Once they park in the bunker Cas doesn't move to get out.

"Hey, Cas. It's okay. If you don't want to talk to him yet, just ignore him. I will be there with you"

"I- Thank you, Sam", says Cas nervously.

"It'll be okay. Let me take care of Dean"

With that, he goes find his brother while Cas goes to his room.

"Dean? Where are you?"

He doesn't get a response. Not that I was expecting one.

He eventually finds him lying on his bed with his headphones on.

"Dean. Dean!"

"What?", he says as he turns off the music, "You're back already? Did you find him? Not that I care. I'm sure if you did find him he told you to get bent, didn't he? Fuck him"

Sam sighs, closes the door and sits at the feet of the bed trying to think of the best way to talk this out.

"Dean, this is serious. I know you're angry. Hurt. I am too, but this has to stop. You can't keep pushing him away"

Dean scoffs and crosses his arms on his chest.

"I know you don't like to talk about your feelings, but this time I really think you should. Not with me, but with Cas. You both need to be honest with each other. Stop this suffering. It doesn't do either of you any good"

"And what's next? Braid our hair and make flower crowns?"

"Dean! You're gonna lose him. And I'm gonna lose him too, you know? So get your head out of your ass and talk to him. What do you really blame him for? It can't be for Jack. We all saw it and chose to ignore it, pretend everything was fine. So what else is there?"

"I don't blame him for anything"

"Cut the bullshit. He told me what you said. How could you say something like that to him? To him? He's been with you every step of the way, never judging. So please, explain it to me. What did he do to deserve your hate?"

He gets up and heads to the door but Sam stops him and pushes him back on the bed.

"No way, Dean. Not this time. You're gonna make me understand how you can treat your best friend like that and be okay with it, because let me tell you, if you were anyone else I would have already hit you quite a few times"

"Sam, I don't wan-"

"I don't care what you want! You're hurting him! Do you know he thinks he's a burden for us? That we only care about his powers and what he can do for us? You pushing him away doesn't help his self-esteem. He thinks you hate him, Dean"

"I don't hate him"

"Have you told him that? Did you ever tell him how important he is to you?"

"Don't say it like that, man"

"Is that what all this is about? Your feelings for him? You can lie to yourself all you want but that won't make those feelings disappear. Why is it so difficult for you to admit that you care?"

"I just-"

"You don't have so many problems to show me you care"

"That's different"

"Why? Because we're family? He's family too. He's like a brother to me"

"I know"

"Then what is it?"

Dean looks down and bites his cheek as he thinks of what to say.

"It just doesn't make sense. You are okay showing me you care. You are even okay showing Claire, Jody, Donna, Garth. So why not Cas? If anything you should be more comfortable with him. You understand each other in a way the rest of us can't even comprehend, so wh-"

"He's a man!"

Sam looks up in shock at the outburst.

"Why does it matter if he's a man?"

"Because... I- He- I didn't mean..."

"Dean, are you... homophobic? But you've always supported Charlie and you've never cared what other people did"

"No! People can do whatever makes them happy. I just... Dad-"

"Dad? What does dad have to do with...", he finally understands and he feels the anger he buried for years resurface, "fucking asshole. What did he tell you?"

"He didn't say anything"

Sam knows this is a delicate subject and he needs to tread carefully.

"You know there's nothing wrong with homosexuality, right? It doesn't make you any less of a man"

"I'm not-"

"I tried in college"

"You what?"

"I was free for the first time in my life and I wanted to explore everything I missed. Do you think less of me now you know?"

"Of course not!"

"And do you think I would judge you if you wanted to experiment with your sexuality?"

"I don't-"

"Or Cas?"

"No, I know he wouldn't"

"Then what's the problem?"

"It makes me weak"

"What? What makes you weak?"

"Feeling... like this. People, monsters, they will use it, use him, against me"

"Dean, they already do. They've been using you to hurt him for years, and viceversa. Why should you suffer because of what others think? You deserve to be happy"

"I-", they are interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Dean? Can I come in?", asks Cas from the other side of the door.

Sam looks at his brother and gets up, squeezing his shoulder.

"Fix this. Don't lose him because you're scared", he says quietly.

Then he opens the door and lets Cas in.

"I'll have dinner ready for whenever you're done", and with that he closes the door behind him and leaves them to hopefully let everything out.

Cas stands with his back to the door, eyes locked on the floor, not daring looking up at Dean. They stay like that for a few minutes until Dean sighs and breaks the silence.

"Cas-"

"I came to tell you that I can keep to myself so you don't have to see me around. I shouldn't have come back, but Sam was very convincing"

Dean looks up at him in shock.

"No, no. You don't have to do that. I- Actually I'm glad you're back"

Cas sighs and his shoulders drop even lower.

"I can't keep doing this", he whispers to himself but, in the quiet of the room it's so loud.

