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Like all American towns, Retropolis had a lot of good pizza places. Unlike most American towns, Retropolis had a lot of good pizza places. Historians would say this was due to its origins as a hub for italian-american farmhands, but anyone who lived there would tell you that it's because pizza is obviously the best type of food there is. Zoning laws mandated that any new residential developments must be within walking distance of at least two pizza places. The entire city is both a ground for pizza-testing and a petri dish to breed cooking talent. Of course, this unmatched passion for pizza comes with an unmatched passion for arguing about which pizza is the best. This argument has bled into every aspect of Retropolis life: Campaigning politicians get more support from picking the correct pizza place to hold an event at more often than their actual policies. Little league teams get sponsored by fans of a pizza place just so they can go against a team sponsored by a competing pizza place. Newspapers claim to avoid the issue of ranking pizzerias to avoid losing subscribers, but in reality, it causes so much in-fighting within the organization that it grinds the whole journalism process to a halt.
In reality, the best pizza place was actually just outside of Retropolis. It was actually almost entirely surrounded by Retropolis, but years of paying off politicians had kept the city limits just on the other side of the road. This was so its owner and biggest fan, Bull DiMaggio, could skirt all of Retropolis's restaurant regulations put in place to prevent pizza pandemonium. This wasn't done for any tax purpose; the place only made 70 cents for every dollar that was put into it. The only purpose this pizzeria served was to give Bull and his family a good slice, hidden away from the prying eyes of the law.
This meant that on this particular night, the place was packed. Every seat was taken, and the live band was nearly drowned out by the cacophony of merry voices and boisterous laughter. The entirety of Bull's family, the notorious Retropolis Mafia, was having the best night they'd have for quite a while. All of his thugs, drug runners, and "lobbyists" were in attendance and living life like it was their last night on earth. For good reason too, as unbeknownst to most, the hardest days of their lives were upon them. This was the exact reason Bull organized this party in the first place, as after the speech he planned to make following dinner, all of his underlings would know exactly what lay ahead in the coming days.
"It's time." Bull thought as the band finished playing the song Bull had requested. The patrons who noticed him walk up to the stage immediately went silent, the entire restaurant following suit as Bull tapped the microphone three times. Bull could almost feel the wave of anxiety that went over his underlings, a stark contrast to the merriment and joy that filled the room mere seconds ago. He was disappointed that his presence was a buzzkill to his own celebration, but he didn't blame the attendees for it. Bull was a man to be feared. From appearance alone, he was built like a truck and could run just about as fast as one. He did so often, charging directly at opponents and bowling them over with the sheer force of the impact. With both the name and his tactics, he further played into his resemblance to an actual Bull with a solid-gold nose ring. Also ever-present on Bull's face was a menacing scorn, but even his smiles were feared, as Bull only smiled when victory was his. And you didn't want to lose to Bull; his policy was to wipe out competition before it could have a chance to become a threat.
Bull was not smiling, however, when he finally addressed the crowd. "I'm sure you all are wondering why we're celebrating in the middle of what is frankly a grim and hopeless situation. These new autonomous enforcers the big wigs have brought in have been a disaster for our… business. We used to be a family to fear, but these policing robots, these insults to creation, know no fear. A lot of us are either in the clink or in a coffin."
Bull paused for a second, presumably as a small moment of silence for those unfortunate bastards that would never again see the light of day. "I say this is reason enough for a celebration. If this is the way things are going, then we might as well have fun with what little we have left. After all you've done for me, for us, and especially after all you've suffered over the years, you lot deserve to have some fun while you can."
Bull left it there, letting the words sink in to those who had dedicated themselves to him. "So that's it?" Someone close to the front asked, anger clear in her voice. "You're giving up? After all of this? We saved this city from becoming a war zone for gangs. We took this city from the politicians who sought to bleed us dry. We gave this city life, and you're going to let some computers walk all over you?"
Bull looked at this unruly member for a moment. She was wearing jeans and a purple bowling jacket, and had a hairdo that somehow resembled a smooth afro. After some time, in which everyone began to fear for this woman who dared to question Bull, he finally spoke. "What's your name, young lady?"
Whether fueled by anger or adrenaline, the woman in question didn't let Bull get to her. "Bibi." She said, meeting his eyes with a glare of her own.
After a moment that felt like an eternity, Bibi continued to not fidget or shrink back under the weight of Bull's stare. Suddenly, Bull began to smile. "I'm glad you asked, Ms. Bibi. Because I agree. We built this city, so why give it up? We have been able to chase out every group that has wanted us dead, gone, and forgotten. I say it's about time we give these tin-can tyrants the same treatment."
Bull was now absolutely beaming, finally taking his eyes away from Bibi to look over the crowd. "The reason for this celebration is still so you all can enjoy yourselves while you can. Because we're about to bring the fight to them, and we'll need all hands on deck. Scrapping these robots won't be enough, since more can be built. But I plan to attack them at the source. A while ago, we found out who's making the robots. We also found out that they're very protective of their designs, so if we get rid of them, nobody should be able to pick up the slack."
"The problem is, their facility is heavily guarded by automated defenses. The place is absolutely crawling with those robots, too many for us to take on. But the real threat is an automated mortar turret, able to bomb anyone who gets too close. This mortar, the IKEA as they call it, could single-handedly take on all of the robots in the entire facility. But despite their secrecy, last week we were able to… acquire… the blueprints for this turret. We finished building it yesterday. Tomorrow, we bring it to their doorstep and use it to put their fortress under siege. If we are able to successfully surround them, we won't even have to fight them. We'll just have to fight whoever tries to come and help them. Eventually they'll run out of robots or resources, and then we can tear down the factory brick by brick."
