Hey guys! Thank you for all of your comments and support ^_^
Hope that you're having a lovely day/night and you enjoy the next chapter.
Much love xox
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Let me help…please Jim. I will not let you die…I cannot let you die.
Jim jolted awake for the second morning in a row, covered in sweat and panting. His throbbing erection made his boxers painfully tight under the sheets, while the words repeated in his mind.
The dream had been so real, could it have been a memory as well? It was already slipping away like sand through his fingers though. Only a few grains of detail remained. In the dream, or more likely memory, he and someone had been trapped somewhere, no, imprisoned, and they had been forced to do something to Jim, something they didn't want to do.
The more Jim tried to chase the dream the quicker it faded and the more his head hurt. Jim sighed, and gave up on attempting to recall more details, which refocused him on his leaking hard-on. What the hell happened in his dream or memories to give him such a strong reaction? He couldn't exactly just bat one out in sickbay either, could he? No, what if Bones came through the door? Honestly, the Doctor had caught Jim in worse positions, would it really be that bad? He would just leave the covers over himself…
It took him less than a minute to decide which course of action to take. Jim's hand dove beneath the covers and released his cock from it's confines. He immediately began pumping the length with long quick movements, he wasn't as close to the edge as he had been when he'd woken up but it wouldn't take long to get back there.
For your life…I would do anything…
More words floated through his mind as Jim stroked himself, he tried to keep himself quiet by biting his lips, but it only spurred on more fragments of memory.
Lips on his, on his neck, kissing, biting. Please forgive me. An impossible closeness, a burning heat, and an intense pleasure.
God he was right on the edge.
Jim…
"Captain?"
Jim came hard under the covers of his sickbay bed, throwing his head back into the pillow, while he felt the ghost of another shudder against him in ecstasy, causing his body to writhe again.
"Arrrggghhh, fuck," he groaned as his eyes flung open. He had registered too late that the last voice had been real and not some vague, distant memory in his head. Shit shit shit.
"I-I apologise Captain, I should have knocked first. The computer located you in sickbay and I assumed that you had taken ill, but it appears I was incorrect," Spock's voice was stiff and rigid just like his posture, only his eyes betrayed that there was anything going on beneath the surface, a fire burning deep within.
Forget…
Forget what? That was the problem, he couldn't remember. Had someone made him forget? But why would anyone want to forget what seemed to be mind-blowing sex? Or was it something else entirely? He was beyond confused, and now, on top of everything else, he had just had a crazy good orgasm right in front of his First Officer.
"Spock!" Jim pulled the covers up higher as if exposed, and instantly regretted it as his come smeared up his stomach making him pull a face, "Shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't think anyone would just walk in…" well that was fucking awkward.
"I should go," Spock turned to leave but Jim wasn't letting him go again that quickly.
"Spock, wait! Just wait. I'm sorry. Fuck, I just…these dreams…anyway can we just forget that happened?"
The Vulcan turned back toward the bed and took one step closer as he gave a tight nod, but didn't say anything.
"Great, so uh, why were you looking for me?"
"There is a message from Starfleet, but it is not urgent, it can wait until you are…fit for duty," his eyes flicked over Jim's person, and then settled on the medical equipment. He moved another step closer to inspect it, then stood back at attention and added, "Is that all Captain?"
"No, Spock…" Jim didn't know what to say, only that he needed to say something, "are we…are we okay? You and I? I thought that we were friends, but…you've been different recently, and then last night…I swear, I really didn't mean those things I said, but if it's me, tell me how to fix it…please Spock…"
Somehow, Spock became stiffer, and then averted his gaze to the floor. He seemed to contemplate his answer before speaking, which made Jim nervous.
"I wish it were that easy," Spock said quietly, he almost sounded sad.
I can make it easier… I can take away the pain…
Jim wished he could fix whatever was going on between them, he couldn't stand any of it. Surely it had to be more than just yesterday's mission that was driving a wedge between them. And the foreign memories just kept being unhelpful and distracting.
Spock opened his mouth to speak again but Bones took that opportunity to barge into the room, "Morning gents," he greeted, his voice gruff from lack of sleep, "how'd you sleep Jim?"
"Doctor," Spock returned, "I will see you on the bridge later Captain," and before Jim could protest, Spock had left the room.
"There's something wrong with Spock, but he won't talk to me Bones. I thought it was just the mission yesterday, but he's been different…ever since that mission where I got hurt and neither of you will talk about it," Jim took a deep breath, "I need to know what really happened on that mission Bones…"
"You know as much as I do Jim. You and Spock went down to the planet and we lost contact for two days, and then Spock brings you back all beaten and bloody, and wouldn't tell me anything. He looked like he'd been beaten too, but he wouldn't let me tend to his wounds either. He said something about deserving them, and you were his only priority," Bones relayed as he looked over his equipment and read the read outs, "if you want to know more, you'll have to ask Spock because even his report is oddly vague."
