Hey guys! Thanks for the support and interest in chapter one ^_^
Lizzy0305 wrote the first half of this chapter and I wrote the second half.
Hopefully you like it, much love xox
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"Please forgive me… Jim… please…"
Jim woke up with a fierce orgasm that rushed through him. While he didn't even remember his dream, he still laid on his bed wet with sweat, and literally shook as he came, gripping into the sheets.
What. The. Fuck. That hadn't happened to him since he was seventeen. Or maybe even younger. Why now?
Still lying between the wet sheets and panting hard, he tried to recall the dream but he just couldn't remember anything. Nothing at all. Not even a little piece, or at least a person or something, just those five words which didn't even carry anything arousing. Why would anyone ask for an apology when he was having a blinding orgasm? That just didn't make any sense.
"Please forgive me… Jim… please…" he spoke the words aloud and his whole body jerked again. But he still couldn't remember, he just couldn't.
A frustrated moan left his mouth and he shoved his head back and then something hit him.
A cold wall… a warm body against his… a feeling…oh so damn fucking good…
"Oh shit…" he sat up. The room was so cold but that body was so hot and fierce, he could almost feel it…the feeling was right there, like a word on the tip of your tongue.
He needed a cold shower. Really cold. He stood up and padded over to the bathroom, already pushing down the messed up boxers. Before he could step under the cold water, he heard a light beep at his door.
What now? Jim glanced around but he couldn't find proper clothing, and he couldn't really greet that person at the door wearing only a towel, could he?
He sat back on the bed, covering himself with the blanket, trying to remain cool and not showing any sign that he was completely naked.
"Come in."
The door opened and Spock stepped into the room. Though there was nothing specific about him, nothing out of the ordinary, but Jim felt warmer inside, god, so much warmer, like something inside of him was burning like a solar flare.
"Forgive my intrusion at this early hour Captain, I know you would require more rest, but we have received a transmission from Starfleet."
Please forgive me… Jim… please…
Oh god, he couldn't think about that right now. He couldn't… But it was already too late. As Jim stared into those piercing brown eyes he felt all the blood from his body flow down into one certain point. Being naked really didn't help at that moment.
"Do you feel alright, Captain?"
Hot hands around him… passionate lips on his mouth… forceful thrusts into him…his body almost jerked with the memory of it…memory?
Jim closed his eyes. He had to concentrate, he had to listen to Spock but it was so hard when the pictures were so vivid… so… alive, again like memories. He covered his eyes, but it was useless. He felt the burning fire, he could feel the searching lips on his neck, the inhumanly warm hands on his face and…
"Jim…?"
His eyes shot open and focused on the Vulcan, who was crouching right in front of him. Spock's right hand was indeed on his face and Jim just grabbed him and leaned back with him, pulling Spock over him, legs between his legs, his face only inches away, exactly where he should be.
Jim was panting hard but it was Spock's hot breaths that caressed his lips and he was just staring at his mouth like an idiot. Spock's lips were slightly apart and a little dry. Oh god, how Jim wanted to wet them, to bite and kiss them until they became swollen and green and…
Fuck! What the hell was he doing?!
"Sorry, Spock." He whispered and let the Vulcan go; he all but pushed him off of the bed.
Spock scurried back as far from Jim as he could without actually leaving the room and Jim could understand that reaction from his Vulcan First Officer. What the hell had just happened to Jim?
"I am absolutely sorry, Spock… I just had this dream you know and I… I'm a bit confused, I think…" and it wasn't even lie as he was really confused at that moment as he believed Spock was also. However, his face showed nothing, there was no expression, only his lips were still slightly apart as he licked them slowly, and with that Jim's… hunger returned and he almost jumped Spock again.
"Apology is not necessary, Captain." Spock said politely; his words were calm but his eyes were on fire.
Had he offended the Vulcan that much? He didn't think Spock could hate him much more, so in the end, Spock could just add this little incident to the others Jim had committed against him in the past several months that they'd been working together.
"So uhm… you were saying?"
"In case you feel well enough to be fit for duty, you are expected to report on the bridge, Captain. We received a call from Starfleet. We are required to visit Omicron Ceti III and re-establish contact with the colony on the planet's surface, if possible."