As Bull outlined his plan, the audience began to get excited. "So let's celebrate tonight. Because tomorrow, we take back our lives! Tomorrow, we take back our city! Tomorrow, we take back our freedom!" Bull rallied, a cheer following every statement. Speech concluded, he walked off the stage and signaled for the band to resume playing. Before truly joining in the festivities, Bull took care of one last bit of business. "That Bibi chick," he said to his top brass, " I want her with me tomorrow. We'll be needing guts for this assault, and maybe this'll get that point across to the others."
"Dr. Junker, I hope I don't come across as questioning your intellect, what with how you've helped us with our organized crime problem and all, but under what god-forsaken circumstances would the Retropolis City Police need to use a robot so giant that it can barely fit on the streets?"
Pam knew this was going to be a hard pitch, but she didn't get to where she was by making conventional weaponry. 'Why not just make one big bomb?' The government asked her when she came up with her automated rapid-fire mortars. 'Why not put all of this tech into a gun?' They asked her when she started making autonomous law-enforcement robots. "Well, officer Colt, I'm glad you asked. The robot isn't really meant to be able to fight like the others. This robot is supposed to replace the front lines in a large engagement. Instead of risking people or the weaker, more maneuverable robots, we send this one big strong one forward. Then, your men and my other robots can just follow it while it draws fire and provides cover." She finished with a smile.
Colt nodded along, but was clearly still skeptical. "That's fine and all, but that's a lot of robot for one very specific purpose."
"I thought so too. Which is why the plans for this fella have been on the backburner for a few years now. It simply isn't worth making something as physically and logistically complex as this if it's going to be sitting around collecting dust for most of its life."
Pam paused to allow Colt to process her sudden reversal, but not long enough to allow him to get properly confused. "However, I can think of a… very specific purpose you might need this big fella for. It's one I think you would like to be more than prepared for, seeing as the stakes are probably higher than the Starr tower itself."
"You have my attention, Dr. Junker."
"Two words: Bull DiMaggio."
Colt scoffed. "Really? You and I both know he hasn't been able to put up a fight lately."
"I wouldn't be so quick to count him out, officer. In your line of work, I can see how you'd think that running away means you've admitted defeat. But I don't need to tell you how Retropolis's wonder-boy has essentially declared war against us. People who run away do so to survive. Armies that retreat do so to strike back with as much force as they can muster. Bull knows that fighting on like he has been will only get his followers to lose faith and jump ship. I think he's preparing for a last stand, and knowing him, it's going to be a brutal one."
"And what if you're wrong?"
"Then you can sell it to one of my competitors, they're all idiots. They won't even realize how absurdly inconvenient a giant robot is for general use until they've already spent millions getting one built. But if I were you, I would rather-"
At that moment, an alarm went off. There were a lot of alarms in Pam's fully-automated robot-building complex, but this specific alarm was probably the worst out of all of them. It wasn't the alarm that was set to go off around the time that the sun would explode. It wasn't even the alarm that signified a horrible catastrophe on the production line - that was only the second-worst. This alarm was only supposed to blare it's cacophonous sirens when the facility was under attack and its automated defenses activated. On cue, all of the red-eyed worker robots dropped their tools and picked up their weapons. The ones that weren't confined to their workplace all made their way to assume their defensive positions in an orderly and, well, robotic manner.
"What's happening?" Colt asked, hand hovering over his holster.
"We're under attack, or at least the facility thinks it is." Pam was more annoyed than anything else at the moment. It wasn't the first time the facility has been "under attack," as many would-be robbers thought a high-tech manufacturing facility would be a great target.
"By who?" Colt asked. A small mail robot walked up to Pam and handed her a tablet for accessing the security camera feeds.
"It's actually 'by whom' in this case because the subject- " Pam started, but fell in shock once she saw the camera feed. Suddenly, panic began to make itself known in Pam's mind. Her mind was all over the place, her problem-solving skills she relied on unequipped to tackle the problem that Pam now found in her lap. She was speechless, but not for a lack of words; Rather, her brain was running at a million miles an hour, and it refused to slow down enough to vocalize any of the thoughts that filled her head to bursting.
Colt, on the other hand, had none of these issues.
"Fuck"
"They're here, tell me that you numbskulls have got that blasted turret working!" Bull shouted from behind the makeshift barrier.
"It's moving around, but there's only one way to know it's working for sure, boss!"
Bull snorted, "Alright everyone, LET'S SHOW 'EM WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE DIMAGGIOS"
Bull's rally cry was met with both the cheers of his army and the firing of the mortar. For the next few minutes, the autonomous mortar's constant firing was a haunting rhythm in its song of death. Every shot took out a robot, but the robots just kept coming. Eventually, bullets and energy beams started hitting the barriers, supplementing. And then as suddenly as it had arrived, the cacophonous combat came to a complete stop. The DiMaggio mafia almost couldn't process the silence, like the prisoners in the allegory of the cave. Still unbelieving of the result, Bull and his men dared to peek their heads over the barricades that had just served as prisons of their own design. The area surrounding Bull's position was a field of fabricated corpses.
Finally, the silence was broken by Bull's laughter. "HAHAHA! MUSIC TO MY EARS!"
The silence, seeing that its welcome was short-lived, decided to leave entirely. The deafening hits of explosions and gunshots were now usurped by the cheers and jeers that now filled the air. Just a day ago, the DiMaggio mafia had been painfully dwindling down to extinction in this war of attrition. But in one fell swoop, their enemy's production capabilities have been reduced to zero. All that was left to do was to make sure it stayed that way.
"Crow, Bibi, with me! We're going to see if our surviving friends inside are already ready to surrender. Everyone else, hold down the fort. I'm bringing the mortar with me, in case there's more tin cans inside."
Bull, the monster he is, lifted the entire assembly up himself, and began to walk towards the facility with Bibi and Crow flanking him. As they walked through the piles of scrap towards the facility, Bull took the time to see what Crow, his favorite fighter, thought about the newly-promoted goon.
"Well Crow, you and Miss Bibi get along well on the ride over?"
"Well frankly I can't stand this dame, boss. Got an attitude miles-high, thinks she's the business in these parts." Crow accused, glaring at Bibi who seemed to be using Bull's massive frame as a barrier between her and Crow.
