Kensuke sighed, "Yeah, well, it's his birthday tomorrow, so try to be considerate."

Asuka paused the wonder swan to give that statement her full attention. "His what?"

"His birthday." Kensuke repeated and did a double take. "You don't know what birthdays are?"

"Of course I know what they are." Asuka answered and looked back at the game. "But what would it matter? You've seen him. He's a vegetable. You gotta force him to do anything that's worth doing." She resumed playing her game. "You ask me to be considerate. Does that mean leaving him alone to wallow in his misery, or do you want me to bother him so I can jam a gift into his hands. one he won't have the presence to even acknowledge is there?"

Kensuke sighed in frustration. "Never mind. Just try to be nice to him." He walked off, leaving Asuka alone in the hours before bed.

Asuka saved and quit the Wonder Swan to stare into space. Specifically into her mind's eye where she knew, in this house, the third children was wrapped up in a pathetic ball.

After a moment she slid her head to look at the rows of junk that Kensuke had been gradually collecting. To entertain the thought, she scanned all that she could see to determine if Shinji would want any of that.

Not finding anything there, she thought of her own posessions. For a moment she even considered the Wonder Swan, wondering if putting this toy in his hands would change anything.

She imagined how that would go; he would stare at the loading screen for hours on end without doing anything. So that wasn't the way… but something about the game nagged at her. After she put it away to pretend to sleep, she tried to think about why the game seemed like it might work when very evidently it wouldn't.

Her mind wandered to other things. Her quest was lost in the sleepless hours of the night.


Sunspot

Norsehound

Shinji birthday fic 2022


Miss lookalike slid the parcel in front of Shinji as she quietly said, "Here you go." The box was wrapped in a patterned kerchief of dancing penguins on a blue background. A memory of long ago.

Shinji, hunched forward at the bench table, said and did nothing while he stared ahead.

Asuka was watching from a door frame as leaning against it with her hands in her jacket pockets. The hood was over her head.

Miss lookalike reached forward to unwrap the parcel, revealing within the box a slice of cake. Then she put a candle in the top and lit it with a single match. She even had plastic forks.

Asuka watched the pair in this sad little scene of an attempted birthday party. As pathethetic as it was, it was more than she had done for Shinji.

Miss Lookalike spoke again. "There's a song that you're supposed to sing, but I do not know the words."

Asuka watched the pair sit for a moment longer before she sighed to herself and took a breath. Before she could check the impulse to sing, Shinji said, "t-thank you… but I'm really not hungry."

Asuka stopped herself from shouting at them and this pitiful show. Her fists were clenched hard, and not trusting herself, she fled the scene by stomping down the hall. She ended up in the garage, staring at the rows and rows of salvaged goods Kensuke had placed into bins.

Something caught her attention then. She strode to the box and yanked the thing out. Spreading the garment in her hands, she stared at the thing completely.

It was a bra. Specifically, a swimsuit bra: red and white striped with a zipper clasp in the front between the breasts.

She remembered this now. Within the past decade Kensuke found this suit set somewhere and offered it to her as a gift. She blew it off then, she had no time or care for such frivolities in her war against NERV. But it had remained on her mind every time she was back here.

She threw it back into the box, grunted, then turned to find a seat in here clear of Shinji's sad birthday party. The Wonder Swan was halfway out of her pocket when she stopped at a sudden thought. Slowly she brought the game unit into both hands to stare at it, and the thought in her mind.


Shinji's ruminating was interrupted suddenly by an arm hauling him up to his feet. Then a bag was thrust into his hands. Blinking he looked up to see it was Asuka pushing these things at him. She had also changed into her plugsuit and green jacket. She had a large red duffle bag of her own hanging off her shoulder. "Come." She commanded.

Shinji looked down at the duffle bag in his arms. Curiosity peaked out of the sea of despair, wondering what was in the bag, but it couldn't linger when Asuka violently tugged on him. "Come!" She commanded again. Shinji trotted after her.

They walked down the wide vehicle path away from Kensuke's dwelling for a while before Asuka glanced up through the trees, then turned back to look at Shinji. "Follow."

Asuka ducked between a pair of bushes. Shinji looked down to see what looked like a path worn into the dirt, and followed. The red suit Asuka wore wasn't too far ahead as he pushed his way through the foliage.

