Jim turned when the atmosphere at the party changed. Everyone became loud and things got cheerful. Spock wasn't there anymore and others felt more at ease. They stopped being overly careful of what they were saying. Spock's Vulcan ears could hear anything. No one wanted to feel silly and to be educated.
That made Jim smile and drink some more. For him, any party was better with Spock in it. He felt immensely entertained when Spock would educate someone. It was even better if that someone was Jim. There was something endearingly cute in Spock when he had an error to correct. It was like he felt at ease in that moment, like he felt safe and useful.
It was easy to think of Spock's cuteness now that Jim was warmed up by the touch of Spock's hand. They were alright. Spock just needed a bit more time than Jim to resolve his inner turmoil.
Just the thought that Jim caused Spock to have any inner turmoil made Jim smile.
When he was awoken by Bones and Uhura talking by the window, Jim felt warm inside. He paused before moving not to fool them but to determine where the sense of warmth came from. He felt hollow and cold for months now, the warmth was a big change. It couldn't have been for a brief rest he just had.
He moved his hand and realized what it was. He was holding Spock's hand. The warm buzzing was passing through Jim's skin and he felt reassured. It was like Spock just told him to wait. More than that, like Spock begged him to stay, to be patient a bit more.
Jim knew how to be patient if he had any hope he would win eventually. To be patient meant not to push too hard, not to demand too much and not to resent the lack of progress. For his patience to start, he would have to break the contact first. It seemed like he took more than it was offered.
Regretting the loss of warmth, Jim slowly removed his hand concentrating on the conversation by the window. When he found a right cue, he got up and took Bones with him to give Uhura and Spock their privacy. He had no desire to stand there awkwardly while they fight again.
It seemed all they did was fight. Bones led them forward trying to unnoticeably scan Jim. He didn't even resent him that. It was for the best to know if some bone was broken in his many falls before they departure the station with more skill than his Bones had in his limited sick bay.
"Did I tell you Bones that you're a miracle worker?" Jim put his hand to Bones' shoulder. "You could cure a rock if it was needed."
"I'm not sure about that," Bones grumbled dissatisfied that his scans didn't reveal anything that would tie Jim to bed. "I would be happy enough if I got you to get a good night sleep for once in your life."
"Sleep can wait, just put some stimulants in me to get through a meeting at top. I have to look like I'm mentally stable when I decline them."
"This stuff isn't something you should take so regularly," Bones grumbled as he poked Jim's throat. "What will you decline? Did they try to make you scrub their toilets for destroying their installations in our wild pursuit?"
"They are aware we saved lives, Bones," Jim smirked. "I'll recommend you for a commendation for your driving skills. The way you manoeuvred to catch me was better than anything I would be able to do."
"I had nothing to do with that. The green goblin gave me instructions and I followed them. The way he comes to his deductions is a mystery to me as it is to anyone else."
"So, he worked the screens and calculated," Jim frowned.
"You were inside of that thing, there are no scanners back there. It was one of his mumbo jumbos. All I saw were buildings he almost made us crash in. I have no idea why I listen to him."
"Because he's right most of the time," Jim patted his back. "I'm here, aren't I? That's enough for me."
They parted as Jim went to change for his meeting. All the while he thought of how Spock caught him mid-air. It wasn't a struggle of many attempts and adjusting. He was falling and in the next moment Spock was firmly holding him in place.
Jim looked at his palm that was still warm. In fact, his chest was warm too. He couldn't remember did he ever hold Spock's hand in such a manner. It felt complete somehow. It wasn't like holding a human hand, there was something more to it.
It felt like he can go on for some time just on those few contacts.
Maintaining that feeling, the surety that he can handle Spock's proximity for some time more, he went and declined the position of Vice Admiral. He was far too young for that. They offered it on the back of his victory against a vicious foe.
He was good at defeating foes. That's why it was imperative he stays on-board of Enterprise. Who else would care for his crew and keep them as safe as they could be.
Bones led him to the surprise party and he didn't resent it. They needed to mark how they survived once more. Even Spock was there. They exchanged a few words before others came to surround them. Those few words were enough to understand that Jim estimated it right. They were ready to wait some more to see what this thing between them was.