To get around this, Crow shouted his next words. "And I swear, if you get gum in my feathers, I'll make sure you'll never be able to chew again. I hope you like apple sauce and baby food!"
Bull turned to Bibi, who seemed to be more annoyed than anything else, still staring ahead at the facility to look out for enemies. That was better than the alternative, Bull supposed. He knew Crow could set aside a grudge to team up in a fight, and he didn't expect the mastermind behind this robot army to go down without one. "You seem to be great at first impressions then, sweetheart. First you call me out on stage in front of the entire DiMaggio family, and then you get Crow to hate you in the span of one road trip." Bull quipped.
Bibi shrugged slightly, clearly nervous with her still-present fixation on the facility. Despite this, she was still able to muster up a response to Bull. "Eh, I can tell Crow's just not the trusting type. 'Suppose that's good for us in the end, if he's always looking out for double-crossers and the like."
"You're not wrong, but you're exceptionally sketchy, lady." Crow retorted. "You listed everything that Bull has done for you, and then in the same breath, you insult his honor? It's plain ungrateful, especially for someone in your position. And to me, it shows just how unloyal you are to the family."
"Don't get your feathers in a bunch Crow." Bull said with a hint of authority. "I'd say that little outburst Miss Bibi had last night proved her loyalty to us better than any pledge of allegiance could."
"By berating the boss of bosses? You sure your blood isn't rushing to your arms instead of your brain, boss?" Crow questioned.
"Let me put it this way, Crow. Most DiMaggios are loyal to me out of a combination of fear and respect; They respect all that I've done for them, but they're afraid of what I can do to them. When Bibi called me out last night, she showed that she neither respected nor feared me. And usually, that would be a very good reason to question her loyalty. But in this instance, she called me out for giving up. For abandoning this city and the people under my protection. To me, that means her loyalty is solely to the ideals of the DiMaggio family, and not any individual within it. Am I right, Bibi?"
"You better believe it, Bull."
Bull laughed, at least as much as he could under the weight of the mortar. "See what I mean? And that's why I thought she'd make a great fit for this job. We're facing extinction, not just of the DiMaggio family, but the culture as a whole. I know you, Crow, and I know me. We'd do anything in our power to kill these bastards that have wronged us. Bibi is here to make sure we don't kill the DiMaggio family by extension."
Bull turned back to Bibi. "You understand that Bibi? If any of us are about to do something stupid, make sure we know."
Bull's approval finally seemed to get Bibi to relax a bit. "It would be my honor to call Crow a bird-brain, sir."
"No..." Pam was in disbelief. Really? Her automated turret - the thing so powerful she only had one to defend the entire facility - used to completely wipe out ALL of her defending robots.
"How? How does he even know about the IKE? How did he get the designs? How did he even build it? The entire reason I staffed this facility with robots was so this exact thing couldn't happen!"
Colt popped his head into the security office, where Pam had run off to in hopes of calling off the defense robots before it was too late. "Dr. Pam, the police are on their way with the rest of the robot arsenal."
"Tell them not to attack, the bastard's somehow got my IKE and it will destroy anything that tries to get close."
"IKE?"
"I. Kill. Everything. Believe me, it lives up to its name. Aside from the fact that you can specify what not to kill, which is why the entire DiMaggio mafia isn't dead where they stand."
"And it's mobile, too?"
"Well technically, yes, but it breaks the suspension on most vehicles-"
"No, Dr. Pam. Look!" Colt pointed to one of the screens, showing Bull carrying the IKE, laughing along with two of his goons flanking him. For a moment, Pam could only watch in amazement, this being her first true experience of Bull's legendary strength.
"Holy hell." Pam said, astonished that Bull still had bones, let alone was able to walk and laugh like he was giving his child a piggyback.
"Should I give the force the OK to attack then, if the IKE is coming here?"
"Not yet. As long as Bull is able-bodied, he'd be able to just bring it back, where it would wipe out the rest of the police force. He's put us in a stalemate, and with the amount of supplies he's brought, I think he knows that. Bull is going to starve us out so he can just come in and wreck the place."
"So that's it? Game over?"
"Not quite - we have giant robots and an IKE turret of our own. The IKE targets the closest target first, so we can use the giant robots to distract it. From there, our best bet is to just shoot his IKE and hope it breaks."
"How many giant robots do we have?"
"Two that work. One's a newer model and has parts laying around. It should be a bit stronger, but we'd need to be in a position to gather the parts and build it."
"Okay, let's say we do get close enough to shoot his IKE. What's stopping them from just shooting us?"
"Well we can instruct the robot to try and damage the IKE itself, first and foremost. But with you, me, and this one robot that might be working, we have a shot at taking them one-on-one."
Colt was still visibly reluctant.
"Come on, officer Colt. It's not like you have any other options. You know how Bull does his business. If we give up, we'd be killed just the same. Now, let's get Rico and the big 'bots running."
"Rico?"
"Robotic Inside-Cover Operator, the prototype I referred to earlier. It can shoot bullets that bounce off walls, and has the brains to do it accurately. It was going to be my next pitch to you."
Colt and Pam quickly made their way down to the prototyping lab. In it was a shooting range, currently filled with props to simulate an urban environment. In the lab was a robot with a purple vest and glass midsection, who appeared to be shooting randomly. Inside the robot, Colt could see various colored balls.
"Rico! Target practice is over, time for the real thing!" Pam said to the robot.
"This is Rico? Doesn't seem like the ace shot you promised."
"He wasn't trying to hit the targets; He was getting a better understanding of how the bullets bounce, which is why he was shooting randomly. Hopefully, he'll be able to use that data to hit his shots in an urban environment."
At that moment, Rico had made its way over to Pam and Colt "Greetings, Dr. Pam, Dr. Colt. Have intruders breached the facilitiy's defenses?"