Eventually they broke through the bramble and bushes to walk along a creek. Shinji was silent as he followed the equally silent Asuka. Worn stones rose out of the gurgling water as perfect foot placements as they traveled. Overhead as noon was rolling away into the latter part of the day, the sun shone down the chasm in the trees.

Glancing up at the treeline above them, with the horrible moon obscured and out of sight, it was easy to imagine being back in the world before he broke it.

His pace slowed as he listened to the sounds. All around him was the quiet whisper of life. Wind was caressing the trees, and water was speaking just at his feet. Birds, somewhere near, were singing.

In the haze of his sadness he compared this world to the stale, empty, echoing halls of NERV HQ. Though Kaworu had been bright enough of a person to wipe away how odd all of that was it… it was still empty. Artificial. Stale. Like a bright light bulb- warm and illuminating but dry and still. Dead.

Here? Shinji's shoes clopped against the damp rocks. The water continued its symphony, and the gentle chorus of trees reminded him that they were with him.

And for one moment, surrounded by such living green, he could remove himself from that ocean of sadness. He was someone else, somewhere else, in some other time.

…but it vanished when he asked himself if Kaworu, his only friend in this nightmare future, would have enjoyed such a place.

No. Instead, Kaworu's neck violently exploded. And it was all Shinji's fault.

Shinji's head lowered. His ears were deafened to the sound of nature around him, and his mind slipped beneath the waves of despair once more.


The creek opened out then into a small gravel flat. Their feet crunched along the old riverbed as they came closer to the current bounds of the river itself.

Each of Shinji's munching footsteps was a bite into the wall of numbness that still surrounded him. The stones were such an aggressive, disagreeable sound that was too sharp on his senses. He was wincing as he crossed the path after Asuka. He almost quit there, but then it meant being trapped in the middle of an oasis of teeth.

Asuka looked up and down the bank of the live river in search of something. Shinji, still numb, watched her until flicks in the water caught his attention. There were fish in the river.

"Come." Asuka commanded and they started off downstream. The gravel turned into larger and larger rocks until the water became parted with larger stones. Asuka started stepping across these, and turned to look at Shinji to see if he followed.

The rocks here were more challenging than he would have accepted, but Asuka had commanded him. He started stepping across the stones until his footing slipped and he ended up hip-deep in the water. He had toppled sideways, impacting along his leg and thigh. Not knowing how to swim he started to flail until his feet found the river bottom. He was submerged up to his hips in the cold water.

He looked up at Asuka. The one eyed redhead only watched him at first. Then said, "keep going. Watch your step by this boulder, there's a sinkhole. Don't forget the bag."

Shinji turned to see the duffle he was carrying floating nearby. It was simple enough to grab and hold up as he waded through the water.

"Be Careful." Asuka toned when he neared the boulder in question. She pointed, "go upstream, then go to that blue rock."

Shinji obeyed, stepping through the water slowly while Asuka stepped across the rocks then went along the bank upstream. Through his track pants he felt the cold current whipping past his legs- it was stronger than it looked. The sneakers shifted and clung to the muddy bottom, making Shinji step gently so he wouldn't lose one of his shoes in the current.

He shivered as the cold bit him in the calves, thighs, and groin. It made his eyes bug out a little at the intensity- his teeth clattered. But it brought him down into his body like no other sensation he experienced recently. For the first time since being ejected out of Evangelion 13, he was present. His leg steps were heavy. The cold tinged at the ends of his skin. The water reeked of fish. The trees overhead whispered. He was standing in a river; something he had never done before.

His eyes darted from the water to the bank to the redhead waiting for him at the blue rock. He beheld her pale skin, pointed nose, luxurious red hair, and a single blue eye. Her expression was devoid of judgment and severity this time.

Meeting Asuka at the blue rock, she took the bag from Shinji, then held out her hand. "Up."

Shinji reached his hand up. Asuka snatched it by the wrist and pulled back, helping Shinji step up and on to the bank. Water dripped down his entire torso, and he held his arms out to inspect the damage.

"I'm all wet." He said.

Asuka hauled Shinji's bag up and thrust it back at him. "We keep going. Come."

