A matter of trust..
McRoll Pairing - season 3, episode 18
Chapter 2
Catherne's POV..
It had been something that hadn't sat with her right for months now..
The whole keeping things from Steve wasn't who she was, or who she wanted to be and it killed her to keep this from him, even though it was nothing to do with her and everything to do with his mother, Agent Channing had initially involved her in this and then Doris had involved her further by making her promise not to tell Steve about it.. She hadn't wanted to, she knew it was wrong and that he deserved to know, but she felt she had no other choice..
It had been a few months and it was still weighing on her all the time, to tell him or not tell him.. She wanted to, but she also didn't want to break Doris's promise and trust, though she did realise that the person's trust she needed and wanted the most was not Doris's but Steve's.. She tried to put it out of mind, and out of sight, but it still on the odd occasion popped up in her head whenever he talked about his mother and mentioned the fact that he didn't trust her.
Though she had tried to get out of this undercover assignment with the whole Diamond Dolls and roller derby, she secretly was chuffed that Steve had the trust and confidence in her to be apart of the team for this case. It was why she agreed to it, because she liked being apart of the team, and getting to work with Steve, Danny, Chin and of course her sista from another mother Kono..
Her and Kono had become really close and even her and Chin were tight as well.. Danny treated her like a sister and it felt good knowing Steve's best friend on the island approved of who he was dating. It felt like they had all welcomed her into the team and accepted her as one of their own and that made her start to evaluate her life in the Navy, and if she wanted to keep doing it for much longer.. Steve was on the island full time now and now she was stationed at Pearl, she had even gotten herself a rental, not that she spent a lot of time there.. She was always spending time over at Steve's, and it had gotten to the point, he had even without a word cleared out a drawer and a part of his closet for her to put her clothes in as well..
So to not tell Steve something so important made her feel terrible, and so when she heard about the break in at Doris McGarrett's home, and came to be there for Steve, she couldn't help but notice how the break in didn't look like your average break in.. It was sophisticated and professional.. She had to tell him then, because she knew how Doris was and that Doris wouldn't give up that information
It made her feel sick to her stomach to have to tell Steve about mangosta and that she didn't tell him at the time it happened.. She could sense he was upset and hurt, especially after he had only just admitted that he felt she was lying to him again, and now Catherine admitted she had been well not lying but omitting information from him as well.
Her heart pounded in her chest, feeling lost when he asked her to leave.. He had never asked her to leave before, and while she tried to protest, she could sense his resolve wouldn't falter and without a word, she walked out of the door, the tears only managing to evade her till she got out to the car and she broke down in tears.. Her heart was shattered, she knew she shouldn't have kept it from him, and honestly, if this hadn't come up, she wasn't sure if she ever would have him despite knowing she should have..
The hurt wounded look on his face when told her to leave.. It broke her, and all she wanted was to seek out his comfort, but she knew she couldn't and so she decided to focus solely on the case and on getting access to Coach Blair's player roster so they could determine the girls alibi's or if they could be a suspect.
Knowing that Steve was hurt and trying to figure out some things in his head, she stayed away, and instead of sending the intel directly to Steve, she sent it over to Chin knowing he and Kono were already in the office. They hadn't spoken since the night before and it unsettled her.. They have never any issues like that before, and she knew that Steve had mainly wanted her to leave so he didn't say anything he might regret, and for that she was appreciative.
Her focus was a little off, her fight with Steve still on her mind but she was also a little worried about Crimson as well.. She had quickly become someone she connected with and whilst she knew it had been her job to connect with the dolls to get into Dana's life, she realised how sweet and caring Crimson was even though she had a hard exterior. When Crimson was injured, she felt this need to make sure she was okay.. So she went looking for her and that was when she found her with Blair..