"You didn't tell me Rico was that intelligent!" Colt gawked.
Pam chuckled. "All of the robots are this intelligent in the prototyping phase. Problem is that it takes a lot of energy to be that smart. Once I've got a design down, I cut down on the intellect to save resources. On top of saving energy I can use smaller, cheaper computers. The only exception is my nanny bot I made to take care of my baby daughter when I can't bring her with me."
"Dr. Pam." Rico queried. "Am I needed to protect Jessie from the intruders?"
"No, Rico. Jessie isn't here, thankfully. We do need your help dealing with the intruders. They somehow got ahold of an IKE and used it to destroy the facility's robot-based defenses. Now, three of the intruders are bringing the IKE closer while the rest keep out any backup. We're going to use the big robot prototypes to get close to the IKE, and we'll need you to either damage their IKE or keep the intruders from stopping us."
"Affirmative. I will attack with intent to kill intruders. Please Confirm."
"Works for me." Pam turned to Colt. "You ready, officer Colt?"
Colt gulped. "I don't think that really matters now."
"Cool… I guess we're good to go then, Rico."
"Affirmative. Strategizing… General course of action generated. Dr. Pam, based on the strategy of our opponents, it appears that we have been put under siege."
Pam grimaced. "It would seem so, Rico."
"Knock Knock!" Bull yelled as he basically dropped the IKE on top of one of the doors to the facility, breaking it open from the sheer force of it. He pushed the IKE another couple of yards into the building so it could shoot at any defenses without the walls of the building getting in the way.
Bull began to walk further into the facility, Bibi and Crow looking behind and above him. "Hide, fight, it'll all end the same. Will you come out and face your fears or rot in whatever grave you've already dug yourself?" Still no answer. "I admit you had me in quite the pickle for a while. But you were still afraid of me. Afraid I'd survive. And that's exactly how I was able to pull through."
"I'm sure you've realized that I got a hold of your fancy mortar. It's a shame your dumb robots were told to swarm any intruders instead of taking up any strategic positions. Just goes to show how humans will always be the apex predators."
Bull was only met with the echoes of his own voice and the footsteps of the three mafioso. With nothing of importance to hear, Bull instead focused on his surroundings as his companions have. He had been given info that the entire facility was operated by robots, and even though the source of that information had been heavily persuaded, Bull didn't fully believe it. Yet there was no sign of human life anywhere to be seen. Virtually nothing was labeled in English; Everything had some sticker or plate with a unique black-and-white pattern for a computer to recognize. The assembly lines didn't care to be at a comfortable height for a human to reach, rather they snaked around in any way their architect considered most efficient. It was such an odd place, almost to the point of being hostile to human presence. Bull had to wonder if a human or a robot designed the facility, too.
Before he could ponder on that, he noticed it. Towards the back wall, there was an absolutely gigantic robot. It must have been three or four times his height, which meant it was around six times the size of Crow. It was visually the exact same as the boxing robots Bull had fought on occasion, complete with the red gloves on each "hand". Bull suspected those were merely there to make them seem less lethal, as with the force those things could punch at, the gloves didn't really help soften the impact. He could take those punches, but he wondered if this much bigger robot could potentially knock him out in one blow.
"Big robot, 12-o-clock you two. Crow, get me a better angle on that thing. Bibi, keep an eye out for an ambush." Bull instructed.
"Sure thing, Boss." Crow said as he clambered up some machine of unknown purpose.
"Boss, they've got one of those mortar things down there!"
"Crow, quiet down you barely-sentient feathered m-"
"NOW!" A woman's voice yelled from some corner in the building. At once, Crow was being shot at from four different directions. Three from some defenders of unknown location, one from the now-activated IKE that had been guarding the robot.
"Crow, get your down ass down here now!" Bull yelled as he turned towards Bibi.
"Bull, the hell're you lookin' at me for?" Bibi asked from behind cover.
"I'm getting us outta here, now buckle up and keep your arms inside the ride!" Bull said as Crow landed in front of him. Crow was much more prepared than Bibi was to get snatched up by Bull as he charged back towards the way they came. Despite Crow being best-suited to transport things "as the crow flies", Bull was able to take a straight line back to their IKE by smashing through any machinery that happened to be in his way. Bibi did not appreciate how air was forcibly removed from her lungs every time this needed to happen. Once they finally got back under the protection of their own IKE, the three of them stopped to catch their breath. Especially Bibi, who had to take in a dozen or so hoarse gasps in order to get her lungs back in order.
"Sorry about that Bibi, didn't have time to warn you about that maneuver."
"You bastard…" Bibi managed to breathe out between gasps. "I… could've… followed you…"
"Not all frozen up like a popsicle, you couldn't."
Bull sighed, taking a moment to think about his next steps. Before he could come up with a plan, they heard a large crash followed by a small tremor. Then another, and another, and another. All three of them looked towards the source of the noise, back towards the enemy's IKE turret. The giant robot appeared to be getting even bigger, until they realized it was actually moving straight towards them. With nothing but already-smashed assembly lines to stop it, the robot soon made its way inside of the range of Bull's IKE. To their horror, the robot started to take the mortar's hits like they were nothing.
"Go for the legs!" Bull shouted at Bibi and Crow. He then led by example, taking out his sawed-off shotgun and blasting the robot's knee at a point-blank range. This blew a sizeable hole into the outer plating, but the robot's internals were even stronger than the thick outer shell. Bibi was still recovering from her lack of oxygen, but was able to knock the robot's foot hard enough to make it stumble back a bit. Despite these efforts, the robot still stood tall, merely slowed down by their attacks.
