The weeks turned into months for Lila and Nat.
The two had fallen into a routine.
A new normal.
Lila attended school but it was far from easy.
She still got straight A's but socializing with her peers was difficult with everyone knowing who her dad was.
It made school lonely because it seemed nobody wanted to be friends with her for her.
She and Nat moved one of the PC's to her room.
Setting up a desk that faced the windows to give her a nice view of the large yard so she could use it for school work along with her laptop.
There was one thing Lila enjoyed about the compound along with the movie theatre and that was the Olympic sized pool.
It had a diving board which she loved and she nearly spent everyday in it.
Nat joined her occasionally, spending her time with her when she wasn't running The Avengers.
She had accepted that this was her normal now… as best as she could.
There were days that were harder than others.
The hole in her heart was still there.
She could physically feel it ache.
But still she wondered why it was her that survived.
And only her.
What did Nate and Cooper do to deserve to die so young?
Now though it was a Saturday in November.
Lila was bored and watching TV in her room while browsing social media mindlessly on her phone.
She looked over to the corner to see her bow mounted on the wall opposite from the windows adjacent to the hallway.
And thought of an idea.
She grabbed her bow and walked over to her office.
Nat told her she had to catch up on some work.
She knew her Auntie Nat had taken over The Avengers and was very busy.
Nat was unfortunately spending a Saturday morning catching up on emails.
She wondered how Fury didn't go insane from the endless bureaucracy being the director of SHIELD for as long as he did.
She didn't want to leave Lila alone for this long.
She noticed, despite the attention she was getting better and she had somewhat improved with her mental state but still she was vulnerable.
And she noticed that she wasn't sleeping.
At least not much.
She tried talking to her about it.
To help her.
But Lila just said she was fine and shut her out every time.
It made her feel helpless.
She may not have be her parent but she was desperate to help her.
But she was afraid to overstep her boundaries in their relationship.
She took her to and from school every day.
Helped her with her homework even though she really didn't need it.
Cooked her meals and was there any time she needed her.
Being her primary care giver.
She also wasn't sleeping either.
Getting a few hours of sleep a night at most.
She was glancing at her setup which contained three Stark monitors.
All of them opened with one for her emails.
She heard footsteps walking through the doorway and closed the monitors to see Lila, carrying her bow as she walked up to the other side of her desk.
"Hey Lila." she greeted, noticing her bow in her hands.
"Auntie Nat, I was wondering if you could help me set up target so I can practice." she asked hesitantly.
"Well…" Nat began but she interrupted her.
"Dad was beginning to teach me before…" she began but stopped, not able to finish the sentence.
Nat frowned and pushed her chair out.
Getting up, she walked around her desk to her.
"You can watch me if you want. They're not trick arrows. They're completely safe." Lila reassured her who smiled.
"I was going to say that sounds like a great idea. It's too nice of a day to be stuck inside anyway. Now let's find a target…" Lila smiled widely and Nat smiled back, seeing it was the first time she genuinely smiled since the snap.
She found targets in the gun range inside the compound.
Blowing one up so it was large enough for a bow and arrow.
The two walked out to the backyard of the expansive property.
A barb wired fence surrounded it which was under CCTV cameras along every foot.
The property was mostly green grass along the Hudson but they found some maple trees towards the back by the woods on the other side of the fence.
Their colorful leaves and branches blowing in the fall breeze.
The large glass building that was the compound was a half mile behind.
It was a cool late fall day.
The sun occasionally going behind clouds on the partly cloudy day.
Lila was carrying her bow and had her arrows strapped around her.
She was strapping on her arm guard above her long sleeve shirt while Nat pinned the target to one of the maple trees.
The colorful leaves falling off the branches, making a pile underneath them.
"Okay, your dad was the archer so I'm not sure if I'm going to be much use here, Lila." Nat said while walking behind her. She grabbed an arrow and knocked it.
"That's okay. I still remember what dad told me." she pulled the string back and closed her left eye.
Finding the bullseye she aimed the arrow at the bullseye and fired.
The tip of the arrow hitting it directly.
"Wow, Lila that was really good!" Nat complimented, impressed.
"I just remembered what dad told me." she shrugged her shoulders.
