"Dean, are you gonna explain to me what happened with Cas? Why did he leave?"

Dean ignores him and keeps looking at the computer screen in front of him.

"He didn't say anything? But you saw him, right? You saw him leave?"

Dean keeps ignoring him so Sam gets closer and closes the laptop.

"Sam, leave it"

"He wouldn't leave without letting us know!"

"Well, tough shit! He left so accept it and move on. It's his choice"

"Move on? What are you even saying?"

Dean looks down at the table with a frown, remembering his fight with Cas. Sam recognizes that face, he can see anger, guilt and sadness in his eyes.

"I can't believe you. You had a fight, didn't you? What did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Yeah, sure. I'm so tired of your bullshit, Dean. Every time you push Cas away he doesn't just leave you, you know?"

"I don't push him away"

"Then please, explain to me the whole you're dead to me thing because, let me tell you, last time we lost him you didn't exactly cope well with it"

"Whatever"

"So that's it? You're just gonna let him leave?"

"I don't have to let him do anything"

"Grow up, Dean! This is Cas we are talking about. He's been by your side for more than a decade. He's your best friend. And I don't believe for a second that this doesn't affect you. Every time you lose him you stop functioning. You need to fix this"

"Save the speech, Sam. We're all adults, if he chooses to go his own way that's his deal"

"Well, I'm not okay with that"

"Too bad"

Sam looks at him in shock. He can't believe his brother's behavior.

"Are you kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Ever since mum-"

"Sam, stop it"

"No, I'm not gonna stop. Ever since that day you've been different. At first I thought it was just your way of dealing with it, but we've lost many people and you've never been like that. Specially not with Cas. How can you blame him for mum's death? We all saw something was wrong with Jack and we all ignored it. Why are you angry with him?"

"I'm not angry with him"

Sam gives him one of his bitchfaces and Dean squirms in his seat.

"Okay, so maybe I was a little mad at first, but I wasn't really angry"

"Dean, you told him to go to Hell with Belphegor without even asking him. You know how close Cas was to Jack and you sent him there with that demon possessing his body"

"I didn't force him to-"

"Dean! Stop denying it. You pushed him away. Don't tell me if you don't want to, but stop lying to yourself"

"Whatever, man. Look, if it bothers you so much call him and have a talk about your feelings, but leave me out of it"

"You think I didn't try calling him? He isn't picking up"

"See? He doesn't want anything to do with us"

"So that's how it's gonna be? You're just gonna give up on him?"

Dean doesn't say anything, he just opens the laptop again.

Sam sighs and heads towards the hallway.

. * . * . * . * . *

On his way to his room he stops by Cas' room. It's almost empty, just a few pictures and clothes remaining. He gets closer and sees that the pictures are of him and Dean and the three of them together. I don't believe for a second that he would leave these here just like that. Something happened.

Once in his room, he takes the duffel bag from under the bed and starts packing. If Dean doesn't go get Cas back he will go himself. As soon as he's finished he walks to the map room and sits down to check his weapons.

"Where are you going?"

He ignores him and keeps checking his weapons.

"So you're just gonna leave too?"

"You don't seem to care either way"

Dean scoffs and downs the beer on his hand.

Sam packs all his weapons in the duffel and stands up.

"I'll let you know when I've found him", he says as he heads to the garage.

"Whatever, man"

Sam tracks Cas' phone as soon as he gets in the car and immediately takes off.

. * . * . * . * . *

It took him half a day to get to Wyoming. He didn't stop much on the way so he's in dare need of a shower and a bed.

In the morning, he sets to search for Cas but he doesn't know where to begin, so he tries calling him again.

"This is my voicemail. Make your voice... a mail"

Sam sighs and opens his laptop to look for cases in the area. This must be the reason Cas is here.

After a few minutes of research, he finds a case that seems to be a djinn. It must be the case Cas is working so maybe he can find him if he follows the leads.

With this in mind he ends up in the woods, looking for the djinn's lair. That's when he sees a figure in a trench coat walking towards the sheriff but he's covered in tattoos and his eyes shine blue. So that's the djinn.

