Genshin Impact belongs to Hoyoverse

Trigger warning - character death, violence, mention of suicide, mention of rape


"You know, I was happy you took their offer."

I stopped writing the letter addressed to the Order and stared at him.

'Sometimes as blank as a dead fish' I hear from some of the servants a long time ago when they describe how I look when they thought I wasn't listening. I didn't bother. They got assigned on cleaning the stables after hunting season, though.

But a glimpse on his lone eye told me that he noticed my surprise. And he continued,

"You've started to go outside your cave again. Talked with other people again. I thought you were already healing. And I'm happy."

I looked at my right arm and felt its strange weight that I had not noticed in a long time. Almost felt like it was the same again. But him talking about the state of affairs some time ago made me feel the absence of the original appendage.

As well as her absence.

Memories of her weight. When her squire and I carried her body away from the carnage that night.

"But you still have that dark cloud hanging above you. And it will keep you chained."

I gave him a look that said

"I know, I know, I don't have the right to tell you that," he raised his hands in surrender.

"But listen," he faced away and looked at the old family portraits sitting atop the hearth. "Just talk it out. If you want to curse me to the abyss while doing it you have all the right in the world. Just don't cork it down."

"I don't have anything to say to you," I retorted, pushing the door of what I feel down and shutting those memories off.

He turned around, facing me. "Doesn't even have to be me."

"Is this the new healing method of the Church?"

"...yeah. I know you'll figure it out. Took a book from the fellows in the Inazuman Civil War," he said while scratching his nape. "They talked about their experiences in the previous war. Licked each other's wounds. And it worked. So.."

I went back on writing the letter. The faster I get this done, the faster he'll go away.

He looked for a few seconds longer, expecting a response but I continued on my work. Sighing in defeat, he turned his back on me and set his eye at the portraits once again.

I sighed internally and an insect named 'guilt' bit me and made me scratch an itch.


A few moons ago, when those days were just about breathing, eating and shitting, he brought a client who introduced themselves as from Fontaine. Said they were interested in doing some business in Mondstadt.

"Why?" I asked with eyes more dead than what those servants described.

His escorts brought out a box with an emblem I recognized. A small group based on Fontaine. Not as ambitious as the one in Snezhnaya but still has greedy hands under the shade.

"Mora from an organization of spooks?" I asked

"We are a collective of researchers and inventors." He clapped his hands with a fake smile. "With some side jobs that you seem to be familiar of." His tone filled with a fake glee.

My eyes sharpened and my lone arm tensed. But I saw the idiot with his composure as loose as the wind looked at my direction and gestured me to at least hear him out.

I clicked my tongue in irritation and gestured the guests to resume.

The foreigner unlatched the crate and inside was something I did not expect to see when I entertained the idea of letting them inside the mansion.

Inside was some sort of a lengthy contraption ending with what looks like a hand. A human sized right hand, specifically.

"One of the prototypes we had developed from the remains of ancient machinery. Our 'spooks' who specialized in the human anatomy had made it in a way that can connect it to the nerves of an amputated person," he explained while subtly glancing at the missing arm on my right side.

"For what?"

With eyes that tried to hide its surprise he asked, "It is my understanding that you are in need of something that looks absent in your be-"

"And so?"

I didn't see the need to tell them that it didn't matter anymore. The city was razed in one night. I was there to witness it. To witness its fall.

To witness her death.

The short second when I saw her eyes still filled with resolve when she was lying on the ground.

That moment... was when I already lost all.

Father, (that idiot), the city, then her.

Dormant flames buried within started to erupt.

I saw a look of disappointment and defeat in the face of the foreigner as I sat still as a statue.

I thought he would show a similar face when I saw him in the corner of my eye but he looked strange and different from what I expected. His hair was covering his one eye but I can recognize that slouch.

I thought I saw sadness.

The leader of the group gave a short curtsy before they went on their way out when it seemed like there was not any deal happening soon.

Memories of that night came rushing back.

A burning city. Scattered bodies. Frozen bodies. Her lying on the ground. My arm pinned on a wall.

Grunts of pain on trying to pull out the broken sword by the hilt. My non-dominant hand struggling to even hold the weapon. Bleeding out the last of my blood. Was there even a point?

Doesn't matter how a knight's death should be.

I failed protecting the city.

The sounds of machinery going over and over. Arms of iron hitting something. I looked at the direction of the enemy and saw the squire getting beaten to death while being held up high. I croaked and coughed blood as I tried to raise my voice, to call out to finish his business with me and let her go. I saw a small trinket falling from her regalia that shattered in pieces in an oddly familiar way when it hit the ground. It was a short lived distraction from the things happening in front of me though. What I saw next was that destitute face of the enemy.

A blank malicious face that showed delight.

