It starts with a meme.
Elliot is at his desk, sipping coffee and reviewing a case file, when Sloot airdrops a photo. He hears Bell snicker from her office as he fumbles with his phone; she sees whatever it is already and responds accordingly. He clicks "Accept", and a guy's face fills his screen (a celebrity he vaguely recognizes and should probably know) with the phrase "It's Gonna Be May" at the bottom. He furrows a brow- the fuck does this mean?- and Jet stifles a laugh from her desk.
He glances up at her as she exclaims, "Stabler, don't tell me you don't get this meme."
"What? No, I get it, it's…" He trails off because he really doesn't have a fucking clue how he was going to defend himself.
"You have daughters that were teenagers once. You don't know N*SYNC?"
He vaguely remembers this is a band of some sort- lots of boys jumping around. He shrugs his shoulders.
Jet sighs heavily. "Justin sings this song, and instead of 'me', it sounds like he says 'May'. Everyone posts it on April 30th every year. Get it? It's gonna be May. Tomorrow. May. Jeez, now that I had to explain it, it's not funny anymore." Jet flips her octopus plush to the angry side and continues clicking keys.
Bell is chuckling from afar, listening in on the tirade as Elliot accesses the calendar on his phone.
Shit.
Ever since Kathy died, he's failed miserably at keeping up with important dates. The kids' birthdays, appointments, anything that Kathy would have normally kept track of has fallen by the wayside. If it wasn't for Eli needing an updated American physical to play soccer, the poor kid probably still wouldn't have been to a doctor since coming back to New York. Even then, Maureen took him.
Because of this, the first of each month has been triggering for him. He panics, scrambles, and worries about what's coming up ahead that he needs to plan for, buy for, show up for, and be a good dad/son/grandfather for. He's still a mess for so many reasons, and even fun moments with his family earn him a therapy session ahead of time to mentally prepare for shouldering the weight of both parents. His therapist keeps telling him that no one expects him to play mom- that he just needs to be there as himself and be present for his family. He hears the words, but it's taking a while to internalize them. The guilt is overwhelming, and he feels like he has too much to make up for, especially over the past year.
He scrolls his calendar, looking for the telltale dots for events. Kathleen helped him put in everyone's birthdays, and their shared family calendar has helped tremendously for the usual day-to-day stuff: Eli's soccer games, Bernie's Bridge Club gatherings (Elliot is not allowed home early under any circumstances), nights that Kathleen can stay over to help. Luckily, May is a pretty calm month. No birthdays, no expectations. He's scrolling through the preloaded holiday indicators and freezes when he lands on Mother's Day.
To be honest, he doesn't remember Mother's Day last year. Shit, did he honor Kathy in some way? Leave flowers at her grave? Get together with the kids? Did he show up and be present, like his therapist now tells him to do? Did he try, even a little? He has a sinking feeling that those answers are all a resounding no. Two months out from Kathy's death last year, he barely remembers who he was. What he was. He went through the motions: aside from Fin's non-wedding, Liv's car accident, and diving undercover with the Albanians, May was, well, May. Another month had gone by in a sea of months gone by.
Everything in his life divides into befores and afters. Before and after Eli's birth. Before and after Jenna. Before and after Italy. Before and after Kathy died.
Before and after leaving Olivia.
He quickly thumbs through some of the local florist listings on his phone and, after finding one still taking orders with it only being a week away, orders bouquets for his mother, Maureen, one to place on Kathy's grave. Those were easy enough. He scrolls through, thinking of Liv. Should he send her flowers? Too forward? Too risky? Too scary?
He thinks of her often, probably too often. They are rebuilding, relearning each other, tentatively rekindling their friendship. He doesn't push and lets her take the lead because he doesn't feel worthy of an ounce of what she's giving him. This entire mess with Donnelly and the dirty cop brigade has put another wedge between them. He has no time to see her and they have to be so careful so as not to raise suspicions with The Brotherhood. He knows it's for a good reason, but he hates how many roadblocks they've faced since he's been home.
