Confession
"How long?" The shock broke her voice.
He stared down into her wide eyes; her face had gone white, except for two roses that glowed from her cheeks. The deep black-brown mascara coating her long lashes and the soft lights made the amber of her eyes look like the sun at golden hour. One perfect ringlet came free of the simple up-do to rest against her collarbone.
He had caught her off guard. They were swaying at the edge of the canopied dance floor at Bill and Fleur's wedding. It wasn't that he had planned on saying anything, but under the golden lights, his arms around the dramatic slopes of her waist encased in delicate red chiffon, her soft body radiating warmth and the smell of home, he betrayed himself.
I'm in love with you.
He felt no embarrassment as she stilled against him, her face paling and flushing all at once.
"How? Why?" She asked, following up her earlier question. Sirius didn't appreciate the self-deprecating tone she used for the last question. As if it was inconceivable for him to have fallen for her, of all people.
A flare of anger spiked through him as memories of her picking up Mrs. Weasley's copy Witch Weekly and staring at the impossibly thin frames of the fashion models; he noticed every time she refused dessert after dinner; he'd catch her as she tugged down the hem of her oversized sweater -trying to hide her untrendy, softer, curvy, figure that had taken form over the years.
He'd watch as the boy's would jokingly call her a "know-it-all swot" and she'd laugh with them, masking the hurt that was plain to him by the slight strain in her voice; or when she felt lacking when she came across some magic that others thought nothing of, but she hadn't yet read about it in her copious studies.
He saw her struggle through feelings of inadequacy, all the while she fought to protect those she loved.
Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Sirius considered his words. He wanted her to understand him absolutely. There was no room for misunderstandings, not when time wasn't guaranteed. She was too precious for that.
"I first loved you as a savior," he began, not taking his eyes from her's. "You came through time, and pulled me from that tower, like a valkyrie on the wind."
He reached up to tuck the loose curl behind her ear, his fingertips ghosting over the shell and down the delicate curve of her neck. Her body shivered and the pink of her cheeks darkened further. "Then I loved you as a friend, and then quickly, before I knew it, you became family. The many nights you came to me and pulled me out of my own mental prison, with nothing more than open arms, and a good book...I love you for not trying to fix me, but for instead giving me the tools to fix myself." Her hands tighten on his shoulders and her ribs stutter under his palms, but it was her rapturous face that urged him to continue. "I don't know when my love for you turned into the love a man has for a woman, only that at some point you became the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. That I couldn't imagine a future where you were absent. I just knew you were it for me."
He took a deep breath, preparing to cut his own heart out with his next words. He pulled her closer, tucking her into his sternum as he continued to sway them in a secluded corner of the wedding tent. If he shut his eyes for a moment he could pretend that it was their wedding. But he did not.
"I don't want you to feel burdened by this. I know I'm too old, too marred, to hope, Kitten" he allowed himself to smile briefly against her hair as his favorite nickname for her came so naturally from his lips. "I'm not asking you to return my love. All I ask is that you keep me by your side. Even if I can't be your prince, I can be your knight. I will protect and love you for my whole life, I will protect and love whoever you choose to be with - so long as you find happiness, so will I."
For a moment he held onto her, still swaying to the soft strings that floated through the area. He had lost track of how long they stood together in that corner, but relished every second regardless of the sting in his heart at the thought of it being the first and last time he could hold her as a man holds the woman he loves.
Hermione, eventually, gently pushes away from him and turned her face to look up at him. Her eyes were glittering even more now with the presence of slowly falling tears. Sirius could feel his heart falter, beginning to regret his impulsive confession.
He was just reaching out a hand to wipe the tears, opening his mouth to say something - anything - that could correct his mistake, when she grabbed his ascending hand and pulled him along to the outside of the tent. She led them to the sturdy oak that stood behind the canvas. She let him go, facing the tree, away from him, hunching in on herself. She didn't say anything. All that could be heard was the rustling leaves in the trees, and the music from behind them that sounded so far away. They just stood there.
"Hermione...I-" he didn't get to finish what he was going to say because Hermione spun around and grabbed hold of his lapel, yanking him down to her level and pressed her lips to his. That's all it was, a simple press of mouths, yet it sent waves of static through every nerve and synapse in his body.
She dropped her heels to the ground and parted from him after several seconds of eternity, and looked down at the grass.
"What if I choose the knight?" Her voice was so soft that he almost didn't hear it.
