Skit: Overpowered protagonist make no sense

(minor Arc 7 character spoilers, I guess)


[Cecilus]: "Yeah. Yeah. I did all that. I took care of that thing too. Let's just say they're going to be taking a long nap."

Cecilus Segmunt had just returned from a very important mission, and was confirming its status via communication mirror.

Out from behind a blindspot, a man with flaming red hair makes his presence known.

[Cecilus]: "No doubt about it– AY! What the hell? You thought this was your home or something? Leave."

Reinhardt just stands there, menacingly.

Realization dawns upon the blue-haired man. It's him!

[Cecilus]: "Hey, hey! It's that dude; that dude is here."

{Vincent}: "What 'dude'?

[Cecilus]: "The one that killed the guy with the two pancakes."

His voice is shaking as he says 'pancakes.' Just the thought of dying that way was embarrassing enough. He really didn't want the experience, firsthand.

{Vincent}: "Who are you talking about– OH!"

The line drops.

[Cecilus]: "wait."

Reinhardt is still standing there, slightly less menacingly, which makes it more menacing. Was he even on guard?

[Cecilus]: "What are you doing here? Acting dumb I presume? You shouldn't even be in Vollachia. Are you trying to start a war? You're a fool! You must be stupid if you came here while I'm here."

Reinhardt begins his march.

[Cecilus]: "Because I'll– hey, h-hey now back up. No! OWAAHH!"

Reinhardt effortlessly takes Cecilus' sword from his grip, throwing it into the ceiling. He tosses Cecilus across the room.

He groans in pain as he picks himself off the floor.

[Cecilus]: "Oh, why are you so strong? It doesn't make any sense. Please just leave."

Reinhardt drop kicks him.

[Cecilus]: "Blargh! O' my ribs- my ribs, augh."

{[Reinhardt]}: You have thirty seconds. Tell me who's running all this."

In his usual polite tone, the sword saint makes his demands known.

[Cecilus]: "Man, I was already going to tell you off rip. I was already gonna tell you." He groans in pain again. "You didn't even ask, man."

Reinhardt didn't need his divine protections to tell he wasn't lying. He felt bad.

[Reinhardt]: "Fair enough. Go ahead, tell me."

Cecilus isn't moving.

Shit.

{[Reinhardt]}: "Hey! Are you awake? Oh, I'm sure he's just unconscious."

He checks his pulse.

{[Reinhardt]}: "Yeah, he's just unconscious."

He let out a sigh of subconscious relief, and left the scene of the… crime(?)

Another figure emerges into the room.

[Todd]: "Man, what is all that noise."

He sees the metaphorical brick wall in front of him.

[Todd]: "What the hell? Who are you? And who is that on the ground? What are you doing here? What have you done!?"

Reinhardt, subconsciously knowing that he won't be able to use the Dragon Sword, searches the area for a usable weapon.

He finds a roll of tape.

[Todd]: "Do you think I'm just gonna let you– Bluawh!"

He throws it, and hits his target, dead center.

[Todd]: "Ahh, my organs. My vital organs! Hrrgeiiaahh!"

This guy definitely died.

Signs of struggle can be heard behind him.

[?]: "What the– what is this in the way?"

Someone is attempting to pry open the door. Too bad it's being blocked by Cecilus' totally-not-dead body.

The man sees the body.

[Regulus]: "Hey! This was you, you filth?! You asinine existence. There's nowhere to run now."

Once again, the Sword Demon's grandson scans the area for an effective weapon. This guy seems a bit stronger than the last one, so he'd need something more.

A paper towel. Perfect!

He cleanly rips a sheet from the roll, and wraps it around his hand. Good thing he trained for a situation exactly like this.

[Regulus]: "Hoh? You think that's gonna help. I can never understand the minds of people like you. Well then, come at me. Show me what you–"

Reinhardt slaps the authority outta him. With a paper towel. The archbishop is sent into a wall, causing a significant crater to form.

Regulus, nose bloody, is delirious. What just transpired to reduce him to this state?

[Regulus]: "Ow. My organs. My organs hurt."

Reinhardt steps up. Let's try this interrogation thing again, shall we?

{[Reinhardt]}: "So tell me. Who is in charge?" He holds the towel over his head as a threat.

[Regulus]: "Oh this pain, this pain is different. This is different pain. This is new. This is new pain."

For the most part, it was true. Regulus was a being that hadn't felt true pain in centuries thanks to his authority. He had yet to endure this specific type of pain. It was a new experience. If he wasn't in utter agony, he'd be quite astonished.

Another figure comes through the door.

[Elsa]: "Woah. This was all you? You did all this?"

Her tone was angry, but the expression in her eyes couldn't be described as anything other than lustful. This was a man worth fighting.

[Regulus]: "Help me, awck!"

Dropping his paper towel onto Greed's face, he extinguishes the flames of his life. He would not be missed.

[Elsa]: "You think you can just come in here, and stop our source of money."

She's pretending, Reinhardt muses. She doesn't really care about the money.

{[Reinhardt]}: "Are you the one in charge?"

Elsa charges him, it was now or never after all.

With lighting speed, the sword saint dips his hands in a cup of lukewarm water. He'd already decided to use it to his advantage if the time arose.

That time was now.

The water droplets were propelled from his fingers. It honestly wasn't even that fast, either. He dipped his hand in the cup and sprinkled some water on her. I can't describe it any more than that.

[Elsa]: "AHHH!"

Elsa folded like an omelet, or even a pancake. She writhed around on the ground, surprised by how quickly he got the drop on her, no pun intended.

She drowns.


The situation is looking grim, as none other than the Sword Saint has been captured. Hands and legs bound, his sword no longer by his side, he sits.

A man paces, snickering to himself.

[Aldebaran]: "We finally got you. It took us a minute, I'll admit, but we got you. Now you're tied to a chair, with nowhere to run. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for the boss to get here, so she can find out what to do with you."

Finally, it was over. Al had spent what felt like an eternity trying to capture this foe. It was way too tiring, but he finally found the right sequence of events to capture him.

{[Reinhardt]}: "I let you tie me up."

Pardon?

[Al]: "W-What?"

{[Reinhardt]}: "I let you. Tie me up. So I could get information."

[Al]: "You're funny, pal."

There was no way in hell all his hard work was for nothing. How many attempts had it taken to get this far.

{[Reinhardt]}: "Did you really think I didn't have a way out of this? Look around this room. What's filling this entire room, right now?"

Al looked around, the last puzzle piece filling in.

[Al]: "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no."

Reinhardt breathes.

[Al]: "AWUHAHHHAH!"