond infuriated, and the worst part was, she didn't know who to be infuriated at. Isabel? Deanna? Herself?
Pacing back and forth across the relatively small space of the study, both Jean-Luc and Deanna watched her – Jean-Luc from the chair at the desk and Deanna from the terminal screen – neither knowing exactly what to say to calm her down.
She continued to pace, and they continued to watch. "Beverly, will you please sit down?" She stopped walking and shot an annoyed look at her husband, who smiled softly at her, causing her own gaze to soften.
"I'm sorry, I'm just so…" She waived her hands in the air looking for the right words as she made her way back towards the desk, still shuffling nervously from one foot to the other.
"Angry? Sad? Scared? Confused? I'm sensing all of these coming from you right now, and you have every right to feel each of them."
Beverly looked into her friend's dark, caring eyes. "I just don't understand, Deanna. How is she just gone, and why did she leave?"
Sighing sympathetically, Deanna began explaining once more. "As I said, the regression session this morning triggered all of Isabel's memories to return. Obviously very overwhelmed, she wanted to return to her quarters to process her memories on her own before we discussed further in our afternoon session. When I checked on her around 1200 hours she was sleeping. When she didn't show up for our afternoon session, I went back to her quarters, but they were empty. I immediately asked the computer for her location and was informed she was not on the Enterprise. I'm not sure why she left, but based on the emotions I sensed in her I would assume the reason is directly related to what happened in our session this morning."
"And how long ago was that? How does that even happen?" Beverly didn't intent to snap at her friend, but she was reeling. How does someone just disappear off a federation ship?
"Just about thirty minutes. Beverly, trust me – everyone is looking into this. The logs do not show any unauthorized shuttle launches or transports. It is possible she simply disabled her comm badge and is hiding somewhere on the ship. We've been speaking with as many people as we can and from what we can tell Wes was the last person who had contact with her. He says he had no idea anything was wrong, just that she cancelled their evening plans." Deanna paused, hesitating slightly before continuing. "There is one more thing you need to know. Isabel had a very traumatic nightmare last night. Will and I were able to wake her and calm her down. I stayed with her the rest of the night as well…" She trailed off pausing once again. "Beverly…her nightmare was a memory of being abducted and mutilated by the Borg. I'm so sorry. I know I should have contacted you, but Isabel insisted she was fine and to let you enjoy the last day of your honeymoon."
Rubbing the bridge of her nose Beverly took a moment to breathe. If she had listened to her gut feeling earlier this morning would this still have happened? Was there anything she could have done to change the course of events that had transpired? Realizing that no, even if she had been on the Enterprise Isabel was so head-strong that the events of the day would have most likely unfolded in the same manner whether she was physically present on the ship or not.
Sighing, she made eye contact with Jean-Luc and raised her eyebrows. He simply nodded in return, understanding what she was asking. So much for their sunset picnic. "Thank you, Deanna. We'll beam up to the ship as soon as possible." Deanna nodded and the transmission ended.
"Beverly, we'll figure this out. We'll find her." Jean-Luc stood and made his way towards her, enveloping her in his strong arms. She clung to him and soaked in every ounce of strength and comfort he was giving her.
Kissing his shoulder she gave him one last squeeze before letting go. "I'm sorry about our picnic, Jean-Luc."
Shaking his head, he grabbed her hand and led her up the stairs. "Raincheck. Now, let's pack so we can get back to the ship. I want to help as much as we can to locate her." Pausing on the landing he turned to look into her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't push harder this morning for us to go back to the ship. Somehow, you were obviously sensing Isabel's anxiety from her nightmare. Perhaps if we had returned…"
She reached up and gently placed her fingers on his lips, silencing is words. "Jean-Luc, please, don't blame yourself. It was my choice to stay here, and besides there isn't any assurance that if we had gone back that we wouldn't be in the exact same place we are right now. Something happened to our daughter, and we need to figure out what it was and help her."
Leaning in he claimed her mouth with his own in a quick, yet meaningful, kiss. "I promise you we will find her, Beverly."
Smiling at her husband, she pushed him to continue his journey up the stairs. "I know, Jean-Luc. I know."
William Riker blinked repeatedly, taking a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The transporter beam had placed him several meters away from where they believed Isabel was, and he took a few seconds to assess his surroundings once he materialized.