His heart stilled. Dumbfounded, he just stared at her, still bent forward with her hands fisting his jacket. Not even able to process the words, he wasn't prepared for her to lean forward again and press an open mouthed kiss to his gaping lips.
The currents that ran through him seemed to jump-start his heart and mind. He finally moved his mouth against her's, taking command of the kiss as he wrapped his arms around her. Her hands loosened from his lapels and instead reached for his face. Her small hands thumbed his cheekbones where tears he hadn't known about had spilled over before they slid up to card through his hair.
Without breaking from her he reached down to hoist her into his arms and walked her to a low branch of the oak. Settling her on it, he retook possession of her waist. He gripped her tight and stepped between her legs so that he could be flush with her.
He felt her chest gasp against his, and her hands falter. She clenched her fingers almost painfully in his hair. Her thighs squeezed him instinctively when he lightly bit her lower lip before he finally pulled away from her.
He cleared his throat, attempting to regain his composure.
"Just to be totally clear. You… feel the same way?" He asked, not caring how unsure he sounded, nor paying any heed to the slow trickling of joy that leaked from his eyes.
"Yes, Sirius. I love you," she confirmed with a laugh, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss at the corner of his mouth. "I don't care about the age difference," she said, her hands stroking along his scruff, as she looked up into his eyes. "And I'd never reject you because of your past. You're a good man... The best man I've ever known. And you are good in spite of all the wrong the world has done to you."
Unable to contain his adoration bent to kiss her face. He started with her forehead, then he kissed her eyelids, the tip of her nose, her cheeks; she held still for him until he kissed the soft spot just behind her earlobe. She gasped and then sighed, tilting her head for him as he kissed the line of her jaw before catching her mouth again. Her hands fell to the branch that she sat on. Sirius was pressing over her so that her back reclined against air. If it weren't for his arms holding her to him she would have had no hope of catching herself from falling out of the tree.
She shivered slightly when a breeze rustled the leaves, chilling her despite it being a summer night. Sirius pulled back, settling her more stably on the branch before taking his jacket off and wrapping it around her, helping to guide her arms through the sleeves. He held the front closed with one fist, his other cupped her cheek when he noticed that tears were beginning to gather in her lower lashes again. A miserable look crossed her face. Something had come to her to ruin their moment of perfect happiness.
"Darling? Kitten, what's wrong?" He kept his voice low and gentle, but nerves tingled through him.
"It's just unfair," she murmured to herself as she reached up with a hand to trace his face. Her eyes followed her fingertips as she blinked, letting two tears fall. "Why did this have to happen now?"
"Hermione?"
She swallowed, her eyes focusing her amber eyes on his. Love and regret filled her face.
"I'm leaving. We're leaving. Me, Harry, and Ron," she said finally, the words sounded like she had to choke them out. "We're leaving tonight. Dumbledore left us a mission."
Questions exploded in Sirius' mind.
Where are you going?
What's the mission?
How dangerous is it?
When will you be back?
Do you have to go with them?
Take me with you.
It was a long moment. Hermione's hand fell to his chest where she gripped his shirt, crinkling the deep burgundy shirt, and tears continued to trickle down her cheeks. Her chest was still, like she was holding her breath for his reaction.
Looking down at her, he felt something resolute form in his chest. He let go of everything he couldn't control and focused on what he could. Taking her hands from his chest he brought them up to his mouth and kissed them, before pressing them to his heart. He locked his eyes with her's.
"Marry me."
She floundered. Her pretty, kiss bitten lips opened and closed as she stared wide-eyed up at him. He pulled her left wrist up to press his mouth to the pulse there. He could feel her heart racing under his lips. When Hermione continued to stare at him in her shocked stupor, he opened his mouth and grazed her wrist with his teeth before sucking gently on the soft skin there.
It got a reaction. Her thighs clenched around his waist, and an increasingly familiar feminine gasp shook through her. The flush that had been slowly receding returned full force, spreading down to her decolletage.
She tugged her wrist away, and tucked it against herself quickly, but not before he saw the pleasing, red, love bite that he successfully left on her.
"Won't you marry me, Kitten?" He asked again, his voice lowered into a dangerously sweet rasp. One he knew she could feel between them.
"Sirius, I told you, we're leaving tonight," she said, breathily. "We don't know what's going to happen. Neither of us can guarantee we'll make it back to each other alive."
"Exactly," he said, not sure how he was maintaining the steadiness of his voice. "If I have to send you off to Merlin-knows-where, I'd rather send you off as my wife than send you off as an almost-something."