He wonders what her Mother's Days have been like. If anyone has taken care of her, pampered her, worshiped her. The tinge of unjustified jealousy creeps in, as it always does when he thinks about her life in his absence, but in this case, he hopes she hasn't been alone. Her loneliness would crush him more than her relationships over the years.
He knows her and knows just being a mom is all the gift she wants or needs; this perfect dream came true in the form of a blue-eyed boy named Noah. But she deserves the world, deserves to be celebrated. He wants to be present and do something for her, but finding their footing has been difficult. Every time they take a step forward, fate seems to drag them two steps back. They've gone from friendly and flirtatious to furious and frustrated in the span of minutes since he's been back, and he wants to make her life easy and fun instead of stressful and worrisome.
He misses her. They'll have two-hour conversations and then go days with barely one-word texts, the nature of juggling jobs and families and undercover work and Chief McGrath. Unfortunately, this has been one of those one-word weeks. He chances a text, something light, and sends her the picture Jet just sent him. She texts back almost immediately.
Cute, El. Let me guess, Jet or one of the kids sent that to you?
More than one word, thank God. He snorts a relieved sigh and sends her a laughing emoji- he at least knows how to do that.
Jet. I don't even know who this guy is. She told me, but I forgot already.
Justin Timberlake, Grandpa. :)
He grins then, enamored by the grace and humor she's throwing his way. All of a sudden, the calendar change isn't feeling all that traumatic or triggering. He feels like he can conquer the world when she's in his orbit. He doesn't know how he lasted ten years without her.
What are you doing next Sunday? Fuck it, he's taking a risk, which earns him an immediate phone call.
"Next Sunday, huh?" She sounds tired but playful. A promising start.
"Yeah. Do you and Noah have plans, my friend?" He hears her stifle a laugh through her nose. Their little term of endearment is possibly getting out of hand, but he's enjoying every second he gets to test it out on her. It might be silly, but Jesus, they could use some silliness to cut through the hurt and pain.
"Um… not yet. You know what day that is, right?"
"I do. Come over for brunch."
"I… El, do you think that's a good idea? You should spend time with your family."
"You are my family. Just come."
He knows what he's doing, and he doesn't care. They're the same words he used for Christmas, and they worked like a charm. Sadly, that was the only time he met Noah, and their time was cut short because Olivia got called in on a case. He wants to get to know Olivia's son. She wants them to wait, stressing how easily Noah gets attached, and he truly doesn't want to make her uncomfortable, But he craves her, in ways that he can't even fully understand or dissect He's a selfish bastard, and he's pulling out all the stops, self-preservation be damned.
"Liv, please. Everyone would love to see you both. And, you deserve a day to relax."
He hears her thinking, knows she's weighing the risks and rewards, and prays he's falling on the right side of those scales.
"What time, my friend?"
It's a quick but productive phone call, and it sets the wheels in motion. He's grinning from ear to ear as he opens up his family calendar and adds Mother's Day Brunch to May 8th. The flurry of texts begins immediately.
Maureen: Are you sure you want to host? Will the boys be too rambunctious? I know it's a tough day.
Lizzie: I can help. It will be fun!
Dickie: Me too- I'll bring craft beer and mimosas.
Eli: ?
Bernie: Son, I don't need anything special. But a mimosa sounds good.
Kathleen: Liv and Noah are coming, right?
Elliot shakes his head. God sure did bless him with an amazing family. He tries to answer all at once. It will be fun. We need a good day. And yes to Liv and Noah, if that's okay with everyone. (I sort of already invited them, but say the word and I'll cancel.)
Kathleen is the first to respond. I speak for ALL of us when I say that Liv and Noah are always included. They are our family, and we spent too many years without them.
He recognizes her tone, knowing she's daring her siblings to cross her. Everyone seemed fine and welcoming at Christmas, but this was a day about their mom. He didn't want them to feel uncomfortable.
Surprisingly, Eli adds full sentences to the chat. Isn't she practically our aunt, anyway? I mean, she did save my life twice now.
A barrage of emojis and memes flood his screen: facepalms, crying laughing, hearts, someone spitting out their drink, and Elliot chuckles. He needs to get back to work, but he feels lighter and happier. He's about to set his phone down when a separate text comes through from Kathleen. Aunt? More like a bonus mom.
