6.01 Moving as One Betrays Us

Sometimes Spock would miscalculate. Rarely, but it did happen. Usually, it involved elusive concepts like emotions and irrational physical urges.

He was wrong to assume how he'll be able to sustain Jim's presence without any difficulty.

Their interplay was like a long game of chess that was both satisfying and challenging. His Captain was a formidable foe that wasn't easy beaten in any tactical game. That's why Spock followed his lead with ease never thinking of him as lesser than Spock in any sense of the word.

The unaccounted for factor in their game was Spock's suppressed instinctive nature on which he didn't have a full control of. He had even less control than an average Vulcan because of the unpredictable irrationality of his Human half.

His Vulcan logic did tell him early on that the contact with the Captain through applying pressure on his back was an error in judgement. It affected Spock too severely. Even if it was applied through clothes Spock's telepathic abilities were amplified by proximity, direct contact made them instantly activated.

Through their prolonged contact, Captain's private thoughts began to seep through to Spock. He was trained to block them so he did, most of the time. Captain had no such training. Captain didn't even try to negate the connection. He just used the inner insight he had in Spock to always be in the visible spot, to lean, smile and say things that would irk a reaction in Spock.

Jim liked nothing more than provoking reactions in Spock.

Although his logic informed him of how to correct the mistake, he just needed to stop the contact, his Human stubbornness prevented him from applying the correction. It would be a defeat of sorts and Spock didn't want to give the Captain the upper ground. He couldn't predict what Captain would do with the advantage over Spock.

To make Captain sure that Spock had difficulty when they touch would mean more contact, not less.

Even if the Captain made contact constantly with Spock grabbing his arms, shoulders and patting his back, it was casual, without any real intent. Spock has observed Captain enough of time when he had a real intent. He was like a predator on its trail, using every advantage offered to him.

That's why Spock was determinant to offer him none.

It was easier when he was the one making the contact. It seemed logical to proceed but an unforeseen thing happened. As he asserted his expertise in relieving pain, Spock discovered that he acts different around the Captain. He was firmer than before, it was like his task was not to serve the Captain but to protect him from any harm that may come his way.

Unfortunately, many harms did come their way and Spock found himself standing closer and closer to the Captain in the look out of the oncoming danger.

Of course, the oncoming danger was the Captain himself. He was like a vortex that never let you return to the previous positon, to make distance and recuperate. If Spock would stop further away, Captain would just step in to resume with the previous distance.

Proximity became so common that soon they stood shoulder to shoulder when talking to others or waiting for foes to appear.

The contact with the Captain was constant and Spock had no way of moving away even for an inch. Captain's hand would find itself on Spock's back offering support and comfort. Spock wouldn't even flinch. It was that normal to make contact over clothes.

Still, sometimes, Captain would grab his wrist while they ran and fought.

Skin on skin contact was the most dangerous one but Spock prided himself how he was able to sustain all that onslaught without caving in and falling in Pohn Faar.

Captain didn't make it any easier with occasional images of them touching without clothes. Luckily for Spock those were easy to block out from his mind.

Spock was maintaining his positon trying to find a solution that would allow him to back away without revealing his inner weakness.

Spock's instructions that came with the box didn't help much either. They were so often concentrated on Jim, keeping him safe and out of danger that Spock was sure how the old him didn't manage to resist old Jim's charms.

When he saw the picture of them old and smiling, that much was sure.

Still, even if he failed, Spock will succeed. He was more controlled than that other version of him was.

This situation with the giant amoeba in space reminded him of his situation with the Captain too much. The attraction that can't be fought.

'Let it consume you and then destroy it from within,' seemed like a sinister and dangerous way of going about it but there was no other way.

Soon the amoeba was destroyed, Captain told him how there's no harm in a firm physical contact and for a moment Spock found himself thinking of how he might be right. Maybe he should give in and destroy the attraction between them by showing the Captain how what he wants isn't something he would enjoy having.

That little moment of hesitation, and the fatigue caused by amoeba, brought down his inner barriers and images of Jim lying, of him undressing, of them hugging invaded his mind bringing with them equal amount of ache and enjoyment.

What if he gave in? Wouldn't that be logical? It would save them a lot of time they spend resisting what can't be fought.