I felt enraged once more. The Vision flared as I tried pulling the sword again with my left hand while I push myself away from the wall. I felt every piece of my muscles getting torn on my attempt. Every fiber getting cut in what felt like hours.

I ran out of patience and saw a hatchet used on chopping woodstock from the mess of the stall I got thrown to. I reached for it and when I held it before me I asked again.

Was there even a point?

That squire was most probably dead by now. That shistain was just enjoying beating the dead.

But then I saw her hand still holding strong on the broken blade that was stuck in one of the eyes of the enemy machine.

The sight made me hold the grip on the axe tightly as well. Exhaled hard, raised the blade and brought it down.


I saw a goddess that day.
A goddess of gold and blood.
When she came down, I held her.
I shielded her from the rain with my arm.
I saw her tears and wanted to wipe it away.
Alas, the other arm is gone and I can only watch.


They needed a recommendation from someone in my position to open up a path to see and study the remains of the enemy machines that came that day. They were following that specific Abyss Mage because of his creations. Even knew the demon's name, that greedy bunch. The prothese, as they call it, was a payment for my signed recommendation.

For not having my right arm in almost half a year, the contraption felt heavy. The operation of connecting the nerves was not pleasant but after rehabilitation, the feeling of the absent limb was gone.

In the following weeks I had to do my part as a Noble in coordinating with the Order on trying to keep the city together and getting it back on its feet.

That meant I had to face that person again who came back after the Night happened. The expedition group of the Order's Grandmaster came rushing back when they heard the news.

A huge funeral for the lost knights and civilians was held once the city started to become more stable. The weather was fair that day (probably made to be one by that drunk god) but the atmosphere the people emitted was not.

The mass was held by her sister, the deaconess. She stood in front of the grieving people with a soothing voice.

She was strong.

From time to time, her emotions attempt to betray her. I notice her biting her lower lip and gripping her garments tightly to probably ignore whatever pain she's holding but she powered through and delivered the final rites for the missed as proper as she tried to be.

After the event, I saw the usually drunk bard performing for the people. He came to me when He was done and oddly enough, He was as sober as the sun.

"It's not because you stopped tending at the bar," weakly laughing while scratching the back of His head.

"The Three of Us met last time. That Night. And We saw how vulnerable the countries are against the Abyss. You can say that this is just Me trying to be more active on protecting and interacting with the people."

"By singing?"

"By giving hope. By being hope."

I looked away and saw the tents, the scaffoldings. The bones of the city being rebuilt.

Sometimes I forget that He is a god.

"The Traveler's and her companion were the only ones they never found."

The sudden statement brought me back to the conversation. Scenarios playing fast in my head. Questions I needed to ask.

"I didn't even think that she was also...but didn't they open the Statue that time?"

"When the fellas from Liyue and Inazuma came and helped Me clean up the Lair, We flew with our flying friend right away to the valley. We never saw the Traveler, We just felt that the Statues had reactivated."

He looked towards the clouds and the sky grew dimmer for a moment. "No traces of her were found, never heard of, even with the best ones who look for missing people out there. Even in the other countries"

The Traveller was strong. I heard that she faced the Inazuman Archon head to head back then. For her to just disappear like that, what on earth could have possibly made her gone? A new Abyssal weapon? An enemy that can remove one's existence?

I got filled in with more inquiries when the bard went on His duties as I walked and rode the carriage back home.

As I ponder in my thoughts, I peeked at the window by habit and looked for the spot where Jean's squire has always trained in the morn. When I got conscious of what I was trying to do, I realized that she has always trained by sunrise. I don't expect to see her on the way back.


The itch was scratched.

I sighed deeply.
I looked at him and spoke,
"..thanks."

The idiot was looking at me, eye wide, mouth almost gaping open.

"I mean, of course, it's no problem," he said after clearing his throat.

I went back on my tasks. Remembering that squire, I began, "How are the recruitment of the Knights going?"

"Ah, so the news came out a bit quicker than what I wanted."

She was already knighted? A bit of good news today, at least. His expression was a bit different though.

Seeing my puzzled face, he gave a confused look as well and explained, "You probably know the shortage of staff we had and more after the Night."

I nodded in understanding, stopped writing and waited.

He swallowed nervously. "Two weeks ago we had a little program to recruit people other than the usual sources. We planned on getting more trainees from outside the city. From the outliers."

What he meant was

"You tried getting criminals in the Order?" My feelings of gratitude earlier starting to wane out.

"We filtered down the process, believe me. They were so-so at best." He's trying to avoid getting directly to the topic obviously, but I stared daggers, urging him to continue.

"There were no mishaps in training and no issues with the trainees before them. Although some were still irked on being classmates with thieves."

And hopefully no murderers, I thought. I'm still tensed up for some reason because I feel like there's still more to what he's saying.

With that, he said while still trying to look for words, "But then, one night, after a bit of drinking at Angel's Share, one of the trainees got killed..

