CHAPTER 7

Jason bursts through the door of Dr. Wright's clinic the next morning. Grabbing her by the arm he demands, "All right! Let's hear it!"

Allyn being stunned asks, "Let's hear what? Jason, what in the world has you so fired up?"

Jason doesn't bother to hide his anger. "Why did you tell Jeremy about this home? Why did you interfere?"

Very calmly Allyn speaks. "Jason, after Jeremy's accident, he was so worried that he was a burden on you, Josh, and Candy. So, I told him there was a home in San Francisco that could help him learn to take care of himself so he wouldn't have to depend on others so much. I only meant for it to be a temporary stay at the home. At first, he didn't want to hear about it because he was hopeful that he would walk again."

"But Allyn, what changed? Why does he want to move there for good? Something or someone had to have changed his mind."

"When Candy had her collapse and Jeremy couldn't help her, he felt useless. He realized that his condition was probably permanent. He. . ."

Jason interrupts yelling, "You told him his condition was permanent?"

"No, I did not. He came to that conclusion on his own. He came to me wanting to know more about the home. Jeremy thinks he is in everybody's way. He feels helpless. I tried to talk to him, but that Bolt stubbornness was too much even for me. Anyway, he ask me to contact the home to see when he could move in, so I did. Jason, I know you don't want him to go. None of us do."

"I'm sorry, Allyn. I shouldn't take my anger out on you." He gives Allyn a hug. "Jeremy is going to talk to Candy today. Maybe she can talk some sense into him. I can't lose my little brother."

"Jason, let's go in my office and have a cup of coffee. Maybe we can think of a way to change Jeremy's mind."

Jeremy is sitting on the front porch whittling when Candy arrives. Taking his anger and frustration out on the piece of wood he is working on, he doesn't even notice Candy standing there next to the porch. "Did that wood do something to upset you?" Candy giggles.

Jeremy jumps. Smiling nervously, he lays the wood and his knife down on the bench. "I'm okay. How long you been standing there?"

"Oh, I just got here. Has something happened?"

Not ready to launch into his talk with her yet, Jeremy tries to change the subject. "So, do I not get my usual good morning kiss?" he asks.

"Of course you do." Candy walks next to Jeremy and bends down to give his lips a soft kiss. Before she knows it, he has pulled her on his lap. "Why Mr. Bolt, I do love how your mind works." She puts her arms around his neck and their lips meet in an intimate kiss.

"At least something of mine works like it should," Jeremy replies.

"Jeremy, please don't put yourself down like that." She takes his hand in hers and squeezes it tightly. "Now, what do you want to do today? How about us going to Lottie's for lunch? I bet you could use a cold beer."

Remembering that he needs to make Candy as happy as possible before he tears her world apart, he agrees. "All right. I think I'd like that. It's been a long time since I've been there and I need a drink, maybe two."

Lottie is delighted to see Jeremy and Candy come through the door and what a fuss she makes over them. After lunch they talk it seems like for hours getting caught up on all the news. Jeremy watches Candy and sees how happy she is. He starts getting fidgety knowing that when they get back to the cabin, he will destroy all her happiness. "Uh, Lottie, do you have any idea when Clancey will be back in port?" Jeremy asks trying to sound calm.

"I'm not sure, probably in the next week or two. You know him when he goes to Alaska. I swear, I think he was born to be an Eskimo," she laughs. Any reason?"

"No, no reason. I just haven't seen him in a while. Uh, would you ask him to come see me when he gets here? I'd like to talk to him."

"Sure, I'll tell him." Lottie and Candy look at him puzzled.

"Thanks, Lottie. Well Candy, are you ready to go? I'm getting a little tired."

"Yes, I guess we should get back. Thanks for lunch, Lottie."

Lottie gives them a big hug and says, "Now, don't you two be strangers. Come see me again real soon."

When Jeremy and Candy arrive back at the cabin, Candy says, "Since you're tired, I'll go straighten your bed so you can lay down and rest." She starts to go to the bedroom when Jeremy stops her.

"I'm tired but not really that tired, Candy. I just used that as an excuse to leave. Uh, would you mind sitting with me for a while so we can talk about something important?" Jeremy moves himself to the big chair and holds his hand out to Candy. She sits on his lap and he hugs her tightly, not ever wanting to let go. Candy returns his embrace.

"I have something to tell you Candy, but before I do, I want you to know I love you so much. We've been together almost a year and I want to thank you for making this the happiest year of my life. Well, it was up until my accident. I'll always love you and I'll never forget you." Tears fill Jeremy's eyes.

"Jeremy, what's going on? You talk like we're not going to see each other again."

"Oh God, Candy. I would give anything not to hurt you."

