— ...How do I feel, Zidane? You want to know how do I feel? Ask again, you monster. I dare you.

There's something about anger. Yes, something in it... everyone who's around an angry person feels this, uh, how do I describe it? It's like the earth is shaking around. You are unable to move, take a step further, or even talk. It's hard to breathe at this height, so far away from the earth and its wonders. Clouds can be wonderful, except when they hide something. My dear friend lived her whole life in a land of clouds, rain and grief, well... you can cry on sunny days as well.

But she doesn't. Not even once. What's holding you back, Freya? Does showing any sign of emotion isn't allowed in public? Nothing against, but why insist? There's no public. No one to judge you.


— ...I told you to leave me alone, Vivi. You have nothing to do with any of this. Never had. Why haven't you killed anyone, you ask? I wonder...

When Lady Freya begins to talk peacefully, I know how bad things are. The indifference on her face, gray like statue. Nobody can be that calm, not after what happened. Puck... he was my friend. A Prince too. He never told me, there are so many things I haven't told him. Was Puck there, in the middle of the flames? My flames?... no, that wasn't my doing. I never burned a treehouse, or any kids. I would never. Maybe I don't remember doing anything like. Or maybe I never did. No, I would never. If I hurt, I am hurt too. Why it hurts? Don't know. I wish I knew. I wish someone else knew. Zidane? Freya? Nobody? I tried. I am trying. What else can I do? Don't know. Why do I want to know? It ain't my fault, isn't it? Because they were like me. The Black Mages. They did things that I refuse to.

Why do I refuse to kill? It's bad, you see. It makes them sad. Freya is sad, is she? Maybe. I never cried, I wear a hat, I have a shadow for a face... No, it doesn't matter. I might be like her, but I am not. I tried.


— so unfair... People like you, with superpowers... should not be fighting against common, ordinary people. It's so unfair... You're worse than I ever was...

To hear this coming out an animal born with claws.

To hear him call a Black Mage by person, too.

Lightning comes out my sword. Thunder and rain falls from the skies. Invading homes to pour some fire ain't my style. Anyway, these dolls do nothing but follow a single order: Kill. I wonder what makes me any different from them. Do I feel guilty? A bit. Maybe I don't care at all, just pretending to. I never felt for my enemies. I don't even hate these people. Why kill, if I don't relate to? Because it's easy this way. It didn't take that much of effort to make them fall on your knees. Is that what you've wanted? Are you happy now? Nobody is. I thought all rats could jump higher than a wall. Seeing many of them below piles and piles of debris... could you even tell who's an adult from child by the tip of the tail?

No, Beatrix. You can't. You see no difference at all. Why can't you see? Are you here to prove that there are giants walking around Gaia, by stepping on its ants? It's what you've been ordered too, isn't it? When you could've been doing so much more. There was no need to bring these houses down, but you said nothing. No need for hunting every living being in this rainy labyrinth, as you stood quiet. No need for bringing these Black Mages to do the work, and again you stood quiet. Quiet like a good, obedient and well educated soldier you are. No need to raise any words.

A soldier that raises of a single sword, while these lifeless dolls raise of a single word in a chorus: Kill.


— ...Kill.

— Freya? – she is tired of watching the clouds, so I am. I have no questions in mind, despite asking for her name. It's so silly, because I do have a lot of questions, like – how are you?

— How I am, Zidane? I am fine, thanks – I do not feel a monster at all. As for Freya, I wonder if she feels. More than I could ever do. And she's back to silence. It's same that happened as we came across the gates of the burmecian palace. Almost same, if you could say we are standing above ruins. Above the whole world, and there's no difference at all. It's hard to breathe here and down there – I feel fine, if that's what you wanted to hear.

— You don't seem sure enough – I don't want to be an inconsiderate again, but how hard it is. It's like anything I say sounds bad, or makes her feel worse.

— I am fine. I really am. Now, if you don't mind, why don't you go away? Come on. Leave me alone, you... you brat – these words... I heard them before. I still remember the first time I met Freya. I stole something out her pockets, don't know what. If a few coins, or a collar, some object of value. I am a thief since kid, but if there's a thing I could not ever hold in those little sneaky hands...

An object can have a plenty of life. A comb that took away your lices, a button ripped out of someone's shirt, a ribbon... Yes, I took away that orange ribbon, without knowing what it meant. To this day, I don't know what. If a gift from mother to daughter, father to son, boyfriend to girlfriend, I am stuck with my own guesses.

— Zidane... They are dead, aren't they? – and Freya, well... she has no doubts – Puck, his father, Reverend Kildea, the survivors that fled from Burmecia, the cleyran maids, Sir Fratley... All dead. And I... I couldn't care less. If I really cared, I could have brought some people to this airship. Why haven't I? They would be safe. I'd knew they'd be safe. Rats... that's why they didn't cared at all. They only saw rats. So did I. Rats on a sinking ship. What about Sir Fratley? I haven't saw him in years. Years! Guess I don't need to explain. I thought he was dead, now I can confirm.

