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"The Redemption of Lando Calrissian"
By EsmeAmelia
Chapter 2
Once again Lando made his way to the Falcon's cockpit, staring out at the glowing streaks of hyperspace, his heart still racing from almost being eaten by the Sarlacc – and saved by Han. Saved by Han. Some part of him was still processing that fact and was still expecting Han to just leave him to the thousand-year digestion.
Again he placed his hand on the cockpit's back wall. "Hey girl," he murmured, "we got Han back. I know you didn't like him much, but maybe you've gotten to know him better now." He let out a sigh. "He's a much better person than I am – he wouldn't have done what I did. Maybe you know this, but he's got a new girlfriend now. Leia's much better than Qi'ra, though. She's dedicated to her principles, a fierce fighter, she cares about people living under oppression – she's actually a bit like you."
Again he sank down into one of the cockpit's back seat. Even though Han had saved him, they hadn't actually spoken since then. Leia had coaxed Han to bed right after they said goodbye to Luke and gone into hyperspace. Lando supposed he should enjoy the peace and quiet for now since when Han woke up, he wasn't likely to be happy – and that was an understatement.
How would he face Han after all he'd done?
Some part of him hoped that Han would sleep all the way to Sullust and then he could avoid him better . . . but no, they were both part of the Rebellion now and they couldn't avoid each other forever.
"Hey."
Oh shit.
Lando looked up and there was Han, gripping the doorway, a blanket draped over his shoulders, barefoot, his hair mussed and his eyes baggy, still looking like a mess.
"Han," Lando said in a stiff, awkward voice, "thought you were sleepin'."
"Woke up," Han said, feeling around and then sinking into the seat next to Lando once he found it, his head lolling. "Leia thinks I should talk to you."
Lando swallowed. "Well . . . how're you feeling?"
"Like I got frozen," Han spat out. "Oh, and I still can't see much, in case you were wonderin.'"
Lando tensed up as if Han was about to slug him. "Look, for what it's worth, I'm really sorry about . . ."
"Yeah, yeah," Han interrupted, gripping the blanket as if that would protect him from Lando doing anything else, "Leia told me about what you did. Doesn't change the fact that I got tortured and then frozen!"
"I know that," said Lando. "Look, if you wanna yell at me, go ahead and yell at me. I deserve every bit of it."
An extended silence followed, during which Han opened his mouth, looking like he was about to yell, but all that came out was a yawn. Maybe the only reason why he wasn't yelling was because he lacked the energy to do so.
"By the way," Lando said in a careful voice, "thanks. You know, for savin' me from the Sarlacc. I sure as hell didn't deserve that."
"So you think you deserved to be digested for a thousand years?" There was a hint of that old Han Solo grin in his mouth. "Personally, I don't think anyone deserves that." Another yawn. "Sorry, 'm just beat."
Lando forced a small smile. "Maybe you should go take another nap."
"Maybe," Han said through a sigh, leaning back and closing his eyes. "Had bad dreams, though."
Lando's stomach did a flip. "What kind of bad dreams?"
Han's mouth twisted into a frown. "I was back on the switchboard, Vader was hoverin' over me . . . guess I must've been screamin' in my sleep, since Leia woke me up and said I should talk to you. Guess she thought it'd give us closure or somethin'."
Closure. What did closure actually mean, anyway? Did it mean completely letting go of the past and being best buddies no matter what happened earlier? Lando tapped his fingers on his knee, remembering the rage he'd felt at Han for L3's death so many years ago – Han probably felt a similar sort of rage now. Thinking no one deserved to be digested for a thousand years didn't mean all was forgiven. Maybe it even meant the opposite.
"So . . ." he began, maybe only to break the silence, ". . . you gonna tell Leia?"
"Tell her what?" Han mumbled.
"C'mon, you know what."
Han opened his eyes, twisting his mouth. "So now you're a matchmaker?"
"Well she told you," said Lando. "Seems a bit unfair not to tell her."
"Pretty sure she knows."
"I think she'd still like to hear it."
Han's brow was furrowing. "Why are you so interested in this all of a sudden?"
"Cause Leia was damn devastated while you were gone!" Now Lando was glaring at Han. "She didn't wanna show it, of course, but we could see that she wasn't eating or sleeping much. Her face got all pale and her eyes got baggy – she looked a lot like how you look right now, actually."
Han rumpled his mouth. "It still ain't your business."
"Is this about Qi'ra? Are you afraid of gettin' your heart broken again?"
Suddenly Han seemed particularly interested in his fingers even though Lando was pretty sure he couldn't see them properly yet. "Leia wouldn't do what she did," he muttered before looking back up in Lando's direction, eyes unfocused. "She wouldn't do what you did either!"
"You're right on both counts," said Lando. "So what are you afraid of?"
"I ain't afraid."
"Then why haven't you told her?"
"What part of 'it ain't your business' don't you understand?" Han snarled.
"It became my business when I stabbed you guys in the back," Lando said in a careful voice, trying to look Han in his unfocused eyes. "Leia wasn't the only one who had trouble eating and sleeping – hell, I think we all had trouble there."
"We?" Han exclaimed. "Now you're talkin' like you're part of our bunch?"
"Just hear me out, please," said Lando, raising his hands and showing his palms in a calming gesture. "I stabbed you guys in the back, I got you captured and tortured and frozen, all that shit, you almost died cause of me. Well you know what? Now that you're not dead, I want you to be happy!" He gestured towards the doorway. "You ain't gonna find another person like Leia in a thousand years and you don't know how long we got – the Empire could blow us all up tomorrow for all we know!" He swallowed, his voice growing quieter. "I never told L3 and all these years I've regretted it. I don't want you to have the same regrets – believe me, it sucks."
Han stared ahead into the blurs he must have been seeing, blinking rapidly, maybe thinking about Qi'ra, maybe planning to slug Lando as soon as he was strong enough to do so, maybe planning when he'd be ready to tell Leia.
"For what it's worth," said Lando, "I thought I was protecting the city. I was dumb enough to think Vader would keep his word about leaving everyone alone once he got his prisoners. I know, that ain't an excuse, but I was tryin' to protect . . ."
"I know," Han interrupted. "You thought you were doing the right thing. Like how I thought I was doin' the right thing when I had your girlfriend merged with the ship."
Lando felt his heart jump. "Wasn't like you had much of a choice. We'd have all blown up if you didn't."
"Yeah, that's true," said Han, "but I dunno, maybe there'd have been some other way."
Lando shook his head. "I don't think so." He found himself looking back at the wall. "Anyway, it was a long time ago and it's not in the same category as what I did."
Han yawned again. "No, it ain't, but we both still did shit things while thinkin' we were doin' the right thing." His eyes were closing again. "Guess that's how life sometimes is – sometimes you think you're doin' the right thing even when you do somethin' shitty."
Lando swallowed. "You sure you don't wanna go back to bed? You might have better dreams next time and besides, Leia's gonna want you in good shape when we get back to the Rebels."
Han actually snickered a bit, reminiscent of how he'd laughed at Lando sounding responsible. "Listen to you. On Bespin you sounded responsible and now you're soundin' all noble. You're just full of surprises, ain't you?"
Lando shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I am."
Han ran his hand over his eyes. "Think I will go back to bed – I'm about to fall asleep here and that'll be damn uncomfortable." He stuck out his hand in Lando's direction. "Still can't see right, though, so maybe you could guide me?"
A large grin burst onto Lando's face as he took his friend's hand. "Sure thing, buddy."
THE END
