Jermaine Deon Carter
June 8, 2022
On the Book
Not long after I moved into my new house, I found a mouse named Jerry living there. I didn't know how to feel or what to do about it. My cat Tom stepped up to the plate to dispose of Jerry. Although Tom definitely put in a lot of effort, he just couldn't get rid of Jerry.
After a while, I began to consider Jerry my pet as much as Tom. Even though I showered both of them with the same amount of love and affection, Tom grew insanely jealous of Jerry. As a result, their rivalry continued and intensified. I was nearing my wits' end.
One week, I ordered Tom a book called How to Catch a Mouse. He was overjoyed to receive it. I relaxed on the couch to give him the proper space and time needed to follow the book's instructions.
The book's first suggestion was to locate the mouse. Tom found Jerry near his mouse hole. When Tom tried to grab Jerry, the mouse stepped off the book and slammed Tom's nose in it.
Tom set up a mouse trap with cheese in it near the mouse hole. He tested out the snapping by touching it with a feather. Jerry came out of his hole, retrieved the cheese without triggering the trap, and returned to his hole. Irritated, Tom tested the trap again. The trap snapped as soon as he touched it again.
Tom set a snare trap around a piece of cheese. He hid behind the wall next to the hole. He was ready to pull the string and send Jerry flying near a tree outside.
Jerry snuck in and replaced the cheese with a bowl of cream. When Tom looked back at the trap, he walked up and drank the cream. Jerry activated the trap with a smug smile, sending Tom out to the tree himself.
The book's second suggestion was to play on a mouse's curiosity. Tom laughed out loud while reading the book. Jerry came out of his hole.
Tom caught Jerry by shutting the mouse inside the book. When Tom grabbed Jerry, the mouse pulled the same trick with his fists. Tom looked at Jerry's fists and was punched in the eye for his troubles.
Jerry escaped again. The book's third suggestion was to corner a mouse and pounce on it because a cornered mouse would never fight back. Tom pounced on Jerry, but Jerry did indeed fight back. He beat Tom senseless. After that, I treated Tom's wounds.
At this point, Tom stopped reading the chapters and simply skimmed the book. He used a stethoscope to listen for Jerry inside the walls. The mouse screamed into the stethoscope, which almost deafened Tom.
Tom forced a shotgun into Jerry's hole, but the barrel bent backwards and pointed straight at Tom's head. When Tom fired the gun, he shot all his scalp hair off. I bandaged his head.
Tom set a bear trap and stuck it inside Jerry's hole. Jerry walked outside from another hole behind Tom and placed the trap behind the cat. Just as Tom sat down, the trap clamped down on him. He was in so much pain, he unintentionally jumped up through the roof.
Tom pulled out a mallet to flatten Jerry. The mouse popped up out of a hole behind a framed photo of me directly above the cat. Jerry grabbed the mallet and knocked Tom unconscious.
Tom hid inside a large gift box and knocked on Jerry's wall. The mouse came out of his hole and knocked on the box. Tom remained quiet. Getting no response, Jerry stuck a plenitude of pins into the box before sawing it in half. Still not hearing anything, Jerry looked inside the box. He gasped and gulped.
Jerry gestured for me to come look inside the box. I had the exact same reaction he did. I also almost puked. I quickly treated Tom's many severe injuries. He was now, more or less, covered in bandages from head to toe.
The book's fourth suggestion was to lure a mouse out with a member of its opposite gender. Tom wound up a female mouse toy. Jerry was barely fooled but went along with it just to mess with Tom.
Jerry walked with the toy, which said "Come up and see me some time" on repeat. Tom tried to lure Jerry into a mouse-sized "hotel," the door of which led into the cat's open mouth. Jerry ushered the toy in first, which Tom swallowed. The cat repeatedly hiccupped, with the toy saying its line with every hiccup. Jerry giggled and laughed at Tom.
Tom looked at his ruined teeth in a mirror. Enraged, he broke the mirror and tore the book to pieces. He crammed many explosives into Jerry's hole. When Tom lit and blew on the fuse, half the house was blown up.
Tom was covered in ash and soot. Jerry and his hole remained intact. Tom passed out from exhaustion not long afterwards. I let him rest on the couch with me.