..by another trainee."

My right arm whirred a different sound. The ones who gave it to me said that the special construction of the arm can funnel the energy the Vision provides. Red hues and streaks adorn the metallic arm as my temper rose. I stood from my seat and held the table to steady myself and my emotions.

"Adopting a snake and expecting it not to bite you is beyond mad, you know that!"

"It was the snake that got killed."

That caught me off guard.

"...explain. Now."

He straightened up, with voice as if he's reporting to his superior. "The recruit from the outliers was killed by one our tenured trainees after an attempt on what seemed like an act of degeneracy on said trainee. By the casualty."

An attempted violation on a tenured trainee?

That can't be her right? She should already be a knight right now, right?

I was afraid to open my mouth but the anger helped me press on.

"..who?"

"You were already acquainted with the trainee, Diluc. You fought together in the Night."

I don't know where to put it on. That snake could have been the perfect target for what I'm feeling. But for now, my arm settled on pulverizing the vintage birch table.

My anger still simmering, I remembered how it didn't go well for us when I lost control on that Night.

The whirring sound stopped. Only the ticking of the clock and sounds of breathing have pervaded in the room.

"Tell me you already stopped that foolish project of yours."

"We did right after the incident."

"..what happened. To her?"


"Elzer, you may want to prepare another quarter for a guest."
"Oh, you're staying the night, Master Kaeya?"
"No, not me. If he's like fath..if he's like his father, then it would do good to get that bedding ready!"


"Carriage!"

The sudden call had driven the staff to a bit of panic as the master getting a carriage on a quiet day like this one is very unusual. The master was known to be quiet man so hearing him shout like this was very alarming. Some of them are residents of Mondstadt who were still healing from the tragedy that befell that day.

"Too slow! Get me Caladrius!"

A mighty white steed was brought out and saddled as quickly as possible with the master helping.

Red hair flying in the wind, he rode towards Mondstadt while remembering what the Cavalry captain said.


"Noelle is not okay. We noticed she stopped speaking days after the cleanup. She never said anything and just gestured on things she usually do. We sort of got the rhythm of our little communication and kept training as always."

That was almost a year ago. Fangs bared, "Jean gave her the test that day. She succeeded. Why is she still not knighted!?" I unconsciously spoke a bit stronger than what I intended.

Kaeya was looking down, more ashamed than how he looked when he admitted they tried to recruit thieves in the Order.

"...Grandmaster Varka told us not to disclose what exactly happened that night. Publicly, Jean, some knights and you defeated the invaders."

"The one who plunged that broken sword to the face of the demon that night was her! Jean's squire!"

Eye closed. "'And we cannot tell that to people who will probably lose their trust on the Order. Fully pledged knights. Those well dressed pigs will make use of this to incite disunity and try to get back in power'. His words."

"Then why not just make it that she was already a damned knight when she killed that shit eater?!"

Still looking away. "She is pretty known by everyone in Mondstadt. Known to be a trainee and a repeater by some as well. You could have been a great witness."

He minutely peeked, "But you're already outside the Order."

I covered my face in frustration and did my best not to scream.

"The Wolf's Gravestone. Your sword. It has the ability to empower the swordsman when it smells blood," he said while looking at the broken blades in display at the wall. "Those Ruin Guards may not have flesh but the sword feels it when it's near death. Lisa, Albedo and an Astrology consultant concluded that when the sword broke, that ability influenced Noelle in some way when her constellation activated."

The gem that broke to pieces when she was getting pummeled, I remembered.

"Nobody would think that Noelle will kill someone. Even if..but I was there. In the scene. Her garments looked like someone tried to force it off her. But at her feet was one of the new recruits who got drunk. Ribcage split open, blood gushing like a fountain. I thought that was already horrifying.

But I saw her laughing in joy.

I saw her laughing for the first time in a year, Diluc.

The day after the investigation, she went to me. In her old maid uniform and surrendered her sword, crest, armor and a letter of her departure from training."


I rode to the city looking for something I am not sure what is.

What am I going to accomplish by going inside the headquarters?
What am I going to accomplish by asking for the head maid?
What am I going to accomplish by asking for her whereabouts?

I went to Cider Lake and around the shore, trying to look for her. I was told she volunteered on taking the laundry today even if it was supposed to be her free day and should be enjoying the weekend.

Her usual stubbornness and being a hardworking nut, the head maid presumed.

I saw baskets of clothes, some rope and a selection of rocks in the far side of the lake but she was nowhere to be found.

I tried spotting her in the clotheslines that were set up in the nearby elevation to no avail.

Caladrius galloped over the rocky hills and we settled near the sands.

I dismounted and just stood there, waiting for something that I am not sure what is.

I saw the clothes of the knights in the baskets and remembered the old days. I chuckled a bit thinking that the city's savior was also cleaning up the dirt and grime in the undergarments of its supposed protectors.