His heart swells.
They're all beginning again, finding their way. It's refreshing and sacred.
"What are you grinning about?"
He looks up just as Jet lobs her octopus onto his desk. Smirking, he flips it back to the happy side and tosses it back to her. "Thanks for sending that meme, Sloot. That's what it's called, right? A meme?"
Jet shakes her head in irritated fascination. "Whatever, keep being weird, baldy." She murmurs the last part and he glares at her.
"I'll remember that when you are looking for good coffee."
"Don't make me come out there," Bell admonishes, lightheartedly.
Family. It's taken him a while to stop running from himself- to rejoin the living, to come home. He's now surrounded by coworkers that have become friends, children that are the five perfect embodiments of a not-so-perfect marriage, and his mother who is mothering him for the first time in his life. Liv, his friend, for now, and the most adorable little boy he's ever seen because he's hers.
For the first time, maybe ever, he feels a hopefulness that he's not sure he deserves, but he's going to make damn sure he savors every second of it.
Why did she say yes to this?
Olivia's staring at her closet, biting her bottom lip in deep, nauseating thought over her appearance today. Noah bounces off the walls with excitement because they are seeing the Stablers again, which makes her stomach roll even more. She doesn't want him to get attached but fears she's too late.
"Mom, wear the green dress. It's so pretty!" Noah has been in and out of her room three times and now shouts this from the living room. He really wants to leave.
"I'm not sure if pretty is what I should be going for today," she grumbles to herself. Liv eyes a simple, dark outfit and matching blazer, something she wears to work frequently, but she can't stop looking at the dress. It was what she was planning to wear today before Elliot's invitation threw her off-kilter. Now she wonders if she should look like she is mourning Kathy for the sake of the Stablers instead of celebrating the fact that she's a mom herself.
Fuck it. The green dress it is. It's been a long week, month, year, and she seldom gets to dress up and feel pretty and put together. And Noah looks so freaking adorable, the epitome of springtime in New York. They make a great duo, Team Benson, and she's still blown away that she gets to be his mom. She's grateful and happy, so she'll wear the green dress and strappy wedges.
She takes a final look in the mirror and puts on her shoes quickly before she changes her mind on the entire escapade. She's already packed up wine and fruit and flowers, and wills herself with every ounce of courage she has to drive over to his place, after a couple of important pit stops.
Noah's chattering a mile a minute from the back seat: asking her questions about all of the Stablers, trying to remind himself of who is who. He also asks her the biting questions.
Mom, they are so awesome! Why haven't we ever spent time with them before?
When did Eli's mom die?
How long were you and Elliot partners?
How did she die?
Why did Elliot and Kathy and Eli move to Rome?
Do you think Seamus and Kieran could sleepover? Can we ask their mom today? PLEEAAASSEEE?!
Elliot is so funny, mom. Remember when he did that magic trick with the quarter?
Do you think Kathy would have liked me?
Why weren't you and Elliot friends for so long?
Why is Eli so much younger than his brother and sisters?
Oh my.
Liv does her best to answer all of his questions in a way that would appease a nine-year-old, but her mind spins. She honestly cannot answer some of them, and she would never lie to her son. She prays his precocious line of questioning doesn't continue at the Stablers.
I mean, fuck, why weren't they friends for a decade? Why did he move to Rome in the first place? Why did his entire family ghost her existence? She sighs in contemplation as she drives to the first of two cemeteries, relieved that Noah is distracted by a video on his iPad for a moment.
She and Elliot still haven't had the important conversations, and she wonders if they ever will or if it matters. What she deemed important over a year ago when he reappeared in her life doesn't seem all that pressing anymore. Why rehash old traumas, revisit excuses and apologies, and remind each other of a painful separation, all for the sake of talking? Of feeling like they have to, to move on from it all? After the past year, Elliot has atoned for his sins. She knows he's sorry, can see the resignation and guilt in his eyes every time he looks at her, and she's tired of being on the receiving end of an infinite, unspoken confession.