"Keep them away from the robot!" A voice familiar to Bull said. He turned to see two heads of red hair, one belonging to the woman who they had presumably heard earlier, and the other to Officer Colt. If Bull were not in such a dire situation he'd be beaming; This was an opportunity to kill not only the robot menace, but this smarmy pig as well. A lot of people got on Bull's nerves, but Colt was unique in that everyone else hated him too. Colt had a one-track mind for ridding the city of Bull, and as such, he often ignored or straight-up went against his duty to protect the citizens. Bull had tried to force Colt's hand many a time with hostage tactics or other moral quandaries involving the lives of innocent civilians, but Colt always picked to go after Bull above all else. Made Bull look a damn fool, and for it, Bull decided that today was the day Colt would die. Just after he takes care of this behemoth of a robot.
"Crow, keep them off our backs!"
"Sure thing, boss!" Crow said as he flicked his poisoned knives towards the two redheads. He landed hits on both of them, prompting them to duck behind cover to deal with the projectiles now lodged into their flesh. But as Crow tried to push his advantage, he suddenly got smacked in the side by a series of hard, round projectiles. They weren't as lethal as bullets, but definitely packed a punch, and could probably break a bone if enough landed hits. He turned to face this new attacker, but was only met with a wall.
"The hell?" Crow wondered out loud. Suddenly, another round of those projectiles appeared in front of him, bouncing off of the wall he was facing. Crow got out of the path of them, but not before one smacked him right in the beak.
"Boss, one of these bastards can shoot around cover!" Crow yelled back.
"Keep 'em pinned then, we're almost done with Big Bertha here!" The robot was indeed on its last legs, but it had inevitably reached the IKE and was in the process of punching it. Mercifully, one of its legs finally gave out, causing the robot to flop over in a manner that kept the IKE out of its reach.
"Robot down, let's beat those bitches!" Bibi yelled, adrenaline now more abundant than blood in her veins.
A synthetic voice could then be heard on the other side of the cover their opponents had bunkered behind. "Enemy IKE will soon target our position. Retreat is the recommended course of action."
"No shit Rico, you and Pam get out of there!" Colt's voice could be heard already retreating. Crow peeked out around their cover looking for an opportunity to attack, but was met with a volley of bullets from Colt and high-velocity metal scraps from some contraption "Pam" wielded.
"Don't bother, Crow." Bull grumbled. "They'll just keep using this guerilla warfare nonsense. Our mortar's still working, and I don't see any other giant robots standing around."
Doing as he told, Crow made no attempt to pursue their attackers as they went back into the maze of machinery.
"Now what?" Bibi asked after finally catching her breath.
"We wait and make sure they don't pull anything like that again."
"Damn, we didn't even get a shot on it!" Pam cursed, resting alongside Colt and Rico under the safety of their own IKE.
"Analysis: Enemy IKE at 60% functionality. Two large robots remain. Optimal enemy strategy would be to engage as soon as the robot leaves the range of our IKE. Conclusion: Success is highly-probable if we escort remaining robots."
"Dr. Pam, why didn't you sell us robots that could do this?"
"As I said: Being able to think like this costs a lot. It would mostly be a waste against the DiMaggios, whose strength is in their numbers."
"Plus, " Pam added, "I'm already uncomfortable enough as it is to be making guns that are smart enough to shoot me on their own."
Colt scoffed. "Should have been more uncomfortable, I guess."
Suddenly, Colt realized something. "Hey Rico, you said we had two more big robots?"
"Affirmative."
"Well why the hell didn't we send them all at once?"
"Analyzing suggested strategy. Enemy IKE can only focus on one target. Each simultaneous robot makes the IKE less effective against each individual. Feasibility: Unfeasible. Available robots, including already-used, believe the other large robots to be obstacles. At best, subsequent large robots would not attack enemy IKE until previous robot is destroyed. At worst, it will attempt to break through previous robots. Conclusion: Suggested strategy less optimal than current."
Colt turned to Pam. "And when were you going to tell me this, huh? After I paid for them?"
Pam shrugged. "I wasn't going to waste resources on a giant testing area before I sold them. So they haven't really learned what they're supposed to do yet."
"Just great." Colt grimaced.
"Low morale detected. Performance at risk. Solution: Recall that chance of survival is highest under current strategy."
"Not now, Rico." Pam scolded.
"Acknowledged. Setting vocalized analysis of emotional state to lower priority."
"No no, Rico's right." Colt recomposed himself. "Let's just stick to the plan and live another day. Maybe we can even end this once and for all."
"Probability of current altercation resulting in the immediate dissolution of the DiMaggio mafia at 0.5%."
Colt held a hand up towards Pam before she could tell Rico to shut up again. "What about the death or capture of Bull DiMaggio?"
"10%. Do you want me to outline the 20,358 possible outcomes that result in this?"
"No thanks, Rico. That's all I needed. Let's get round 2 started." Colt finished, nodding to Pam. In return, Pam pulled out a remote and pushed a button. From further within the facility, the same crashing and rumbling from the first robot could be heard. Colt wondered how it would be getting into the large room in which this battle was set, until he heard a large crash. He turned to see the next giant robot, who had entered the battlefield in the no-man's land that was outside the range of both sides' IKEs. Immediately, Colt saw the opposing trio run up to the robot to damage it as much as possible before it reached their IKE.
Rico didn't waste a single processor cycle and immediately ran towards the fight. Colt and Pam followed right behind, although Pam stopped to grab some contraption that had caught her eye for whatever reason.
"What's that?" Colt inquired.
"Something that should help us with Bird-Brain." Pam replied, not elaborating any further.
Once they finally reached the fight, they were met yet again with a volley of knives. Rico went behind cover as usual, and Colt started to follow suit. "Colt, don't get behind cover this time, just stand near this!" Pam instructed as she tossed down the contraption. Once it hit the floor, a green light radiated from the small box, creating a circle on the floor around it. Pam stepped into it, and Colt froze in shock for a moment as he noticed her cuts and bruises start to fade away. Realizing the potential, Colt dashed into the circle and joined Pam in shooting at the enemy IKE. Noticing this new development, Bull said something to Bibi, and disengaged the robot. He put himself between the healing contraption and the IKE, and charged. Colt was very familiar with Bull's specialty, and as such, realized that nothing available to him would stop Bull before he reached the healing contraption. Especially since he had just unloaded both of his 6-shooters into the IKE.