He found himself standing in the middle of a quiet, suburban neighborhood. Quaint homes with well-manicured lawns lined the street. It was late, so many of the homes stood pitch-black against the night. Hearing soft voices, he turned around and focused on the source. He noticed Isabel sitting on the curb as a man he didn't recognize seemingly tried to entertain her by dancing foolishly in the street. It was clear they were both inebriated. Sighing in frustration, he walked purposely towards the drunken duo.
"Isabel."
She looked up, not at all surprised to see him. "Oh, good. You found me." Her voice was drenched with sarcasm. Taking a long swig from the bottle she was holding, she shot an irritated glace at the man standing in front of her. "Just leave me alone, Will."
Sighing, he gave her an apologetic look. "You know I can't do that."
"Hey man. The lady said to leave her alone." Will looked over at the young man, who he realized was about Isabel's age.
Will narrowed his eyes at the stranger. "And you are?"
"The name's Cheese." The man attempted to give him the best authoritative look he could but was unable to maintain his composure as his body continued to sway from side to side.
"Cheese?" Will choked back a laugh at the obvious nickname and changed his stance to cross his arms across his chest, standing tall to make himself as intimidating as possible.
"Yes, Will – Cheese. Something wrong with your ears?" Deciding to ignore the newcomer, who Will quickly assessed posed no threat, he turned his attention fully on Isabel.
She was sitting on the curb in civilian clothes, nursing a bottle of what smelled like whiskey. He noticed her hair, which once matched almost perfectly with Beverly's, had been slightly shortened and dyed to a dark brown, maybe even black. The new color making her already alabaster skin seem to glow brighter in the moonlight. She had also changed her eye color. It was dark, but he was certain he caught a flash of green when the streetlight hit her face. He wondered what had happed to her that she felt she needed to make such a drastic change in her appearance.
Taking the few steps forward to sit next to her on the curb, she rolled her eyes at his continued attempts to talk to her. "You can roll your eyes all you want. I'm not going anywhere, not until we've talked. You owe me at least some sort of explanation for your behavior today."
"I owe you nothing." Her head hung as she stared at the asphalt, swinging the bottle slightly from its neck between two fingers.
"Come on, let's ditch this old dude and drive back to the bar." Cheese was bouncing his way towards them, obviously annoyed, and Will laughed inwardly at the fact this kid actually he thought he could operate a vehicle.
"Cheese, was it?" Will smiled at him as the kid nodded. "What bar were you at?"
"McFadden's Irish Pub downtown. Hey, man - you should totally come with us!" Will shook his head. First, he was an old dude, now this kid wanted him to join them at the bar.
Pushing down the urge to reply with a witty insult, he just smiled as he tapped his comm badge. "Riker to Enterprise." The crackle of the speaker echoed in the night.
"Go ahead, Sir."
"Can you get a lock on the gentleman who is about ten feet in front of me?"
"Aye, Sir."
"Please beam him back to McFadden's Irish Pub in San Francisco. Now." After another confirmation, Will watched as Isabel's drunken escort disappeared in the familiar blue light.
"You really didn't have to do that. He was harmless." She took another swig from the bottle. "So how did you find me?"
He shrugged. "It took some time, but we finally figured out you beamed down with one of the groups approved for leave today. From there we tracked the signal from your comm badge."
"Damn. I thought I had disabled that." Holding out the bottle to him she raised her eyebrows. "If you want to talk to me, you have to drink with me. That's my one condition."
"I'm on duty."
"I don't care."
"Isabel…I can order you back to the ship. We can talk in sickbay as you sober up."
"Well, Commander, you can't order me to do anything anymore…because I quit. I'm done. Goodbye Starfleet." He looked at her in shock as she reached over to her jacket, folded next to her on the curb, and watched as she took off her comm badge and toss it casually onto his lap. "Consider this my official notice."
All he could do was look at her as he absentmindedly fingered the small device she threw at him. Who was this person? He didn't recognize this Isabel. This Isabel was depressed, surly and on the brink of self-destruction. Where was the sarcastic, care-free, optimistic young girl who he'd come to know?
"You fought so hard to be accepted into Starfleet just a few months ago, and now you're done?"
"Starfleet isn't what it seems. They don't care about any of us, Will. Trust me." The sadness in her voice at the admission tugged at his heart.