"But…wait..." Her eyes were blown wide. "You want to marry me tonight?!"
"Of course. Do you think I'm interested in waiting? " He asked, wrapping his right arm around her, and taking her other wrist up to his mouth. "I never thought it possible that you'd choose the knight. But since you did, do you think I'm going to risk you slipping away?"
"But...but there are steps to take, and even if we had time, I couldn't go to the ministry! They signed the muggle-born registration commission today...and there's no one here to marry us, the minister already left, and…" she continued to ramble, his little witch overthinking as she was wont to do, but he had stopped listening as a jolt went through him.
She wasn't saying no.
He leaned in and silenced her with a kiss.
When he pulled away, he asked her once again; "Do you want to marry me, Hermione?"
She looked up at him, her arm had ended up wrapped around his shoulder. He stayed a hair's breadth away from her as he waited.
She swallowed, taking in a deep breath.
"Yes." This time the tears that appeared in her eyes were clearly happy. She smiled up at him shyly, her eyes crinkled, as she radiated every good feeling into him. "There's nothing I want more than to be yours."
Even though it was well into the night, Sirius felt like he just stepped into the sun. He beamed down at her.
"There's a spell, an ancient one, that many have forgotten," he began explaining to her. "It was used to marry people together. To bind their souls to one another. It's not commonly used anymore, since there is almost no way to break the bond once it's formed. But, it doesn't require anyone else but the two who are committing themselves to each other, and as a gift, the bond provides boons to the pair." He watched her carefully, looking for a reaction. She just watched and listened "I'm fine with just exchanging vows here, even with no one else around. I don't care if this is made official or public or bound magically, as long as we know we are married. But..." She stroked the nape of his neck with her thumbs, gently encouraging him to continue. "But, if you are willing, if you want to, I would tie your soul to mine."
"The Anima Ligans," she whispered. "The soulmate bond."
Sirius smirked at her, even now amused and impressed by her knowledge. He knew she had made good use of the Black library when she stayed at Grimmauld Place.
"You love me that much?" She asked him, awed.
He just let her read the answer on his face. He reached up and grasped her wand that held her hair up and tugged it out. Her hair came tumbling down. The mess of divine curls haloed her face. Diving a hand into the thick of it he pulled her head to him and kissed her soundly.
"I do," was all he said, once he pulled away.
She swallowed. Then nodded her head. She took the vinewood from his hand.
"Then marry us, Sirius."
He didn't hesitate for a moment. He stepped away from her and had his wand in his hand before he could even register that he had moved. He arced his wand over them. At the zenith of the arc, he spoke the spell. He only knew of the fist two words of the incantation as it was all that was written in the books he studied. The magic started weaving as soon as the words and intention came out of his mouth. Immediately, more words that he had never learned poured out of him.
It sounded like the poetry of a thousand ancient lovers had possessed him. A golden light canopied over them, emerging from his wand tip to drape over them.
He looked down at Hermione - the words still spilling from his lips - to see her watching him, completely enraptured. Despite neither of them knowing the language he was speaking, the meaning was clear. It was an ode from one soul to another. From his soul to her's.
Her face flushed as she listened, and the golden light made her eyes luminescent. The rose of her lips parted, and her hair was a wild, tangled crown of curls that draped her straight shoulders and cupped around the sides of her full breasts. If he didn't already think of her as the most beautiful woman to grace the world, he would have fallen at her feet right then.
As it was, he came close to doing just that.
There was the slightest pause where his words came to a finish before Hermione slipped from the tree branch and stepped up to him. Her own wand arced to meet the same point as his. And as she spoke the words, moon glow and starlight seemed to spread from her wand. Her lilting voice seemed to respond to his, reciprocating every line and verse of the ancient words. She reached for him with her left hand, twinning their fingers together as she held his gaze.
As her voice wound down, they stood under the canopy of lights, just watching each other. Their wand arms dropped but the cocoon of light didn't falter.
There were gradually growing feelings throughout his body that he was becoming aware of. Warmth from her hand spread up his arm and throughout his whole being. It was like settling into a warm bath after spending the night in the deep chill of winter. The faint sensation of another heartbeat pressed next to his own, and he knew it was her's. Above all he could feel the inexplicable feeling of her soul wrapped tightly around his. Her love for him radiated from the tie. It was the most intimate feeling he had ever experienced. It was like every comfort he had wished for in his miserable childhood; every warm and good feeling that was denied him while he was in Azkaban. It was the protection he was never offered. All of it at once, pulsing steadily throughout his whole self. It had him closing his eyes, nearly overwhelmed at how gentle and perfect it was. Eventually it muted, becoming a feeling that flared when he concentrated on it, much like his own feelings.