"Khm, very well, Mr Spock. I'll be there in ten minutes. Until then, set course for Omicron Ceti III." Jim nodded, his voice authoritative, without even a hint of the still raging erection beneath the covers; point for him. "Is there anything else, Mr Spock?"
Spock hesitated for a moment, looked Jim dead in the eyes then blinked and the determination was gone from his intense gaze. "No, Captain." He finally answered and turned around towards the door.
"Dismissed."
Spock stepped out and the door closed behind him with a quiet swoosh. Jim fell back onto the sheets with closed eyes and the covers slid silently off of him. He peaked through his eyelashes and groaned with irritation when he spied his erection waiting on his stomach. He didn't have time for that right now.
But he couldn't help it. He let his hand slide down his torso and onto it, then caressed it, and stroked it. And he tried really hard not to think of Spock in the meanwhile. But of course, it was a vain attempt.
o.O.o
What a fucking day they had had, Jim was heading directly to his quarters for a good long sleep after that mess. Never in his life did he think he would ever agree with Spock about emotions being stupid and useless things, but hey, here he was.
The image of Spock in a tree almost made him giggle again, but then he remembered the girl, DeSalle or whatever her name was, and rush of cold fury filled his veins. She was here somewhere on the ship and Jim didn't dare think about where Spock might be. All he could do was hope that his First Officer was not with her.
She tried to take Spock from him. Jim's hands curled into fists. He forced himself to calm down. She had that right. Spock had the right to leave. Jim… Jim was simply not in the equation. Uhura would have a bigger say in it as a former girlfriend, but still not much.
He walked past the observation deck and the doors slid apart automatically. He looked in the open doorway towards the deck as he walked past, but then he forced himself to a halt. Spock was inside. Minus any other person, he noted.
"Mr Spock," he greeted as he entered the deck.
Spock jerked as if surprised then turned his neck around, "Captain."
He clasped his hands behind his back and faced back towards the stars. It was a beautiful sight; the stream of glowing orbs on the dark veil of the universe passed them by as they headed away from Omicron Ceti III.
"Can't sleep?" Jim asked lightly. They stood close enough together that their shoulders touched. It was calming to have Spock so close to him.
"I do not require sleep at the moment, Captain."
"What brings you here, then?"
"I find the silence of the deck calming. I needed to… think."
To think? Think of her? Of what it would be like to have emotions again? To allow yourself to love?Jim wanted to ask many questions but he remained silent instead. But Spock didn't offer any more insight into what was going on in his head, so they just stood there quietly.
"Captain," Spock said suddenly and turned towards Jim. "Did you mean what you said earlier?" Seeing Jim's confused expression, he requoted the words the Captain had said earlier to make Spock angry, "Disloyal, a freak, with no integrity, rotten to the core, belongs to a circus… a traitor."
Each and every word came as a punch to the gut like he had received earlier, but it must have been nothing compared to what Spock felt. Even now, though not under any influence from the spores, Spock must be dealing with something. He wouldn't ask the question if Jim's words hadn't hurt him. But they obviously had.
"Spock," Jim started and stood in front of him. He waited for brown eyes to look at him and only continued when he had Spock's full attention. "You must know I didn't mean anything. I only said it to make you angry. They were all lies, nothing more."
They stared at each other for long moments and Jim didn't know what else to say or do to convince the Vulcan, but since there was no response, he continued.
"You are my friend, loyal to the core, a brilliant Vulcan and, don't take this as an insult, but a remarkable half-human. I am proud to serve aboard the Enterprise with you. And you know this."
"I am not." Spock commented and averted his gaze.
"What do you mean?" Jim asked and grasped Spock's arm. That warmth underneath his fingers brought back something, stirred a memory deep inside Jim, but before he could remember what it was, a headache worse than any other he'd had blocked his neural pathway.
Spock looked back at him as he stated, "I am not your friend."
The world froze and Jim stepped back, his hand fell away from the warm arm.
For your life I would risk our friendship…
Jim heard the words in his mind but where had they come from? Who had said them and when?
"I do not deserve to be." Spock added, and then turned around. He was at the door before Jim could do anything. He called out after Spock but it was in vain.
