Notes: This is a story where April and Jackson are the main characters. Some details are changed and some are the ones that were in the show. There are probably some grammar mistakes so… Just enjoy and always comment if you have any ideas, opinions etc but please no hate. Story starts in season 12 episode 11. Enjoy!


APRIL KEPNER, MIDDLE EAST

I used to believe that life would go as I would like and wish, but today that is not the case. I feel like a burden to Jackson and his request. It is weird and I know it. How did our marriage get so rocky and disastrous? I don't know the answer yet, though I believe I should because I am partially the cause of the downfall or well mostly. I have no idea what I could do anymore to change that.

At the moment I am back where I started my journey in the United States of America Hindu Kush mountain range in Afghanistan. It is where the biggest changes in my life and myself occurred because of what happened there when I was 19. I am very much aware that what happened is not my fault, but I can't help but think that I should have made some different choices and said different words. It would have changed everyone's lives including myself and people, who are innocent who deserve to be cared for.

Sometimes I wish to go back in time and change everything that includes my choices regarding Jackson, Wesley, Elena and plenty of other people.

I arrive in Kabul that is wedged between the Hindu Kush mountains. I know that what I am about to do is very wrong to Jackson, Casey, Tarjei and a lot of people who care about me in some way, but I really need to find out the truth about what I did many years ago and I need to find relief.

This is very important right now because life has started to haunt me in a weird way. I make my way to the marketplace in order to buy some necessary items on my way to Jalalabad. I haven´t told anyone where I am going except for Tarjei, who I know is always behind my back no matter what will happen. He always has been. I hope for the best outcome from my decision to force Charles to deal with my stuff while I am away.

JACKSON AVERY, DIVORCE SIGNING DAY

It feels very wrong to sit in a lawyers office and start signing divorce papers. It seems weird that April is late. She is never late to anything. I on the other hand am not so precise. She is already 10 minutes late and I start to get impatient. I understand it should not be like that, but don't get me wrong I want to get over this thing and go on with my other commitments. I still have to go to Tatiana's wedding. My mind is starting to make up false scenarios. What if something happened to her or what if something important came up.

My thoughts are being interrupted by someone opening the door to the office. April's lawyer and an older man came to the office. He is not very tall and they speak in hushed tones and sometimes he tries discreetly to look at me, but always turns his head or gaze when I try to watch him. He does not look like someone who would meet with a lawyer or knows my wife. I don't know that she would have friends or family who would be here in Seattle because it's a well known fact that she hasn't been lucky with it. There is no way to guess what that man does for a living. His clothes are not cheap nor very expensive, but I have to admit he is quite nicely dressed. I have no idea who he might be. They sit down on the other side of the table. Man looks at me fully in the eyes and it's terrifying but his eyes are also kind of solemn and caring. It feels like eyes look straight through me and I can't make it stop so I turn my gaze to the lawyer.

She starts speaking and introduces herself. Her name is Miriam Wiesensarter. She also says that she and Mr. Vance, who is representing NCIS who deals with crimes connected to the United States Marine Corps and Navy personnel. They are here to represent and talk about April Kepner. The lawyer says that April Kepner is MIA and there are some agencies that want to have a conversation with her. She doesn't know the reason and tells me that her and , who is in charge of investigating, doesn't have any rights to sign anything for her and we should talk to Charles Jones, who has authorization. Currently he is unavailable.

I just stare at them and don't know what to say or ask. I am just thinking that April Kepner is playing a nasty trick on me in order not to finalize a divorce. Now I am just super pissed and worried.

I try to gather myself and I manage to ask that man's phone number so that I could talk to him myself and maybe convince him to come and sign the papers. They apologize for the inconvenience the situation is going to cause me and leave the room. I just don't know what to say or do. So I just sat there for a second. Then a thought crosses my mind and I get up and run after them. I asked Mr. Jones if we could meet in the future, just the two of us. At first he looked at me like I am a freak, but then his face softened considerably and he gave me his phone number and said that his first name is Chris and there is no point in suggesting a meeting on the weekends. I thanked him profusely and made my way back to the room where the weirdest meeting of my life just took place.

I step into the room and sit down next to my lawyer. I asked him, what should I do? Is there a way to get the thing done without that man? He tells me that at the moment there is nothing exactly that I can do. He told me that I should convince Mr. Jones to come and sign the papers. Then the divorce could be finalized. He also told me that he is sorry that today has gone the way it has. The moment he said it I realized my life is once again turned upside down with no idea how to navigate it.

APRIL KEPNER, HOTEL

The room I am staying in is quite nice for Afghanistan. It has everything I need so that I can look around and snoop a little bit. There is a comfortable bed and a phone that is hard to connect with my face, name and history that is connecting me with the Middle-East. I dye my hair to black. It is safer to me that way. I blend more into the surroundings.