In that moment, Intrepid called and his wife that should be dead appeared on the screen. Spock looked at her and all his inner fires went out. There was such coldness between them. They were aware of it as children while adults ignored their complaints pronouncing them too small to know who they will be when they grow up.

They complied joining their fingertips so their minds would be one for a moment and both of them recoiled from the other.

Seeing her adult and beautiful didn't change much. Their minds were close enough to know they still recoiled in the contact but too far away to understand why or what was it about the other that disturbed them that much.

Still, T'Pring followed customs inviting him in and Spock accepted hoping that they will be able to resolve this thing between them. He will tell her that Pohn Faar will never be upon him and that she is free to seek a mate elsewhere.

Looking at Captain's face after hers was like looking at the most exquisite picture ever made. There was something objectively pleasing in Captain's features, from his voice to his posture. That was an observable fact and not only Spock was affected by his qualities. Women, whichever species they belonged to, tried to get his attention constantly. Even now, the new yeoman circled around him offering him food.

Without thinking is it wise, Spock invited Captain to go to Intrepid with him.

Being the gentleman he was, Captain offered to stay behind but Spock couldn't imagine himself standing before T'Pring's disdainful eyes alone. It felt like she might kill him if given the chance. Whatever happens there, Captain will know how to talk their way out of there.

Captain had a voice and arguments to kill computers. Surely, he'll win even against a full-blooded Vulcan.

That made him pause. Was that the thing that bothered T'Pring, his half-blood heritage?

He was half-Human. With his unpredictable emotions that showed here and there.

That reminded him to instruct the Captain of how to act among Vulcans. Spock's passions were safely under control. Being faced with other Vulcans, he would always revert to the maximum expressionless and passionless self.

Still, there was no reason for them to make contact, talk or in any way reveal their bond that would be laughable to other Vulcans. Spock won't tolerate any mocking of the Captain on their side.

They went over. Spock talked to T'Pring while the both of them honoured rituals. Captain followed Spock's instructions to the T. He didn't talk at all unless he was asked something directly. He didn't come to Spock's sight at all. Not a glimpse of him could be seen.

Still, as soon as they stepped off the transporter to the hallway Spock realized his mistake.

Captain did obey Spock's instructions, the fault wasn't on him. The fault was in Spock's assumption that he won't be influenced by the Captain if he's out of his sight.

The Captain was so much in the line of Spock's sight that it sometimes seemed he was observing his every move almost constantly. It was a stimulation Spock was used to, the one he programed himself to neutralize.

Captain would stride onward and Spock would follow a step behind. Sometimes they would crash into each other if the Captain would suddenly stop.

Now, by Spock's instructions, their roles were reversed. Spock led the way, he talked and decided. Captain followed and waited for instructions.

It should be alright by all account but it wasn't alright at all.

By his absence Captain amplified in Spock's senses. Spock could hear his steps, his breath, he could sense his amused smile as he studied his surroundings.

Worse than that, he was waiting for Jim to crush into him when he stops abruptly but he never did. He moved as Spock moved. He stopped the exact moment when Spock stopped. There was no hesitation or delay.

That revealed to Spock the thing he was denying.

They were already one mind in two bodies. They already bonded slowly over time. Probably in one of the moments they barely noticed when they grabbed hands pulling the other up or ran side by side avoiding gunshots constantly grabbing the other.

It wasn't important when it happened all that mattered was that it did happen. They were bonded and their minds were one. Jim had no need for any words to know what Spock will do next. They were as they already mated. There was no difference in Spock's fight against Pohn Faar.

When he thought about it honestly, they probably bonded even before Jim kissed him and made him lose control. Jim probably kissed him because he was emotional Human that couldn't resist the pull of the bond Vulcans created with their mates.

Spock just walked in Intrepid full of Vulcans walking towards his wife with a mate by his side. No woman, even as logical as Vulcans were, would suffer the insult without retaliation. Life among Humans taught him as much.

Not once did Jim dance around a woman to make her go away without her ego being wounded by his refusal to be smitten by her charms.

A ship full of Vulcans that could read minds.

Spock didn't trust them enough to put his trust in their restraint, their refusal to be intrusive and peek into newcomers minds. Any of them could decide that it was only logical to check were they spies or was some hidden danger around them.