Saving himself from the inevitable carnage, Colt jumped behind cover next to Rico. Pam was either more naïve or brave than Colt was, and held her ground. She unloaded a volley of various metal bits from her makeshift minigun towards the rampaging mafia boss. If Bull was hurt by any of the projectiles, he only showed it by running even faster. Once he reached Pam, he first lifted his right foot and took the healing contraption out of commission with a mighty curb stomp. Pam started to shoot another volley, this time being even more dangerous at this close range. Bull winced at the pain as his side was hit with a barrage of high-velocity metal, and decided to deal with the issue by shooting Pam with his own weapon, and did not hesitate to shoot once more to seal the deal.
Luckily for Pam, the healing contraption survived just long enough to do its job one last time, as the first shot alone would have otherwise been lethal. She would have survived the shot momentarily, as she did now, but Pam would have inevitably died some minutes later from the wounds. Her luck ended there though, as the force of the two shots sent her down to the concrete floor. Bull stood over her before she could regain any footing, readying two more shots to end this ordeal altogether.
"Yet again, your clever tricks end up being the very reason I win. I take you out and nobody is left to make new robots. Do your friend Colt here a favor and wait for him at the entrance to hell, bitch." Shots loaded, Bull aimed directly at Pam's head, but held the gun close so Pam didn't have any opportunity to grab it at the last second. However, this did not stop Rico from running into Bull at full force, which both threw off his aim and caused him to fire.
"Strategy adjusted. Dr. Pam is indeed vital for the continued operation of this facility. Top priority is now the survival of Dr. Pam."
Rico wasted no time, giving Bull his own flavor of blunt trauma as he said this. Bull grunted, but just as he did with Pam, he simply shot Rico to stop him for a moment. Rico did not get knocked down, however, and Bull was now out of loaded rounds. So instead, Bull simply reached out to grab Rico's waist with his left hand. Once secure, he dropped his shotgun momentarily to grab Rico's head with his other hand, lifted him into the air, and then slammed him back down with all of the force he could muster. The glass midsection immediately shattered, despite it being bulletproof, and Bull was left with two halves of Rico. He then slammed both halves together multiple times, and once he was satisfied, threw what still remained back towards the IKE. By then, however, Pam had stood back up and took the opportunity to hit Bull right in his back. This was finally what did him in, collapsing right onto his discarded shotgun. But before either her or Colt could take advantage, the giant robot crumbled.
"Another big bolted bastard for the books!" Bibi screamed, a feral grin on her face presented for all to see. This adrenaline-fueled euphoria did not last, however, as she saw Bull lying face-first on the ground some distance away. Colt and Pam were already running to get out of range of the still-functioning IKE, too far away for Bibi to consider pursuing them alone. Instead, she rushed over to check on Bull.
"Mr. Bull, are you okay?"
"What the hell does it look like?" Bull said, slightly muffled as he laid flat-faced on the ground.
It was then that Crow finally decided to show up. "Here's your sign."
"I don't want to hear it from you Crow, what have you accomplished other than preening some of your feathers? I've helped take down the giant bot twice and Bull here took out that tin can that was giving you trouble." Bibi emphasized by poking Crow's chest.
"Need I remind you that I stopped them from getting to the mortar the first time? Look at the state of it; We'd be running for the hills if they got their grubby ginger hands on it back then."
Bibi and Crow continued to argue about their individual usefulness, until Bull was finally able to stand up. With his two hands that had just been used to rip a metal man to pieces, he grabbed each of the bickering goons by their shoulders and squeezed. "Stop arguing about who did what. We're here to survive; It doesn't matter what you do as long as you're still breathing on the other end."
Bibi, blood still running hot, forced Bull's hand off of her. "Well I got news for you Bull: They'll just keep sending those robots after us until they break our mortar. We should move it back so we can get shots on it the entire way."
Crow's eyes lit up. "That's a good idea Boss, I get why you brought this dame now! If you two were able to take it out in a few seconds, there's no way it would be able to reach us all the way out there!" But Crow's uncharacteristic optimism was short-lived once he saw the state Bull was in. He was bruised and bleeding all over, and knowing what he'd been hit by, there was probably a broken bone or two on the inside.
"No can do. One of us would have to go out to get some men to drag it back, and I don't think we have the time for that. If they have any more robots, they'll be here soon."
Bull looked at his shotgun, and picked it up only to set it in his lap as he took a seat on the hard floor. "All we can do is wait now. They're down a man and a medical thingamajig. If all of us focus on the robot, we can get it before it reaches the mortar. And I don't think Colt and 'Pam' have the firepower to finish the job themselves."
Bull then looked over to the mortar, and saw it in its derelict state. "Damn. But then they might be able to move up their mortar. And I've rigged fairer fights than that."
Now fully demoralized, Bull gave in to gravity and laid all the way down on the floor.
"Damn it all." He said, with such an uncharacteristic defeatedness that Crow and Bibi could barely process it.
Before Bibi or Crow could say anything about the matter, they felt the telltale signs of another giant robot on its way; The ground started shaking again and crashes could be heard in the distance.
"DAMN IT ALL!" Bull shouted, slamming his fists onto the ground.
With how dire the situation was, both Bibi and Crow were becoming increasingly concerned with their own survival rather than that of the machine that once served as their salvation. Everyone involved knew that the result of this siege would decide the victor of the war, and it wasn't looking good for the DiMaggios. Between this crisis of faith and their existing determination to win this battle, they weren't paying attention to Bull as he continued to slam his fists into the ground.
"DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMNIT!" He shouted to anyone who was listening, his tantrum growing more violent.
"DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT" It was getting hard to tell the difference between the giant robot's giant steps and Bull's fists as the force of his slams began to crack the floor.
