Author's Notes: Not too much left now, folks. This is the "other thing" I mentioned that needed to be resolved and would "take up time" a couple of chapters ago now. Enjoy!


Chapter XIV

Several days went by, each one bringing them closer and closer to Coruscant. Ahsoka's memory was returning slowly but surely. She now remembered and could recognize almost everyone that crossed her path, if not their entire history together.

She slowly grew stronger in mind and body as well, now able to go for walks about the ship. She looked forward to the times she could reacquaint herself with it and the people that walked its halls. Every clone - as she now remembered they were - she passed saluted, gave well wishes… and called her Commander. She didn't feel like a Commander yet.

And no more was spoken about her lack of Force abilities.

Until Obi-wan and Anakin walked into the infirmary one day.

"I believe your mind has healed enough for us to attempt to remove the collar now, Ahsoka," Obi-wan intoned, coming to a stop in front of her.

Her hand reached up to the device of its own accord. She swallowed. "Okay."

"Come on, Snips! I'll be right here with you," Anakin said with a grin, throwing one arm around her shoulder, and steering her toward the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked, not knowing why they didn't just do it in the infirmary.

"We are going to our meditation room. We will be far more comfortable there," came Obi-wan's answer.

So they walked. Anakin, feeling her body begin to tremble, held her tight the whole way there. She wasn't exactly afraid. Not of the possible pain. It was just that she'd experienced so much lately, and she'd just been starting to feel better with the state of her mind and body. How far would this set her back? She'd been wearing this collar for as long as she could remember, and in a small way, she relied on it. Tugging it was her nervous habit, her way of dealing with her anxiety and fears in the moment. Her way of grounding herself. What was she going to replace that with?

She leaned into her Master, seeking his strength. He gave her shoulders a squeeze.

They finally reached a set of double doors and stepped inside.

The room was a modest size. About the same size as her cave cell, actually. But that was where the similarities ended. Unlike the cave, this room was panelled in some sort of white material. Ahsoka wasn't sure what it was, but it looked sort of cushiony. The floor was made of woven, cream-coloured mats, and there were four sitting cushions evenly spaced on the floor.

The group walked to the center of the room and stopped.

"How are you going to get it off? I tried for hours and could never figure it out," asked Ahsoka.

"Master Yoda told me. There's a trick apparently where you have - " He waved a hand in a silent it's not important. "Nevermind. It's hard to explain. You'll have to turn around though, Ahsoka, as it needs to be done from the back."

She shook off Anakin's arm, squaring her shoulders a bit. "Alright," she answered, turning around.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Then she took another. Then a third. She realized she was shaking, and her breaths were becoming less measured, more erratic, and why was she reacting this way, this was one of her last links with Dooku, just pull yourself together, Ahsoka -

And then arms were enveloping her from the front, and she took a deep breath of the familiar scent of her Master, clung to him like a lifeline. She felt his muscles twitch in a nod at Obi-wan, and then the ghosts of fingers on her neck as he fiddled with the collar.

There was a click, and the collar slid from around her skin. Everyone was still for the space of a heartbeat as Ahsoka waited for something to happen.

She blinked… maybe nothing was going to happen? Obi-wan said it would be pai-

It hit with a crash, Ahsoka gasping like a fish out of water. The pain overwhelmed her, her mind and every nerve, every sense on fire as she was suddenly barraged with an overwhelming amount of information and senses and feelings.

She tried to cling tighter to Anakin as the pain intensified, but all her focus was internal, and there was no room for anything else. She dropped to the floor, Anakin trying and failing to tighten his grip in time.

Ahsoka clutched her head, the agony intense. The lights were suddenly blinding, and she squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could do away with the pain in the same way. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't find the air.

It was just so much. She could sense every lifeform on the ship, and there were a lot. Her Master and Obi-wan burned as bright as twin suns, adding to the chaos of her mind. Her nerves were on fire, suddenly in tune with every creak and groan of the ship, every fibre of the woven mat sticking out in perfect clarity in her mind, as she writhed on the ground.