"It's always you, you selfish little men in positions of authority. You take what you want, you take who you want. And you believe that your power will protect you. Well, it won't protect you from me"

He sees Cas kill the djinn, get rid of the body and heal the kid before he approaches him.

"Cas!"

Cas turns around in surprise and looks around as if he is searching for someone.

"Don't worry, I'm alone. Dean stayed in the bunker"

"Sam. What are you doing here?"

"I've been calling you"

"I know"

"Look, I don't know what happened between you and Dean but you don't have to shut me out too"

Cas looks at his feet and stays silent.

"Cas, I know he can be a dick sometimes but you have to know he car-"

"I don't want to talk about your brother", he says as he turns to leave.

"Wait, Cas! You don't have to tell me anything but can you at least listen? Just hear me out. Please"

Cas lets out a deep breath and turns around to look at him.

"Okay. I'll listen"

. * . * . * . * . *

They sit at the table in Cas' motel room with a couple of beers talking about the case.

"Sam, say what you came here to say"

"Okay. I just... I know things have been tense between you and Dean. Ever since mum... I can't even believe he could say that to you-"

"It isn't so hard to believe, seeing as he didn't even notice when I was... gone"

"He didn't notice... Cas, he was a mess!"

"I appreciate what you are trying to do, Sam. But there's no use. He hates me, so there's no point in thinking about the past"

"Cas, no. Surely you can't believe he-"

"Sam, he sent me to Hell with that- that thing. That abomination"

"Yes, but-"

"And then he lashed out at me for killing him"

"What?"

"What did Dean tell you, Sam?", he says with a sigh.

"Nothing, really. You know how difficult he can be"

"Well, then there's nothing else to say"

"Please, Cas. I hate this. Tell me what happened so I can get some sense in my stupid brother's head"

Cas looks doubtful for a minute, but he's too tired to argue.

"It's not just one thing, you know?"

"I figured. You've been by his side for what, 12 years? You've put up with his bullshit for so long, it's no wonder you got fed up. But you know he doesn't mean it"

"It sure sounded like he meant it"

"What did he say exactly?"

"I... I tried to talk to him. Actually, I should have talked to the both of you. My... I'm losing my powers"

"Oh, Cas. Why didn't you say anything?"

"There were more important things to take care of. I wanted to be useful and I didn't want to be a burden"

"You're not a burden, Cas. You're family. We take care of each other"

He can still feel an air of sadness, regret and guilt in his eyes but he doesn't understand why. Except... I wanted to be useful... didn't want to be a burden.

"Cas... You know that we don't really care about your powers, right? Wait, that came out wrong. What I mean is that you are more than your powers"

"Thanks, Sam", he says with a sniff.

He looks up to Cas and he can see tears gathering in his eyes and he puts his hand on his shoulder and squeezes.

"Hey, I mean it. You're family. For better or worse, you're stuck with us", he tries to joke.

"Tha- Thanks"

Sam can feel Cas is trembling trying to keep his emotions under control so he tries to comfort him with an arm around his shoulders, but Cas turns around and hugs him, hiding his face on his shoulder.

"Hey, Cas, it's okay. It's okay. Fuck, I'm sorry we made you feel this way. Sorry I made you feel this way. I wish I would have seen it sooner"

They sit there in silence for a few minutes, drinking beer until Sam decides to break the silence.

"Look, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's okay"

"No, no, you were right. You deserve to know", he takes a minute to gather his thoughts and continues, "So, I tried to tell Dean about my powers and he wouldn't listen. He started to yell at me for killing Belphegor and then, when I told him that something went wrong he said that... he told me that I... that it's always my fault"

"He what? You don't believe him, right?"

Cas just shrugs and looks down.