Strangely enough, there was also a maid uniform folded neatly by the side of a basket, hidden to obscurity if you don't know that the knights and servants had different laundry schedules back then. Did they change the system somehow?

I did a double take on the uniform and the rest of the pile. It was alone.

I tried to look for something, anything.

I saw foot prints heading towards the edge of the shore into the waters. I thought the materials that were scattered near the baskets were for the clotheslines.

Realizing the situation, I quicky divested my coat and boots. Panic surging in as I ran and dove to the waters.

The light from the sun was helping me navigate as I go deeper. Cider Lake goes a long way down. It took some time for me to get to the bottom as I search for her.

When I finally found the rocky bottom of the lake, I saw her facing up- hands and feet with rocks tied to keep her down. I cannot discern her expression or if she was still alive. But I hurried and reached for her.

I tried carrying her, rocks and all but our combined weight was too heavy for me to carry all the way back to the surface. I have not brought any weapons and my Vision will not work in this type of environment.

I realized that I have metal arm. I got so accustomed into having a normal limb that I forgot I can club something with this. I started hammering the rocks. Doesn't matter if I don't break them completely, just chip some away and let the tied ropes loose. I started on the biggest rock I surmised.

Every impact was slow. No matter how I hurry to drag my arm, the water refused to make things any easier. Bit by bit, parts of the rock broke away, clouds of tiny stones diffusing in the blue. Next one.

As soon as I got the ropes loose, I quickly held her with my right arm and swam back up as fast as I could.

The swim back felt like days. The sun bewitching with its light, saying that we're almost there even if I know that we are not.

When we beached, I walked on my knees and checked her pulse which was still there but weak. She's not breathing though.

I tried blowing air into her, trying to keep her in the land of the living.

A couple of attempts done and she started coughing out.

Her eyes opened red from being underwater for so long.

I sat down exhausted, taking a look at the dimming sky. Dark clouds hanging above the city. Reminiscent of that night.

She stopped coughing. I would have helped her take a sitting position but she did it herself. She looked at me and gave a questioning look.

She attempted to say something but her voice was took weak. The movements in her mouth too small to read her lips. But I recognize those eyes.

Same eyes I saw reflected in the glass window when I looked at the Fontaine group heading out the manor when I rejected their offer.

Asking the question why.

I never had the clear answer why I chose to ran that day. The sudden movement stressing my sleeping knees. Almost crashing to the servants I bumped to on my way out the doors of my prison.

I focused all my energy on my throat to hark them back. But for some reason, I can't.

We can still have the idiot call them back tomorrow right? They wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon so we can just skip today and do everything the next day, right?

The burning silhouette of the city manifested and pinned me on that wall back again.

Fist closed, teeth gnashing.

I remembered gold and blood.

I felt the handle of the hatchet on my palm again. Brought it up and slammed it down.

Rain fell.

Is this some preference of that bard to be that theatric (He is a bard after all)? Or did he have the slightest idea of delaying the laundry for today? No matter, it would have been far too late anyway.

It was a similar scene.

She was curled up naked as a child in the rain with me trying to cover her with my coat against the cold.

I felt the weight on my right arm again. Suddenly, the similarities stopped.

I was saved that day.

I held her with my left arm and looked her in the eyes. Glass beads hiding behind the raindrops that were about to come down.

"I.."

Raising my artificial arm, I reached for her face and tried to wipe the tears but a sudden realization hit me.

She got cursed by my sword.
Her knighthood was missed because I was already separated from the Order.
She almost got unmendable scars in addition to her existing ones because some scum bucket got drunk from my bar.

The proximity made me more wary.

Do I even have the right?!

"why?"

Her voice was still weak but clearer. Probably the first word she let out since the incident.

Heavens, the audacity of even being near her.

My brain wracked for answers. Searching for something I am not even sure what is.

"..I.."

She looked towards the direction of the lake again and weakly stood up to leave.

The coat fell off. And I can only watch her turn her back and head towards the waters.

The nerves on my stump reminded me that the similarities had long stopped.

My right hand shot quickly and held hers fast. With her incredible strength, she can probably dismantle my mechanical arm with ease but she stopped moving.

Like those days. She was probably waiting for something too. For someone to save her. To tend to those scars.

I may have had a hand on giving you some of those. But please, let me save you from this nightmare.

How impudent.

I don't give a damn.

Just don't go.

...by being hope.

Stay here.

Be my light.

Because

"..I need you."

I unwittingly let out my thoughts and cursed myself for being so weak.

Is weakness even bad though? I can hear the voice of the Traveler.

She remained motionless with her head down. I noticed her hair was longer than before.

We remained like that even when the rain had stopped. The sun was already sitting right above mountains. The floating island looming in the purple sky.

We observed the celestial body on its way to its slumber, flesh and metal hands still locked.