That made him reach out and shield Jim's mind from their intrusion. It was only natural to do so. Even if they weren't bonded, he would have the duty to protect his Captain from any manipulation or intrusion. They had enough of that on their journeys.

More than that, since they were bonded, it was only natural to protect his mate before the danger that was a betrayed woman.

Spock put his all in doing all the right moves, displaying how he's not aware of the disdain that came from the other side. That gave T'Pring the sense of power and she didn't try to pry to their minds.

Other Vulcans were idle enough to try and pry but Spock turned them away one by one.

They moved around the ship as T'Pring showed her advancement. Spock found himself wondering about the other version of him. How he suggested T'Pring was dead. He didn't want of them to meet ever. There was surely danger that came from meeting her and Spock was alert to find it.

Instead of finding the danger, Spock found reflexions of Jim.

Looking around to cover every angle, Spock found himself distracted by the reflexions of Jim. Behind his back, Jim was as charming as ever offering smiles, accepting food, answering questions quietly not to disrupt Spock's conversation.

Even distorted in reflexions Jim was more beautiful to Spock than anything that was presented before him. All he wanted to do was to turn, catch his gaze, lift an eyebrow and provoke a smile, a real smile, not this fake ones he used to control the situation.

Jim wasn't happy in this situation. He was jealous. He was angry. He was possessive. He wanted to step forward, move T'Pring further away from Spock, grab his arm and call on the Enterprise to beam them the hell out of here.

Spock snapped out of it when they sat in T'Pring's cabin.

In his right state of mind, he would never let himself being dragged in here. Worse than that, his effort to fight Vulcans away from their minds has broken the careful border Spock put between Jim's mind and his.

They were so close now that they were on the verge of a mind meld.

No, he musn't do that, she's watching him. He has to break free but he was too close now. There was no escaping the pull Jim had on him. Where was his face, he wanted to see his face but wherever he turned he wasn't there.

He was alone like he always was. He will be left here to die alone. He could see his own death in his mind, he could see Jim dead in his mind. Dead Jim made him lose all of his logic.

The volcano for which he couldn't remember why should stay closed erupted and his blood burned from the urgent need to consume another, to be one with the other, to end solitude.

He was grabbed but it wasn't enough. It was distant like and echo but the contact provoked more images of dead Jim.

Among them, there were images of naked Jim. Naked Jim seemed better than the dead one. Still, Spock could cause pain to both of them with his big relentless hands.

"I won't hurt the Captain," Spock fought against the imminent death that was called on by a siren that hated him.

Then his hand was locked into another. It was the right kind of a contact, it was the right hand. The hand calmed him but then there was a noise which caused an avalanche, his core crumbled, the darkness descended, he lost himself but then his burning skin felt the pressure of the correct hand.

The all-consuming hatred subsided to be replaced by lust.

He was trembling from the onslaught of it but it wasn't any better than rage. It could hurt as badly as his anger.

Still, a voice came through his fever, a voice that calmed him. Hands were there that guided him and he managed to overcome the storm for a while longer. His prize was in his arms, he will consume it pressing it in his chest to carry with him everywhere.

They will be forever joined in a peaceful death.

Then his energy was conducted down into the volcano and his body remembered there's another way to consume not just to bring destruction and death. He could possess the other completely and he did.

His blood thrusted and without any conscious thought he possessed the other making him his own, making them one. As he did so, a strange occurrence happened. A stream of forbidden emotions broke in his inner fortress bringing in tenderness unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

There was something like it deep down on the bottom of the volcano but the tenderness was overbearing his control, his absolute power over the other, the one that could make them move like this forever. The tenderness rose up the fever of his blood and the inner volcano spilt over taking away the heat of creation and destruction.

When the heat cleared, Spock's mind woke up just to see Jim naked, trapped under him. It wasn't a shocking sight, it was like it should be like this always.

He fought to stay awake but his body once again won over his mind.

"I guess we're married now," he said as the urgent need for hibernation came over him.

Instead of marrying T'Pring, he ended up bonding with Jim for life. That was more favourable outcome without a doubt but he had no knowledge of how that came about. He'll investigate later. Now, he needed to recover his strength.

The urgency of recovery demanded deep regeneration but without slipping under too close to death. If that happened, someone else would have to wake him up. He had no desire for T'Pring to come in and find them like this, exposed. Captain had to maintain his dignity before others.