— This isn't doing you any good, Freya – it's hard to see anything below that helmet, other than the grit of teeth.

— No good... Maybe I left Fratley to die out there for revenge. To feel good with myself. The way he treated me... 'Oh, sorry, I can't remember you'. Five years walking around these lands only to hear that. To be mistreated like that. Poor Fratley... he truly forgot who he was. He would never do this to me. Like, I don't even know what happened, for him to act that way. Not that it matters now. If you knew the amazing person he was, Zidane.

— You don't need to be amazing to save people. You don't need a reason to – gosh. She's opening herself, and you say these things. I must be careful, because either my words have no effect, or Freya is opening her wounds as well.

— No reason... there was no reason for Fratley to have appeared out of nowhere. Even when he did, nothing changed. No reason for Beatrix and her army to have came in slashing everything and everyone raising empty hands, for Odin to be summoned and turn the skies and earth red. Many people died... all for a miserable little stone! Or, like I said, for no reason.

Nobody comes in, not even after that shout. No soldier, no beast, nothing at the airship's deck. It ain't safe to stay here, but it's more safe than every place we've been.

– Oh, Zidane... I can't stop thinking... about how I could have prevented it all.

— I understand.

— I don't. I don't understand anything.


I have nothing to understand.

It's just chaotic and out of control. It's what happens when you bring war to the cities. Pitchforks for javelins, stones for boulders, slingshots aimed by... kids. They live in the cities. So do the rats. These rats built their own cities, to protect their own children. No, rats devour children, I've been getting rid of fathers. Such dedicated fathers that went on my way. Little they had to do with this. The little ones look at me, do not throw stones. I give them time to run away, but they refuse to. I'd refuse anything a stranger says or does too. A stranger who hangs the life of many by the tip of the sword. I don't want to be here, honest. I have been ordered to.

Always following orders, just so you have someone else to blame in your place. Covering an only eye with an bandanna to say you're blind that you only follow one view, except your heart's own. A heart? Nothing I've been doing can count as a victory for the heart. I listen to someone else's voice, calling, in middle of a choir of yells in agony. So many yells... how can you ignore these? It's like my sword is made of magnet, and everyone's skin is made of iron. I have no control, there's no need of in this chaos. How many years, centuries it took for these walls to have been built? For these bricks to be glued without cement? Isn't it impressive? For what these people see as their guardian angelS be taken down by a single pull?

The Dragoon Knights... I've seem a few of them around. They weren't easy to beat over, so did their statues. As it seems, they stand on same level as I. Finally, a challenge worth a while for the greatest knight of Alexandria!... A worth challenge? Is that what you were awaiting for? Someone who stares at me with no fear in eyes. A land of so many children, eggs that one day will hatch into Dragoons. I've fought against one Dragoon. Her name was Freya Crescent. There was no fear in her eyes, as much as disappointment came to mine. She just came in, right as I was about to cut another unknown soldier, and said 'leave it to me'. She even brought some friends that little added something to our fight. Mere insects. At least, I felt something, other than regret.

It's what I've been awaiting for. And look, we've met each other again at Cleyra. Like before, I win. And as before, I refused to... kill? Why? Toying with lifes ain't your style. No, you just had to fight anyone who came across your way, like on training. Have no mercy, fight with honor... can you even do both? It's what I've been asking to myself. The cleyrans had no weapons, a knight doesn't fight someone without a weapon, but they had claws, sharp claws. They refused to use their claws, while you, well... I must be an animal. Worse than a rat.

Now you understand.


— Is Lady Freya okay? — Vivi came in and asked to me.

— If Freya's okay? Tell me, hw much okay could you have been after you found out everyone you loved and cared about is dead? – maybe I was a little bit harsh – ...oh, sorry. But really, how would you feel?

— Is she okay?

— I don't know, buddy. I really don't – Freya is totally out of it. Like she's been hit by a train, or something. It doesn't hurt asking – Vivi asked if you are okay.

— ...That huge sandstorm – she looked at me and said it, very random. But, there's something in her eyes... I can see them, out the dark – how beautiful it was, don't you think?

— Yes. beautiful.

— You know, the dream of every kid at home was to see the sun. I envy the cleyrans, who could just see the sun if they looked up. Now I have no one else to feel envy at. You can't say you're alive, and expect the dead to feel any kind of jealousy for you. The dead know peace, after all – are those tears? If so, why am I surprised? I shouldn't be, for something so natural, so human – there's no conflict, no feel, no will... I don't want to die, only cowards ask to die. I'm not a coward, Zidane. Am I?

— You are not.

