A/N: Hey, thanks so much to everyone who's left reviews, it means so much to me that you've read this far and seem to enjoy it. caitielynn09 I hope you managed to get some sleep- I know, Clary is going through a tougher time at the moment, but I do not plan to keep her in this state of mind forever :) Anyhow, life has been busy this past month, but I managed to squeeze in some late night typing. I hereby bring you a new chapter...-oh and drum rolls please - there is a Jon POV, so enjoy!


Jon POV

I'm swiftly moving past the mundanes. My invisibility rune is keeping me hidden, but still, I don't have much time. Luckily Amanda wasn't too suspicious when I asked if I could scout the area quickly before storming in with the team. Yet, I need to hurry if I want to make it there before they do. Before Clary gets there. At the thought of Clary, a memory from last night attacks me, followed by an ache, that spreads itself through my whole being. "Not now!" I tell myself. I need to have my wits about me. Going to see him will require my full attention.

I left before the others, making sure that I wasn't being followed. I took the long way to the address Clary gave us, not that I needed it. Still, this place is on the other side of the city, so it took me a good few hours to get here on foot. I needed the time though to get my head straight. I detest seeing him. As I get closer, I can smell a lot of blood. I close the distance and a familiar scent assaults me. Clary. Clary's blood. The scent overwhelms me and I make myself stop abruptly. The rage within me is like a worm, it feeds the hot anger inside of me and I feel it expanding, growing bigger, the more fuel I give it, and right now I'm feeding it massive amounts. At the assault of her scent, visions of last night invade my mind more vividly. Clary covered in wounds. Her blood everywhere. I lean against the wall and close my eyes. She's ok. You made sure she was ok. CALM DOWN. I keep my eyes closed until I can feel my pulse slowing back to its normal rate. I allow myself one little taste of yesterday's memories. Clary's small naked body pressed against me, her skin burning me in all the right places, the sound of her calm breathing. I wind myself back to the present and open my eyes. I can do this.

I step through the entrance and head towards the end of the hallway. What an awful smell. I don't knock, I just walk in. There's a Dharak demon tied up in the corner. I look around and spot steel handcuffs hanging from the ceiling. I get closer and sense Clary all over them. This is where she was being held. A hissing sound escapes me. After Jace's attack yesterday and once everyone calmed down, Clary talked us through what had happened to her, how she was knocked unconscious and then woke up handcuffed. How she fought her way out, like a warrior princess. My warrior princess. Now the little shadowhunters are strategizing how best to attack the lair. Too much caution on their part, it'll be too late by then.

"You know, those are special handcuffs, crafted especially to keep the most dangerous of demons incapacitated. Yet your sister somehow managed to escape them. Don't you find it curious?"

Within two seconds my hands are wrapped around his neck. I'm seething. "She almost died last night," I snarl. Fuck, I didn't even hear him enter the room. Focus! I chastise myself.

"Not my fault. I didn't know the imbecile had her until I came back." He chokes. "Look, I especially saved the ring leader for you to play with."

I'm still too angry to remove my hand from his throat. I know he didn't hurt her, but he did it by association. I remove my hand slowly and walk towards the lizard looking creature cowering in the corner. The things I will do to him. He'll be sorry to have ever laid eyes on her.

"Son. You weren't supposed to come until the end of the month. You know that we have to be cautious. Too many eyes, too many variables."

I sigh. "I know. I came to tell you that this stinky dungeon will get raided pretty soon. Clary knows where it is. They're arriving within the hour." He nods in understanding.

"Besides, I'm also after a stronger dosage." I look up at him then. My Father.

"Why? Have you struggled with your rage recently?"

I shake my head.

"Ahhh, let me guess? Clarissa?"

I avert my eyes shamefully. "I need it to stop, Father. I was fine until last night. Seeing her hurt...I just need something stronger!" I grumble at him. I can hear the frustration lacing my words. I need to tread more cautiously.

He's quiet for a while. Playing with me as always. "How are things with Amanda?"

"Good," I grumble. Then I add, "She's put me, Jace and Clary on your case. The Clave are keen to get their hands on you."

"Keep them distracted for me, will you?" He grins at me with that snake-like smile of his. I have an urge to wipe it from this earth forever.

"Of course, I will. It's part of our deal, isn't it?"

He nods in approval. "So...Amanda, does she satisfy you in your bed?"

"None of your business." I snarl at him.