She walked up to grab her arrow but stopped in place instantly.
"…Go get your arrow…" she heard her dad's voice echo in her head.
"Alright, we're coming we're…" she heard the voice but her mind was showing that day.
She was back at the farm. Her turning around to see her dad being dusted away.
Her mom and brothers not at the picnic table by the trail.
She heard someone calling her name echo in her mind while her breathing became hitched.
She dropped her bow while she struggled to catch her breathe.
Feeling her lung's contract.
"Lila, Lila, sweetheart it's okay. You're safe. You're at the compound. I'm right here." she heard Nat's voice in her head but collapsed to one knee.
She coughed, struggling to gasp for air while Nat grabbed her in her arms before she fell instantly.
Holding her tightly.
"Lila, it's okay. Can you hear me, Lila..?" she asked while turning her to face her.
She looked directly into her brown eyes that looked lost.
"Just take a deep breath for me okay? Can you do that?" she asked.
Grabbing her shoulders, Lila took a deep breath.
Seeing her Aunt directly in front of her, she nodded but tears were forming in her eyes.
Trying to get her breathing under control.
"I'm sorry." she choked out while sweat pouring from her forehead.
Wiping it off along with the tears streaming down her cheeks.
"It's not your fault Lila. How bout we head back inside? You have a target now and we can head out tomorrow hmm?" Nat asked kindly.
She just nodded and Nat helped her up.
The two began to walk back to the compound in silence while Nat held her and she held her bow.
Nat knew very well what just happened to her.
A panic attack.
She should have known this was possible.
And cursed herself for not predicting it.
After the nightmares, breaking down, the crying.
But Lila seemed to be somewhat improving and she looked genuinely happy when she told her yes to practicing with her bow and it was hard for her to say no.
But her mind must have drifted back… to that day.
She wiped the remaining sweat off her forehead and tucked a loose strain of her hair behind her ear.
Lila was just looking at her feet as they walked inside the compound.
Her thirteen year old niece who was still sweet, loving and kind after everything that happened to her had a panic attack.
Just when she seemed to be getting better.
The weeks continued to pass.
Lila forced herself to shoot her bow.
Wanting to.
And wanting her dad to be proud of her.
With Nat's supervision but she didn't have another attack.
Having the same skill and ability as her dad to always hit her target, Nat noticed.
The two celebrated Thanksgiving together.
Getting a turkey with stuffing, corn, and pie.
Now it was Christmas time.
A few inches of snow covered the ground outside.
Inside, the two decorated the rooms in the compound they spent the most time with decorations.
They got a large tree for the common room from a nearby farm.
Lila chopping it down herself while Nat took pictures from her phone.
They decorated it although it wasn't with Barton family ornaments.
They haven't made a return to the farm yet and were forced to leave many family belongings and heirlooms behind.
Having attended every Barton Christmas since Clint gave her the choice to defect.
Nat knew how serious they took Christmas.
They made a gingerbread house, and watched the Christmas movie marathon in the movie theater.
For the first time though, Lila thought it was childish and she was too old for it.
She wasn't blind to see the effort Nat was making to try and cheer her up and went along with it.
But Christmas did leave one question for Lila… what to give to Auntie Nat.
Which was tough considering they had everything they could possibly need in.
She knew her Aunt was going to give her something.
But she did think of an idea since Auntie Nat was Russian.
She just hoped she could pull it off.
Then Christmas morning arrived for the two.
Nat woke Lila up early who was amused that the former SHIELD agent was even more excited than she was.
The two rushed to the common room where the Christmas tree was all lit up and decorated in the corner.
Although not many there were presents underneath it.
Lila was still in her pajamas while she crouched down to reach one.
Nat made herself a cup of coffee and sat down on the rug next to her.
She grabbed a long narrow shaped box and turned to Nat.
"So uh I wasn't sure what to get you…" she began but Nat stopped her.
"You didn't have to get me anything Lila." '
"Well I technically didn't." she clarified and Nat raised an eyebrow. "I was planning on making an authentic Russian Christmas dinner!" she said cheerfully.
But she saw Nat taking in the news.
"Obviously I don't really know how to cook… much but I looked up some recipes that I think I can do. I browsed through the kitchen and pantry and we have…" she began but Nat wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a hug.