Sensing that Jeremy is going to break their engagement for some reason, Candy says, "If you don't want to hurt me, Jeremy, then don't do this." She wipes the tears from her eyes.

"I have to Candy. I'm going to tell you something and I would like for you not to say anything until I'm finished talking. Can you do that for me?" Candy nods her head reluctantly. Jeremy sighs and begins. "When Clancey gets back here to Seattle, I'm going to ask him to take me to San Francisco when he leaves port again. There's a. . ."

Candy says, "Jeremy?" then he places his finger on her lips.

"There's a group home for people like me. They will help me learn to take care of myself so you, Jason, and Josh won't have to anymore." She opens her mouth to say something and he puts his finger on her lips again. "Shh. Now I'm doing this because I have to, not because I want to. I have to do this so you can begin a new life for yourself. I have finally faced the fact that I am never going to walk again. I can't have you spending your life waiting on me." He blinks back his tears. "Candy, you're a beautiful young vibrant woman. You deserve to be made love to by your husband and have all those children you want. I can't. . ." Jeremy chokes up. He waits a second then says, "I can't do that for you."

With Jeremy's finger still on her lips, she begins to sob. "Candy, I'm so sorry. I want to be that husband you deserve. It kills me to think of you in another man's arms. . .in his bed. But you have to find someone new and start over. Please understand." He removes his finger and waits for her to reply.

Instead, Candy gets up and goes to Jeremy's bedroom door. With her back to him she asks, "Do you mind if I use your room?"

"No, go ahead. Take all the time you need." He sits in the big chair alone and cries silently.

Candy sits on the edge of the bed in shock. How can he do this to us? I know he thinks this is what I need, but he is so wrong. I need him. Oh dear Lord, please let me be able to change his mind. I don't want to live without Jeremy. She lays down on the bed and sobs.

Jeremy can hear Candy crying uncontrollably. He wants to go to her, but knows that she needs time alone. She'll come to me when she's ready. Dear Lord, please help her through this. He waits for her to return.

Finally, the door opens and Candy walks to Jeremy and sits on his lap. She lays her head on his shoulder. Very calmly she says, "I love you, Jeremy. You are my life. I know you think I would be better off with someone else, but you are so wrong. I will never ever love anyone else but you. Jeremy, how do I make you realize that?"

"I know you think that now. But if we would marry and you get to be 30 or 40 years old, you're going to realize you are still a v-v-virgin. And you're going to wonder what you've been missing. I don't want you to miss out on life."

"If you do this, you'll be doing it for nothing. I will never marry. I will still be that 30 or 40 year old virgin. The only thing different will be that I will be alone. . .without you."

"Candy, when I leave, the men will start asking you out. In time you'll change your mind and find the right man for you. I know it."

"I've already found that man. He's just too stubborn to understand that." She kisses his cheek.

Jeremy wipes his eyes and clears his throat. "Candy, there's something else I need to tell you. I. . ."

"What now? What else is there? Haven't you told me enough?"

"Well, the thing is, uh, I hate to tell you, but I need you to return my ring and my mother's locket."

Candy gasps. "I most certainly will not! Jeremy Bolt, when you put this ring on my finger, I told you then I would never take it off. I meant it then and I mean it now." Her voice is starting to quiver. "You told me that as long as I wore your locket, you would always be with me no matter how far apart we are. Well, it looks like I need this locket more than ever now. It's all I have left of you." She begins to cry on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Candy. I just think it will be easier for you to move on and forget about me, if you don't have to look at them. I don't want you to live in the past."

"Easier for you maybe, but not for me. Jeremy, you can have them back when I die and not before. I only hope I die sooner than later. I don't want to live without you." She puts her arms around Jeremy's neck.

"Candy, please don't say that. Don't you know it's killing me to do this?" He holds her tighter.

"Well, how did you expect me to talk, Jeremy? Did you think I was going to agree with everything you want? If so, then you don't know me very well."

"No, I knew you wouldn't agree with me, but Candy someday you'll come to see that I'm right."

"Never." Candy starts kissing Jeremy. First his cheek, then lips, then she moves to his neck. Her hand goes inside his half opened shirt and she strokes his chest. Jeremy moans.

Jeremy passionately kisses her and she responds likewise. Their kisses get deeper and their hands caress each other. Suddenly Jeremy stops. "See Candy. That's all we'll ever be able to do. I want to make love to you, but my body doesn't."

"This will be enough, Jeremy. I promise it will be," she pleads.

"No, it won't. I've made up my mind, Candy. This is the way it has to be. I'm sorry."

Candy gets up and walks to the door. "I love you, Jeremy." There is no more fight left in her. She walks out the door defeated.