Now surprisingly, I am not in a deep sleep. I haven't been in one for a couple of weeks. Suddenly the phone in my room starts ringing. I am shocked and afraid, because there is literally a chance that it could be someone who wants me dead. In here there are plenty of people, who would pay good money to see me dead. I carefully pick up the phone.

Luckily it is only Tarjei. I chastise him for calling me to have a chat, while I said that he should phone only, if there is an emergency. He tells me that I am starting to go into deep shit with literally everything and that Charles called him, who is very pissed off. He told me that he could see the smoke coming from his ears and nose in Seattle while he was in Boston. He had demanded information about me and my actions. He also said that Charles didn't go to the lawyers office and sign for me. What's worse, he is refusing to deal with my stuff. There are a couple of agencies that are searching for me, but he doesn't know the reason. I feel like my life is literally falling apart. I have no idea what to do right now. There is nothing I can do from here to stop it. It feels like everything is collapsing again like it was again when I was 19.

30.05.2005

Afghanistan, Camp Bastille

It is an amazing day. The world is smiling to me and I do the same. I had one of the best sleep I have had the entire week. The job is going well. Finally, there is nothing to worry about. I can just relax and enjoy my free time. I start with training. I don't like it, but I need to do it in order to survive and be a good soldier. I need to maintain a good stamina and a muscle mass that would make all physical activities easier. Yes, the last one includes a lot of stuff that belongs to the grey area. It is a hard line to follow especially in a country that has been a disaster zone for longer than I have been in this world. So I just follow my orders and a gut feeling. I run and work out in a gym that contains weights and some easier machines. After that comes personal hygiene. I don't need an infection that could cost me my life. Currently it is a short shower and a lot of wipes. The conditions in the base are improving. When I came here, we used only wipes and they were counted. I know it seems like a disastrous situation in the modern world, but it was only for a moment. Then I put on clean clothes. I decided that today I am not going to wear my personal clothes. Actually there is not much to choose from so… . After all of that I go to the canteen. It is later than usual, when I arrive there so I get the leftovers like always. Today there is a little bit of porridge, coffee and some kind of bread and ham. I hate porridge, but I take what I can get. I just suck it up. That's what I have to do in order to survive and adapt. There's no other way. Recently I have been doing it quite a lot. I am in a nice group. At the moment there are 10 people in it. Our leader is Charles Jones or as I like to call him our babysitter or BS. He is everything that he should be. He is a born leader. Then there are two as I call them co-leaders Tove and Wesley. The rest of us are known as sergeants or probies. I know it is weird, but I can assure you that the difference is not as big as it might seem. After food comes the most boring part of my job planning future activities and dealing with weapons.

I suddenly realize that tears are coming from my eyes. I don't do anything to stop them. I just let them fall for a minute because the waves are crashing over my head again. Suddenly Tarjei asks if I am still listening. He says that he'll keep in touch and I can call when I happen to need anything. He also promised to try to ease what's happening and deal with it as best as he can.

JACKSON AVERY, AFTER LAWYER'S OFFICE

I still have to go to Tatiana's wedding because I am not going to break my promise to her or make her unhappy on what is supposed to be the happiest day of her life. I just have suck it up and paint the best of me for a couple of hours. It is going to be hard for me. Suddenly I realize that I am almost late to her wedding. I hurriedly drive to the church where the ceremony is taking place. I quickly make my way to the front door. Ben is waiting for me there, He tells me that finally I managed to be there and that the show is soon about to start. I go to the room where Tatiana is. I tell her that she is gorgeous and I do everything to lessen her worries, but my job is not very good. She looks at me like she is not believing a single word that is coming out of my mouth. She starts speaking by saying that she is very sorry for the way my marriage ended and she asks how I feel. I tell her that this is a conversation for another day and I don't want to upset her nor myself with it. She looks at me with suspicion, but then a more pleasant little smile comes to her face. She gets up from her chair and I walk her down the aisle.