He felt her squeeze his hand as he assumed she felt the same things he was. She leaned her cheek against his upper arm and breathed deeply. Her form began to tremble, her hand became a vice on his. He looked down at her in concern, just in time to see her eyes roll back and her eyes shutting, her mouth gaped as she slumped into him. Slowly she relaxed and looked up at him, awestruck.
"That's how you feel?...about me?" She asked, amazed.
"What did it feel like, Kitten," he asked, letting his voice rumble the way he discovered she liked. Her eyes grew more focused on him and he could feel her soul heating him.
"It was hot," she said, wrapping an arm around his neck, pulling herself up on her tiptoes. "And possessive." She wrapped her other arm around him. "Protective." She kissed him under his jaw. "Gut clenchingly tender." She dropped her heels and slid her hands to his chest, resting her forehead over his heart. "And so overwhelming, it almost hurt. I stopped being able to distinguish anything but that feeling." She looked up at him, her chin resting against his breast.
He looked down at her, combing her hair back with his hands.
"Yes. That's what I feel for you, my darling Hermione," he answered her, bending to pull a long, sweet kiss from her.
He knew the ceremony would end soon. That this radiant moment in time would fall away and they would no longer be able to pretend that the world consists of just the two of them. Sirius wanted to hold on to it for just a bit longer, though. To bask in this heaven of just them.
When he pulled away and opened his eyes he could feel the magic dissipating. The glow from both their domes fading slowly. He looked down at Hermione, mapping her features in the last of the light, and she did the same.
When the light finally gave way to the dark, Sirius continued to outline her with his hands. He ghosted down the sides of her neck, and across her collarbone; he dragged a knuckle down her sternum, enjoying the feeling of her heart rate picking up both under his hand and through the bond. He continued the slow exploration by following the line of her ribs and ending it by curling his arm around her back.
He thumbed her spine, then grinned a salacious grin down at her.
"Wife," he said, huskily. He felt the sensations of their bond heating and her body responding against his. It excited him, and made him wonder how worked up he could make her if he actually tried.
"Husband," she replied. Her voice was sweeter than honey, and suddenly Sirius didn't feel so cocky anymore. Having that title given to him from the lips of the one woman he loves sent a wild heat rushing through him. Pressure built behind his eyes and nose again, signaling tears were gathering in a physical representation of how overcome with love and gratefulness he was.
He tipped forward, dipping his head to bury his face in her curls that blanketed the nape of her neck. Pulling her even further into him, he reveled in the way her soft curves fit and molded to him.
He would spend the rest of his life honoring that gift she had given him. She was his now. Completely and totally. His to love, serve, protect…his to adore.
Sporadic cracking sounds broke their moment, followed by the sounds of magic ripping through the air. Screams added to the frenzy as bright flashes of multi-colored lights lit the canvas from the otherside.
She began to break away from him, and started to move towards the tent. It took everything in him not to yank her towards him and apparate them to safety. He grit his teeth, and compromised by gripping her hand and running towards danger with her.
He could feel her panic surge, and shapely contrast with the moment before. Her wild hair whipped and bounced as she turned her head this way and that as she called for Harry and Ron.
She spotted them and ran towards them taking the lead and dragging him with her. Her grip was desperate and vice-like. The tent was a complete confusion. It was almost impossible to be able to concentrate on who was friend or foe.
Sirius was busy sending non-lethal hexes and defensive spells towards anyone who could harm him or his wife, but as with any battle you can't keep your eye on everything. She reached for Harry and Ron, her wand arm wrapping around Harry's arm and Ron gripped her shoulder. He watched as her eyes locked with his, her arm still stretched out with her hand in his. He could feel her magic pull and knew she was beginning to apparate.
Everything happened within a split second, but felt like it was moving in slow-motion. A body barreled into him, knocking him down and jerking his hand from Hermione's right as she vanished.
Anguish spiked through him as he watched her afterimage.
The Death Eater didn't have a chance as Sirius roared and sent him sprawling unconscious in the grass. The chaos was dying down as the Order gained the upper hand over the attackers. But Sirius didn't notice a thing. He stood unnoticed off to the side with his hand over his heart.
Her heartbeat raced alongside his.