"Cas, it wasn't your fault. Sure, sometimes you fuck up. All of us do. But we always try to do what's right. You've done so much good. Sacrificed so much for us and the world. So, don't blame yourself for things going wrong sometimes"

"Sam, I- thank you! Thank you for believing in me"

"Anytime, Cas", he says with a soft laugh, "I think you really needed to hear it"

"Maybe I did"

"You can come to me anytime you are feeling down. Just because you're fighting with Dean doesn't mean we can't be friends. I mean, you're my best friend. I miss you when you go your own way"

Cas thanks him with a soft nod and a smile.

"And I think there's something I need to tell you. You said that Dean didn't notice when you died, but that's not true"

"Sam, I saw him in Dodge City. He was more cheerful than I've ever seen him"

"Why do you think that is?"

"Working his dream case?"

"It was you, Cas. All that time you were gone he was just... empty. He was angry all the time, and he was reckless. He told me that he didn't believe in anything anymore and when I tried to call him out on the way he was treating Jack he exploded"

"That still doesn't mean that-"

"Cas, Dean... he killed himself"

"What?", he says in shock.

"We were working a case. Some ghost terrorizing kids and he... we didn't even talk about it. He just gave me the kit and told me to bring him back. He was gone for so long, I didn't think he was gonna make it. If it hadn't been for Billie I don't think h-"

"Wait, Billie? But I killed her"

"Apparently she's the new Death. She told Dean that he had work to do and that's why she brought him back. But Cas, I don't think he wanted to come back. He told me he needed a win. That was the night you called", he puts his hand on Cas' shoulder and looks him in the eye, "He told me you were his win"

"He said that? Then how... If he cares so much... how could he say something so awful to me?"

"I don't know, Cas. I think he's scared"

"Scared? Of what?"

"I think he's terrified of how much you mean to him. How much he would be willing to do for you"

Cas still seems to be having doubts so Sam tries another approach.

"Cas, how many times have you died?"

"Five"

"And has he ever told you how it affected him?"

"No"

"You wanna know?"

Cas doesn't answer but he looks hopeful.

"The first couple of times I wasn't really there to see it. But when you disappeared in that lake... you know he kept your trench coat, but it really hit him. He was more reckless and irritable. Every time we would mention your name he would get this pained look on his face and he just shut down. And when he found you it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders"

"But he left me there..."

Sam sighs and tries to think how to fix this. Damn you, Dean.

"I admit that Dean is... complex. But he feels to deeply and doesn't know how to process his feelings. But when he left you in the hospital... I think he was feeling conflicted. He was relieved you were alive but he was also mad at you for what you did"

He sees Cas about to say something, probably apologize.

"Don't worry. I forgave you ages ago. He did too"

"I'm sorry nonetheless. It's one of my biggest regrets"

"Thanks, Cas. I appreciate it", he says as he squeezes his shoulder, "anyways, he didn't really know how to deal with his feelings and he lashed out at you. He shouldn't do that but I think that, because you never left him when he did, he thought it was somewhat okay. You should talk to him about it. I think this may have been the problem, the miscommunication"

Cas looks deep in thought and Sam lets him process it for a few minutes until Cas breaks the silence.

"What about... What about the last time?"

"It hit him the hardest. He couldn't even say it out loud. He blamed Jack and he was a fucking dick about it. He drank even more than before, to the point of passing out on the floor. I- I've never seen him like that and it scared me. I tried to do the things he likes but he didn't want to and kept pretending that everything was fine. Eventually he told me that he didn't believe in anything anymore and that I had to believe for the both of us, then we had that case with the ghosts and you came back"

"I didn't know. I'm sorry", says Cas with sadness.

"You don't have to apologize, Cas. It wasn't your fault. But it was hard. You're my best friend and I couldn't even talk about you. I- I really missed you, man. I'm so glad you are back"

"Thanks, Sam. I'm glad to be back. And if it wasn't obvious you are my best friend too. I really care about you"

Sam hugs him and pats his back.

"Will you come back? I'll deal with Dean, although I really think you should talk it out. But it's your home too, you don't have to leave. We will always want you there. Dean too, even if he is being an asshole"

Cas thinks about it but there wasn't nothing to think about, his place is with his family.

"I will. I'll go back with you"