Eventually, the robot finally reached them, and the mortar began to fire as it had dutifully done so all day. This would likely be the last time it did so, however, especially as Bull was still laying on the ground. He could see it now, the one red eye as uncaring as its predecessors as it ignored the volley of explosions that hit its head.
"TO HELL WITH THE WORLD!" Bull shouted at the top of his lungs, his anger reaching a breaking point.
Like most people his age, Bull had survived his entire life up to this point. Those people probably wouldn't be angry at the fact that they were about to die. The reason Bull was absolutely furious was that, at least in his mind, he fought to survive virtually every day of his life. Most people have to do very little work to live this long, and those same people are very likely to live even longer. Bull had to scavenge for food, steal for money, and eventually, hurt others so that he in turn would not be hurt. Every meal, every penny, and every freedom Bull got over the years had to be fought for in one way or another. And Bull was great at fighting, always on the front lines for any big engagement while the leaders of rival gangs got fatter and greedier. In the end, it wasn't enough to stop three giant robots. This was extremely unfair, because statistically speaking, your chance of being killed due to the actions of even one giant robot are astronomically small. Bull cursed his life, the universe, and everything in general for wronging him. So yes, Bull was truly angry.
And you wouldn't want to be on Bull's bad side when he was truly angry. The human body is much more capable than its own mind usually allows it to be, but the mind sometimes allows the body to work itself to destruction under extreme circumstances. This was how his doctors explained Bull's supernatural strength. That is, they thought Bull could simply ignore these restrictions. But Bull still had these restrictions, and the only time he was known to break them was when he was truly angry.
The first time Bull was truly angry, he threw a car at someone. The most recent time Bull was truly angry, he took down an entire building by smashing through its support beams. Now, Bull was thinking he would push this giant robot back from whence it came.
Finally, Bull stood up. He didn't even bother to pick up his shotgun, and instead ran straight towards the giant robot. He stopped in the robot's path, ripped off his shirt, and began to flex his arms as if to measure his own strength.
As Bibi looked back to see what Bull was doing, standing there and showing off his muscles instead of using his shotgun to destroy the robot, "Bull you shithead, if you want to sit there and die, don't take us down with you!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND COVER ME. AND CROW, TURN OFF THAT DAMN MORTAR" Bull yelled back, preparing to grapple the giant robot. He had said that it was Bibi's job to stop Bull from doing something stupid, but upon witnessing just how enraged he had become, she figured it was better for her own health to follow orders.
Just like the previous two times, the two redheads followed right behind their distraction contraption that was the giant robot. Before they could try to shoot Bull, Bibi ran up to them intending to commit manslaughter. Their weapons quickly turned onto her, but she was able to smack Colt's arm before he could shoot her. Not quite as ambidextrous as he would have you think, Colt's aim with his non-broken arm was off enough to just graze Bibi's elbow. To take him out of the equation, Bibi pushed Colt to the ground and quickly gave his other arm the same treatment.
Pam finally began to fire on Bibi, but was quickly distracted by Crow, who quite literally jumped in the fight. Satisfied with Colt's inability to shoot her, she turned her back on him to outnumber Pam alongside Crow. Colt used this opportunity to scramble away.
Pam, realizing the disadvantage she was now at, went behind cover. She could cower behind it like she had done previously, because now one of her opponents was much more effective at close-range than she was. Instead, she peeked out between volleys of knives to shoot in Bibi's general direction, discouraging her from closing the distance. They danced this dance until Pam heard the sound she knew as scraping metal. She looked towards the source of the noise to find that inconceivably, Bull was pushing the giant robot. Pam hadn't even realized that their IKE turret was no longer shooting, and it was at that moment she realized what Bull's plan was.
"No fucking way…" she said, the despair potent in her tone of voice. How else could she react? Yet again, Bull had found some way to take something meant to kill him and turn it right back against her. He was going to push the robot all the way to her own IKE, where it would provide the three of them cover just as it had done for her, Colt, and the late Rico. Sure enough, she saw Bibi and Crow follow in tow, Bibi contributing her own strength to push the robot while Crow sent more knives in her direction to keep her there. At this point, Pam could only hope that her IKE would be able to take out her own robot before it was destroyed. Of course, Bull might just be able to pick up the IKE, and just as easily take it out of commission.
"Shit." She said as she sat there, defeated. As she heard the sounds of her own IKE turret fire in the distance, Colt walked over and sat down next to her.
"So this is it? You don't have any more robots or contraptions that could get us out alive?"
"Nope," Pam said, popping the 'p', "even if the IKE doesn't get destroyed, we won't be able to take out theirs. We'd be able to survive three days max with the food and water here."
Colt was quiet for a moment, taking in everything.
"Sorry, Dr. Pam."
"Don't apologize Colt. We're in the same boat here, and we both did our best."
"That's not what I'm apologizing for." Colt said coldly. Confused, Pam turned her head to look at Colt, only to instead look down the shaking barrel of Colt's six-shooter.
"DON'T YOU DARE LET UP! WE GOTTA DESTROY THIS THING BEFORE THE NEXT ROBOT COMES!" Bull screamed at Bibi, even though she was right next to him, helping him push the robot. They had now entered the range of the IKE, and while it wasn't trying to fire on the giant robot, Bull and Bibi were using it as a shield. Unfortunately for them, this meant that they were now pushing against both the weight of the robot and the force of the explosions pushing it back.
Bibi only responded to Bull with a yell of her own, redoubling her efforts to push. It was critical that they now got to the IKE as soon as possible, because the robot would only provide cover until the IKE finally broke through. Before that happened, the three of them needed to destroy the mint-condition IKE, which was a challenge to say the least. After all, two giant robots, a smaller robot, two red-haired bastards, and an unfortunate door had all failed to destroy the DiMaggios' own IKE, which wasn't even built to the same quality as the manufactured one that was currently trying to kill them.
