Skit: When the hero is just as smart as the villain


The time had come. This loop would be the one, he would make sure of it.

Natsuki Subaru, the new-born hero of Lugunica, entered the lair where Pandora was sure to be.

[Subaru]: "So, you're the legendary witch that everybody's tried so hard to catch."

[Pandora]: "Who's asking?"

[Subaru]: "That wasn't a questi– First off, why do y'all do that. 'Who's asking?' Capella did the same thing. What do you expect me to say to that? You-You're just giving yourself away a-and I– what am I supposed to say? Talk about falling into cliches. You're stupid."

This was a dialogue option he hadn't tried before, so he wasn't expecting such a weird response. Before things truly got under way, he allowed himself to gripe to relieve some of the stress that had built up from loops long gone.

Pandora, questioning her own question, said nothing.

[Subaru]: "At least try to act like you don't know Japanese or something; be more creative. Like, 'Oh uh, sorry I don't speak–' you know what nevermind. I'm getting off topic. To answer your question, I'm the guy that's gonna catch you."

[Pandora]: "Oh? Really? With what evidence?"

[Subaru]: "Oh, there's plenty of evidence. Like what's in your pockets."

Contrary to popular belief, Pandora's strange sheet-outfit actually did have pockets. Just don't ask how he found out.

An unassuming object is unveiled from the witch's pocket.

[Pandora]: "Oh, this bottle? Why would a simple 1-Liter water bottle incriminate me?"

Flashbacks of his best friend aside, Subaru knew that this was just a surface-level trick. She was a witch after all.

[Subaru]: "Shake it."

Amused by the interaction, she shook the bottle in compliance.

It rang. Something was inside of it.

[Pandora]: "You're smarter than you look."

[Subaru]: "Can't make that joke, I suppose. Anyways, I have reason to believe that you tried to steal a key to a safe that held millions upon millions of holy gold. However, I swapped that key with a banana before you got to it."

Pandora's eyes widened. How could he have known?

She hastily took the banana from inside the bottle. She was almost surprised.

Unfortunately for him, that wasn't enough.

[Pandora]: "Impressive, but I only expected that."

[Subaru]: "..Really?"

[Pandora]: 'Yes, really. Your reputation as the hero that destroyed my cult precedes you. I expected you to swap that out with this banana, so I managed to steal the key before I stole it, and implanted it into the banana that you would swap it with."

As she unpeeled the banana, there it was, the key.

Subaru feigned surprise.

He was ashamed to admit that he had fallen for this ruse more than once in past encounters, but he was prepared this time.

[Pandora]: "The one that you have is a fake replica key that I made with my authority. Quite simple, really. "

[Subaru]: "Hmph. Funny you should say that. Because I knew that you would make a fake key, so I STOLE the fake key that you made and swapped it with the real one, so that when you inevitably swapped the real one with the fake one, you would actually put the real one back in its place. In other words, the one in that banana is the fake one."

[Pandora]: "Ara~ Very clever. But I thought ahead. I planted bombs around the capital that I can detonate at any moment in several locations, if you don't give me the key right now, that is. Now, what will it be? The key or destruction?"

She held up the detonator. All it would take is one press, and everything would be ruined. She had won…

Or so she thought.

[Subaru]: "Well damn. That's a hard decision." He paused for dramatic effect, pretending to think. "It's a good thing I don't have to pick, because this is the battery to your detonator."

He held up the magical battery. It was constructed from a combination of a few magical ores. It enabled the detonator to send signals, much like a communication metia. It was vital to remove it. He learned that lesson the hard way.

[Pandora]: "I'd be angry, if I didn't already put the bombs on a back-up timer."

[Subaru]: "I'd be pressed, if we didn't already disarm them."

Another lesson learned the hard way.

[Pandora]: "I'd be upset if–"

A delicate ringing noise came from Subaru's tracksuit.

It was his phone.

'What the? Since when do I get service,' he thought to himself.

[Pandora]: "You might want to answer that."

[Subaru]: "Hello."

[Frederica]: "Yes, I'm calling this number because your dry-cleaning is- OWAHH! What the–"

Explosions can be heard on the other side of the line.

[Pandora]: "I knew you would disarm the bombs. That's why I placed extra bombs at your dry-cleaner. You'll never enjoy unwrinkled clothes again. You'll have to iron them, like everyone else!"

Fuck. She got him. One of the few things he had been able to savor from his old world was the feeling of nice, smooth, unwrinkled clothing. But now, that luxury was lost.

[Subaru]: " 'That sucks…' "

Is what he would've said if he hadn't seen this coming.

[Subaru]: "Because we relocated those bombs to your dry cleaners.

Nani?

Pandora covered her face. Her dry-cleaner is also the place that also gave her clothes pockets! That man had effectively killed 'two mabeast with one stone' as the saying went. No matter. She'd sort that out later.

[Pandora]: "I think you missed one detail."

[Subaru]: "Not likely." He's had this battle too many times to have doubts now. He turned his back; victory was assured.

[Pandora]: "Yeah bro. I'm not even here."

[Subaru]: "What?"

He looked behind him.

She was gone.

Before him, on a little stool, that definitely wasn't there before, sat a communication mirror.

{Pandora}: "I was never there. You've been face-timing me this entire time."

[Subaru]: "Now hold on! WHAT?!"

He moved over to pick up the metia.

{Pandora}: "I'm actually in my house. Chillin'! You thought you were a step ahead the whole time. Nope. You weren't even talking to me. I've been chillin'. I was chill. Good luck, hero. Good luck trying to find me."

Subaru smirked.

All. According. To. Plan.

{Subaru}: "Wait, what do I need to look for? I don't need a thing."

She chuckled, deviously. Sure, she'd humor him. One last time.

{Pandora}: "What do you mean?"

{Subaru}: "I'm in your house!"

Huh? On second analysis, the background on Subaru's side of the mirror did look familiar…

{Pandora}: "T-That's not true.

Subaru walked towards a door. And knocked.

Knock knock knock

{Subaru}: "Open up."

"Open up."

Someone was on the other side of her door!

[Pandora]: "H-How did you find me?"

{Subaru}: "Open this door. Open up!"

Pandora was effectively screwed.


A/N: In hindsight, Pandora's obsession over the key to that door in Elior forest makes this way funnier.