Hey guys! Thank you again for all of your comments and kudos! A very small section of this chapter was written by Lizzy0305, the rest was written by me.
Hope you enjoy this chapter, only one more to go after this. Much love xox
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Chains held him to the cold stone, no, it was the burning body in front of him. It was both.
Let me help…
Pain, pleasure, it was so good. He'd wanted it for so long. But he didn't want it like this, not because of this.
For your life… I would do anything…
"No!"
It was the second time that day that Jim had woken up in sickbay. He wasn't surprised to find that he was covered in sweat and sporting a raging erection again. Luckily he was under covers so it was hidden from Bones and Spock, who rushed to his bedside when he woke up screaming 'no.'
"Jim!" the two men cried in unison.
Jim took in lung-fulls of air before attempting to speak, "I'm okay," he gasped.
"Fix it Spock," Bones demanded, turning to the Vulcan, "fix whatever you did to him with your damn Vulcan mind tricks."
"I do not know to what you are referring Doctor," Spock was rigid, all concern gone from his features as he turned back to a living statue.
"Dammit man, he's your Captain, and your friend, supposedly. Now, I don't know what happened on that planet, and if you both don't want to tell me, then fine, but you're hurting him. His mind can't take much more, you need to fix it, surely whatever you're keeping from us can't be as bad as brain damage!" Bones had a tendency to exaggerate a situation, but he seemed deadly serious as he shouted at Spock.
Spock looked from Bones to Jim and back to the Doctor. Jim could see the anguish in his brown eyes.
"You don't understand Doctor…I-I can't…I need time to think," he strode out of sickbay, hands clasped tightly behind his back.
Bones just gaped after him like a fish.
"Will I really get brain damage?" Jim's question cut through the tension, and Bones turned back to him.
"I don't know the extent of what could happen. It is likely that your brain will eventually break through the block, but it could very well permanently hurt you in doing so. Which is why I want him to remove the block before you hurt yourself," Bones replied with a sigh, "he's more stubborn than you though, maybe I could help more if I knew why.
"I think the voice I'm remembering is Spock's. I think…" his head was still aching from before, but there were fragments, "I think he did something…to save my life…at a cost."
"You were in a bad way when he brought you back. Suppose he went against your orders and doesn't want to be reprimanded by Starfleet for disobeying a direct order," Bones theorised as he checked out Jim's vital signs and administered a hypo to help with the headache.
"Ow!"
"Don't be a baby."
Jim rubbed his neck as he said, "I think it's worse than disobeying an order, it has to be, it changed him Bones. It's like it broke something in him to do this. He begged for forgiveness, and I would give it to him, but I don't even know what it is I'm forgiving him for."
"Maybe you should tell him that, but whatever happens Jim, I can't let you go back on duty until I'm sure that you aren't going to repeat today's incident or anything worse."
"I have to be fit for duty by the time we reach the Starbase Bones, I don't need Starfleet asking questions," Jim protested, sitting up straighter in the bed, thankful that his hard-on was deflating.
"Well then I'd say that you have a day to clear this up with Spock," Bones suggested firmly in his mother hen voice.
o.O.o
Since it had already been late when Jim had regained consciousness, and Bones had wanted to continue monitoring Jim's brain function overnight, Jim just stayed in his sickbay bed. He mulled everything over again and again for hours until he eventually fell back asleep.
Waking up was just as fun as it had been the past three times, and his head was killing him. He never thought that he'd be annoyed with needing a morning wank. Thankfully his headache was a bit of a mood killer, because he wasn't risking someone, namely Spock, walking in on him jerking off again.
Jim finally left sickbay after being checked out again, with another hypo and a warning from Bones to not put too much pressure on his brain. Which was kind of difficult when this whole thing was all he could think about. He knew that Spock had an afternoon science shift, so he should've been free that morning. However, he walked past Spock's quarters and went into his own for a much needed shower and a change of clothes.
His thoughts swirled like the water down the drain as he left his quarters again and walked up to Spock's. He would just have to be assertive and not let Spock walk away from him until this whole thing was resolved.
He hit the buzzer for Spock's quarters, fidgeting with the sleeves of his Starfleet regulation shirt. After a moment the computer responded, "Meditation in progress, please come back later."
Jim stared at the buzzer, what should he do now? Should he let Spock finish his meditation or just barge in there and demand answers?
He concluded that it probably wouldn't help the situation to interrupt Spock's meditation, so he went to the mess hall instead. Jim couldn't even remember the last time he'd eaten, and it was likely to help him feel somewhat better.
The pancakes, bacon and maple syrup did make him feel a little better. After telling multiple crew members that he was fine, thank you, because news travelled faster than a plague on a starship, he made his way back to his quarters.
Jim decided to check his PADD before trying Spock again, and was glad that he did. There was a message from Spock. Jim took a deep breath and then opened the message. The First Officer requested that Jim meet him later that evening at 2200 hours on the same observation deck as two nights previous. Jim quickly replied that he would meet Spock there and then sighed flopping back onto the bed. At least Spock was willing to speak to him.
o.O.o
Anxious, nervous, fidgety, worried…words that certainly did not describe the Captain at all.
He'd been trying to do paperwork all day with very limited success. He'd played a game on his PADD, and rearranged his furniture too, just to keep himself busy. He'd taken another shower and been ready to go at 2100 hours. The following hour passed by at a snail's pace, and it was killing Jim just sitting on his bed waiting for the minutes to tick by.
With twenty minutes to go, Jim couldn't take it anymore. He sprung up and left his quarters, making a beeline for the observation deck whilst trying to appear as though he was walking aimlessly to not alarm any of the crew.
