Note: I have written the next five chapters already, and will update as I get them edited. Thank you for reading my story!
Chapter Three: Decisions
After the dinner with Henry and Mr. Bell, Margaret asked John if they could take a walk. Oxford was a beautiful city, and the sun was just setting when they set out. The street lamps were already lit, and the serenity of the small city was a balm to Margaret's chaotic thoughts. Unlike Milton, the pace of the residents of the city was much slower. People did not seem to be in a hurry to get to their next destination.
Margaret held John's arm as they walked. John closed his eyes to commit to memory the feel of her body so near to his. He had little hope she would choose the option he presented to her, so he would savor the time he had with her. In Milton, they had never walked out together, and he had not had the pleasure of having her on his arm.
Margaret decided to ask John about Frederick, "Mr. Thornton, what do you know of my brother?"
He told Margaret what he had learned from Adam Bell the day he learned of her father's death.
"I must beg your forgiveness, Miss Hale. I should have believed you when you told me things were not as they appeared. I allowed jealousy to cloud my judgment, and I do not deserve your forgiveness."
"All is forgiven, Mr. Thornton."
"Miss Hale, would you like to talk over your options with me? I am told I am a good listener, and I can promise you have no better friend in this world than me."
Margaret was touched by his declaration, and she stopped walking. John turned to face her, and she lifted her beautiful green eyes to his.
"I know that Mr. Thornton, and I thank you for all you have done for me today. I do not think I could have gotten through the service and interment without your support."
John nodded and replied, "I was happy to be of service. Your father was a good friend to me, and I am quite saddened by his death. Besides your father, since my own father's death, I have had no friends. I have many acquaintances, but not friends, Miss Hale. I have lived a lonely life, I am afraid. The evenings I spent in your home have been some of the happiest I have ever known."
Margaret was touched by his words, "You know, you were quite the honored guest in our home. Dixon and I would bustle about to make sure the house gleamed, and you know that is quite the feat with all the dust in the air. We would wash and iron the curtains, and we would bake biscuits just for you."
Mr. Thornton was surprised to hear her words, and he wished she had not gone to such trouble for him, but he was pleased nonetheless.
John continued, "Miss Hale, you have many things to consider. When I am faced with such a task, I look at one option at a time, consider its merits and its drawbacks, then decide whether it is even a good option. Shall we do that?"
Margaret looked up to Mr. Thornton and he could see his genuine interest in helping her make this important decision reflected in his eyes. They were beautiful eyes, the deepest blue she had ever seen.
"Margaret said, "I think I need to go with Mrs. Lennox until my plans are settled. She is the kindest woman, and I have always loved her. She has treated me as a daughter for as long as I have known her. Right now, I need her wisdom and her maternal guidance. I have never been to her home in Scotland, but I know I would be able to feel at home there."
John just nodded, and he lamented how fortunate Henry Lennox was to have such an ally in his mother.
Margaret revealed something quite startling to John.
"Mrs. Lennox knows that Henry cares for me, and she also knows that I refused his hand a year ago, but she has never let that affect her relationship with me. We once spoke of it, when she was in London for the Exhibition, and she told me that if Henry and I were meant to marry, time would work it all out. She would love me anyway for just being Margaret. She is much like my own mother in her kindness and generosity."
John listened thoughtfully. Margaret had also refused Henry, and still she and Henry were on good terms. John thought about how he had wallowed in self-pity after Miss Hale refused him. Henry Lennox, clever man that he was, continued to let Margaret see his good side, and his mother did not hate the woman who had refused her son. No, instead, she loved Margaret for the remarkable woman she was. Henry had more advantage in their rivalry than John had realized.
"So, Miss Hale, after you spend time in Scotland, do you think you want to go to Greece to live or Spain?"
Margaret did not hesitate in her reply, "Spain, of course. Frederick is my brother and the last remaining member of my family. I must go to him. I love my London family dearly, but my place is with Frederick. When he was in England when Mama was….dying," Margaret had to stop and compose herself, "We spoke of Papa and I removing to Spain. I know my brother and his wife want me to come to them, so it was an easy decision for me to make."
"I would have a home with Edith and Captain Lennox in Greece as well. My cousin and I are like sisters, but she is forever trying to find me a husband. It is tedious at times because she desires me to marry Henry even though I will not marry a man I do not love. Henry and I have been friends for many years, and I appreciate that he does not pressure me. He is not selfish like that."
"After I have spent some time in Scotland, and the arrangements have been made between my brother and Mr. Bell, Dixon and I will sail to Spain. Dixon is family to me, Mr. Thornton. She delivered both Fred and I into the world. I love her dearly, impertinent as she is."
John felt his heart sink because she did not even consider his offer of staying in Milton as a guest of his mother. He thought her reasoning sound though even if it took her a world away from him.
"Miss Hale, what of my offer? You could stay at the mill house instead of going to Scotland while arrangements are made to go to Spain. You would be a guest of my mother, and I could help you settle your parents' affairs. I might add that you would honor me by being my guest as well."
Margaret did not want to hurt Mr. Thornton, but she knew that John had not had an opportunity to discuss the offer with his mother, and she was sure she would be a most unwelcome guest.
"Mr. Thornton, you are most generous, but I think we both know I would be most unwelcome in your home. You know very well how your mother feels about me. I would not want to make her uncomfortable in her own house. Even if I had married you when you offered, I doubt your mother would have accepted me then either. She is very possessive of you."