She doesn't know it all, but she's figured out enough. Love is funny like that; it traps and sets free, it burdens and beautifies. It takes hold when nothing is left. It emerges from the ashes.
She knows he loves her.
She loves him too.
.
She's just not sure if that's enough.
There's nothing she wants more than to explore this thing they've tiptoed around for the past 23 years. If she's honest with herself, she's waited her whole life for this moment, cast aside lovers, steadfastly refused to give all of herself over to a man. But one look at Elliot and her defenses collapse. She hates herself for how easily she fell back into old routines and patterns, how just knowing he still cares about her wellbeing sets a fire in her belly and makes her heart race. She dreams of kissing him, to finally feel his lips upon hers, but knows she'll never be able to go back to the safety of friendship afterward. And that scares the shit out of her.
Now that he's back, really back, she's terrified he will leave again, silently, without a trace. Lindstrom has gotten an earful, her abandonment issues and PTSD resurfacing. She knows he won't leave New York now, won't leave his adult children, regressing mother, or adorable grandsons. He won't uproot Eli again now that he's found some semblance of normalcy. But he could still leave her life, still walk away from the job and their friendship as he did a decade ago. He seems sincere about being there, finding balance, and trying. Yet, he's fragile, suffering, and will always be in mourning. If she's not careful, the ghost of Kathy will haunt her forever. But he invited her to Mother's Day brunch, and she's trying not to read too much into this friends, for now, gesture. The Christmas gathering went well, everyone was pleasant and the kids had a blast. But now it's been five months since she's seen the Stabler clan, and the butterflies dance in her belly all over again.
Haven't they always been complicated? For once, she's searching for easy, and it seems impossible.
They stop at the first cemetery, and she and Noah make their way to Serena's grave. She doesn't come here often- usually twice a year, always on Serena's birthday, and then she'll rotate in another holiday based on weather, time, etc. She feels horrible about that sometimes, but her relationship with her mother was always rooted in scattered obligations. Serena doled out dribs and drabs of parenting sprinkled over a surface of denial and pain, trauma and alcoholism. Olivia spends most of the time at this gravesite asking herself why she always has to be that reminder to those she's closest with. To Serena, the constant reminder of feeling powerless and burdened. To Fin, Nick, and Amanda, a constant reminder of their perceived faults when they failed to notice she was missing for days. To Cragen, a reminder of the guilt in having to be her father figure during the worst moments of her life; to embrace her pain and put the pieces back together. To Elliot…
To Elliot.
She's thought about him the most because she's unsure of the answer. She knows he left for several reasons, but closing the door completely and removing himself from her life is still a Pandora's Box they have yet to open. All she knows is that in some way, it's her fault.
She shakes these thoughts as she watches Noah place the flowers next to his grandmother's headstone. Her beautiful boy. Today she is celebrating him, the reason she's a mom in the first place, and she doesn't want to dwell on imperfect relationships or the hardships of her past. Today needs to be about smiles and warmth. They don't linger for long, with the chilly May air sweeping her dress around her thighs and her brand new sandals starting to sink into the muddied earth. Again, she feels an ache of guilt, but she knows she won't find any spiritual awakening here, anyway. This was a forced visit. They say their goodbyes and head to the next cemetery, and upon arrival, Noah is greeted by an army of ducks that have gathered in the nearby pond. She lets him sit and watch for a while and casts her eyes around the beautiful grounds.
This cemetery is quiet and peaceful; hard to believe this landscape is centered in the middle of a major city. She feels a spiritual connection here, and she's not sure why when she feels nothing when she visits her mother. Maybe it's because even though she and Kathy weren't friends (and the letter, unfortunately, confirmed this detail), they shared a common bond.
They both loved Elliot.
Kathy's death was horrifying and unexpected. She should be here raising her teenager, watching her grandsons grow up, helping Kathleen and Lizzie plan their weddings someday. Instead, there's a giant hole in the Stabler family, irreparable and heartbreaking.