Even in his slumber when his body was too exhausted for him to open his eyes or move his muscles, he was able to think, to go through his body searching where it needs repairs, what needs to be balanced out so he can wake up as soon as possible.

The urgency was real. T'Pring could decide that it was only logical to kill them both to preserve her dignity before her crew.

Spock repaired the damage balancing out his inner systems in what he considered the shortest amount of time.

He opened his eyes to explain himself to the Captain but he wasn't there anymore. More so, Spock was fully clothed and there was no sign that anything had happened. Anything but him ending up sleeping on the floor.

His mind was fuzzy. He wasn't accustomed to losing control in this manner. Was his memory of naked Jim in his arms just a part of his fever? A vivid dream. It was a sound hypothesis. More likely than it actually happened.

Slowly, Spock sat up.

He was in T'Pring's cabin. That matched his last clear memories. Before the fire began to burn. But if it didn't happen, how did the fire went out? It was extinguished thoroughly. There was no trace of it left. Pohn Faar has ended and Spock was on the other side of it. He will never again have to suffer through such madness.

To establish facts he first examined his uniform. There should be signs of struggle, of tearing, something on it but there was nothing there. More so, his uniform was as it should be. Everything was set like he put it on this morning.

His uniform told him nothing except that he most likely didn't roll around in it in fight or in intimacy.

Searching for other clues he looked around and first noticed weapons placed near him.

Those were ritual weapons used in a challenge. Bells for the challenge were placed near the door. T'Pring did use her right of a challenger. That part of his nightmarish fever was right. The fear that he killed his Captain rose up in him and he looked around in panic dreading the sight of blood.

Jim lied there on the couch sleeping. His chest were moving and he murmured in his sleep. He was covered in sweat but that too said nothing since the temperature on board Intrepid was quite high.

Jim was alive. That was a fact that brought relief to Spock.

He got up from the floor to examine the Captain. Why was he sleeping? Weren't they in direct danger? Was he injured?

First, he examined Captain's uniform.

His uniform was like Spock's was. There was no tearing of any kind and it wasn't even crumpled. If they fought, or did that other thing, Jim's treacherous uniform would be the first thing to tear. Sometimes Spock indulged the idea that Jim ordered his uniforms thin in order for them to tear but that was an illogical preposition, why would he do that?

The mystery of Spock's survival through his Pohn Faar without mating became irritating. Was his Vulcan blood really too thin? Did his fire just went out on its own?

Spock reached out to measure Jim's pulse to make sure he was alright. When he did that, he noticed the first odd thing. There were red marks on Captain's neck, just underneath his collar.

With discomfort, Spock remembered an echo of the image, of Jim panting under his hands. He tried to strangle his Captain.

A hypothesis started to form in Spock's mind.

Captain was much weaker than Spock. What if Spock strangled him until he lost consciousness? That would surely provoke great sense of conflict in Spock's mind even if he was under the madness of Pohn Faar. He was Human enough to be devastated by what he had done.

To protect itself his mind created the image of them bonded rather than facing death of his Captain as his fever disappeared.

Captain, once released, regained his consciousness and was now sleeping from exhaustion. It was a sound theory. It matched all the facts. In such quick encounter, their uniforms wouldn't tear.

He has to take the Captain to Doctor McCoy as soon as possible. How long was he without air? A permanent damage could occur even if he survived.

Their communicators were nowhere in sight. When did T'Pring take them? How much of this was her fault? Did she planned this ahead of time?

The door opened and Spock straightened himself up covering his anxiety before her.

"You lived," she said with dissatisfaction. "Did you kill your friend to get me? How did you last the night? Even if you claim me as your prize now, I will continue to live my life as I want it to. We don't have to meet ever again."

"Agreed," Spock said impassively offering her his hypothesis of what had happened.

Still, he didn't owe her to expose his weaknesses so he spoke as he was sure of the sequence of events. His observations were accurate. He couldn't be much from the truth. The margin for error was minimal.

Captain woke up and Spock's attention shifted on him. Was he himself? It worried Spock that he was barely standing. They were here for hours trapped without nourishment.

To quicken their departure he even promised T'Pring to preserve her sense of pride rather than pursuing justice for her treachery. Whatever her destiny was it wasn't his to govern.