— Those alexandrians... a bunch of cowards promoting extinction to themselves and anyone on the way. Yeah, extinction. Call it war, conflict, battle, any name... it doesn't matter. It ain't enough to describe what we've saw. So stupid. I remember when I heard stories as a kid, about warriors who fought with honor, pride, and commitment. Stories that made me what I am today, but now, I see none of it. Lindblum said that they would send reinforcements. Were are they? Did they lied as well? Not that Burmecia ever needed help, but... oh, who am I fooling? We don't even have a flag, what about a nation for our own?

...No words.

No reaction as well. I've been talking to a cicada shrunk on its own shell.

Better leave Freya on her own. I already did what I could. Maybe I should have done more. Yeah. I feel that, too. Useless? Kinda. Looking at the bright side... I can't. Not even the sun is here to make the day any clear. It's as if even the clouds are sad. The snow that falls doesn't belong to any winter. It ain't snow if it belongs to those huge flames. How did it came up there? Was it the wind? That little bit of ash could had been someone I knew. Even if I didn't, I didn't had the right to leave Cleyra. Sure, it was a desperate move, I can't go back and refuse that. I can only wish I could have done something better, but wishes can only be fulfilled at present.

I hate myself, but not as much as Freya.


Death doesn't make sense at all.

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death, they say.

I wish my enemy had a face so I could punch at.

Punches... do these have any use now? You can't even hold this spear without feeling its weight. You can't get up without feeling the weight of guilt. I've always been the reckless type at academy. Yes, the lost years of my life...

— ...Think you're big enough, huh? Well, even if you thought you were twice better than you think you are, pumpkin... truth is, you're still an idiot. Want to know why, Crescent? Because you think the game's only about fight. But it's only half of it. There's another side of yours, the one that takes high scores at academy, the one that's kind and gentle and nice and caring to everyone... it's as important as the fighter's one. The fist one. Forget this, and you're all screwed.

What a good lesson, Fratley.

Looking back, he wasn't an amazing person at all. Mind counting how many times he tried to kill you? I do, followed of the only time I ever loved him. It just happened. To be a Dragoon wasn't only about fighting, but the life outside training. Five years, how long I've been keeping the fists in my pockets, and a heart inside the chest. My heart is broken. My home is in ruins, like the rest. I don't even have to talk about the musician... or what was left of his work. In a kingdom of millions, one might happen to be a genius. I've found a violin, musical notes, together of its author, in a fetal position, holding of a chord... the violin chord, his musical notes burnt.

You haven't only killed people, Beatrix. No, you and your army did more than killing people. You've took away the chance of someone on its way to immortality. I wish I knew it's name. I knew Fratley, but I don't want to call out for his name in vain. He would never accept, it would be against his principles. Principles, huh? Do they matter? Does it matter to talk when your throat has been cut? And Lindblum? The Regent... he promised he would send reinforcements. He lied. It all happened so quick. Fratley, he promised he would come back, didn't lied like the rest, but still found a way to hurt me. Now, did something changed in me? Zidaned noticed back then, but I didn't cared.

I see no other change, other than in the air. I hear and smell better than anyone, but sometimes, I wish I couldn't smell water. It's what I've been doing all these years, listening to the water falling down, the scent of every morning by the window, water running down the ceiling and my skin. Now, there's only blood red as wine. And something addicting in violence. Without a kind of violence, how are we supposed to live with each other, and ourselves? I ask to no one else, only to myself. Anything you say sounds like a threat. Anything the dead say can be heard by those pointy, devilish ears.


This place looks like a morgue.

How fitting, considering how I feel.

It's an awful job, father. I hate it, mother. And I did it all for you. I wanted to play with the other children, but you... you never let me go. "Study hard in all chances you had been given"... "be a nurse or a tailor"... "be someone important, Beatrix"... "be better than I was"... "you are the best, nobody else"... "yes, the best, for a girl"... "study, study, study, study, STUDY"... Please, why can't you leave me alone? Geez, you two never gave me a break. Well, don't you see? You do what your father and mother told you. Do what Queen Brahne told you to. Even the men, the ones below and above you, tell you the right and wrong. As for I... I just obey. With me, everything is in charge of someone else. That way, I always have someone to put the blame at, except myself. At the very bottom of your guts, you know that I'll never be what you intend to, because if you were, there would be nobody bigger enough to pat your head.

And you'd hate if someone did it so, would you?


Thunder.

How invitating. Love, tangible and pervasive as the falling rain, is nowhere to be seen.

— ...Beatrix! You have lied and cheated. Murdered and humiliated those close of me. Now it's time for reckoning-Show yourself at once! These soldiers below my feet are nothing but a distraction. Stop hiding, are you afraid of what!? Nothing can scare a person who fought a hundred knights single handed. Or, can it? Of course not. You have no heart. Your sense of justice is rotten. Your morals are disgusting. You heard me? YOU HEARD ME!?