She thinks about the unfairness of it all as she scans the grounds ahead of her, and then she freezes. Noah's engrossed in the duck brigade, so he doesn't notice what she's discovered less than fifty feet away. All of the Stabler children, including Kieran and Seamus, are at Kathy's gravesite. They are somber, she sees Eli wiping away tears with Dickie's arm around him, and she realizes that she's about to step into a very private moment.
Liv's good at diffusing situations; it's been her calling card for over two decades as a police officer, especially one trained in special victims. Right now she's looking at an entire family of special victims, victims of traumatic events, their mom's death and dad's avoidance dominating their narrative. They're trying, but today's a tough one.
And she shouldn't be here.
She's about to whisper to Noah that they are going to step away to give them space when Noah spots the boys and races toward them. Too late. Now there's chatter and excitement, and the adults collect themselves from their shared moment.
Liv's mortified, but it is what it is, and she approaches sheepishly with her flowers in hand. "Hi, guys. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you here this late." She hugs each Stabler sibling, except for Eli, who she gives a quick shoulder squeeze instead. Of the five of them, he seems the most sensitive to her presence, and she wants to respect that.
Dickie answers first, as Kathleen still clings to Liv's grasp. "We decided to go to mass together. Dad went early this morning instead, but none of us were on military time today." He gives a shy smile, and Liv chuckles.
"Ah, gotcha. I get that. When we were partners, he was always the early bird." She winces and silently berates herself for bringing up the past. Open mouth, insert foot.
Lizzie turns to Liv as Noah places their flowers next to the other sets. "I think Dad wanted to go alone. I think we would have made it worse."
"Liz, he loves you all so much. You all remind him of so many happy memories with your mom. Sometimes that translates into tears, but he's so glad to be back here with you all.."
Jesus Christ. They came back and their mom blew up. Could she say anything worse right now?
She's seconds from excusing herself and leaving them to grieve when Maureen pipes up. "He's glad to be back here with you too, Olivia. Honestly, I think he missed you the most."
Oh shit. She opens her mouth to object, when Kathleen, who has been unusually quiet, finally speaks. "We missed you too, Liv. I'm glad you and Noah are spending the day with us."
Liv looks around at the group, and the adults nod in agreement. She glances at Eli, and he looks away quickly. The detective in her picks up his mood- he doesn't seem upset by her presence, but he's tentative and unsure. Fair enough. She says her goodbyes and see you soons, and drags a reluctant Noah away from the group so they can finish up their visit together.
As they walk to the car, she feels better about today. She's hopeful that maybe this can finally be the start of a relationship between all of them. No more undercover assignments, no more distance. Time for healing.
It takes the entire car ride to answer the litany of questions as to why they didn't stay at the cemetery longer. Luckily, it's a short drive to Elliot's, and when he opens the door, Noah immediately floods him with a giant hug and endless chatter.
"Guess what, Elliot? Mom and I went to two cemeteries today, and at your wife's cemetery I saw lots of ducks, and Kieran and Seamus!"
Elliot smiles at Noah, a soft smile meant for Liv. "Oh yeah? I love the ducks, too." He's answering Noah but staring at Liv, and she gives a half-smile in return.
"We put flowers on Grandma Serena's grave, and then we put flowers on your wife's grave. Mom said that Kathy was the best mom ever."
"Noah, honey, would you like something to drink? Seamus and Kieran should be here any minute." Bernie's voice interrupts as she guides Noah into the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone in the hallway. Elliot takes her bags, and Liv removes her jean jacket and hangs it on the coat rack.
"Thank you. You didn't have to-"
"No, I wanted to pay my respects. I feel bad that I interrupted your kids' visit."
"I'm sure they loved that you were there." He reached over to the side table by the door, handing her a beautiful bouquet of pink flowers. "These are for you. Happy Mother's Day, Liv. I'm so glad I finally get to say that to you."
Two minutes in the door and she's already holding back tears. She has waited too long to hear him say these words to her, and she's feeling a heady mix of relief and frustration. These moments remind her that she could have lost him forever, that whatever pulled him back here last year may never have happened. But then maybe Kathy would still be alive.
She exhales and steadies herself. "Thank you. They're beautiful."