Shinji took it, confused now why Asuka wouldn't care that he was drenched. As he walked he also wondered why she was doing this. They had been hiking in these backwoods for over an hour… for… what?

His muscles were getting tired. Even before his adventures with Evangelions, Shinji wasn't a very active person. His legs ached, and the squelching of water out of his waterlogged footwear was irritating his skin.

Shinji slowed to a stop amidst tall grasses on an uphill slope. To her credit, Asuka quickly noticed and backtracked down to him. "Come on!" She commanded.

"No." Shinji replied, downcast. The sea of despair had swallowed him again, the wind whistling around them reminding him of his sojourn with Kaworu on the outside of NERV.

Asuka stepped up to him, grabbed his chin and shoved it upward to force eye contact. "You can wallow in misery AFTER we've reached where we're going. Not before. Come."

She released his chin and his face dropped. The redhead seized his wrist and yanked him. Shinji made a hesitating attempt to resist by dragging his feet a little, but that didn't hold. He was following her through the tall grasses towards a treeline, wading through the sadness that consumed him.


When Asuka released him Shinji remained standing, staring down. "There." She said.

Shinji saw the tips of her plugsuited feet turn to face him. "We're here. You can choose to keep staring at the ground if you wish, but take a seat at least if you do. I would advise stripping down so you don't stay wet. There's a change of clothes in the bag you were carrying."

Asuka's feet disappeared. Shinji heard her trudge off and remained standing in that spot, doing nothing that might harm anyone else.

He remained rooted there until gradually his senses started to intrude on him. The sun was bright and warm against his skin. The sound of rushing water gargled in his ears. The trees were back, softly gushing in response to the wind. Nature was courting his attention once more.

But there was something else in the wind here. A faint musical tone gently oscillating somehow, like relaxing music.

His curiosity nagged at him, but his sadness weighed heavily within him. Instead his head snapped up when jazz music playing through a small speaker suddenly attacked his ears.

His eyes immediately took in the scene.

They were beside a wall of rock featuring a tall waterfall that cascaded into a deep pool. They stood on a shelf of rock at the edge of this pool. Several paces from him he saw what Asuka had done; a red blanket was spread out on the ground and anchored with rocks. The red duffle had been opened, revealing a small bag of snacks and the same box Miss lookalike had delivered the yet uneaten cake with.

An old, faded cooler was adjacent to the blanket. A compact boombox was on the ground next to it, squawking the music that Asuka had chosen to play. A small wallet of CDs was placed next to it, opened.

And Shinji saw Asuka herself.

The girl had dropped her plugsuit off and was wearing a bikini swimsuit, red and white striped. Her back was facing him. She fluffed out her hair, flashing a neck that was bare. It made Shinji blink with surprise, before she ran off the rock shelf they were standing on and disappeared over the edge. He heard a splash of water a moment later.

Shinji stared at the space Asuka had been standing, wondering what it meant, and whether his grasp on reality was beginning to wane again. Slowly he sank to the ground to sit in those drenched clothes and stared at the scene before him.

The evening sun, bright and clear, shone down on his hands and face and chest as he sat there. The trees and wind continued their chorus, enveloping him in a scene that seemed unthinkable next to the grisly surrounds of the terminal dogma.

A songbird suddenly landed before Shinji and hopped forward, inspecting him with curiosity. Shinji stared back at the bird and examined its jerking, sudden movements. He also marveled at how this creature could be so trusting.

Another songbird landed and Shinji watched the interaction between the two of them, before they leapt into the sky. Shinji craned his head up to follow them and watched them vanish into the distance. As his eyes moved he thought he saw something in the sky, but when he tried to focus on it, he couldn't see anything.

Aware now that something was amiss here Shinji sat and tried to determine what it was. He found nothing by the time Asuka returned with another surprise for him.

She rang out her hair as her feet patted across the ground. Her eye- both eyes- were closed as she did. She stopped some distance from him and opened them both to look at him.

He couldn't help staring at her unmasked left eye. The iris was a faded teal, glowing slightly like one of those glow in the dark toys. Shinji could also see where her eye patch had been against her skin.

Asuka stared back at him for a moment, not with impatience, or anger, or the upset he had seen with her since emerging into this hellish future. Instead she seemed tired.