"It is though! If she were keeping you occupied, you wouldn't be looking elsewhere. Besides, I need her to be happy and compliant. Is she happy?"

"I think so."

"Jonathan, let me remind you of a very important piece of the puzzle that is our deal." He presses a button and the VCR in the corner goes on.

The scene on the small monitor shows a room. I know what is to come, but I have to look, even if seeing it gnaws at my semi-healed wounds. Otherwise, he'll just play it from the beginning over and over again. I can't let him see my feelings. Why was I so fucking stupid?

I stare at the monitor and the scene of the empty hotel room. Then the film fast forwards to a man entering the space, followed by a petite redhead. The man is me, and the girl is someone, who I paid to impersonate Clary for me. Somehow, my father has gotten hold of the worst ever moments in my life, and has managed to eternalize them on film. I know how it plays out. First, you'll see our conversation, where I tell her that I need her to pretend to be my sister. I tell her what to wear and how to do her make up and hair. I tell her how to sound and what to call me. Call me Jon, Jonathan and brother, big brother is also acceptable, nothing else.

After that, my father was so kind to put together an edited compilation of us fucking and me calling her all sorts of names from 'Clary' to 'little sister'. In between are scenes of her talking to me and pretending to be her. Moments of me crying out my feelings to her. Moments of me torturing her, because she's not real, so of course I had to let my frustration out on the poor little vampire. The whole film is pretty fucked up. I'm pretty fucked up.

The movie wraps up nicely with Clary finding me fucking pretend Clary, who by the way, I end up killing after the real Clary storms out of the room. I do it in a very brutal way, 'The Grand Finale' as he likes to call it. It's a pretty great production and one my father likes to show me every now and again to remind me of my place. If I don't follow his every instruction, Clary will get a copy sent right to her doorsteps and she would never speak to me again. This is my life now. Val also had to pay Raphael off, to stop anyone finding out what I did. In the end, I killed a vampire and he had every reason to put me in front of the Clave. I would have been a dead man walking one way or the other.

"I need you to get a grip on your feelings for Clarissa. Your sole purpose is Amanda! You hear me? She's integral to this part of the plan"

"Yes. Father."

"How has your rage been?"

"It's been okay, that's why I don't know why I'm-" What am I feeling towards her? It somehow feels even more intense to what I felt before. But now that my demon side is being subdued chemically, I feel love towards her above all else. In addition to loving her mentally, I also have this excruciating need to consume her physically. It's confusing. But it's controllable...or at least, it has been, until I found her all bloody and hurt last night. Until I had her perfect luscious body pressed against mine. I can feel my dick throbbing at the memory of being pressed against her softness. I finish my sentence, before Val can get any more information on my deep running feelings for her. "That's why I don't know why I am after Clary again. Because I feel ok you know." I shrug my shoulders, as I manage to utter these words. Now that my Father knows about my sickening need for her, I can at least share some of my attitude with him. The monster himself. I really thought he was my past. As a child, I thought that I actually managed to get away from him. That my luck turned, that all darkness was left in the past. I saw Clary as my symbol of salvation. I really believed that I would find a bright future beside her, as her brother, a part of her family. How wrong I was. As it turns out, I'll never be free of him, he was only biding his time back then. Waiting for me to become a semi-trusted member of this community.

I hear my father chuckling and I push my thoughts aside. "Son, the potion can only do so much. It helps balance the chemical difference in your brain. You've been clear headed, haven't you? No urges like the ones from before?" He points to the TV.

"No." I say. It's true, the potion does seem to work. I feel quite up-beat most of the time. It's a miracle really, and so far there's been no major side effects, apart from last night with Clary. Instantly, I push that thought away.

"So you're in control of the demon side?"

"Yes." I start sounding annoyed.

"Well, the potion only fixes the chemical inbalance, it will curb your violent urges and rage. It won't fix your Clarissa obsession, because it isn't really born out of your demon side. It was only heightened through it, as you know by now. You should treat your affection towards your sister as a sickness, or even as a case of unreciprocated love. Eventually you'll get over it." He laughs out loud. No. I won't. I want to strangle him with my bare hands. Rage or no rage, my feelings towards Valentine are always the same.

"So what about the dosage?" I ask again.