"What?"

"I can't- I don't wanna get hurt again, Dean. That's why I left. There's only so much I can handle"

"What do you mean?"

"This back-and-forth you do... It's exhausting. I don't know how much more I can take"

"Cas, I don't-"

"Don't bother, I'll just stay out of your way"

Before he knows it, Dean is at the door, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder. If he leaves right now there will be not coming back for us.

"Cas, don't leave. I... I know I've been a dick lately but just... hear me out"

Cas sighs but nods for him to continue.

"I'm sorry I said... I'm sorry for everything I said. You are my best friend and I just pushed you away", he lets out a deep sigh and feels his eyes start to water, "I don't know why I get so angry. I just know that... that it's always been there and when things go bad it just- it comes out. And I can't stop it. No matter how- how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. I'm sorry it took me this long to say it. Cas, I'm- I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me"

"Of course I forgive you, Dean"

"Don't- Don't do that. Don't say what I wanna hear. I need to know we are okay. That you are okay"

Cas leans his back on the door and looks away with a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He finally looks up again and finds Dean looking at him.

"I- I don't know what you want me to say"

"I want to know what you think"

"About?"

"Us. I- I mean- What you think about... Are we going to be alright? Do you forgive me?"

"Yes, Dean. I forgive you. But it doesn't matter"

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?"

"It's always the same. I forgive you and then something goes wrong, you lash out at me and then you apologize. We keep going in circles and I always end up being hurt"

"This time is different. I promise! I know- I know I'm an asshole. I'll try to be better. To treat you better. You deserve it"

Cas looks at him with confused eyes.

"Can I..."

"What is it, Cas?"

"Can I ask why- How you could say- I mean... How could you tell me..."

Dean looks down and takes a step back in shame.

"I- I don't-"

"Because I can't think of a situation in which I could ever say something like that to you. No matter how mad I was"

"I know. I don't know. I just... felt this anger in me and I had to let it out. I'm sorry I took it out on you. I hope you know I didn't mean it. I couldn't. I don't even know how I could say something like that to you"

"Sam said... He told me that when I... was gone you- That you were different"

"He- Well, I- I watched you- You died in front of me, Cas. And it was the first time I saw... Your wings were burnt on the floor and I- I thought I would never see you again"

"I'm sor-"

"Don't you dare apologize! It wasn't really your fault. I just... I felt empty, you know? There was something missing and I couldn't do anything about it"

Cas gets closer to catch his eye and asks something he has wanted to know since Sam mentioned it.

"Sam also said that... He said you killed yourself? Please, tell me you didn't- That it wasn't because of me", he says, tears gathering in his eyes.

"He shouldn't have...", says Dean as he looks away in shame, "I admit I was at a low point in my life. I never thought about... I just saw the opportunity to... make it all stop, I guess. I just wanted that feeling of... loneliness, sadness and emptiness to stop. But I came back, so everything turned out fine in the end"

"Dean, he told me that if Billie hadn't brought you back you would have been dead. You would leave Sam like that?"

Dean feels anger raise in him. They don't understand. They won't even try.

"You would leave your little brother, for whom you've given everything-"

"This isn't about him! I was drowning!"

Cas turns his head, not understanding.

"You were gone and I couldn't... breathe. I felt trapped. Trapped in the pain, the hurt, the sadness. One minute you were there and the other I saw your- your wings burned on the floor. I've never... The only time I've ever felt something like that was when Sam died and I made the deal", he scoffs, "the deal that brought you to me. But even then, nothing compares to the weeks of wishing everything to stop, even just for minute, so I could breathe. I tried, I tried to- to move on, but how could I? You were- you are my rock", he scoffs and rubs his eyes with his hand, "You are my rock and I pushed you away"

With this realization he takes a few steps back and looks down, shoulders falling with the weight of this truth.

"Dean, I..."

"No, no. Don't... Don't say anything. I need- Just give a moment", he says as he sits on the bed with his head on his hands.

"Dean, you don't hav-"

"Damnit, Cas! Give me a minute", he snaps at him.

Cas flinches and takes a step back. And I thought we were making some progress. He's about to turn around and go tell Sam that this won't work, that this was a mistake. He already has his hand on the doorknob but, before he can open the door, he feels a hand on his shoulder turning him around.

"Cas, I'm sorry. I'm trying. It just- I need a moment to process everything. I hadn't... I never realized how much I depended on you. What you really represent in my life. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

He pulls him in a tight hug and buries his head on his shoulder.

"Dean, I- I can't keep being your punching bag. It's too painful"

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'll change. I promise, Cas. I'll be better. Just, please, don't leave. Don't leave me. Please, please"

Cas sighs but holds him tighter and Dean leans back to look at him.

"This time it will be different. I promise. I'll make it up to you. Just... Don't give up on me yet. Let me make it up to you"