APRIL KEPNER, THE FOLLOWING DAY

I wake up because of the sun that is coming in from the little windows. I hear cars and people, who are walking down the street. I got up from the bed where I had fallen asleep last night after Tarjei´s call and a little breakdown I had after that. I slept terribly today. The sleep was filled with dreams and awful memories of what had happened to me or my family over the decades. I go to the bathroom and think of what I can do to relax and calm down as best as I can. I definitely don't want to use junk food or anything illegal for that. I have something else to think about too. I decided that I am going to take a bath and make it as relaxing as possible with snacks and music, because I can´t lose my head later. It can cost me my future and myself. I really don't want to die. My intention is to snoop around a little and then maybe figure out some stuff that has been hunting me in the back of my head for almost two decades. While the bath is filling up, I go and bring my Ipod with my music, earpods and snacks which are basically cookies and some nuts that I bought from the market the other day. I slowly remove my clothes and I investigate my body for a moment. I watch the looser skin that came from where Samuel had been, the scars on my knees because of surgeries I had needed after imprisonment, the little scars on my shoulders because of where I had held the most important piece of my equipment and I touch scars on my lower back. I suddenly shake myself out of that memory line. It is too dangerous to continue it. It can work me up like nothing else or except for Jackson and Charles. The last one is really pissing me off. I stop the water from running and add a little bit of shampoo to the water to create foam and make the experience more fun, because I don`t have any bath bombs or anything specific to do it with. I lay the snacks close to the water, connect earphones and turn on some nice music. After that I slowly sank into the bath and let out a small sigh. The combination of everything slowly lulls me to sleep.

JACKSON AVERY, WEEK AFTER THE WEDDING

I wake up because of the phone ringing insanely loudly. I realize that I must have fallen asleep on a couch somehow. I hurriedly make my way to the phone and look who is calling. There is no name or number. It is an unknown number. I have an inner debate on if I should pick it up or not, but I do it. The caller said before hanging up in a loud and demanding voice to show up at Kepner's apartment in one hour and not to be late. I do everything possible to be as decent as I possibly can. It includes a quick shower, change of clothes and some food.

I managed to make it there just on time. I knock on the door and wait. It already seems like no one is there and somebody has played a nasty prank on me. I try to listen if there is any movement, but unfortunately it reminds me that it is not possible because the building has walls that are soundproof. Suddenly the door swung open with a loud bang. In front of me is Mr. Vance. I look at him and see that his hair has had a cut. I revise from photos and conversations with April that it is a very common hair cut in the armed forces. His clothes are also more casual and more similar for a soldier. He looks at me and finally asks if I am going to keep standing here in the hallway or if I would like to come in. I go into the apartment and look around. Everything is very clean and precise. It looks exactly like April. Chris tells me that I should sit down and he also tells me that he is also invited to come here by Charles Jones. He also tells me that the man is pissed off at my current wife. If I want to ask something then, it is a perfect time to do so. I really want to ask him how he knows April Kepner because I have never heard of him or Charles. My face and acting must have given away my thought because he asks me if I want to know how he and Charles know April ? I try to consider the pros and cons, but I quickly throw it out of my head because the desire to gain information is huge so I nod. Chris starts by telling that he and Charles or "Casey" are born in the Russian Karelia. It is an area on the west side of the country between St. Petersburg and Finland. They have known each other since they were in diapers. Both of them made their way to the US after the 3rd world war because they were in a very inconvenient situation after it. They had no choice besides leaving. He tells me also that after they served in the United States Marine Corps, but not anymore due to reasons that are not possible to discuss. There they met Tarjei, April and many other people who care about Kepner and probably vice versa. He also tells me that I should consider talking to Tarjei because he might know more than anyone else. April and he were once like socks and boots and gave me his number. I consider if I should take it or not, but I do it. Suddenly there is a knock on the front door and it is opened by a shorter man with crutches who looks like fully from the military except for the uniform. Everything about him screams that he is a soldier and not american. He looks totally something different than I would have ever imagined to be behind the name Charles.

APRIL KEPNER, LATER THAT DAY

People are yelling and there is a lot of dust in the air. They are in panic and run like chickens without heads. What's worse, I had to run in the opposite direction. I see a video that is playing on some sort of site that is meant for uploading videos. Terrorists kill people who are meant as a warning because worser will come because of me and our crews actions. I hear my commander's voice who is yelling at us and threatening us with punishment because we just followed our orders and did what was asked. He tells us that we are useless pieces of shit and we should be dead instead of them. I see myself stabbing a man in the neck and him trying to strangle me and do everything to stop me from fighting and yelling like a madwoman. I see myself after that when I hear what is going to happen with that incident. I see myself doing things that I should have never been forced to make, but I still had to because the situation was like that. I see myself while I tried to deal with consequences of our actions in the past and where it has gotten me

I suddenly jerk away from my dream. I am still in the bath. The water is cold and music has stopped. I try to calm down. I have to. There is no other way. I don't want to recall these moments. It will only do harm. They have been buried for a reason and they need to stay that way. I got out of the bath and went to the shower so that I could clean myself properly. After that I eat because snacks are not proper food and I am going to need as much energy as possible. Later on that day I visit some locations that are important to me. I do my best to keep my mood as up as possible. But at that moment I didn't know that worse was about to come to me.