It was easier now that Jim got some sort of reassurance that something was there, that he wasn't imagining things from his long exposure to the vacuum.
When Spock was gone from the party, the warmth in Jim's chest turned into a pain, it was like a string was pulled making him ache but that was alright, the string didn't break. It was alright. There was some pleasure in wanting something just out of reach. It was something to strive for and there was nothing Jim liked more than a good challenge.
It was a challenge to resume his position by Jim's side. After they got back on the ship, Spock realized things have changed once again. A dose of respect was lost and Jim didn't seem to be as careful as he was before.
He would initiate eye contact regardless of Spock's posture. For Spock to break the eye contact first was to admit weakness so he maintained the contact. That was probably a mistake because it felt like their stare off could last forever if there weren't for others that would cut in and drag the Captain away.
The damage the eye contact made to Spock was severe. His reserve was faltering and he found himself entertained by Jim's comments and provoked into defending himself.
After a while, it seemed like nothing had changed. It was like before. Jim trusted Spock and they resolved issues together. It seemed the same but it was quite different than before.
Before, Jim was careful and insecure always on the lookout when to disengage.
Now, Jim was like a steady tidal wave constantly at Spock's trail waiting, observing and adapting tactics. What was his goal, Spock didn't know.
If he did, he would logically try to resolve the conflict between them so things can get back to the less tense state of things.
Focused on resolving the question of tension between them, Spock noticed how Jim was rubbing his own back complaining about tension in his back. Vulcans had developed efficient methods of relieving tension in their back through exercise and rightly applied pressure. It was illogical to suffer tension that would lessen their ability to function.
Maybe physical tension was a part of Jim's problem. If he would be more physically relaxed, he might stop being so tense mentally. It was like he was in the constant state of battle readiness.
"If you apply pressure to the right spot, the tension will be gone," Spock told Jim when they were alone in the conference room. It seemed illogical to keep that information from Jim.
"Pressure, Spock?" Jim smiled at Spock like he said something immensely entertaining. "What kind of a pressure?"
"It can be via a device, hands, elbows or even feet. I did check in your databanks and you too on Earth did develop methods of something you call massage. I'm sure Doctor McCoy would be able to apply such a pressure and relieve your pain."
"He tried, of course he has," Jim rubbed his back again. "He prides himself to be a healer. It gives him a great sense of frustration that my back refuse to be relaxed by his methods. He even murmured how he'll hire a masseuse just for me but none would sit on the ship that can blow up at any moment in the deep space. It's more profitable to stay on the firm ground."
"That is unacceptable," Spock approached Jim's back. "There's no need to suffer through pain that can be prevented. If you allow me…"
"By all means, Spock, give it your best shot. I don't believe…" Jim's voice trailed off when Spock pressed his muscle on the estimated place. "Yes, Spock, there, right there. Dig in deeper. Push it in."
Spock complied even if he felt that the pressure he applied might be too much and that Jim's muscles might bruise. It turned out that he was too cautious because Jim's back continued to ache. It baffled Spock of how that pain was so hard to extinguish because Jim experienced it almost daily.
He blamed it on the difference between Human and Vulcan physique. Humans were lesser in sustaining and controlling pain. Maybe it was because their centres for pain were less efficient in noticing when something was repaired?
Nevertheless, Spock's ability to pressure muscles in the right order did seem to help Jim and lessened the tension between them. That's why, Spock continued to offer his abilities but only when they were alone.
It seemed somehow indecent to apply such pressure when others were around. As he said before, private spaces were for any expression that was out of the scope of their duty. Spock hadn't found any traces of offering massage to other crewmembers as a part of their duty. He did check.
It was good that it wasn't in the regulation book. If others gathered about Spock's abilities, they too might ask of him similar actions. That seemed like too much to ask of him. His hands were extremely sensitive. To touch strangers was like being violated. Just the mere ignorance of some crew members brought him much inconvenience when some of them would grab his arm, let alone his hand.
That made him pause.
Making contact with Jim became so natural that he didn't find touching his back as something uncomfortable. It was so natural that he didn't even think about it. After thinking about it some more, he concluded that was normal. They were friends. Spock did trust Jim and was trusted in return. It was only natural for Spock not to be alert on contacts with Jim. More probably, it was a good sign.