Jim arrived at the door of the observation deck far too fast, and the door whooshed open announcing his arrival before he was ready to deal with what was inside. After all of those hours waiting for this, and now he wasn't ready. Too bad, he told himself, he had to do this.
The first thing he saw as he stepped into the room was the block of chocolate on the arm of the chair Spock was sitting in. There was at least a third of the block noticeably missing, presumably eaten.
"Mr Spock? Bit late for a snack isn't it?" Jim asked lightly as he came around the chair to see the Vulcan.
Spock blinked at Jim, he seemed more relaxed than normal, his posture was far less rigid, and… was there a slight curl to the corners of his lips?
God, those lips, and suddenly Jim felt them up his neck and against his own.
Let me help you…
Jim swallowed a moan and ran a hand through his hair nervously, but it didn't feel like his own, the hair was thick and coarse.
Jim…
Jim shook slightly as the memory flooded his senses, his body reacted, and fuck if he didn't want to just climb into Spock's lap and taste the chocolate on his tongue.
"It is five o'clock somewhere, as humans would say," Spock replied, staring past Jim at the diamond dotted abyss. "You know, Captain, chocolate has a very unusual effect on Vulcans. As you might know, this here," he raised a piece of chocolate up between them, "produces Endorphin in your system. It does the same in mine as well, however, Endorphin has quite a different influence on me."
Jim stepped closer to him, listening carefully. Spock was talking like his usual self, but something was definitely different.
"I could compare its effects to the ones of alcohol in the human body," Spock continued, "very similar actually," he punctuated the end of his explanation by eating the cube of chocolate he had been holding. His eyes closed momentarily as he savoured the flavour.
Jim's mouth dropped to the floor as understanding hit him like a ton of bricks, "Mr Spock, are you telling me you… that you're drunk?"
"Well, 'drunk' is an inaccurate phrase, as I did not drink anything however it describes my state equally well," Spock replied, reopening his eyes.
"Right…" well this was certainly a first. He hadn't really been prepared to deal with a drunk Spock, "What's the occasion?"
Spock had another cube half way to his mouth when he froze. His gaze sat on the little treat between his fingers, and slowly he announced, "It is my last night with the Enterprise, and possibly Starfleet…and you," and then he sighed sombrely and popped the cube into his mouth.
"What? What do you mean?"
"I tried Jim…I tried to save you from it, but it seems I was unsuccessful, and I do not wish to cause you even more pain. This is the best course of action now," Spock stated, once again staring out into space.
Let me save you…
"What are you talking about Spock? I don't want you to go anywhere, I forbid it," Jim was beginning to panic, he couldn't deal with losing Spock, not now, not ever.
"By morning I will have your memories restored, and you will never want to see me again, possibly even be repulsed by the sight of me. It is only logical to submit my resignation and leave the ship when we reach the Starbase, to cause you as little discomfort as I can."
"Spock…" Jim put his hand on Spock's and the Vulcan flinched. His eyes found Jim's, and for a moment Jim couldn't breathe, there was so much emotion in those brown eyes, so many things that they were trying to tell him. He desperately wanted to listen.
Only when Spock looked away was the spell broken and Jim continued speaking, "I can hear your voice in my head…asking to let you save me, willing to bear the burden, begging for forgiveness. I already know that whatever happened, you will have forgiveness Spock. You don't need to leave," his voice was soft but sure as he spoke. His hand never left Spock's until the Vulcan pulled it away.
"You do not know…you could not forgive this, I would not expect you to," Spock shook his head and sighed.
"You don't know that Spock, you took away my choice to forgive."
"I had to!" Jim had rarely heard Spock raise his voice, or get angry, "It was the only way I could…we could…" he deflated, "but it is over now." Slowly Spock rose from the chair and offered Jim the rest of the chocolate block, "One of the final, small comforts I can offer," he explained, and then headed for the door, "come Jim, it is time."
Spock didn't wait for him, he just left, and Jim had to jog to catch up to him, "Where are we going?"
"To your quarters, you will need to rest; sleep will help your brain to readjust."
Jim couldn't argue with that, he didn't want to sleep too long though; he had to stop Spock from leaving once he had all of his memories returned. He had to be awake before they reached the Starbase.
Jim input his code into the door to his quarters and allowed them both entry. He set the chocolate down on his desk and looked around awkwardly.
"Uh, so now what?"
"Ready yourself for sleep," Spock instructed, hovering in the open space of the room.
Jim had to admit that he was kind of tired. The anxiety he'd had about talking to Spock had used more energy that he realised, and the headaches were draining too, Jim was exhausted. He yawned and tried to think of anything except the fact that he was stripping down to his boxers in front of Spock.
He opened his mouth to tell Spock that he was ready, but the Vulcan's eyes were already on him, that intense fire burned in them again.
The heat of a body against his, the force of hands holding him, the passion of lips on his own…
Jim swallowed hard and made himself get into bed and pulled the covers over his body, if only to stop himself from going to the Vulcan and kissing him.
"Re-ready," his mouth was suddenly dry.
Spock took a deep centring breath and then stepped toward the bed. They stared into each other's eyes as Spock leaned over him. Slowly, long fingers came up to Jim's face and settled on the meld points. Jim had to breathe through the echoed memories, as Spock came to rest his forehead against Jim's.
Jim closed his eyes, memory and reality began to merge as he felt Spock connecting with his mind. Soon he couldn't tell what was what anymore.
"Please forgive me…"
Please forgive me… Jim… please…
Lips met his own in a desperate kiss that was over before Jim could respond. He tried to chase after the kiss, but the fingers held him in place.
"Spock," Jim croaked, but it was too late.
"Sleep…and remember…" Spock whispered, as a teardrop fell onto Jim's cheek, and he was pulled down into the still darkness of a deep sleep.