She moved to the boombox, turned the music off, and returned to him with a couple of drinks. She set the capped glass bottle next to him, then herself sat down next to that.

In the absence of the music the soft melodic harmonizing lapped over their ears. Shinji winced, the sound seemed stronger now. He spoke without thinking. "What is this place?"

Asuka sipped at her drink as she considered her answer. Then she said, "There are a hundred and forty seven Angel sealing pillars surrounding the village. We're in the exact center of all of them. According to WUNDER, this is where no angel dares to tread." She tapped the side of her head with the mouth of the bottle, "So this thing stays asleep."

She dropped the bottle to her side. Then after a moment, she said, "I come here to imagine i'm someone else. Ever since that time you and I met, I sometimes wondered what it would be like to be… normal. Just a fourteen year old reckless teenager. It's pathetic, but I come out here to excise that urge before I go back to reality."

Shinji blinked. "Isn't that… running away?"

Asuka said distantly, "it is, I won't deny it. I guess you and I are the same that way, after all." She stood up then and looked down at him with her mismatched eyes. "It's your birthday. Instead of some stupid trinket or junk you'll never use, I wanted to bring you here so you can feel something."

She turned around and walked back to the lake. "In fourteen years of endless battles, this is one of only two things that make me feel anything, anymore." She jumped off when she got to the edge.

Shinji's eyes stared up into space as he considered that notion. Their journey through the woods on foot made the world he woke up into seem so far away now.

The soaked, heavy wet clothes rested on him like a blanket. The sun, still overhead, beat down on him and his extremities. The wind caressed his face.

Under all this his eyes blinked. It had been a long journey, and the sea of despair still lapped at his spirit. He didn't deserve anything nice like this. There was no escaping what he had done.

Within three breaths, Shinji Ikari fell asleep.


When Shinji came to the sun had shifted in,the sky. It was closer to evening now, and the trees and rocks were still there.

So was Asuka. She was laying down on her belly upon the blanket, legs up, a book open in her hands.

Shinji leaned up. He felt different. Rested. Like emerging from a lucid dream. The dullness of anguish had subsided in his mind. The pain was still there, along with the memories, but he found them several thoughts removed from where he was thinking. He quickly returned his awareness to the present in order to keep holding on to where and who he was.

Moisture crusted his eyes that he wiped away with his fingers. The heaviness of the clothing weighed him down.

"You're awake." The teal-eyed Asuka said and closed her book. "How are you feeling?"

Shinji leaned up to be hunched over his legs. He tried to find a way to describe a thousand years of separation from where he had been and where he was now. "Different." He replied.

"Being in the eye of the pillars will do that." Asuka said. Her voice was melancholic. "You feel like anything you knew was a dream."

Shinji nodded once, then turned to look at her. "H-how long… was I sleeping?"

"As long as you needed to. Long enough." Asuka shifted on the blanket to roll to her side and face him. "I don't keep track when I'm here. I stay as long as I need to, or when the sun goes down. Navigating back at night can be hard so I usually leave at dusk."

Shinji considered the sun in the sky. "It looks like that's going to happen soon."

"Yes." Asuka said and shifted into a sitting position. She said to Shinji, "Do you want to get out of that and let it dry? I brought a change of clothes for you."

Shinji blinked, then reached out to the duffle bag he carried in and opened it. inside he found a blue pair of swim trunks, a towel… and a shirt. He pulled it out. The red sun and writing was identical to one if the t-shirts he once owned at Misato's apartment. He looked at her.

Asuka shrugged. "When I found that I remembered you had one. A little piece of life from before. I thought you might want an overshirt."

Shinji looked at the garments. With how relaxed he was, it made being honest now a little easier. "I-I don't know how to swim."

Asuka said, "the lake isn't that deep on the far side. Besides, I can teach you, if you like."

Shinji considered her offer and the swim trunks, then looked at the redhead. For once, her response was muted; not indignation at his staring, but curiosity. she noticed his expression. "What is it?"

"You're different." Shinji said, "You're not…" he tried to find the right word that wasn't too insulting.

"I told you," she said, "I come here to be someone else." She came to a stand. "You're someone else too. Can't you feel it?"