That made Spock finally relax in Jim's presence. After all, he was a Vulcan in control of his emotions. Whatever Jim throws at him, he can handle.
It was hard to handle Spock's proximity. Harder than Jim anticipated. Especially after things went back to normal. Normal in their terms. Arguing, discussing and bantering.
Throw Bones in the mix and it seemed like they were in perpetual loop of arguing, mocking and solving problems. Sometimes it seemed like they can't get any break. Even when they went on shore leave there were murderous plants, hostile natives and outbreaks of tribbles on a space station.
Jim was tired and he wasn't faking pain in his back anymore. He would strain and pulled his muscles every so often. Spock's ability to notice pain and apply pressure was as admirable as any of his traits.
At first, massage was a fun score on Jim's inner score board. The contact was pleasant and it relieved some of his tension but soon that became a trap in itself.
Spock would notice something in Jim's posture and as soon as they were alone his hands were on Jim's back bringing release and removing pain. That was maddening because Jim needed his pain to drive him forward, to maintain his level of irritation and anger on a sufficient level for him to stay determinant.
It was also frustrating because the contact provoked other kinds of reactions in Jim. Reactions he carefully tried to hide before Spock. If anything, his pride before Spock was intact. Intact as it could be before a man as observant as Spock was.
Soon, instead of plotting plans how to get Spock closer Jim dreamt of a nice extensive shore leave without seeing Spock's face or hearing his voice for at least two days in a row.
When a planet with a small colony of settlers appeared, it seemed like a golden opportunity to leave Spock on board and get a few days of rest. Sure, there was a small problem of deathly rays but those could be tolerated for a few days. It seemed like a moment to finally unwind some but then Spock stepped in.
"No, Captain, not you, nor I, will beam down with the landing party," Spock said with his tone that signified how there will be no discussion about this.
"What the hell Spock? If you refuse any chance of a shore leave, I don't have to."
"Here are the readings on the planet. There are high concentration of unknown spores in the air. It's a drug substance that removes any ambition or drive from its subjects. If we go down there, we risk losing our ship completely."
"You surely exaggerate," Jim took the readings. "Scotty never mentioned anything like that. We wouldn't be affected in a just few short hours. Especially not you."
"I can't go even if you order me, Captain. Send Doctor McCoy in a hazard suit and a landing party of the most irritating people you can find on the ship. The colonists will beg us to transport them out of here within hours."
Jim looked at the data and couldn't find any way to contradict his findings.
"As usual, you are efficient Mr Spock."
"Well, thank you, Captain. I strive to be."
Jim listened to him and it was just as Spock had said. There were spores and all colonists were drugged for years since their arrival. The side-effect of their drug was perfect health but years were wasted in idle lying around.
When they were aboard, Jim noticed a blonde woman who followed Spock around trying to initiate a conversation but failing as people often did.
"A girl, Spock?" Jim couldn't resist but poke some. "How many of those girls are there around? I would never tell your charm to be this universal."
"Hardly, Captain. We were just attending the same lecture some time ago. She probably memorised me with ease. Five years of isolation is a long time."
"Quite a long time for any kind of celibacy," Jim sighed dropping the subject, Spock won't give him anything more, the girl was just one of, probably many, that were sighing after Spock not being noticed at all.
Jim got irritated by the thought how he too is in the line of those people along with that pale girl.
"But you are being noticed, Captain," Spock said lifting his eyebrow and left smugly.
That made Jim pause in shock. Did Spock realize that he just answered Jim's thought, that he didn't say that out loud or did he get so accustomed to hearing Jim think that he didn't even notice it anymore?
"I must enter in my log how you prevented the disaster by scanning for spores, Spock," Jim said when they were on the bridge again. "We could put that in our routine, to scan for spores. It could be life-saving."
"I already put it to our routine some time ago. That's why it was found."
"Good call, carry on as it is."
There was nothing more to say about it so Jim dropped the subject. Spock was just being his efficient self.