She was never in any danger herself but when she heard Coach Blair from outside his office, she knew that he was going to do the same thing to Crimson that he did to Dana. The shot rang out when she shot Coach Blair and then as she was helping to untie Crimson, she heard Steve's name, and it sounded a little panicked.. So while he might upset still, she heard in his voice that he was willing the shot not to have been Catherine being hit and the relief she saw in his eyes when she saw him burst through the door, eyeing her off to make sure she didn't have any injuries.
Even though he couldn't see any visible injuries on her, he still had to ask as he helped to untie Crimson from the chair, "You okay?", he asked in a low soft voice, wanting to hear the words from her she was fine.. and knowing him, Catherine knew he wouldn't be fine himself till she said so herself, she nodded and gazed back at him, "Yeah", was her quick soft response, seeing in his eyes they still had plenty to talk about but knowing that now wasn't the time.
They didn't get a chance to talk again till after the funeral, She had been worried Crimson might have been unhappy that she had lied about who she was but she was assured that she wasn't and that she wanted to keep in touch with her. During the service, she tried to make eye contact with Steve but he seemed to keep his focus in front of hm, the need to just talk to him strong, wanting to make things right with him but again she knew now wasn't the time..
Before she could catch him after the service, he had headed off on his own, unsure where he was headed to, knowing that his phone hadn't rung and that he wasn't on a new case otherwise he would have left with Danny at least.. She sighed softly, it felt like he was avoiding her but she understood that he needed time and space.
She stayed and mingled a little longer, heading to a little coffee shop with the girls from the Diamond Dolls along with Shanon Morgan who went by Sugar Stix, and then once she left the coffee shop after promising the girls she would keep in touch, she headed out on her own, and found herself standing on the rocks looking out at the water, having texted Steve to come talk to her when he was available.
Seeing him out of the corner of her eye as he walked up to her, she stayed where she was, her arms wrapped around her chest.. This was the first time they had really been alone together since she told him about his mother and mangosta, and she was missing him.. A week had past since she had last seen him, and her heart and her soul were crying out for him, wanting to reach out and hold him, and have his arms wrapped around her.
Standing in front of her, the wind blowing her hair gently in the breeze from the ocean, he waited for her to speak, and all she could say was a soft whispered, "I am so sorry, I should've told you," her voice was filled with regret and remorse and though he didn't say a word, she watched as he closed the gap between them, tilting his head, moving his left hand to her cheek, and letting his thumb move up under her ear, her heart racing a little quicker at feeling his lips on hers once more..
Pulling away at the same time, taking a moment to gaze into each other's eyes, he then pulled her to his arms and held her tight, burying her head into his shoulder, shivering slightly when she felt his lips on her shoulder, kissing her gently again..
They stayed that way for a while, felt like forever and then he found himself pulling away again, gazing into her eyes, clearing his throat, her confusion showing at the way he cleared his throat, knowing that he had something he wanted to say, something she had not thought he would say to her in this moment, but the words she had wanted to hear for a long time now.
'I love you Catherine',
The words echoed in her head several times now.. Her heart beating faster inside her chest, her eyes lighting up at those words and the genuine smile on her face, biting her lower lip.. She took this moment to rest her hand back on his cheek, eliciting a soft moan from her when she felt his own hand over hers, his fingers rubbing the back of her hand, her own finger tips doing much of the same to his cheek, "I love you Steve", whispering back in a gentle loving voice,
While she knew they still needed time to heal from this, hearing him say that he loves her, it made everything feel so much more real, and all of a sudden she felt even more secure in their relationship. The knowledge that he also wanted to spend the evening with her at her house, it gave her a little more security as well, plus she didn't want to run into Doris as well..
Getting into the car once she suggested getting rainbow for dinner, leaning out of the window to kiss him, she then watched as he got in his own car, and turned his phone off before heading home, sighing softly, her heart still flip flopping, seeing him following behind her, but knowing he would turn off to get dinner first, she felt relaxed as she drove home and put her car into the garage, giving Steve space to park behind her and then heading inside, unlocking the door for him and heading into the bathroom to have a quick shower and change.