"I have a vase for you to put them in for now, and then you can just take the whole thing home." She sees it then, a mason jar tied with a bow, and she wonders if he's always been this attentive to detail. She carefully places them in the jar and turns to face him.
He shakes his head, taking in a deep breath of air. "Come in, come in. Can I pour you some wine? A mimosa?"
"WIne is great, thanks." She walks in from the entryway, taking in the surroundings. The house smells delicious- she can tell that Elliot put time and care into today. She's just about to say this aloud when he grabs her by the hand and pulls her towards the garden doors.
"Come here for a second, I want to show you something."
She peeks into the kitchen and Bernie waves her off, handing cookies to Noah and chatting with him about school and dance. She grins, then follows Elliot outside.
It's beautiful. Once a cacophony of weeds and brush is now a beautiful landscape. Right now, it's still a bit threadbare, it is May in New York, after all, they still have frost at night, but some tough-weather plants adorn the pathway. The space looks warm and inviting.
"Wow, Elliot, it's great."
"You think? I'm still working on the lighting, and I want to add some more seating and plant a garden. But I think it turned out good."
"It did. It looks… permanent." She wasn't sure of her choice of words, but they tumbled out as she quietly tested him.
He gives her a questioning glance and opens his mouth to respond when they hear the hustle and bustle of several Stablers entering the apartment. Liv quickly releases his hand and heads back inside to greet everyone.
Brunch is lovely. It's Christmas all over again, full of light and laughter and stories. She had nothing to worry about. After the meal, the boys settle in to play in the living room, and the kids insist on cleaning up and getting dessert and coffee ready. Bernie heads to her room for a short nap, leaving Elliot and Olivia once again on their own. He pours them another glass of wine and leads her back out to the garden. They're silent, but it's comfortable like she belongs there and has all along. She finally feels relaxed enough to maybe talk about things. Move forward.
"EL, can I ask you a question?"
He smiles at his nickname, his heart quickening at the mere mention of this monosyllabic gesture. "Of course, Liv, you can ask me anything."
She sips some liquid courage before diving in. "What do I remind you of?"
"What?"
"I've been thinking about this all year. You left without a word, and I keep going back to the fact that I must have reminded you of all of the trauma. The horrible moments on the job that you couldn't shake." She places a hand on his arm. "I don't want my presence to remind you of pain." She gently squeezes his arm before taking a few steps from him, creating some distance between herself and the question.
"You remind me of orange juice." His answer is quick, unrehearsed, and honest.
She spins around. "What?"
"You remind me of drinking orange juice in your apartment. And blinking your lights. And late-night stakeouts. And saving my marriage over and over again, loving my kids like they're your own, and being the first to hold my newborn son. You remind me of so many near-misses, so many times I failed you as a partner."
"El," she whispers reverently, "stop."
"You remind me of every single case where we got justice for victims. You remind me of secretly visiting my mom and saving Kathleen's life. You remind me of Stuckey- I can't believe you kissed him to save my ass."
He gets her to smile at that one as he tenderly closes the distance between their bodies. "You remind me of $100 to watch, $250 to join. I can tell you now that I almost had a heart attack when you came out of that bathroom. Damn!"
"I don't look like that anymore."
"I know. You're way hotter now. I can't stop staring at you, my friend, Olivia." He tentatively places his hand along her hips.
"You remind me of short hair, draft beer, and endless takeout containers. You remind me of getting yelled at by Cragen. You remind me of a bullshit psych evaluation that proved what I already knew and was too scared to do anything about."
He's gently pulling her away from the windows to the far corner of the yard for some much-needed privacy. "Don't you get it by now, Liv? You were, and still are, my whole world."
Liv's tears flow freely now, and Elliot gently takes their wine glasses and sets them on the ledge.
"You mentioned before that it looked permanent out here. Liv, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not making the same mistake twice. I'm in your life for as long as you'll have me." He places a hand on her neck, reminiscent of old times in a squad car long ago. "Will you have me, Liv? Will you let me in? I know I don't deserve it, I know I don't-"
She's not sure what makes her do it, but she grabs his face and her lips are on his. The kiss is slow and warm, firm and demanding. They've wasted so much time, and she needs to remind him that he was, and still is, the single most important friend in her life. Her pulse races and thighs clench, and she cannot believe the immediate visceral reaction she has to this man's lips. Two decades of waiting, wishing, hoping, and it's finally here.