That was what Jim thought until they were assigned to transport Elaan of Troyaan to her husband on a hostile planet. The woman was so irritating that Jim found himself enraged and unable to restrain his anger. She caused havoc, conflict and aggression. Irritated and lost of any reasonable action Jim found himself scolding, teaching and instructing the girl of how one should behave.
That was until suddenly she turned from the most annoying woman in the universe to the most beautiful being he has ever seen. The sense of passion, possessiveness and extraordinary love overpowered him and all he wanted was to serve her, to listen to her, to devour her.
He marched towards her but before he could do anything the door of her cabin opened and Spock came in swiftly with a syringe in his hand.
"The Doctor sent me with the antidote," he said calmly and pressed the dose against Jim's shoulder.
Jim cried out in pain grabbing on to Spock's shoulder looking him straight in the eye. Why did he think of that woman as beautiful before? No one was as beautiful as his Spock was. Especially when he held him like this firmly by his arm steading him not asking any question of the pain, just waiting for it to pass.
"What the hell was that, Spock," he didn't break eye contact with him, his eyes kept him sane as his body went through immense pain, he was afraid that if he looked at her he would once again see her as beautiful.
"A mixture Doctor prepared for you. In fact, we made a supply of it while the delegation is on board Enterprise. You see, the curious thing about this species is that their females have poison in their tears, a poison that makes men their slaves."
Jim looked at his hand where her tear drop fell and felt horror.
"I must remember to thank McCoy. His medical genius is often overlooked. Take me out of here. I think I need a place to rest until this passes."
"Of course, my Captain," Spock nodded reasonably when they were attacked by Eleen who screamed and called them beasts.
"I think we should hurry, she throws knives quite precisely."
Then the Enterprise shook and there was no time to rest and recuperate. Jim needed to fight off Klingons. It took some more time to deliver the diplomats to their destination. Only then, Jim found enough time to sit with Bones with a bottle of his fine ale.
"I didn't have time to thank you Bones. You were as efficient as ever. Without you, who knows how long I would be under that woman's spell."
"Maybe it would do you some good, shaken up your bones for a bit," Bones smirked. "But you can't thank me, at least not this me. Spock barged in with the formula ready for me to mix. He said it was mine but I never made it. I guess it was one of his mumbo jumbo time travel cheats."
"Well, is it or isn't it yours?"
"When everything calmed down I compared the poison and the antidote and it looks like something I would conjure. It has my style of combining molecules. I guess that the older I was as impressive as I am."
"Of course you are," Jim murmured absentmindedly.
Spock had information about their future, the one that could have been but Jim never saw him interfere this directly before. There was always talk about not interfering and changing the course of their destinies but this was clearly interfering. Like that thing with spores. Spock knew about them more than his scanners could tell him.
That made him observe Spock more closely. Should he ask or not? Was it better to leave it to Spock to intervene when necessary? But last two times he interfered seemed less than life-changing. The presence of the old Spock and the old crew of Enterprise showed that they survived all those events. Why interfere? Why on those occasions? Jim hated not knowing as much as he loved challenges.
When confronted directly, Spock proved to be quite impervious to questioning. Jim decided to observe some more before asking the question. Spock was as honest as he could be but to get an answer you desire of him you had to ask a very precise and well targeted question. It was similar to shooting. It was better to wait than to miss and alert your prey into fleeing your sight.
Soon, there was another discrepancy. Spock came to his cabin with coordinates they need to be in two days' time.
"Spock, this is light years away. We should go in warp 7 if not quicker to be there in time. We can't just abandon our route whenever you feel like it."
"It has nothing to do with a feeling, Captain, there's no reason to insult me. I just ask of you to trust me. I never diverted our course before like this."
"I do trust you, Spock, but you need to give me something more than a time and a place. Even a date has to be signified for people to appear."
"I don't know, Captain, I'll know when we get there. By all I know, there could be nothing. Still, we need to be there just in case."
"Just in case? You want me to move the ship few parsecs just in case?"
"Yes, Captain. It's too important not to check upon it."
"Too important…"
"Yes."
"Important enough for you to tell me how you know these things before they happen. I deducted they have something to do with the old Spock but he was quite determinant not to interfere. He barely told us anything about Khan. Why this? Why now?"