It seemed like the walk to the Doctor lasted forever. As usual, Captain resisted making excuses. Damn him, he almost died. Can't he at least sometimes be reasonable?

That thought made him pause.

It wasn't like him to get so irritable even in the privacy of his thoughts. Was that the prolonged proximity of the Captain? Were his thoughts seeping through?

He could remember something like that on Intrepid but the whole visit there now seemed like a dream, something that was fleeing him. It was like his fever started as soon as they breathed in Vulcan's atmosphere.

Or even before. As they fought the creature, he thought he was doing fine but now he could barely remember anything about it except the trajectory of Jim's movements through the bridge.

Instead of being fussy and tying to usher Jim to bed, Doctor just let him slide to his cabin. What if he has a seizure while he's alone or even something worse like a stroke? How could the Doctor miss out on the near-death experience Jim just had? He thought better of the Doctor.

Not willing to let Jim out of his sight Spock escorted him to his cabin. He went even so far to put him to bed to ensure he doesn't hit his head on the bed post.

That's how he was ambushed by Jim once again.

He should have remembered by now that weak Jim was the most dangerous Jim. When he was almost asleep, Jim had no boundaries and no hesitation. He would reach out and touch Spock skin on skin creating an intimate moment that lasted in Spock's mind forever.

If he wasn't so worried, he would predict it and avoid it. Or, even worse, he wouldn't avoid it. Contact with Jim wasn't something uncomfortable. It was always pleasurable and without any sense of pain. Jim's mind never resisted his. It was like Jim trusts him indefinitely.

As he put Jim's head to the pillow avoiding any hard impact on his skull, Jim placed his warm palm to Spock's cheek. Then, even worse, grabbed his hand.

Their minds were almost touching. Jim's thoughts were at reach, open, ready to be examined.

"Do you even remember?" Jim hit the cord of Spock's worry.

Jim remembered what Spock has forgot. The memory was there. He could see how close to the truth his hypothesis was. The temptation was there but more than that there was an urgent need for Jim to sleep and recover.

Without finding it strange, Spock's fingertips found Jim's temple helping him to fall asleep.

As he did so, their mind locked without any effort on Spock's side, without any intention of intruding in Jim's memories, their minds became one, Jim's memories and dreams were like his own. Jim belonged to him now and it was only natural that Spock was invited in, that he was welcomed.

Spock wasn't welcomed in anyone's mind. It was always a struggle to maintain a mind meld. It was a struggle to understand the other and find relevant thoughts.

It was easy to meld with Jim's mind. Spock wasn't sure where one starts and other ones becomes. It was like when they broke the barrier of the galaxy, there was no point of reference. Without a point of reference, Spock fell down to Jim's mind examining his memories as they were his own.

Of course, he walked, he could see his own back but he didn't think his back were so broad and strong. He talked to T'Pring. She lured them in her cabin, exposed her plan of disposing of Spock, of making him die. Locked them in her cabin just when Spock grabbed Jim by the neck trying to strangle him.

It was all as he pieced out from his fragmented memories. His hypothesis were logical and right.

That is, until the door closed.

After the door closed, the chain of events diverted from his hypothesis wildly. He should have known. He should have known that with Jim things never went in their logical patterns Spock would guess. Jim always brought chaos in any equation.

Instead of fighting Spock, Jim touched his stomach. He removed their clothes as Spock tried to crush his ribcage. When they were naked, with ease of a master, Jim directed Spock's fever from violence of death to the violence of intimacy.

If Spock had retained his memories, he would be horrified with himself convinced that he hurt his Captain badly. Without his memories, with only Jim as his lens, Spock could only feel the immense sense of joy, victory and enjoyment Jim felt at the moment of Spock's onslaught.

More than that, Jim loved every second of it.

"You'll only give me what I want," Jim had said and he didn't lie.

That shameful thing Spock always diverted his gaze from was the thing Jim wanted to gain. Access to Spock's skin and to his inner savagery.

The act came to a logical end and then his vision doubled. The moment Spock said they were married was real, it wasn't a dream. Only now, Spock knew that no matter how seriously he said it and how real their bond was for Spock, Jim thought of it as a great joke.

The moment of double vision ended as Spock fell to hibernation.