The echoes in each wall reflect anything I've said back to me. I hate you so much, Beatrix. You make me hate my own being. Okay... Zidane said something about Garnet being in danger. That they will kill his precious Garnet. Brahne. Her own mother, behind it all. A mother about to kill its daughter. I could put all the blame on Brahne as well. Enough food for that fat lady. Garnet had Eidolons extracted out of her. Eidolons... They take shapes of Gods, but no such God can be holded by someone's hand. Fake Gods, which have brought many real deaths. I know what a single Eidolon can do. I've seen Odin crashing against that trunk full of apples and living people once again. It's like I've seen this picture a hundred times in my head.

I wish I could stop thinking. I've had enough thoughts. I can't afford to think, just react. Must let myself become an animal. Only an animal to kill another. This time, I let Beatrix win, I let myself fall on her knees. Let her say nonsense... ''I forgive you all?'' She said, about my people. You... FORGIVE? And everyone else, Zidane, Vivi, Steiner, they just... nothing. They do nothing. I won't do anything as well. I'll make her think that I won't.


...Ouch! My head.

It's what happens when you come across a huge Bandersnatch, Steiner. The Queen likes these creatures, they're better than guards I'd say. I don't have the right to say anything, other than what the Queen says. Kill Garnet? I couldn't believe that. Only when the Princess got in danger that I dare to say anything. What do I have to say? Well... My head is spinning. I've been threw against a wall. Not the worse I've been throught, just anything and my body can take care of. When it comes to scars in the mind, uh... I have no idea. It's hard to sew anything you can't see, or have idea where it is. I don't know where I am... at the catacombs? Somewhere dark like one. Is this the place where they brought the Princess to... I can't believe Brahne just ordered to kill her own precious daughter.

What holds me of spitting at that blue face? Is it because I've lived enough to know my Majesty used to be kind? Guess people change over time. Look at me, I'm following orders of someone who ordered many to be killed, and I only question it because Garnet's life was at risk. How many kids do not wish to be like a princess nowadays? And how many boys do not want to be knights, on other hand? I see two women, two knights disposing of a huge Bandersnatch, the one I couldn't on my own. So, finished the job, they look at each other for what it seems to be an eternity. Strange... Freya's eyes are cold. Not even Beatrix can handle staring at them. I swear, honest, that I heard Freya say something like 'we need to talk'. Must be a joke, because right after, she punched Beatrix, right in the face.

''We need to talk'', sure you do, with kicks in each's stomaches. One of Freya's arms is numb, Bea must have hit it hard. This time, they don't rely on swords or javelins, no, they just throw punches and kicks and... ouch! That hurted even in me. Freya scratches a bit of skin with her claws. So sharp I could see sparkles upon Beatrix's armor. Don't know why this is happening all of sudden, before I hear them talk, barely. I think it was Freya who said something about justice, about how a man kills and needs to be judged. Beatrix asks which kind of justice the burmecian is coming up with. When the ignorance isn't yours you dare to question it, right? I didn't understood. Maybe there's nothing to understand.

They spill out more blood than words out their mouths, and blood is honest at least. It never changes, always red, no matter if you are human or rat. Beatrix and Freya... I can see both their faces clearly, but really, there's no difference at all. The idiots. They have nothing to discuss. At the very end, they are the same person. Each one thinks they're right on their own. But can't all of them be right? Looking better, they fight more like kids. Kids, dogs... all the same. Can't control themselves. Two dogs fighting for a meal, killing each other in the process, but the meal is rotten anyway.

Freya... she wants to get rid of Beatrix before she kills again. What could prevent you from killing again? Makes sense. She also said a thing about jusice again, and the price of living in society. That, if justice is ignored, the whole of society crumbles. Weird... these ideas contradict each other, but who cares? They both have the power to hold on a mountain at their back, as well as same power of turning it to dust. I want to so something, but I can't ignore their movements. There's something special in this battle, a thing you do not see very often. I feel like I'm watching a duel of gods, but I can't ignore their faces, so human alike.

And, right as it started, it just... ended. Nobody won. I see no triumph. None of them died. Not that I wished to end like this, heck, I didn't wished for it to begin. Like I said before, they are the same person. I came to Bea's aid, and I can verify for myself. Well, maybe they aren't equal.

— Beatrix... I'll never forgive you, as much as I won't kill you. Know why? Because I'm not God – Freya said, before she left. Who knows to where? She has the whole world, and a heart to hold on.

— ...I only serve justice made by men, Freya. I'm flawed like both. I might not be on trial, but knowing there's someone judging me from above is enough – Bea said. A single forgiveness might not be enough to compensate all loss, but I know she ain't cold. It's just the armor, hiding her true person.