"Captain, the lesser our knowledge is, the better."
"I'll go, of course I'll go, you're asking but I'm risking my career if anyone hails us to aid them. Will you share your source to relieve my stress? I think that's only fair giving the circumstances which suggest that these things will keep on repeating," Jim kept his voice low as he seated himself comfortable to the armchair gesturing towards the other.
"I suspected as much, so I came prepared," Spock sighed and revealed the box that was behind his back before sitting down. "But could you, please lay in the course so we won't be late."
"Of course," Jim called the bridge to give them the new coordinates. "I'm listening."
The box in Spock's hands was the one Jim saw in his inner vision. The one from the old Spock. Without a word, Spock opened it and pulled out a small hexagonal cylinder with markings on its side.
"This was given to me after my older-self died. It's a scroll that is time activated. This appeared today. I came urgently as soon as I saw it."
Spock gave the scroll to Jim. He looked at it not able to read anything out of its intrinsic surface.
"Those are just scribbles, Spock."
"Not scribbles, Vulcan dialect barely anyone reads these days. I studied it when I was young. There is probably no one except me left to read what it says so it's quite safe from intruders."
"Even from me. Then why show it to me?"
"To show you that I can't read it ahead of time. There is no way for me to know what it will read next or will it show anything."
"It seems like a devilish trap. The one you should stare constantly at. What if you throw it away? The universe will keep on spinning."
"That is the problem Spock has faced. The universe as he knew it changed but some things remained the same. It took him some time to struggle with it but he realized his duty is to preserve things that were preserved by us from the previous time-line. With him gone, I am here left to do what we would have done without his interference. The whole Vulcan was lost because of what I did. I think it was the right decision to restore the balance elsewhere."
"No, I don't accept it. We are our own men. This is our time. Whatever they did, we will do things our way."
"Then you would let your brother die?" Spock said impassively.
"What? Sam? Sam is alive and well."
"Yes, because Spock went and sterilized the whole planet with violet rays stopping the invasion. They weren't able to stop that before and Sam died. It seemed only logical of Spock to save your brother when your father had to die because of what I did."
It took some time for Jim to speak up again.
"That wasn't your fault, old or young. Things changed, that's all. Although I am grateful for Sam's life, we can't go playing crisscross across the galaxy catching their tail. We have to live our own lives, make our own mistakes. If we follow them forever, we will forever feel as lesser men than they are. I'm tired of that feeling, aren't you?"
"It's not about being lesser. It's about saving our whole galaxy. If we get there on time, no one has to die. If we don't, we don't know will others be able to defeat this threat before it spreads everywhere."
"The whole galaxy? That's taking it a bit too far. We encountered gods and monsters but nothing that would endanger the whole galaxy."
"It says so right here, that the whole galaxy could perish if that creature appears here too. It's not certain will it but if it does we have to stop it. Four hundred Vulcans died unable to stop it. There are too little Vulcans left to be roaming around in a space ship nowadays but others might be there and die like that."
"What chances do we have if that many Vulcans failed?"
"We have detailed instructions although I almost doubt myself when I read it," Spock frowned looking at the scroll Jim returned to him.
"What does it say?" Jim asked quietly leaning forward.
"Let yourself being eaten without any resistance," Spock read the scroll. "When digested, target the chromosomes with anti-matter from close range then revert thrusters."
"Eaten, Spock?" Jim was disturbed. "Who? You or me, or both? Will there be slime? I hate when we end up covered in slime, even more than when my shirt tears. Those shirts are made too thin for any tumbling or turning."
"Shirts are good as they are, mine never get torn, and you just like to punch wrong aliens too much."
Pieces of blue and yellow fabric came to Jim's mind and he smiled.
"Never, Spock?" he said gently and provoked the surge of green to Spock's cheeks.
"Now that we settled this, I shall go and oversee the bridge Captain. You try to get some rest. With instructions as vague as this we will need your ingenuity on the spot."
Spock retreated quickly and Jim was left thinking how he would relax better if Spock stayed with him. Entertained with that thought, Jim lied on his back and imagined just that, Spock leaning over asking how he can help Jim to relax.
It was soothing and Kirk was quickly sleeping.