"I don't think so. I still want some demon rage within you. Otherwise, you'll be useless to me." He looks at me pointedly. "Don't forget the other part of our deal, Jonathan. I don't want Clarissa anywhere near that cock of yours. I have other plans for her!" He grins smugly and my heart drops. What could he mean? I can't ask him though. I know better than to engage in this game of his. He'll tell me when it's time. In the meantime, it won't hurt to keep my ears and eyes peeled. I notice that I've tuned him out and hear him say, "I've got Hodge paying special attention to you, boy! Any shift in your relationship and she finds out about the real you. Got it?" Yes, the unwanted, broken Son. I know! As if she would ever let me be near her anyway. But I let myself think of last night and a slither of hope grows within me like a virus. I squash it down immediately. She was high on the painkillers I gave her, that's all.

"So, how's the wedding planning coming along?"

"Just fantastic. I cannot wait," I grumble.

"Don't be so grumpy about it. She's a gorgeous piece of meat, Son. I would fuck that any day and I would have wooed her myself, if she hadn't set her eyes on you. Remember, you need to get her down that aisle for our plan to work."

"Your plan!" I snap.

My father laughs. "No. No Son. I own you now. So...my plans are yours." Just great. My soul belongs to the devil.

"There's one more thing I'd like you to do for me. I want you to keep an eye on your sister." I tense in response. Why the sudden interest?

"See if she's showing any special abilities and report back to me. And remember, Hodge is keeping an eye on you, any unbrotherly cozying up to her and I will know! It would be best if you pretended to hate her again." Never.

"Oh and Jon, make sure to spend every night with Amanda. I need you to be close to her. Fuck her to keep her happy. I'll have Hodge checking in and don't worry, he'll know. I have big plans for the two of you." A shudder passes through me. Does he have cameras installed? Some other mundane spi technology? I best check. He looks at me knowingly. I don't bother to ask more questions. I'm not yet privy to stage two of my father's plans to take over the world, so I just give him a shrug to indicate that I got it. I have no choice. I'm stuck with him pimping me out. "Remember, Hodge is watching and listening. Always. I will know if Amanda is unsatisfied, got it?"

"Anything else?" I ask him sternly.

"No. I'm off. You will find the torture tools in the cupboard over there. That is if you have enough time to play before the weaklings arrive." He smirks at me knowingly. He doesn't respect the Shadowhunters of this generation. He thinks them weakened, perfect victims to be wiped off that map of his, so he can eventually rule the world. "I'll have Hodge inform you of our new location. Oh and wipe all the evidence for me," He tells me as he exits the dungeon. No pleases or thank you's. I move towards the cupboard and look at the weapons. I grab a narrow blade and make my way towards the Dhakiri. He whimpers when he sees me coming. "Pleeeaaassse. Merccccyyyyy. I ddddiddn't know girl your sister, I diidddn't know."

"Shhh, it's too late for that." I graze the side of his reptile features with the blade. A monster lives within me and sometimes he needs to be let out to play. I'm good, I'm better than good. I have never felt this balanced in my life. But I know now how to manage myself, on the potion and semi-regular outlets. I get to work on the reptile looking demon, stabbing him repeatedly and cutting small pieces off him, until all that remains is a bloody heap. He begged and begged for his life, but all I could see were Clary's wounds and my hunger for retribution. I would have played longer, but I know that I don't have much time until the others arrive.

Once I'm finished I allow myself to slide to the floor. I stare at my bloodied hands. He deserved it. He deserved the slow death. The wounds on Clary… I swallow the ache. When did life get this fucking complicated? I want to stay like this on the floor for a long while, but I can't. I get up and find the canisters of gasoline. I move towards the exit and pour the gasoline along the way. I throw a match at the floor and watch the ground catching fire. I see it spreading and for a second I'm tempted to let myself be swallowed by the flames, too. Then Clary's face stretches itself in my vision and the idea shatters before it has the chance to take root. I breathe out the smoke and make to leave.

I manage to get out of the building just as the entirety catches fire. I turn to look at the crumbling structure. The scene in front of me is almost symbolic, like I'm looking at a reflection of what my life has become - one massive explosion about to happen. I work on clearing my mind and coming to grasp with the idea that there is no way out of this. I screwed up. I fucking screwed up. I think back to those awful months before I left. Back when things got so bad and I overstepped a huge fucking line with Clary. It's a miracle that she still speaks to me. I know now, that I completely got myself into a twist and back then, I didn't know how to fucking manage my desire for Clary and my hungry demon side and I let things get out of hand. And now I'm Valentine's slave because of it. It's all my fucking fault.