He's stunned. Never in a million years did he think she'd be kissing him today. He responds quickly, hands caressing her back, neck, hips, and ass, and he groans into her mouth, deepening the sensation. My God, he thinks to himself, she's heaven. He will worship at her altar forever.
They reluctantly break apart, a houseful of family is just beyond the walls, and end with a few last pecks. They are forehead to forehead, catching their breaths. She smiles and swipes her thumb along his lips, wiping off smudged pink lip gloss. He kisses her thumb, palm, and wrist, and they join fingers as they slowly walk back towards the garden. He stops, pulling her back, a question falling from his lips.
"I'm afraid to ask, but I need to know. What do I remind you of?"
She takes her index finger, traces his laugh lines, his crow's feet, the tip of his nose, and leans in for a kiss that grazes the side of his lips.
"Safety." She kisses him again on his cheek. "Warmth." Lips on his temple. "Home." A final feather-light kiss to his lips, and she envelops him into an embrace. "God, I missed you so much."
Inside, the Stabler children are squealing. Maureen, Kathleen, and Lizzie are all holding hands and reverently hugging each other and swaying, and Dickie and Eli are standing there in silent awe.
They didn't mean to eavesdrop, but their father must have forgotten that he rigged the apartment like a presidential bunker, with cameras capturing the entire perimeter of the house. They had a ringside seat to the event of the century. The younger boys are playing, oblivious to this historical moment in time, which gives them a quick chance to have a family meeting before the two friends come back inside.
"We're all cool with this, right?" Kathleen looks to Dickie and Eli, the quiet ones of the bunch, for their honest reactions.
Dickie takes a long swig of his beer before he replies. "Well, I know it for sure now, but Dad never cheated on Mom. They danced around this for years, and I knew it then, but Olivia wouldn't have let him wreck their marriage. I don't know, I'd say it's finally their time, huh?"
Maureen looks at Eli. "How about you? I know this is hard for you."
Eli shrugs a reply. "As long as they don't do that in front of me, I'm good. God, old people are gross."
They break into laughter, as their father and Olivia walk inside.
"What's so funny?" Elliot gives a puzzled look, waiting to be let in on the joke. Liv looks on, and they see her wheels turning, the detective in her on high alert.
"Nothing, dad," Kathleen interjects. "We were just talking about that stupid Justin Timberlake meme you sent us last week."
"Who?" Elliot replies, but he's grinning, goading them into dad-joke territory. "Maybe we should listen to the song. Hey Alexa, play that Justin Timberlake May song."
Eli groans, "Dad, that's not even what it's called." Before he can finish his thought, Alexa has somehow figured out Elliot Stabler-speak, because N'Sync is now playing through the home speakers that Jet set up. Everyone erupts in laughter, as Bernie emerges from her bedroom.
"Is the coffee ready yet? I thought I'd have to wait all day for you two to stop making out."
Olivia is in a mid-sip of wine and chokes as Elliot whips his head in his mother's direction. "Mama!"
"What, dear? Oh, by the way, thank you, Olivia, for making the first move. My son was way too nervous. You would have waited another twenty years if you put the ball in his court."
The Stabler children burst into giggles. Liv covers her face with her free hand, and Elliot groans.
"Did you all see?"
"Sorry, Dad. Cameras, remember?" Lizzie grins as she moves to start serving pastries and cookies.
Liv is about five shades of pink, as Elliot walks over and nudges her side. "Sorry, Liv. Us Stablers aren't exactly subtle."
"Could have fooled me." She teases, shaking her head in laughter. "Maybe we keep this from Noah for a bit. I'd like to talk to him first."
Everyone nods in agreement before calling the boys in from the other room for dessert. Soon the table is bustling with activity, chatter, jokes, and memories. Elliot cannot stop grinning and occasionally swipes a few tears from his eyes. Liv has turned her focus to Noah and the boys as they beg for a sleepover for the following weekend.