Shinji looked away to think. "I… I don't know."

"After everything we've been through, isn't it good?"

"I… I don't know, either."

Asuka put a hand on her hip. "Well, you can find out."

Shinji looked from her to the shirt. Then he set it down and reached up for the jacket zipper.


Later sunset was painting the treetops gold. Shining drops of water continued to cascade in the fall off the cliff above them.

Recognizing the time of day, Asuka stopped Shinji. The two of them had been practicing floats on the shallow end of the pool. "What is it?" He asked.

Asuka stepped closer to him, hip deep in the pool. "There's something we need to see. Back to camp."

The two relaxed teens emerged from the lake, grabbed thier towels, and walked up the perimeter to the rock shelf where they had set up. Then Asuka had them lay down on the red blanket and look up.

That's when Shinji saw it. "W-what is That?"

Hanging above them in the deep evening sun was a large geometric array of light, slowly spinning above the spot where they lay.

"I don't know." Asuka answered him at last. "It's always there, but it's most visible in the evening. Just watch."

As Shinji did, the constellation became more and more intricate. As the sun's light intersected the barrier, the construct flashed. Sparks of light shot from the struts of the whirlwind, looking like a star field flashing by.

It was that moment that Shinji realized how close he was to Asuka. He turned his head, and saw hers turning also. They stared at one another.

"Uh…" Shinji uttered and swallowed. "Um…"

She just smiled a little at him, then looked up. Shinji could see her chest heaving with… anticipation?

Shinji looked back up at the construct above and how it wheeled.

Shinji felt the tips of her fingers against his pinky. This time, and only in this place, his hand came up and grabbed her fingers. Their hands settled together in each other's grips as they watched the mobile spin.

All too soon the sun sank beneath the distant hills, and the glow of the mobile started to fade. Both of them watched the lines and bars of the strange construct retract and disappear.

The words Shinji considered saying retreated back into his chest as the moment passed. He looked at Asuka again and saw a sad smile on her face. Noticing him watching she gave him a grin, but then said, "We should pack up. We need to return before it gets dark."


Slowly the two of them dressed into their lives. Asuka donned the plugsuit and tightened it about her. Shinji pulled up the pants, donned the socks, and slipped into his shoes. A thought was on his mind.

"Asuka."

She turned, holding her eye patch. The dull teal and cobalt eyes stared at him.

"This won't last after we leave, will it?" He asked.

Asuka considered the eye patch in her hand. "I don't like coming here because this isn't real. Like you said before, it's just running away. It's easy to forget about… this." She winced as she held the eye patch. "But it's still there. Nothing that happened here has changed anything."

Shinji looked at the jacket he was holding. "But…" he added, "This was… a nice vacation. I need… I needed the break." He winced, "I know when I leave here I'll be sad again. But… I… I like that…"

He looked up at her. She was staring at him. Shinji took a breath, speaking now only that his anxiety was suppressed by the pillars in concert. "I liked spending time here, with you. Thank you for this, Asuka. I hope we can find a way to come back here and… and have this again."

Asuka looked back at the eye patch with a sad smile. "The last time I was here was three years ago. I doubt we'll have the chance again that soon."

"Can't we just… come back tomorrow?" He asked.

"I won't stop you if you want to, but I know I won't." She said.

"Oh." He replied.

Sighing she slipped on the eye patch. The DSS choker was already on, hidden under the plugsuit.

Shinji wanted to say more, but the sunlight glow was already fading from the sky. They were out of time.


They took another route back, going through trees on the other side of the lake and starting thier descent through a stairway of broken rocks. The glow in the sky was still receding into night.

An idea occurred to Shinji then, and he asked, "Asuka?"

"What?"

He swallowed and asked, "c-can you talk to me? I can't see that well, I want to follow your voice."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. Anything."

When she looked up at him, he explained, "I want to hold on to this until the end. A-at least, as far as we can take it."

Asuka smiled up at him at first, but her smile faded as he approached. "What?" He asked.

"The switch can be sudden. I just want to warn you."

Shinji stared at her, then nodded. "Okay."


They had continued down the slope before coming to a road. Asuka produced a flashlight, and the two of them walked along it under the stars.