Something had broken inside of Jim, his heart maybe, and it hurt like hell. What the fuck? Spock must know he didn't mean those words, he must understand…
He drove a hand through his hair and leaned against the glass of the observation deck. What now? Spock clearly didn't want to speak to him, and he couldn't sleep now after that. Idly he wondered if Bones would still be in sickbay.
Jim didn't even remember the journey to sickbay, he was too busy thinking about Spock and hearing that voice in his head. That voice that was so familiar, yet he couldn't place it. He was certain that he would remember an event that would warrant words of apologies like this, but he just didn't, and it made his brain hurt to try.
The doors of sickbay whooshed open and Jim almost ran into Bones.
"Oh, sorry Bones…" Jim jerked back.
"Jim?" Bones' face was full of surprise, and then suspicion, and finally concern, "What's wrong?"
Jim frowned, "That obvious?"
"Well you only visit sickbay on ship business, or because you're forced to, and I'm guessing it's neither right now, so something must be up…" Bones glanced out of the doorway into the corridor, "is it to do with the hobgoblin?"
"Yes, no…partly…" Jim sighed, "and I told you to stop calling him that."
"When he removes that stick from his ass, I'll consider it. In the meantime, come in, I'm going to need whiskey, I just know it," the Doctor retreated back into sickbay and led Jim to his office.
Bones pulled a bottle and two glasses out of the bottom draw of his desk and plonked them on the desk. He unstoppered the bottle and poured two fingers worth into each glass before swapping the bottle for the glass in his hand. Jim had taken the only other seat in the office and just nursed his glass while Bones knocked back half of his drink in one go; it had been a long day for all of them.
"Alright kid, what did Spock do this time?"
Jim stared into the depths of the amber liquid, uncertain of where to begin, so he decided to start with his dream that morning, was it still that morning or was it yesterday morning now? Either way, that was where Jim started. He told Bones about the intensity of his wake up, about the memories he couldn't remember having, about nearly kissing Spock, and about what Spock had said just now on the observation deck.
"He has to know I didn't mean it Bones! It was just nec-necer-necerssary for the mission and Spock's own well-being, surely he understood that…" they were three glasses in, and the weight of the day was taking it's toll, especially on his alcohol tolerance.
"Spock obviously has his own self-doubts, just like the rest of us, god help me, he'll come around Jim," Bones advised, "but in the meantime, I think that we should do a sleep study on your brain, just to make sure everything is okay. It could be repressed memories from…bad times in your life, the brain will do some interesting things to survive."
"I guess, but I've never had a bad time associated with a blinding orgasm. I've never been so drunk that I don't remember great sex either, so that's not it. I just need to know what's going on with me Bones. I can't go around with these memories causing such reactions, Spock might never speak to me again if I do what I did this morning again," Jim groaned in frustration at the thought of it. Of all the beings in the universe he had to fall in love, and fuck up repeatedly with the same Vulcan.
"You're sure they're memories not dreams?"
"Yes, I'm sure, every time I try to follow the memory it's like the path is blocked and I get a headache, dreams don't do that, they just fade away," Jim tried to explain.
"Alright," Bones conceded, "let's get you set up for the sleep study then."
"What, here?"
"Yes, Jim, this is the medbay, it's where the medical equipment is…" Bones informed him, but his tone said he was too tired for Jim's shit.
"Ugh, fine, can I have a private room at least…just in case…you know…" Jim was also too tired to argue with his friend and doctor.
"Come on then," Bones put the whiskey away and led Jim over to another room that was near his office. Inside was a single bed and a ton of medical equipment, "alright, get comfortable, I need to set the monitors up and this needs to go on your forehead."
Jim stripped down to his boxers and got under the covers, muttering about scratchy medical sheets, which Bones ignored in favour of putting a piece of thin metal the size of a headband over Jim's forehead. Jim made to touch it but Bones batted his hand away.
"Don't play with it or it won't give correct readings," Bones scolded him.
"You never let me have any fun," Jim complained, but not seriously.
"Don't touch anything, I'll be back in the morning to check the readings. Goodnight Jim," Bones made it to the door before Jim called out to him.
"Bones?"
A strained voice returned, "Yes Jim?"
"Thank you."
"Anytime kid."