Margaret wanted to soften her response, "Mr. Thornton, I am sure you know a very different Hannah Thornton than the rest of Milton knows. She must be a good woman because she raised you to be such a wonderful man. She is the very opposite of my own mother, and I just do not see how we could get on together, even for your sake."
John felt the truth of her words, but it hurt, nonetheless. "My mother only wants my happiness, and while it is true she is overprotective, there is a softer woman beneath that hard exterior. Life has not been kind to her, and it has hardened her heart. You are right in your estimation of how she feels about you, and I would be less than truthful if I denied your words."
Margaret looked up at John as he spoke his heart.
"My mother needs to be in control of her world. You cannot know what it was like after my father died. Everyone, including our relations, turned their back on us. We had little left after the crown seized our home and belongings. My mother never wanted to feel that helpless again."
"As far as you are concerned, you are a threat to her. My mother knows how much I care for you, and what she fears is that you have replaced her as first in my affections. What my mother does not understand is that nobody can replace her as my mother, and I do not love her less because I love you. A man needs more than his mother for a companion. I honestly do not understand her feelings on the matter, and at times, I get frustrated that she treats me as a boy instead of the grown man I am."
John summoned his courage to tell Margaret what he needed to be happy. "More than anything, I wish for the woman I love to share my life. I want a family of my own, Miss Hale. If my mother chose not accept the woman I marry into our home, she would need to live with Fanny. I will not live without the woman I love because of my duty to Mother. I will always provide for her, but she has to do her part in allowing me some happiness at last. I am sure she does not realize how selfish she can be at times or how very lonely my life has been."
Margaret was quiet, contemplating his words. Margaret thought the whole situation very sad, for both mother and son.
She needed to say something in response to his declaration of love for her.
"Mr. Thornton, you told me that your foolish passion for me was over. You were seen escorting Anne Latimer around town, so I believed you when you told me you no longer cared for me. I am surprised to hear your words of love now. Any woman would be blessed to be loved by such a man as you. I do not know my heart, Mr. Thornton at this time. I am numb, and when I do feel, it hurts so much I can barely breathe."
Margaret did not know what else to say. Her heart was heavy with the burdens of the day, and she was exhausted.
John apologized, "I can see I have made you uncomfortable, but if you are to leave Milton forever, I wanted you to know the truth of my feelings."
Margaret admired his honestly, "Mr. Thornton, you have nothing to apologize for. Even if I wanted to stay in Milton, the tittle-tattle in town has unfairly robbed me of my reputation. Even before the riot, I had only one friend, Bessie Higgins. I do not fit in with Milton society, and you need to share your life with someone who does. As a leader in industry, choosing the right wife is important to your standing in the community."
John wanted to tell her that nothing mattered to him but her. He stayed silent because he could see Miss Hale had made up her mind to leave Milton and the misery it had brought her. He could not blame her. When she left Milton, she would take his heart with her.
John and Margaret walked back to their rooms for the evening. They would have breakfast at the hotel in the morning, then leave for Milton.
"Goodnight, Miss Hale. I hope you rest well."
"Goodnight, Mr. Thornton."
John got dressed for bed. He was exhausted himself. He was aware that his love was sleeping on the other side of the wall in her own bed. He kept going over all that had been said today, and his thoughts were in turmoil. It was a long time that night before sleep claimed him.
Adam Bell met them for breakfast, and Margaret told him her plans. Mr. Bell said he would write to Henry this very morning, and to expect Henry and his mother to collect her in a few days. Mr. Bell also said that he had written Frederick already to inform him of his father's death. Today, he would write Frederick another letter to make arrangements for Margaret to travel to Spain with Dixon with him as their escort.
When the little party had finished breakfast, their waitress brought them a basket of food for the trip that John had arranged for earlier that morning.
Mr. Bell hugged his goddaughter, "Margaret, I am just a letter away. While you are in Milton for the next few days, you must allow Mr. Thornton and Dixon to look after you. You have known such sorrow in Milton, and I am sure you are glad to be leaving."
Margaret managed a small smile for Mr. Bell, "Not all of my memories are of sorrow. I believe I will miss Milton when I remove to Scotland in a few days."
It was time to leave for the train station, and John had a carriage waiting. Once they got to the station, John settled the ladies on the train.
The journey home to Milton was filled with conversation, and even Dixon joined in. John and Margaret spoke of their childhoods. Margaret and Dixon talked of Fred and his antics. To John, it seemed Margaret had experienced an idyllic childhood. He listened to every word of their stories, and he learned a great deal about the woman he loved. She deserved all that was beautiful and kind in the world. He sadly could not give her a home in the country, a loving extended family, or a society who would accept her. John did believe that if Margaret married him, the society ladies would accept her as Mrs. John Thornton in a way they never accepted Margaret Hale, a poor vicar's daughter.
All too soon for John, the train pulled into Outwood Station. John saw the ladies home, and after making sure the house was secure, he took his bag from the carriage and walked to his office. John worked until the last whistle signaled the end of the workday without ever going into the house.
He sat at his desk a few minutes after the mill had gone quiet and went over his plan to show Margaret how much he loved her with actions, not words. He had only a few days to make his mark on Margaret's heart, and he would make every effort to win her love. He cursed all of the wasted time he had spent being jealous and misunderstanding her, but he could not change any of that now, only make amends as best as he could. It was a long shot, but Henry would soon have the advantage of having Margaret's company while she was in Scotland, and John was determined to make the best of the time he had left to spend with her in Milton.