Worried for Spock's reputation, Jim dressed him up in the exact manner and sequence as Spock did it daily revealing that their connection went both ways. Jim knew things of Spock he should have no knowledge of.

T'Pring's voice appeared in Jim's mind and Spock recoiled before it breaking the connection.

In the present moment, Jim was sleeping by Spock's side. They were bonded for life and Spock could now follow the fine web of their interlocked mind that was now one. Of course he missed it out completely, they were bonding for so long and so slowly that it felt more like trees growing naturally together than new lovers thrusting into each other not knowing what hurts the other.

Spock knew his Captain inside out. He was Spock's. Spock was his. Those were inevitable facts and Spock was now grateful that the fever made him forget. If he knew, he wouldn't be able to hide it before T'Pring. The rage their bond would create in her he didn't wish to see.

Now that he established all the facts, Spock should get up and leave.

He hesitated. Even if they were bonded for life in Spock's mind, that didn't mean it will affect Jim in any way. He was Human after all. They operated by different rules.

Spock had a Human mother so he knew well that she chose to stay with his father actively as years went by. She wasn't bounded by him by her biology.

Jim could wake up and decide it was all a great joke, he had an excellent time. His curiosity was satisfied. Usually, people would discover that it was more satisfying to want and imagine than to actually hold and have.

That would be Jim's right to do so. More than that, it would be in his nature to avoid attachment of a permanent kind.

Those prospects ached Spock inside but it was only logical. Given time, Spock will probably see it as beneficial. He will accept that he has a mate who isn't depended upon him and he will be able to pursue his life without being a slave to Vulcan's customs.

Still, until that logical outcome unfolds, Spock had this moment before Jim wakes up and shares, or keeps to himself, this great joke that just happened, how they avoided death once more doing something he wanted to try anyway.

Jim was his to hold and Spock did just that.

He lied down and hugged Jim's back holding him tenderly. He lied awake wondering how he wasn't bored, how he didn't feel like he's wasting time. There was something important here. Something he wanted to remember for years to come.

He had a mate. Someone whose mind was open to his. Someone who cared for him deeply and not just because his biology forced him to do so. Someone who trusted Spock with his life, his thoughts and his sleep.

After some time, Jim's sleep became restless showing that his anxious mind would soon wake him up to jump up and rush off to solve the next problem before them.

Spock got up before that happened not to be caught in the act of being unnecessarily emotional. He went out of the cabin but only to get some food on a tray. Then he returned timing his arrival to when Jim awakes but before he rushes out of his cabin.

Listening in Jim's thoughts was easy now when Spock wasn't fighting against him anymore, when he was finally defeated. That made him pause. Yes, that was the correct term, he lost this fight fairly.

He entered Jim's cabin with a tray and forced him to sit and eat before running off.

"Doctor's orders," Spock said sitting across of him. "Eating after sleeping."

"Of course, Bones is relentless but you must join me. You must be exhausted too."

There was a challenge in Jim's voice and Spock decided not to give him any hints. Even if he had lost, he doesn't have to surrender completely.

"Food is always wise, without it we weaken," he said simply and they ate.

They ate in silence in the dimmed light of Captain's quarters. There was something pleasant in the experience.

"We should do this more often," Captain said smiling obviously sharing the feeling, or was this Jim's feeling all along?

Before Spock could move, Jim got up to his feet and removed his shirt exposing his bare chest. Shocked by the sudden exposure, Spock stared in the bruises that could be seen even in this dim light.

"It was quite of a scuffle," Jim said gently turning his back to Spock as he reached out for a new uniform playfully. "I'm more resilient than I seem, you don't have to worry for me so much," he answered Spock's unspoken guilt. "You know I enjoy rolling around with aliens a bit too much."

The onslaught of jealousy on those images came as a surprise to Spock so he didn't cover it up in time. Jim paused adjusting his uniform and looked at Spock puzzled.

"Spock I would never…" Jim started but Spock didn't want to talk about it so he interrupted him taking the tray and getting up.

"We're needed on the bridge," he said neutrally. "It was eventful, Captain, but the ship won't drive itself."

With that, he marched out determinant that he will get his emotions under control and return to his usual, efficient and detached self. Their survival often depended upon him being just that.

Still, as he passed by the metal surfaces and caught his distorted reflexion he didn't think of it as unappealing anymore, it seemed like he had a face one could admire.