Lila hugged her back, resting her head on her shoulders.
"Your mom did that for me once." Nat said softly while she listened on.
Trying to control her emotions.
"The first Christmas I had with your parents. When I first… joined Shield. Your dad was one the only one I talked too. Or talked to me. He knew I was alone and invited me to the farm. Cooper wasn't even a year old at the time. You weren't even born yet. It was there I got to meet him, your mom. That was when we started our Christmases together." she said fondly. Wiping away a tear from her eye.
Lila pulled away from the hug, wiping the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.
"Don't expect my food to be as good as moms was." she joked.
"Well I'm looking forward to it Lila. Truly." Nat smiled.
The two shuffled back down on the floor next to each other and Lila reached back for the box.
She shuffled it, hearing multiple objects in a box bounce against the top and bottom.
The present was wrapped in green wrapping paper and had a bow on it.
She looked to Nat who had a smug look on her and took a sip of her steaming coffee.
She ripped the bow and paper off eagerly before opening up the box, revealing an array of trick arrows neatly stacked and wrapped in.
"I was able to get you dad's arrows and his drive with his designs before we left the farm. I'm not exactly an engineer but I'm willing to help make new ones.." she joked with a smirk.
Lila took her trembling hands to the quiver of one and pulled it out.
They were beautiful.
"Now these are only to be used outside and under my supervision. We'll have to set up a new target far away so they don't hurt anyone or damage anything." Nat warned.
Lila placed it carefully back its holster and hugged her.
"This is the best gift I've ever gotten. Thank you Auntie Nat!" Nat smiled smugly while reaching for something underneath the couch.
"That's not all…" she said and Lila went wide eyed, seeing her dad's bow being pulled from under it and in her hands.
"Dad's bow…" she whispered.
"I couldn't exactly wrap it. But it was one of the things I grabbed when we left the farm." Nat said as she grabbed it.
Caressing the recurve carbon fiber collapsible bow.
"I knew your dad would want you to have it." Nat added.
Lila looked up at her.
"I had begged for a bow for years. And then I finally got one. I just never thought I would get dad's bow as well." she said quietly.
Nat grabbed her hand.
"I wanted our Christmases to still be special."
"It still is." Lila smiled back.
Nat smiled, loving the one on Lila's face.
"Can we try them out!" Lila asked excitedly.
Nat looked out the windows to the side to see snow covering the ground and the clear blue sky above.
"Sure, let's grab our coats and boots though."
The two headed outside into the cold but were bundled up.
Walking in the few inches of soft snow on the ground.
Lila had the trick arrows in the holster strapped on her bow on her back.
Nat had set up another target.
She wondered if the gift was the right idea.
Lila was still young but she wasn't a child anymore.
As much as she still wanted her to be one.
She stood behind her while Lila pressed one of the buttons on the bow.
That automatically knocked one of the trick arrows.
Pulling it back, she fired it at the target but it exploded.
"Whoa." Lila said while going wide eyed.
"Now you know why I only want you to use them out here." Nat smirked.
She smiled back but knocked another one.
Nat had set up five targets side by side and Lila closed her left eye.
She fired it and the arrow tip broke off into five separate piece.
Those pieces ignited while they struck the targets before they blew up.
"This is so cool!" Lila exclaimed while jumping up and down.
"Your dad has more designs on his drive…" Nat said while pulling it from her pocket.
"I can help you make more if you want." she offered.
Lila took the drive and put it in her hoodie pocket.
"Thank you Auntie Nat." Lila smiled widely.
Nat smiled back, the first time she saw her this genuinely happy for a long while since her family disappeared.
"I did have one more gift." she began while the two stood in the snowy field. Lila raised an eyebrow at her.
"Considering the attention you've been getting at school and that some of it has been… negative." she began slowly and Lila frowned.
"I know you've been forced to grow up Lila. And as much as I still want you to be a kid I know you aren't one anymore." Nat sad sadly and she nodded slightly.
"So just in case you get into any trouble there since I don't have any faith in the administrators to protect you so I will teach you some very, very, very, basic defensive moves. I don't want you to get in any fights Lila." she warned her seriously.
