Mei: Okay. Okay, how about this: Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong.(She fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground. Yang rolls with laughter and is hit by a shoe.)I'm working on it!
Sho: Oh. Hi girls.
Cho: Brother, what are you doing here.
Sho: Just thought I'd get into the camp on time, that's all. See ya.
Cho: Oh, who are we fooling, sis? It'd take a miracle to get us into the army.
Chu: Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"
Mei and Cho: Agggggghhh!
Chu: That's close enough!
Mei: A ghost!
Chu: Get ready, ladies, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. So, heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a pair of girls, the penalty is death.
Cho: Who are you?
Chu: Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Chu. Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh?
Mei: Hang on. Our ancestors sent a little lizard to help us?
Chu: Little? Well, that stinks.
Mei: You're ... um ...
Chu: Intimidating? All inspiring?
Mei: Tiny!
Chu: Tiny? Oh, now you're just being spiteful.
Ako: Mei, as of now, we're your only shot at getting fame and honor. You want to be heroes? Then you're gonna have to trust us. We clear on that.
Mei and Cho: Crystal.
Chu: All right. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Ako, get the bags! Let's move it heifer!
Ronald: With that, this band of odd friends was on the move with renewed confidence and determination. This, however, would sorely be needed.
Chu: Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it! Beautiful, isn't it.
Mei: They're disgusting.
Chu: No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.
Recruit: Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!
Rai: Oh? Let me see.(He punches the recruit)
Mao(laughing): I hope you can get your money back!
Mei: Uh, Chu. I don't think I can do this...
Chu: It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!
Rai: What are you looking at?
Chu: Punch him. It's how men say hello.
Chi: Oh. dear Rai! You've made a friend!
Chu: Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that.
Rai: Woo hoo... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.
Chi: Rai, a heart that yeans for battle...
Rai: Must save it for the field, I know. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Chicken boy.
Ako: Chicken boy!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!
Ronald: Yep, Ako's 'lucky' streak certainly wasn't helping things for the sisters. But while Cho and Mei get into hot water early in their scheme, we turn now to Dai Deng, who apparently has a son of his own.
General Deng: The Black Claw warriors have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Kai Han before he destroys this village.
Lord Wen: Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.
General Deng: You will stay and train the new recruits. When Lord Wen believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.
Shi Deng: Captain?
Lord Wen: Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?
General Deng: Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques... an impressive military lineage... I believe young Shi will do an excellent job.
Shi Deng: Oh, I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.(As his father and Lord Wen step outside)Captain Shi Deng. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time.(He joins the other two-expecting to see some loyalty, only to find infighting)
Lord Wen: Most impressive.
General Deng: Good luck, Captain! Yah!(He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.)
Shi Deng: Good luck... Father.
Lord Wen: Aw, don't worry sir. We all have to start somewhere in life, for this is just... Day one.
Shi Deng: Right. Soldiers!
Soldiers: HE started it!
Shi Deng: Listen recruit. I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.
Mei: Sorry...(in a deep voice)I mean, sorry you had to see that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta KILL something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors...
Cho(also in a deep voice): Yeah, stuff gets real crazy.
Shi Deng: Oh, is that so? Wait, is that...
Lord Wen: Sho Yin. The hero has graced us with his presence!
Sho: Uh, yeah. And these are my...brothers. Kuai and Chen.
Mei(Kuai): Yeah, that's it.
Cho(Chen): That is.
Shi Deng: Let me see your conscription notice. Bao Yin? THE Bao Yin?
Lord Wen: Hang on, I knew Bao Yin had a son, but never three.
Mei(Kuai): Er, he... doesn't talk about us much.
Cho(Chen): Yeah, we're the unpopular kind.
Lord Wen: I can see why. These boys are absolute lunatics!
Shi Deng: Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friends over here, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins.
Chu: You know, we have to work on your people skills.
(The next day)
Sho: O.K. So far, so good. I don't think anyone knows. But it will not be easy keeping something like this a secret for long.
Jin: Really? Is that how it works?
Sho: What? But how...
Jin: Relax, I'm a friend. And I will continue to be one, if you hear me out.
Sho: Go on.
Jin: There are rumors going around that the reason Kai Han is invading is because Emperor Li had him executed for trying to kill his son, and had the sentence carried out by Dai Deng himself.
Sho: You sure about that.
Jin: It's the truth no one wants us to know.
Ronald: This revelation made Sho realize that everything would be for naught, and so he followed Jin to where the others were. At the same time, 'Kuai' and 'Chen' were sleeping in their tent, but Chu was planning a little wake-up call.
Chu: All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup! Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you! Hey, Ako, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!
Mei(Kuai): Are we late?
Chu: No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kids butt.
Cho(Chen): But we don't want to kick the other kids' butts.
Chu: Kid, that ain't up to... Yang? What do you mean, the troops just left?
Cho(Chen): We'd better get going then.
(Outside)
Lord Wen: Order! People, order!
Soldier: I'd like a pan-fried noodle!
Chi: Sweet and pungent shrimp.
Soldier 2: Moo goo gai pan!
Lord Wen: That's not funny.
Mao: Looks like our new friends slept in this morning. Why, hello, boys, Are ya hungry?
Rai: Yeah, because I owe you a knuckle sandwich.
Shi Deng: Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.
Rai: Ooh, tough guy.
Shi Deng: Rai. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.
Rai: I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on.
Shi Deng: One moment, you seem to be missing something. This represents discipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow.
Ronald: This, my friends, will lead to a 'training montage'. I advise you all to watch, carefully...
Shi Deng(singing): Let's get down to business to defeat the Claw! Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You're the saddest bunch I ever met. But you can bet before we're through. Mister, I'll make a man out of you! Tranquil as a forest but on fire within. Once you find your center, you are sure to win. You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot and you haven't got a clue. Somehow, I'll make a man out of you!
Chi(singing): I'm never gonna catch my breath.
Rai(singing): Say goodbye to those who knew me.
Mao(singing): Boy, was I fool in school for cutting gym.
Chu(spoken): This guy's got 'em scared to death!
Mei(Kuai) and Cho(Chen)(singing): Hope he doesn't see right through me.
Chi(singing: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): We must be swift as the coursing river.
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): With all the force of a great typhoon.
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): With all the strength of a raging fire-Mysterious as the dark side of the moon! Time is racing toward us till the Claw arrives! Heed my every order and you might survive! You're unsuited for the rage of war. So, pack up, go home, you're through! How could I make a man out of you?
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): We must be swift as the coursing river.
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): With all the force of a great typhoon.
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): With all the strength of a raging fire-Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): We must be swift as the coursing river.
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng(singing): With all the force of a great typhoon.
Chorus: (Be a man)
Shi Deng and Chorus(singing): With all the strength of a raging fire-Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!