When the lights of the village were in view, Shinji was talking about his cooking. "My sensei was very trusting, so I picked it up on my own. I never thought I was super, or anything, but he liked it. It seemed like Misato did too."

"It was good, I thought." Asuka said. Her head turned. "Do you have a favorite?"

"Well i-"

"Hey try not to look so sad-"

It hit him in the chest and head. He had caused Kaworu to die. He started another impact. The ruined world as it was now was all his fault.

Shinji stopped mid-sentence, the smile left his face, and his strides came to a halt.

"-well meet again, shinji."

"Ikari?" Asuka asked, turning to him, "Shinji?"

The redhead wheeled back on him. Grabbing his face with both hands she hauled it up to face her. Before her eyes she watched the despair and anguish return to his gaze. The nightmare was coming back.

The little frown on her face remained as she too felt the magic of the sunspot begin to slip. The angel in her eye churned, making the orbit itch. The ashes of war and bitterness were settling in her spirit.

"I'm… I'm sorry Shinji." She said, hands on his face. Her one last impulse of light- to pull him forward to her for a fleeting kiss- was slipping.

Finally, all that was left was the disgust for this worthless coward. The boy who couldn't decide whether she was worth saving or destroying out of mercy. The boy who did everything for First, but nothing for her. The one that SEELE was going to use to finish them off.

Her hands released Shinji. As much as a part of her wanted that spark back, the rest knew it was a lie. Better to taste the bitter grit of reality than dilute herself in fantasy. People depended on her. She had no more time to clown around.

She released the sadsack, then turned around. "All right, come on. I'll bet original batch is probably worried sick about you."

Asuka trotted off. Shinji, after a lifeless blink, trudged to follow.


Miss lookalike was predictably at Kensuke's place. She sat with Shinji in his corner while Kensuke chewed Asuka out. "You had me and some of the villagers worried sick. Where did you take him anyway?"

"Nowhere." Asuka replied as her thumb and fingers mashed the game. "Just into the woods for some exercise. I thought that's what you wanted."

"Well, you spoiled the Suzuhara's plans for a surprise party, Hikari wanted it known. Miss lookalike was following me all evening when we went looking for you two." He sighed as Asuka didn't flinch at all from her game. "Whatever." He concluded, "as long as the two of you are back safe, I guess that's all I could ask for."

Kensuke walked off. Asuka played the wonder swan for a moment more before she paused it and looked up to see Rei and Shinji had not moved. Just like earlier today.

Asuka grunted and went back to her game.


Night.

As typical, Asuka rolled on her cot, sleepless. Seldom after coming back from the sunspot she could snatch slips of unconsciousness, but that wasn't the case now. Even after taking Shinji there for his birthday.

"I knew it." Asuka grunted. Nothing had changed after doing something special in bringing her old crush to a secret place.

She grunted again and rolled on her side. The angel in her head throbbed like a masked headache.

Footsteps got her attention. She rolled back over and saw him standing in the doorway.

"What do YOU want?" She asked him.

Shinji took two steps into the room. "Asuka." He uttered, "c-can I be in here?"

"What? No, find your own room!"

"Asuka, please…" he pleaded.

Asuka sighed as she looked the pathetic sad boy up and down. She blinked when it occurred to her that Shinji had actively sought her out. Nobody told him to come here. Her gaze lingered on him for a moment as she briefly wondered if...

"Ok, fine." She uttered and rolled back over. "Just don't touch anything."

She heard Shinji's footsteps, then to her astonishment, she heard and felt him drop behind her.

"W-what-?" She surged, but stopped as she heard his slow breathing as his back pressed against hers. She grunted unhappily. "Idiot. Now I can't roll over." She grumbled.

She fell asleep without knowing it two minutes later.

Happy birthday, Shinji.


a/n: late, and a stand in in place of an initial idea that stalled, nevertheless here it is. I'm not super impressed with it, but I post in case some might find it entertaining.

The problem with Shinji's birthday is that it takes place far from the events in the series if you reverse engineer a calendar based on the show's events. RoE allows me to cheat a little.

6/27/22: made some slight readability and flow fixes. An encore was requested and I have started writing one, but no promises on when it will appear. I have a lot of stories in the air.