Eli watches. Everyone is happy.
Moments later, Liv is in the kitchen, insisting on cleaning up a little bit, giving the Stabler clan some time together. Eli follows.
"Hey, Olivia, I, um, wanted to thank you for everything you did for me before. I never got a chance with everything that happened."
She looks at him, through him, and he sees glimmers of his mom in her eyes. He feels like a little kid again and is desperate for a hug, even though his teenage veneer won't allow it.
"No need to thank me, Eli. You're family." She's rinsing plates, and he grabs a towel to help dry. "How's therapy going?"
He shrugs. "It's going. I hate feeling like I'm under a microscope."
"I get that. It took me a while to get used to going. Another person staring at you, expecting you to bare your soul. It can be weird."
"You see a therapist?"
"Yes, I've been seeing mine for years. I have PTSD." She says it so nonchalantly, that he's afraid he didn't hear her right.
"Wow. What happened?"
"That's a story for another day. I promise I'll tell you at some point, but I want to tell your dad first. He doesn't know. It happened after you moved to Rome."
Eli nods, a little shocked by her honesty. He feels like everyone treats him with kid gloves. She treats him like an adult. They are quiet for a bit as they finish cleaning. He finishes drying, and she folds the towel for him. She's about to turn away when he stops her.
"Hey, um, I'm really glad you're a mom. Noah is really lucky."
She cocks her head to the side and tears brim her eyes. "Thank you, Eli." She grabs his shoulder, and he turns her into an embrace. If she's shocked she doesn't show it, and she readily hugs him as if she's been waiting for this moment.
"You're a great kid," she whispers. "I'm so glad I'm getting to know you again."
"Me too."
"The last time I hugged you, you were three years old and sitting on my lap." He can hear her choking back a sob.
"I don't think I'd fit now." He chuckles in her ear.
"Eli, whatever happens between me and your dad, I want you to know that I am always here for you, okay? Anytime, for any reason."
"I know."
Bernie nudges Elliot and they glance into the kitchen. "She's good for all of us, son."
Later, after they've said their goodbyes and Noah's been tucked in for the night, she pours a final glass of wine and dials Elliot's number.
"Hi." She's shy and vulnerable. Her bedroom is too quiet; she can't drown out the noise of her thoughts.
"Hi. I'm glad you called. Noah asleep?"
"He is."
They are silent for a second, and she sips her wine, listening to Elliot's steady breathing.
"So… my friend, Olivia, what was your favorite part of today?"
"Hugging Eli. But kissing you was a very close second."
He chuckles. "Fair enough. We have great kids. Noah kicking my ass at MarioKart was awesome. He's amazing, Liv. I'm glad I got to hang with him today."
"Today was definitely a good day."
"You kissed me."
"I know. You seem shocked," she teases.
"I am." He laughs then, and it's an incredulous, tinny sound that warms her soul. "I still can't believe you kissed me first. I feel inept."
"You were scared. I get that."
"Wanna know a secret?"
"What's that?"
"I've never had a first kiss like that in my life. It's never meant so much before."
"Mmmm," she hums, taking another sip of wine. "I agree. I mean, I finally got to see what it was like to kiss Elliot Stabler."
"And?"
"El," she whispers, "it was perfect."
"I want you to control the speed of this, Liv. I don't want to drive you away."
"Well, my friend, Elliot, I wouldn't mind speeding things up a bit."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah… You know, Maureen is taking Noah overnight on Friday."
"Really… Well, in that case, will you go on a date with me, Captain Benson?"
"I'd be honored, Detective."
They're both grinning like lovesick teenagers, and continue with a bit more small talk about the events of the day. Simply hearing each other's voices brings them peace, a reminder that this is a new beginning.
A reminder that they are in love with one another.
A reminder that through time and distance and hurt and pain, their souls remained intertwined.
A reminder that they are partners, for better or worse.
A reminder that their happily ever after is waiting for them to claim it, to jump in, to believe in destiny.
This time, they don't need any more reminders.