I think back to my time at the Rio Institute. Amanda was excited about the opportunity to come to New York. She'd been at Rio several years by then. She found her escape in a country full of heat and flavour, after all the death in her family. A mass murder and noone has managed to solve it until this day. Both parents, two siblings, one of which was pregnant at the time. The unborn baby died as well, not even getting a chance at this life. It was a horrendous crime and Amanda was the only one that oddly enough survived. She doesn't remember anything from that night. Her scars run deep, which makes me feel a kind of sorrow towards her. It makes pretending my feelings a lot easier. I think of my father, I still to this day don't know why he has me wooing Amanda, just that she plays an integral part in all of this.

I dreaded moving back here, because of how I left. Being away from my Lily was worse than anything I've ever experienced. And it's not only because I desired her and couldn't quench it, even from far away. But mostly, because I missed my dearest friend and sister. Being away from my sister was agony.

In the end, Val forced me to get engaged to Mandy and so I did. I think back to how Val supported the move and I really did try getting out of it. But my longing for Clary won over and I gave in. He took my choice away and a part of me is grateful. It makes me feel less guilty, that I'm back here, polluting Clary's life not by choice. I'm much better now. I know it. I don't feel like a fuckng lunatic anymore. Far from it. That potion that Valentine gets for me, really does work wonders. But he's right. Nothing in this world will kill the love I feel towards my sister. But at least, I can live with it now. I can learn to love her from afar. It's better than being away from her, all the way across the ocean. I get pieces of her now. As small as they are, they are the only happy moments I get.

I allow myself to reminisce about last night, the ease between us, the connection I imagined. Valentine is right, unrequited love is like a sickness that spreads and makes your brain conjure up all sorts of alternative realities. Suddenly I hear a commotion behind me.

"Jon" I hear Clary's voice, which brings a smile to my face.

I turn around, fixing my expression. "I'm sorry, I got here too late," I say exasperatingly.

Jace, Alec and Izzy run towards the fire letting out grunts of despair. There's no evidence left for them to find. Clary steps towards me and takes my hands in hers. "Are you hurt?" She asks and puts her palm against my cheek. I lean into it and look into her lovely green eyes. Far from it.

"I'm ok, just had a disagreement with a demon on the way, hence the blood." I see her nodding and feel her thumb brushing my skin. I sigh inwardly and make myself step away before I'm completely entrapped in her hands. I see her upset for a second, but surely I imagined that. "Let's see what the others are up to." With that I move to the group near the burning building.

XXX

There was nothing salvageable to be found at the burning site. I left no clues, so hopefully the investigation will come to a halt. We're back at the institute. I've gone to my room to get changed out of my filthy clothes. I find Amanda asleep in my bed. We've agreed to keep separate quarters for some privacy, but obviously she wanted to see me. I sneak into the bathroom and get undressed quickly, hiding my blood covered clothes right at the bottom of the laundry basket before stepping into the shower. The warm water is soothing and cleansing, internally and externally. I stand still like this for a long time.

All of a sudden I feel arms around me. My mask snaps back into place. I turn around and see her before me. She is beautiful. I give her that. She's a nice girl and I guess it could be much worse. Sharing a part of my life with her has been nice at times. She's a healthy distraction, because the one girl I do desire, I cannot have. Ever.

I don't say anything. I lift Amanda up and wrap her long sunkissed limbs around my hips before pressing her against the tiles. I thrust myself inside of her and groan out in sheer frustration. I need a release, especially after last night. I was so fucking aroused all night it almost killed me. I can still feel the memory of her softness. How good she felt. I also feel fucking guilty for getting so aroused by her, after she'd been hurt. Then when bloody Jace stormed in and ruined the bliss I was in, I hated the way he laid claim to her. I draw myself back to the present and look at my fiancé and I hear the little moans that I'm eliciting from her.

I suddenly realise that we're doing it in the shower. This is Clary's space now, any shower for all eternity that is. Clary is on my mind again. Always on my mind. Now I can picture her in her red lingerie and that thong. I groan inwardly. I wasn't looking, I saw it by accident. Her fuckable butt dressed in a red thong. I picture my finger moving up her perfect rounded heart shaped cheeks. The feel of her skin against mine. The way she fit so perfectly against me. The sweet little moans I elicited from her. The bigger moans that I remember from the five minutes of heaven I had with her during our blood exchange. The memory of that is all I can ever wank to. Now, there's more material to go with it. She's all I can think of, even with my dick inside of Mandy.