She curled up in a ball, and just tried to breathe.

It felt like it lasted hours. Surely it wasn't less than that. But eventually, it did begin to lessen. She realized her breathes were coming easier, and the chaos in her mind was beginning to calm. She was figuring out how to tune out the presence of lifeforms, and her two Master's no longer seemed quite so bright.

She carefully opened her eyes and let go of her head. The lights were back to normal, at least. Grabbing Anakin's outstretched hand, she stood up, swaying for a moment as spots danced in front of her eyes. "Wall," she ground out, her teeth clenched to control her nausea.

Together, she and Anakin managed to get her to the side of the room. When her hand touched the soft fabric, she gratefully slid down its length to sit, her chest rising and falling in time with her heart. Wait. What's on my face? She wondered, delicately touching her fingers to her cheeks. Her hands came away wet and she realized she'd been crying.

"Ahsoka? How do you feel?" Anakin asked.

She understood now. At least a little. She felt silly for being scared to let the collar go, the only coping mechanism she'd had. The Force was now whispering to her, singing to her, and she understood it. Let go, she heard. Let go of your fear.

Let go, she thought to herself. I remember… we give our emotions to the Force. You don't need pain to deal with pain. You need peace.

A stray thought floated by, half-remembered lines. Emotion, yet peace. Chaos, yet harmony.

She stared at her fingers. She could feel… something. Flowing through her and around her. She felt connected to… everything. It was the strangest feeling.

She flexed them experimentally, and it was like a force was gathering at the ends of her fingertips, pushing to be set free. Not a force, she thought. It's the Force. Holding out her hand, she let it go.

Straight into Anakin, who flew across the room.

Her face split in a grin as Obi-wan let out an uncharacteristic guffaw.

"Ahsoka!" Anakin yelled, astonishment clear in his voice.

Obi-wan laughed harder, and even Ahsoka gave a small chuckle as she slumped against the wall, all her energy having left her with her first use of the Force.

"I always wanted to do that," she said with a smile.

At that, even Anakin started to laugh from where he lay in a heap against the opposite wall. Soon all three of them were laughing loudly, heartily, and the release of tension felt astonishingly good to Ahsoka. She felt astonishingly good. She felt almost completely whole again, in a way she hadn't in… well, her memory was still fuzzy that far back.

When they all calmed down after a few minutes, Anakin got to his feet, saying, "We'll have to re-teach you better control than that, Snips."

"There might be a lot of that," she admitted, her voice hoarse with emotion. Her mood had dropped quickly once the laughter stopped. She felt the tears sliding down her face again as her exhaustion let back in all the senses and heightened awareness she'd been able to push back before. "Do you feel…" She waved a hand, unable to find the right words. "All this all the time? How do you live feeling so much?"

Obi-wan and Anakin looked at each other, clearly gauging if the other one had the words to take her question.

Anakin spoke up first. "Ahsoka, I don't know how you lived without it for so long. I can't even imagine trying to live without that connection. It…" Clearly struggling to find words, Ahsoka watched him throw a "help me out here?" look to his mentor.

Obi-wan cleared his throat, stepping forward. "You will get used to it, Ahsoka, I promise. It may seem like rather a lot now, but that's simply because you were cut off from it for so long, you forgot what it's like to be connected." He threw a look at Anakin. "If you - "

Who cut him off with a gesture, whispering, "Look."

Obi-wan followed his gaze back to Ahsoka and smiled.

She was still slumped against the wall, but now she had the peaceful look of sleep. Her chest rose and fell gently, her breath easy, her head lolled to one side.

As his old Padawan walked past him to pick up her up, the Jedi Master heard, "Your speeches always were boring, Obi-wan."

He let out an exasperated noise, making way for Anakin to push past him with his own Padawan now cradled in his arms.

"They worked just fine on you, didn't they?"

The door whooshed open, and they started down the hallway.

"You keep telling yourself that, old man."