Let me save you Jim…I will not let you die…
"I already did, he refuses to talk about it, even under orders," Jim sighed and then shifted under the covers, which reminded him of his wet sheets, and the fire in Spock's eyes. He made an involuntary sound and tried to play it off as clearing his throat, "Ahem, so, what are my test results?"
Bones' brows furrowed, "How did you sleep first of all?"
"Pretty normal really, until I woke up from some dream with a raging boner," Jim answered with a shrug.
"Do you remember the dream?"
"It was about…" he had remembered some vague details when he'd woken up, but they were gone now. He tried to focus on it, but it just made his head ache, "Fuck, I can't remember…something, someone…ugh…" Jim gripped the covers in frustration.
Forget…
All he could remember was the words that voice would speak to him, if only he could figure out who's voice it was. It might help him to figure out why they were saying such things during what was probably sexual intercourse.
"Hm, well it might interest you to know that your brain was only accessing memories, you weren't dreaming at all, yet when you woke up your brain was no longer retrieving those memories, except for small spikes a few minutes later," Bones informed him with a slight frown, "It's almost as if the memories are only really accessible to your subconscious."
"My subconscious? Does that mean they're repressed memories?" Jim queried, desperate to know what was going on with him.
"Yes and no, I think that they are repressed, but I don't think that it was you who did it."
"What are you saying Bones?" Jim feared the answer.
"I think that you should talk to Spock about what really happened down on that planet, and don't take no for an answer," Bones told him seriously, "and you should probably prepare yourself to hear some things that you don't want to."
o.O.o
It was another long day, but not for the same reasons as the previous day. Jim had made it to the bridge in time for his shift and listened to Starfleet's message regarding their next mission. He had instructed the course to be set for the Starbase that they were to rendezvous at with the USS Bradbury. It would take them almost two days to get there though, which in theory gave Jim plenty of time to talk to Spock. However, the Vulcan seemed to be avoiding him.
Jim signed off on some reports and request forms, and then decided to do a round of the bridge; he liked to check in with his bridge crew every so often. He believed in the happiness and well-being of his crew, it improved morale and loyalty, not to mention efficiency, and he simply cared about the people under his command.
He left Spock for last as usual, because he often lingered with his First Officer. This time was different however. Spock had clearly noticed what his Captain was doing and was ready when Jim approached him.
"My person and my station are both satisfactory at this juncture Captain. I shall inform you of any changes," Spock said stiffly without even turning to look at his Captain.
He frowned at flawless black hair, "Good to hear Mr Spock," Jim waited a few moments but Spock didn't speak again, "Would, um, would you like to have a game of chess after shift?" it would be the perfect way to bring up such a seemingly touchy topic.
"I have experiments to attend to in the science labs, perhaps another time Captain," Spock responded politely.
"What about tomorrow?" Jim tried, getting the feeling that his First Officer was trying to dodge spending any time with him.
"I shall inform you tomorrow if I am available for recreational activities Captain."
Jim sighed, it was as good a response as he was going to get it seemed, "Very well Mr Spock."
He returned to his chair feeling rather dismal, Spock wasn't going to tell him anything at this rate. Jim would be lucky if he could even get Spock to see him off duty, but he needed to find out what Spock wasn't telling him, and why he believed they could no longer be friends.
Focusing on reading through updated Starfleet regulations was pointless after that, all Jim could think about was uncovering these repressed memories. He replayed both mornings in his mind, trying to think past the sex haze and find some other details, but there was only the voice…
For your life I would risk our friendship… I would risk that you will detest me from now on…
He caught himself having read the same line five times and put his PADD aside to rub his face with both hands. The motion brought with it the feeling of foreign fingers on his face, pressing deep into his skin.
I can make it easier… I can take away the pain…
Jim's heart begun to race, and his breath quickened. Forgetting for a moment where he was, Jim dug his own fingers into his face, trying to follow the sensory trigger back to the source.
Forget…
"Ughh, but what did you make me forget?" Jim muttered harshly under his breath, his head aching.
He tried again, digging his fingers into the sides of his face and pushed at that mental block.
Metal, like chains, rattled in his ears.
Let me save you Jim…
His bare back hit cold stone again and again.
Please forgive me…
He pushed harder at the block, and the pain in his head became excruciating. He hardly registered the warm fluid that had started leaking from his nose. Someone was screaming and it took him too long to realise that it was him, Jim was screaming. But was it in his mind or out loud or both? He couldn't tell.
Jim started to feel light headed and nauseous; he was going to be sick. But then someone knelt in front of him and gripped his wrists, they tried to pry his hands away from his head.
Metal around his wrists cut deeply as he struggled.
I can help you, Jim… Let me…
It was somehow better and worse at the same time, and the last thing he heard, whether it was in his mind or not, was Spock calling his name before the world slipped away and he fell into unconsciousness.