"You're so perfect," I tell my imaginary Clary and realise that I said those words aloud.

I bite Amanda's shoulder to stop myself from saying anything else and she thinks I'm being kinky, rubbing herself back into me. I start pounding into her with such force. I need to come. Now. She's screaming in ecstasy and the sound is all wrong. I keep my eyes closed, pretending to be elsewhere, in Clary's wet pussy, shooting my load into her instead. I picture her green eyes staring back at me as we meet the high together. If they gave out prizes for imaginary scopes, I would truly win that medal. This is my life now. I'm resigned to the fact. I find myself accepting reality. Finally.

Xxx

Women are always so bloody clingy after sex. Amanda is currently all over me, holding my hand on our way to the meeting room. I don't do hand holding. I fucking hate mundane displays of affection. I spot Clary in the meeting room. She zones in on our connected hands and a shadow crosses her pretty face. I have the urge to pull my hand away, but Amanda's grip is unrelenting. She wants to show me off. I spot Hodge lurking in the corner and I smile at him before leaning towards Mandy and kissing her passionately on the lips. She's totally into sucking my lips dry and beams at me afterwards. As we're approaching the table, I spot a free seat next to Clare. I can see her fidgeting with her hand and waving me over expectantly, to sit beside her. Instead, I shrug my shoulders and take a seat beside Amanda. I need to keep some distance. This is my life now has become my new mantra and I should get a freakin' award for my acting skills here. I don't dare look at Clary and patiently wait for everyone to gather.

CLARY POV

"If you know the enemy and know yourself,

you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.

If you know yourself but not the enemy,

for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.

If you know neither the enemy nor yourself,

you will succumb in every battle."

Sun Tzu 'The Art of War'

I suddenly realise that everyone has been staring at me. "Yes?" I've been preoccupied with reciting the Art of War in my head to calm my desire to smack that grin off Amanda's face. She's been all over him, holding his hand, kissing him and now she's sat so close to him, she may as well be sitting on his lap. What a leader indeed. What makes me even angrier is that he's acting like nothing occurred between us. There was something. Something magical. All I can think of is how he took care of me that night and how right it felt.

"Amanda asked if we had any updates on Valentine's case? We both have nothing," Jon says. That's when I realise that Jace is sitting next to me. When did he get here? What is happening with me? Focus I chastise myself.

I force myself to remain studious. "The place that burned down must have had clues for it to get burned so soon." Internally I am fuming that we got there so late. Amanda just kept planning and planning and lecturing us, until all we found were ashes. "It's unusual to have various demon species mingling like that," I add. "Also, the handcuffs, they were odd. Stronger somehow. Something no ordinary Demon could get their hands on, you know. I hear Jon asking me how I managed to escape out of them, but I ignore him before continuing. "I think we should check in with the werewolf and vampire clans to see if anyone has seen anything or heard anything suspicious. I'll check in with the vampires. I can easily get to Raphael through Simon's connection and you two can divide the other locations between you." I point and Jonathan and Jace. They need to play nice eventually.

"Absolutely not." Both of them shout in unison.

"Excuse me?"

"You can't go to the vampires alone," Jace tells me.

I turn towards Amanda. "Do you have anything against me going there? I know Simon well and it might make them more talkative without any shadowhunter testosterone around. Izzy can come with me." I wink at her. It'll give her an excuse to see her beau.

Before Jon and Jace can come up with another reason, Amanda responds, "Can you go by yourself, I actually need Izzy and Alec to visit Magnus for me. I want to build a closer relationship with the high warlock."

"I'll go with Clary." Jon says abruptly.

"That's not necessary," I hear Amanda telling him. It makes me like her, even just a little.

Thirty minutes later I'm on the doorsteps of the largest vampire clan in New York. I message Jace as promised, to let him know that I've made it and knock the heavy wooden door three times. I lied about one thing. Simon isn't meeting me here. I'm completely on my own in this. Reckless and just plain stupid. However, I want him to stop treating me like a little girl. I want him to see me capable and powerful. Amanda is the leader of the institute, so I need to show him that I can also be ruthless, in other ways.

Suddenly, the door opens with a loud creak and a little girl appears in front of me. She's wearing a very pretty, but outdated dress. Something you'd see in fashion magazines in the 20's perhaps. Creepy. "Could I speak to Raphael, please?"

"Have you got an appointment?" she squeaks.

