Skit: How some shows try to make the VILLAIN the friend


The Sanctuary was covered in snow, a raging blizzard caused by none other than Roswaal L. Mathers. The climax of everyone's emotions and struggles was colliding in this exchange.

[Roswaal]: "It's over, Natsuki Subaru. One move, and I press this button, and the entire sanctuary explodes."

[Subaru]: "I won't let that happen, Roswaal!"

[Roswaal]: "Oh I'm sure you won't. Because you either let me know the location of my gospel, or you let your precious friends die. I'm sure you'll make the right choice."

Subaru grits his teeth. This loop was the best chance he'd had so far. He couldn't let it go to waste.

[Subaru]: "Alright! You win. I'll tell you where your gospel is."

[Otto]: "No, don't, Natsuki-san!"

[Subaru]: "Everyone could die! We've come too far. In fact, I'll just bring you the book. Wait, right there."

[Roswaal]: "That's very smart indee-"

Ram slaps the shit outta him.

[Roswaal]: "Bleerh!"


When Roswaal awakens, he is no longer outside. The Emilia camp is all collected inside the church. He's been stripped of his detonator and he's still weakened from attempting to enter Echidna's tomb. He's effectively lost.

But no matter. As long as he could stay alive, he'd find a way to bring his sensei back, with or without the gospel's guidance.

[Garfiel]: "NOW DIE!"

[Roswaal]: "Waaai~t. Okay, now stop!"

Garfield halted in his assault. He was just about to finish the perverted clown off for good, if not for Ram's solar-flare glare.

[Subaru]: "So, you'll stop?"

[Roswaal]: "Yes, I'll stop. I only ever did any of this so that the woman I loved would return my feelings. I just wanted to live comfortably with my sensei. No one else could see what I saw in her; they just judged her."

[Subaru]: "Me too. I understand how it feels to love someone everyone else hates."

Could he really understand?

[Roswaal]: "Like a witch?"

[Subaru]: "More like half-elf."

[Roswaal]: "Dayum. So your life was just as hard. Maybe we're not so different after all."

[Subaru]: "Maybe not."

The two romantics reminisced on fond memories they had with their suitor of choice. What a lovely scene. People working out their differences, or even similarities, was always nice to see.

[Garfiel]: "..wait what? What're you doing? Kill 'em!"

[Subaru]: "There's no need anymore. We can trust him. He's an ally. For real this time."

[Beatrice]: "Since when, in fact?! He's been plotting this for weeks. He was just about to blow up the Sanctuary!"

Beatrice, from her position atop Subaru's lap, gave her two copper for the situation.

[Roswaal]: "That was before."

[Otto]: "Before what? Before we stopped you?"

[Garfiel]: "Kill him!"

Frederica did not know how to feel about her long-time employer potentially being given the death penalty before her very eyes, but she wasn't sure if she had the right to bud in.

[Subaru]: "Guys it's fine. He just needed someone to talk to; that was it."

[Otto]: "He murders people; for no reason! He purposely hired assassins to attack us at the mansion, resulting in a huge fire, and the mansion exploded!"

[Subaru]: "Well, he changed Otto. What, people can't change now?"

[Otto]: "He killed Patrasche, by locking her up and burning her. He threw Frufoo off a building and it hit one of the villagers, killing him on impact and putting Frufoo in a coma. He cut off my foot!"

Otto pointed to his foot that wasn't there anymore. A cost of the battle.

Maybe this wasn't such a good loop.

[Otto]: "He's a villain! Why would you want to trust him? Why?"

[Subaru]: "The writer likes him bro."

The room was quiet.

Roswaal looked from person to person, gauging their reactions. Maybe he'd actually get away with this.

[Otto]: "So perhaps we have treated you too harshly. Please accept my humblest apologies. You are now *gang.* Are you hurt? Let me help you out."

And that was how Roswaal kept his position as Emilia's sponsor and got off practically scott-free.