Skit: When the only person you can trust isn't trustworthy
Subaru was having a concerning day. He wasn't sure how he was going to ask this, or even how she'd respond, but lives were at stake and he didn't seem to have much better choices.
After continually failing to stop the witch cult from attacking the mansion and returning to his checkpoint, Subaru had to take some drastic measures in the name of keeping everyone safe.
[Subaru]: "Hey, uh, Rem. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I need your help with something."
[Rem]: "Yes, Subaru-kun?"
He sighed, mentally preparing himself for her rejection of such a plan.
[Subaru]: "Alright, look. I need you… to help me.. rob–"
[Rem]: "I'm in."
[Subaru]: "R-Rob a bank?"
Rem set down the bag of groceries she was carrying. It was go-time.
[Rem]: "Catch."
He did not, indeed, catch anything.
In fact, Subaru almost lost a foot, as the oni girl he'd come to love threw her morning-star for him to catch.
[Subaru]: "Huh? What're you doing?"
[Rem]: "Let's go!"
She quickly adorned herself with Emilia's identity-tampering cloak. When did she get that?
[Subaru]: "B-But, you didn't let me tell you why I needed to rob a bank."
However, Rem was already far out of earshot. From across the street, he could see her hailing a dragon carriage.
[Subaru]: "E-Emilia's in trouble."
Attempting to justify his future actions, Subaru quietly gave the root of the issue. The appa salesman behind him, Kadomon, just pretended he didn't hear the exchange.
[Rem]: "C'MON LET'S GO!"
The ground dragon squawked in what sounded like approval. Subaru kinda wished Otto was here to translate. He dragged the morning-star across the street. Some bystanders watched him struggle.
As the thief-in-the-making climbed into the carriage, Rem handed him a slip of paper.
[Rem]: "Here. I mapped out the most heavily guarded bank in the world. Those red dots you see, [are] security metias for each exit and entrance–"
Meanwhile, Subaru, her soon-to-be partner in crime, was sitting beside her, astonished.
[Subaru's inner thoughts]: Oh my- She's a criminal! How did I not know this? Did I not see the signs? Why is she so prepared? No, no, no. This wasn't the plan.
[Rem]:" –As for the guards, we gon' kill 'em. Alright? I told you, each and every guard we see, we kill 'em. And then we disable the security metias–"
Rem's horn was beginning to emerge. She was enjoying this a little too much.
It was safe to say that this loop was not going to be a successful one.
A/N: Highly, highly recommend you watch the skit as you read, or at least beforehand. I can't do the noises justice, much to my chagrin.