A handsome silhouette appears in the shadows. "I thought I smelled something angelic." He waves me in and I step through before I can change my mind.

"Raphael Santiago," I smile. We tend to keep things formal around strangers.

"Clary Fairchild." I watch him kiss the bridge of my hand before inhaling me deeply. "Hmmm has anyone ever told you that you smell delicious?"

"Nope," I say and give him a smile. He only says it every time we see each other. I am about to pull my hand back when he starts studying it curiously. He pulls my sleeves up.

This takes me back to our first meeting. He approached me at the fangs bar when I went exploring the vampire hang out for the very first time. I thought I was quite inconspicuous back then, but he recognised me for Nephilim straight away. He walked towards me and introduced himself just the way he did now. He studied my arm the same way, at which I internally whimpered "Not my scars." Back when I used to self harm all the time, my scars were more visible and he could see them for what they were. "Interesting," He muttered then and studied me carefully.

"Shadowhunter," I pointed towards myself and laughed.

He continued to stare me down and said, "No. Not Shadowhunter, but a seeker of pain and adventure. You feel very deeply and don't know where to put it all. So you find release through pain. It grounds you, doesn't it? It's what they used to do in the middle ages you know. They believed that feelings manifested in blood, so they would make two incisions here and here." He stroked the inside of my left wrist and then my right. He looked up at me with a reminiscing smile. "The blood would drip out of the body, and take all pressure with it. It was like being born anew."

I think back to how this ancient vampire managed to read me in less than five seconds. I couldn't deny any of it back then, so I said nothing and he added, "Of course, now some seek out vampires to find release, it's a lot sexier and less messy." He laughed at that and gave me a knowing look that shot heat to my abdomen. I sought him out that very same night and the rest is history.

"You do smell divine." I shake away my memory. He winks at me knowingly and then continues to pull me down the corridor and I'm left pondering the words that changed my direction forever. Down a road of more pain and despair and confusion, but that's part of becoming an adult, is it not?

We get to a luxuriously decorated sitting room. Much the same opulence as his bar. He calls for Elizabeth to get us some beverages and the creepy little girl arrives with a carafe of thick red liquid and a bottle of wine and two glasses. Raphael pours the drinks, completely at ease in his surroundings.

"Simon speaks very highly of you, calls you his sparkle." He turns towards me and says, "I think of you similarly. There's something angelic about you. I feel drawn to you.

I laugh at that. 'Well Raph, I am Nephilim after all." I grin at him widely. What silly notions.

"There's more to you than meets the eye, I feel drawn to you," Rapahel tells me with a very serious look in his eyes that makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. I hope he doesn't have romantic feelings towards me? Surely not?

" Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"We are Shadowhunters, you know our beliefs are very different."

I spot his rosary beads. "You are catholic, do you?"

"I have lived many lifetimes over. I have seen evidence of God and the Devil, but no...reincarnation is even a little far fetched to me." He's silently contemplating and I let him.

"Simon on the other hand, he's a lot younger than I. I turned him, just at the turn of the 20th century, you know. He still carries hope, being a young vampire, and so he continues to have such notions." He laughs.

I perk up at that. "I thought he was a very young vampire, he told me about his sister. He made it sound like she was still alive."

Raphael loses a chuckle. "Yes, well when you live as long as we do, a year can seem as long as fifty years and so on. Our memories are very vivid and so are his memories of you."

"Excuse me?"

"Simon thinks he knows you from before. You were a human girl of course. Same look though, same beauty and demeanour. It's interesting, isn't it? How some of us move in circles and keep bumping into each other, so to speak. Or perhaps you're a reincarnated version of yourself." He looks at me knowingly.

It can't be. "He's never mentioned it before!"

"I don't think he would. Those memories are very painful to him. He grew up with Rose, his childhood friend, they were joined by the hip. Like brother and sister. One day at the age of seven she disappeared like air." He snaps his fingers to reiterate it.

"Later on, he was lucky enough to get a little sister and they were really close, even though the age difference was immense. But Rose...she never left his heart."

That's so sad.

Raphael shakes his shoulders as if to get rid of a chill. "So how can I help you today? It's not like the Clave to check in on me. I assume it's Clave business as you're at our clan's headquarters?"

"Yes, I was hoping to ask if you heard of any unusual Demon gatherings?"

"Not more than usual. I'll keep my eyes open for you though."

"...And Valentine, have you heard anything of him?"