He reached over and grabbed the bottle from her. "Johnny Walker? I always thought of you as a tequila girl." Twisting off the top, he took a long sip, letting her know he accepted her conditions to talk. There was something going on with her, and he was going to find out what it was. If it meant he was written up for his actions, then so be it.
"Have you ever noticed how my father and his best friends all have names associated with whiskey?" He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes again, apparently annoyed she had to spell it out for him. "Johnny Walker…that's Jean-Luc and Walker Keel. Then there's Jack Daniels…Jack Crusher. You know, I bet if I asked him, Jean-Luc would tell me they had another buddy named Daniel somewhere along the way as well." She chuckled as she grabbed the bottle back from him.
"Are these the deep thoughts that brought you all the way out here to the middle of nowhere suburbia?"
She was quiet for a few moments, then shook her head. Lifting the bottle, she used it to point towards a house across the street. "That's my house."
"You've only been down here for a few hours and you've already bought a house? I'm impressed." He pulled the bottle from her hands and shot her a wide smile.
She smiled back and playfully shoved his arm. "No, ass, it's the house I grew up in. I had to see if it was here, in this universe…and it is. It looks almost exactly the same too. I needed to see it before…" She shook her head again. "I just wanted to say goodbye."
"So, you're leaving Starfleet and leaving Earth? Care to share where you plan on going?"
"When I figure that out, I'll let you know." Prying the bottle from his grasp, she took a long swig and wiped her mouth.
"You have a very promising future in Starfleet, you know. It would be a shame to throw all of that away." He turned to face her, watching her as she watched the ground intently.
"Oh, Will, don't you get how replaceable we all are?" She looked at him with expectant eyes. "Especially people like you and me. Yeah, we're great at the conn, but so are so many others. I'm not a genius like Wes, or the most prominent doctor in Starfleet like Beverly…and until you get to be captain, you're still just second best." She handed the bottle back to him.
"I suppose that's true, but we are all working towards something. I see myself being a captain one day, and I think you'd make an amazing captain as well."
"Yeah, well, I disagree. I'm not an amazing anything." Grabbing the bottle from him one last time, she finished the contents and tossed the bottle on the ground, where it clanked hollowly against the curb. Standing, she shrugged on her jacket and started to make her way across the street towards the house.
"Isabel, stop! You can't go in there." He jumped to his feet but didn't move to follow her.
Stopping at the sound of his warning, she slowly turned to stare at him. "You know, Will, you are being very bossy for someone who has no idea about what's going on."
Throwing his hands up he narrowed his eyes, officially fed up with her attitude. He was done humoring her. "Then why don't you cut the crap and tell me. What's going on?"
A look came across her face he didn't recognize. Her eyes grew dark, and she looked at him with venom in her gaze. "My memories came back today." She crossed her arms and stalked towards him. "They came back and realized I'm not who I thought I was – I'm not who any of you think I am."
He took a careful step towards her. "Whatever you remembered, it will be okay. You have people who care deeply for you, Isabel. You're a good person, and we'll all help you through this."
Her face fell, and she gave him a sad smile. "No, that's just it. I'm not a good person. I'm the one responsible for Drew's…death. There was no heart defect. There was only me, pushing him off a treehouse to his death." With that, she turned and strode purposefully into the darkness.
Will stood there, rooted to the spot in shock. Confusion swirling through his head at Isabel's confession. No wonder she had spiraled and left the ship. Taking a deep breath, he slowly reached up to tap his comm badge. The line chirped open, and he took a deep breath. "Riker to Troi."
"Will, did you find her?" Beverly's frantic voice rang through his ears, causing him to pause as he tried to recall if he had just called Deanna or Beverly. "Will? Is everything okay?!"
Deciding it ultimately didn't matter, he nodded as he spoke. "Yes, I found her." Gazing across the dark expanse of the street he gathered his thoughts. "Beverly…I need your help. Isabel –"
An unexpected thunderous crack radiated through the night. His gaze shot upward towards the sound as several bright flashes of light lit up the sky, causing the grid of the weather system to illuminate above him. Suddenly the ground began to rumble slightly beneath his; his eyes urgently scanning the darkness for any sign of Isabel.
"Will, what's going on down there?"