"I won't Auntie Nat. Actually, the kids for the most part have stopped bothering me." she replied.
"Oh…" she began but Lila interrupted her.
"It's too late to take back the gift though!" she said quickly and Nat smiled.
"I won't and besides for now you're stuck with me." she said with a smile and she smiled back.
A gust of wind blew some snow around them and they shivered.
"Let's head back inside. I believe I'm still owed my gift." Nat told Lila with a grin.
Later that afternoon, Lila was in the kitchen, trying her best to cook the Russian Christmas dinner.
The two wearing Christmas sweaters.
It ended with her scrambling over two pots on the stove, pans in the oven and flour, sugar covering the island, splattered on the pots that were her first attempts at the recipes.
She realized she did not have her mom's her Auntie Nat's skill at cooking and baking.
She was attempting to make Priyaniki gingerbread spice cookies for a snack, Pirozhki for the appetizer, which was in the oven currently, and Kulebyaka for the main course.
But it ended up being more than she could handle so Nat ended up helping her out.
More than happy to do so.
They had Christmas music playing over the speakers.
"Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer" was the current song.
The oven went off and Lila groaned.
"I guess I should say thanks for all the cooking you've done for me. This is hard." she said while putting on the oven mitts from the counter.
She opened the oven to pull the stuffed meat buns out.
Placing the steaming pan down Nat inhaled the scent.
"Those smell really good Lila." she complimented.
"I agree." they heard Steve's voice from the doorway.
The two turned around to see him leaning against it with his arms crossed with a smile.
Looking amused at the scene.
"Steve, you got my invite." Nat replied.
"I did. Thought you guys could use company…" he said while taking off his leather jacket as he walked up to them and draped it over his arm.
"We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Steve Rogers. It's nice to see you again Lila." he introduced himself to her.
"I know who you are. I remember when you visited the farm." she smiled faintly.
"I did. It's nice to see you again, Lila." he smiled.
"Well… you're almost just in time for dinner. You can stay if you want." she offered.
Nat watching them interact silently.
He looked over to the kitchen then to Nat who just smiled and nodded back to Lila.
"Then I'll set the table…"
Darkness had fallen while Steve set the table, placing all of the dishes in the middle between the lit candles.
The three ate the steaming dishes for dinner and Lila eagerly told Steve about her arrows and bow.
Nat told him what the two had been up to the past months.
He told them what he'd been up to down in Brooklyn.
Trying to help out with charities and rebuilding his home.
He then told them stories of the trouble and hijinks he got with Bucky Barnes back in the 1930's.
After pie, Lila began cleaning up after saying goodbye to Steve.
He grabbed his jacket while Nat walked him out.
"Thanks for dinner. It was nice." he thanked her.
"Thanks for the company." she nodded back.
"Lila seems to be doing better… all things considered." he noticed.
"We've been taking it one day at a time." Nat replied.
"You were able to adopt her, right?" Steve asked.
"Well, thanks to you yes. But I promised her nothing would change between us. It was just to keep her here with me, as you know." she replied, unsure of herself.
Steve noticed the discomfort on her face.
"I'm happy for you Nat, truly. Lila adores you. She's a good kid." he smiled and she smiled back faintly.
"I know. I just want to do right by her. I owe her that much." Nat said.
The two walked out by Steve's truck in the driveway, being greeted by the freezing air.
"I'm not a parent, Nat. So I'm not sure how much help I can be but if you need it, I'm always just a phone call away." he offered with a hug.
She hugged him back but the word "parent" popped in her mind.
"I'm not a parent either Steve." she corrected while he opened the driver door.
"I think you are one to Lila now. And one thing I noticed is that it seems she wants you to be hers now, too. That is something I can see." he said with a small smile before hoping in his truck.
Nat backed up while he started the engine and drove off on the snow covered driveway and she frowned.
Watching the head and taillights disappear towards the front gate.
Was she overstepping in her relationship with Lila?
She wasn't her parent.
Even if a small and growing part of her wanted her to be hers.
She had Clint and Laura.
Correction, had Clint and Laura.
A cold gust of wind forced her back inside, locking the doors behind her with her phone.
She walked back to the common room to see Lila washing the dishes with Christmas music on the speakers and smiled.
No, what they had was just fine.