"I can tell you that Valentine consorts with downworlders. That's all I can say."

"So you know of him?" I press and move closer to him. "Do you know what he's up to? Where is he?" I raise my voice and notice that I've pushed a little too far. We are friends of sorts, but we never discuss any downworlder business. "I'm so sorry Raph, it's just so frustrating to know that my Father is out there, doing god knows what."

"I understand." He says.

"But you won't help me?"

He's quiet for so long, so I decide it's time for me to leave. He's not going to help. I pick up my jacket and turn towards him to say goodbye. He's suddenly very close. Like in my personal space 'close'! Usually I don't mind, but he never gets this close without me pulling him in. He strokes the side of my face. "You're a vision Clary, has anyone ever told you this? Your skin is as smooth as porcelain. You smell like a bold aged wine, like wine smelled a hundred years ago. Your eyes have so much feeling and wisdom in them. I completely understand how he's driven mad by you."

"Who's driven mad?" What is he going on about? This is getting really uncomfortable and until now, he's never made me feel on edge. 'Stupid Clary, you forgot you were consorting with a vampire,' I chastise myself.

Raphael studies me carefully, as if he's contemplating an idea with a lot of consideration. " I'll give you a clue for Valentine and perhaps another one if I happen to come across more information, but I want something in return."

I swallow. Raziel, does he want sex in return?

"Not sex," he smiles. "Although, I could be tempted." He moves his thumb across my throat. "There are things far better than physical orgasms. Trust me." He then leans into me and runs his sharp teeth against the side of my throat and I involuntarily extend my neck and sigh into the sensation. "The way your blood rushes to the surface. It's a miracle," he whispers.

No sex, huh? He steps away from me and suddenly he looks very serious. "I can offer help, but I need your help in return. I would like your time. Your conversation. Once a fortnight at least. And some of your blood on each visit, as much as you are willing to part with and from whichever point, I'm open to your suggestions." He grins and adds, "There is that lovely carotid artery in your neck, I can bite your arm or I can go for the delectable vein between your legs. If you like, I'm open to making you orgasm as well."

I'm flabbergasted. Have I understood him correctly?! "I thought-" I stutter involuntarily. "Raphael, I thought you were my friend."

"Of course I am," he smiles. "Oh, I've gotten ahead of myself. Clary. Let me retract. I'm really sorry to have to ask this, but I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend. I should have probably started with that." He smiles at me like it's the most normal request in the world. I'm too stunned to speak. Raphael continues as if nothing about this request is weird. "I love your company so very much, I got excited at the prospect, you see. I need you to act, to pretend with me. I need you to attend functions with me as my formal partner, and I need you to appear to spend time with me, at least once every fortnight and I need the blood, so no one will question the foundation of our relationship. Vampires can scent such things, you know. It's unnatural for there not to be some blood sharing involved when vampires are in relationships, and I can't let anyone think me weak. There, this sounds more reasonable. I'm so sorry. It's just all day I have been giving myself headaches of how to solve the issue with this rival vampire clan that's trying to steal our territory and then there's the Clave, who are getting awfully suspicious of all things vampires. However, were I to have a beautiful shadowhunter girlfriend on my arm...it would solve all my problems. The thought occurred to me, just as I found you on my steps. Don't you see. You would be the perfect solution to all my troubles. You would be my beacon of peace. All vampires would back off, as they would see that we have the support of the Clave and the Clave would back off, as you're one of their bright rising stars. You being mine would create an illusion of peace between the species, between the Clave and the downworlders."

I'm too stunned, this is the craziest plan. I'm silent for a long while. Part of me wants to run out. This idea is ludicrous. But then I think of the advantage I will have, attending downworlder parties, getting Raph to share his intel with me. I don't mind spending time with him. I like him. And I'm strangely addicted to the blood situation anyway. Ever since that time with Jon. It helps me level my 'emotional pain'. Also, this whole thing will keep me distracted from HIM. This might be good. Above all, I'll get a lead on Val. "And you promise to give me valid leads that will lead me to my Father?"

"Yes. I promise. I have ears and eyes in many places and I can share those findings with you. Secretly of course. Not even Simon can know. And I can't promise that I'll always have news."

"What if I say no?"

Raphael closes his eyes briefly. "Please, Clary. You know that I would help you regardless. But I thought we had a friendship of sorts and I really need your help. Also, sharing any Valentine related news with you, this could seriously be life threatening so to speak. We must tread carefully."