At some point along this last push, the robot's head got destroyed, meaning it had stopped pushing back against Bull and Bibi. They immediately began moving even faster, and were able to reach the IKE in mere seconds. With the giant robot now an immobile tower of steel, they let go in favor of attacking the IKE. Knowing both the importance and difficulty of destroying it in a timely fashion, Bull and Bibi went all-in, destruction dominating their thoughts. They heard the robot fall over next to them, now no longer protecting them, but they didn't stop. They kept ripping and smashing the IKE, thinking it would be their last shot at victory. No, their last shot at survival. Not only would the IKE prevent them from being able to destroy the giant robots in time, but with their own giant robot out of the way, the IKE was moments away from moving on from the now-destroyed robot and onto its attackers. Bull and Bibi were both screaming at the top of their lungs, both desperate to take the IKE out of commission before that happened, and bracing for a mortar shell to land square on their head.
Mercifully, the indicator lights on the IKE dimmed and its movement ceased. Bull and Bibi were relieved, drained of energy, and focused on catching their breath. So much so that they hadn't even realized that Crow was standing right there next to the IKE, seemingly unfazed by the whole ordeal.
"You know there's an off switch on these things." He said with a deadpan expression. "Hell, you just told me to turn off ours a minute ago."
Bull slapped his own face with his hand. "Fuck. Thanks Crow." Bull said with a disappointed sigh. "So this thing still works?"
Bibi raised her bat once more, ready to continue her bashing. "Better safe than sorry."
Bull, coming off of his adrenaline high, opted to just sit there for a moment. Until he fully processed what Crow had said, and came to a haunting realization. "Crow, did you turn our mortar back on after we left?"
Crow's eyes widened, telling Bull all he needed to know.
"Shit, you get back there as fast as you can, I'll follow! Bibi, keep beating this thing to a pulp. Turning it back on can't be an option for them anymore!" Bull instructed, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice.
Crow practically flew back towards their IKE, leaving Bull on his own. He didn't have it in him to even run right now, instead breaking into a mild jog to get there. His mind was running a thousand miles an hour, trying to figure out Crow's chances of defending the IKE on his own, and trying to think about how they could possibly handle any more robots if their IKE was destroyed. So he was taken completely by surprise when he ran into Colt, sitting with his head hung low next to Pam's body. A pool of blood was pooling around the corpse, and Bull could see a hole right between Pam's eyes.
Uncharacteristic of the stone-cold mafia boss, Bull audibly gasped, which alerted Colt to his presence. Colt instinctually raised his gun and pulled the trigger, but he only missed with his still-broken arm. He tried again a second time, but when the cylinder rotated, nothing happened; Colt was out of bullets. The only result of this futility was more pain shooting through his arm, which caused him to wince and drop his now-useless gun. Out of options, energy, and morale - possibly from the poison on Crow's knives that would classify him as a war criminal - Colt resigned to his fate.
"Sorry about that, you scared me." Colt said dejectedly. "I've tried everything to take you down. I sacrificed the lives of my own men, and you brushed it off. I sacrificed the lives of innocent people, and you just changed tactics. And even when I went to someone who could create an endless supply of robots to sacrifice, you reached into my own sleeve to use the ace I was hiding. Twice! On the same day!"
Colt let out a long breath, realizing it could be one of his last. "Please forgive me. I've seen how useless resisting you is. Let me make it up to you; I could be an inside man in the force, you'd have an even tighter grip on the city. You could treat yourself to anything you'd like, nobody would stop you!"
"Shut your trap, you disgraceful pig." Bull sneered.
"Before I agree to anything, what inspired you to put a bullet through Rosie the Riveter's head?"
"I had already decided to pledge my allegiance, and she was your enemy, so she became mine as well. Now she can't trouble you no more. I took care of it for you, and I can do the same for anyone you ask me to!"
Bull stared down Colt for a few moments, allowing the suspense to build to an unbearable level. "You said I could treat myself to anything I wanted?"
"YES!" Colt said, filled with euphoric but nervous relief. "You could rob a bank and I could arrest the wrong guys! I could destroy incriminating evidence! I could tell you if a search warrant is being issued! I could-"
"Stop right there, I've heard enough." Bull said. Obediently, Colt stopped talking, holding his breath and clamping his mouth shut as if he needed to forcefully stop his body from making any further noises.
Bull allowed the anger that had been building during this conversation to show. "What if I told you that I wanted to be the one to kill that ginger bitch, to strangle her to death with my own two hands? After all the pain she put me through, I wanted so very, very badly to return the favor. But to grant my wish, you would have to bring her back to life. I don't think that's something you're capable of, Colt."
At that moment, Colt knew he was dead.
"I've got an idea: How about you pretend to be Ms. Pam so I can fulfill my little fantasy? You said you'd do anything to get me what I wanted, and you've certainly got the hair for the part."
"Bull, please-" Colt pleaded as Bull took a step towards him.
"And you already know your lines too!" Bull said, his facetiousness and sarcasm only serving to scare Colt out of his wits.
"Bull I swear, anything for you! Just don't ki-ACK" Colt managed to squeeze out before two strong and calloused hands forcibly closed his windpipe. He tried with all of his being to pry himself out of Bull's vice grip, but the already-futile gesture was made even more useless with his broken arms and general lack of his usual strength. Colt quickly lost consciousness, and his life followed shortly after.
Bull let go and spat on Colt's lifeless body. "That's what you get for messing with the DiMaggios."
Bull didn't feel quite satisfied with that, so he dragged Colt's body back to his IKE, where Bibi and Crow were now waiting. They were shocked to see Colt's body, and looked at him quizzically, as if Pam was dead too. He nodded to both of them, signifying that the battle was over, and by extension the war. Bull let go of what used to be Colt, letting the head hit the ground unceremoniously, and picked up his previously-discarded shotgun. He loaded it with a shell and put the business end of the gun some inches away from the corpse's face.
"And this is what you get for messing with me." He amended, pulling the trigger to ensure Colt's funeral wouldn't be open-casket.