"But what about Jace?"

Raphael chews his lip and mutters,"I suppose you could tell him, if you trust him to keep it quiet, but no one else must know. Not even your brother. Especially your brother. I need you to promise me that. I need you to act convincingly, my whole future and the future of my clan rides on this one plan, Clary."

I run through the pros and cons in my head and all I can think of, is that I want Valentine found. I want to look him in the eyes when I ask him, how he could treat his own Son like that. I want more than anything to see him punished for his crimes. The crimes against his Son most of all. "Yes. Yes, I agree to your terms."

Raphael looks pleased and I can see his fangs poking out on the edge of his mouth. What have I just agreed to?

I try to make myself sound collected when I ask, "When would you like to start?"

"Well Clary, when would you like your first piece of information?"

"Now." I say with conviction. He points me to the sofa and I sit down.

"How should we do this, I ask?" Somehow, I feel like our dynamic has changed.

"Firstly, I need to get my scent all over you. There's a party I want to attend with you tomorrow night. I'll sort the outfit for you. The scent though. We need to get as much of me on you as possible."

I nod and start pulling up my sleeve. "Can you bite me so no one will see? Last time it was a little too low."

"I'll aim high." He takes my arm with both hands and gives the surface a stroke with his thumb before leaning towards it, breathing me in and then with one quick motion, he punches through my skin. At first, I feel the pain of my skin being punctured, but it's the kind of pain I like, the releasing kind of pain that I seek from him. I sigh and lean back. A fuzzy rush starts flowing through my body. Raphael sips my blood, moaning against my skin. He has started stroking my thigh in rhythm with his suction and it's creating a heat within my belly. I want to frown and pull back, what is it with blood and sex? I suddenly feel his hand grabbing my thigh and slowly he's sliding it between my legs, stroking me. I shriek and push him off me with force. He looks at me hungrily, "I can smell your arousal, Clary. Let me. This is natural and it will help with getting the scent right." Fucking scent. Fuck him.

"It's too much at once," I tell him with force. "I didn't agree to this."

"Clary, just be free of all the restraints put on you by this society." He waves about frantically. "You're horny and I can do something about that. So let me. Let go of everything." Some of the things he says make sense. A part of me wants to give in and let go and feel free. I've been feeling so imprisoned recently. Caged in by my feelings, wants, expectations etc. I manage to shake my head more convincingly and I blush at what almost happened. Raphael leans in and grabs my cheek and says with conviction, "There's nothing shameful about what your body wants. It would have been natural and simple and most of all uncomplicated. No strings attached."

"What isn't shameful with no strings attached?" I hear a cold voice behind me. I pull my arm away from Raphael, but it's too late. Jon has seen. His form is frigid and the anger literally radiates off him in steam. Before I can utter a word, he's beside me, he takes my arm and his grip is like steel. He sees the wound Raphael's teeth have created and his grip gets even tighter. I swallow a whimper.

"I'm going to kill you motherfucker!" Jon snarls and throws himself at the vampire. But I react faster, I throw myself in front of Raphael to protect him from my brother. I didn't consider my brother's strength, and what he's capable of. I feel the impact and suddenly an agonising pain shoots through my stomach. It's the bad kind of pain. The type of pain that makes you look forward to death.

I look down at myself in horror and see a huge gaping hole where Jonathan clawed into my front. It wouldn't have been a fatal wound to a vampire, but to a Shadowhunter? I look up and see Jonathan's horrified expression at what he's done. He keeps looking between me and his hand. "Jon," I whisper. "It wasn't his fault. He was helping me." I cough out blood and collapse to the floor.

My vision keeps blurring, going from black to white. I hear Jon screaming for help. There are other voices, too.

"Use your blood Jon." Raphael

"I can't!" Jon

"I know what you are! Use it or she'll die!" Raphael

"What's happened here? Oh fuck, Clary!" Simon

"I know that Raph, but mine won't work on her. Use yours." Jon

There's silence. A sticky liquid flows into me.

"It won't take!" Someone screams

Someone else is brushing my hair. Jon. "You're going to be ok Lily. You'll see. Please. Please don't leave me Lily. I love you. I'm so sorry. It wasn't meant to be you." Something soft touches my lips. Pines and chocolate. I want to say that I love him too, but the darkness looks so inviting. I stop fighting and let myself be taken by it.


A/N: Pheeewww I'm so sorry to keep you on this cliffhanger - until next time!