Disclaimer: Don't own them
A/N: So I'm still working on fleshing out fangs as i rewrite it and i have an outline in progress for chapter 3 of flashlights but this came to my mind and i just had to get it out. trigger warnings for talk of suicide.
Fireflies and midnights
Ch 1
Santana slipped out the screen door that led to her front porch, careful to not let it slam behind her. It was still dark outside although she could hear the beginning sounds of morning all around her. She shivered a little, burying deeper into her letterman jacket as she sort of half sprinted to her car. Damn, Sue Sylvester and her way too fucking early cheerio practices.
As soon as Santana got inside of the car she turned the ignition, jumping a little when the stereo blared into life. She quickly turned it down, she wasn't quite awake enough for all that. Wishing she could just crawl back inside of her bed, Santana headed for the school driving the fifteen minutes it took for her to get there in silence. Once at the school she parked in her usual spot next to Quinn's. She knew the head cheerleader would already be inside ready to dole out Sue's new fresh hell.
Grabbing her cheerios duffel bag from the backseat , Santana stepped out of the car.
" Hey S"
Santana turned at the voice smiling when she saw her best friend Brittany walk up behind her.
" Hey, why didn't you tell me you were walking? I would have picked you up" She reached her hand out and linked pinkies with the blue eyed cheerleader,Something they had been doing since elementary school.
" I don't mind the walk," Brittany said, giving her a tired smile, " I just don't want to be awake"
" Preach," Santana said. Brittany chuckled as they walked inside.
The school echoed with the sound of their footsteps as they made their way down the activities hallway towards the gymnasium. The silent hall, a complete contrast to what it would be in just a few hours.
" Is that Rachel?"
" huh?" Santana asked, realizing she had been so deep in thought she had no idea what Brittany was talking about. She looked around thinking she might see the resident loser at her locker but the hallway was completely empty except for the two of them.
" Rachel, she's singing" Brittany said with almost an excited look on her face.
" Yeah, It's sort of what she does B"
Brittanys expression turned questioning, " She hasn't sung in weeks, haven't you noticed?"
Santana frowned. It had been a quiet on the little divas front lately, strangely so now that she was thinking about it.
" Come on" Brittany said, tugging her gently towards the choir room.
Once close enough they both peered in through the doors window. Sure enough there was Rachel sitting at the piano, the song falling from her lips was muffled but even still Santana could tell she was holding back. You could say a lot of things about Rachel Berry, people often did but boy could that girl sing. " Why do you think she stopped singing?" She asked, hoping her voice was low enough to not alert the singer to their prescense. She had a feeling it would definitely be unwelcome, especially hers.
Brittany looked over at her sadly, " I think we finally broke her"
Santana was stopped from saying anything when the voice of Quinn Fabray called out to them from the opposite end of the hall.
" Hurry up, you're going to be late and coach is already in a mood"
Telling herself that she would bring this up with Brittany again later, Santana walked towards her captain with a grimace on her face. She was still not prepared for the crazy that was Sue Sylvester, and now thoughts of Rachel stood in the back of her mind.
Two grueling hours later and Sue finally blew the whistle that signified practice was over. Santana sighed with relief, as one of the main flyers, she had been dropped five times as they tried to perfect the new routine. The squad quickly and quietly made their way out of the gym . Santana and Brittany helped clean up with Quinn before all three headed to the cheerios locker room. On the way past, Santana saw the choir room was now dark.
She wanted to bring up what they had been talking about before but wasn't sure if doing so in front of Quinn was exactly the best thing. Out of all the bullies, besides herself, Quinn had always been the one to be able to cut Rachel the deepest.
" Where do you think Rachel went?" Brittany asked. Santana quickly looked at Quinn trying to gauge the blonde's reaction. Conversations about Rachel never seemed to go well but to Santana's surprise Quinn said nothing at all.
" I don't know Brit," Santana said.
Weird thing was, she actually found herself caring .
Quinn looked between the both of them before stopping causing Santana to almost bump into her. " Hey Q, watch it"
" So you've noticed it too?" Quinn asked,ignoring santana, " Something's wrong with Berry"
To say Santana was shocked was to say the least, Quinn actually sounded genuinely concerned.
' What kind of alternate world did I wake up in' Santana thought. Last year she would have reveled in bringing the tiny diva down but now it just sort of made her feel like shit. Once you got past the horrible fashion sense and sometimes better than thou attitude Rachel wasn't that bad, and certainly not bad enough to deserve the type of ridicule and torture the student body of William McKinley Highschool liked to hand out.
" Yeah," Brittany said.
" Do you think we can help? Quinn asked.
" Real question is, do you think she would take help from us?" Brittany said back to her.
Santana had to agree, they had been torturing the girl since elementary school. There was no way Rachel would believe they seriously wanted to help her now.
" No, the real question is why do we suddenly care, isn't this what we wanted? Santana asked.
Brittany and Quinn both turned to look at her. Santana held her hands up in defense, " Hey, It's not that i'm saying I don't want to help the little freak"
Brittany gave her a disapproving look while Quinn just rolled her eyes.
Santana rolled hers as well crossing her arms, " Oh please" She said, " I was just asking"
" It just doesn't feel right anymore," Quinn replied, her gaze dropping to the floor. Not for the first time, Santana found herself wondering what the blonde was really thinking.
" It never felt right," Brittany said, " besides, she's our captain." She gave Quinn a pointed look before continuing her walk to the locker room. Quinn followed with a thoughtful expression.
Santana watched after her two best friends for a moment before joining them. She knew what Brittany had been getting at, as part of a team it was their job to support the captain. The same way it had been expected of them as cheerios, and no way in hell would they ever dare to treat Quinn the way that glee club treated Rachel.
Santana hadn't been able to stop thinking about Rachel all day. She found it weird that all the times before when she had tried to avoid the diva it had been nearly impossible and now that she was actively trying to find her Rachel was nowhere to be found. Not a single sign of an argyle skirt anywhere.
' And now I'm actually looking for her,' She thought, shaking her head. She had to admit though the more she thought about what Quinn had said earlier, the more it rang true.
Maybe it was because of everything that happened sophomore year or Mr Schue's constant talk of the glee club being a family, or maybe somewhere along the way she just started to grow up but the idea of hurting Rachel made her feel slightly sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be the reason that someone so bright did not shine anymore, and it actually sort of really bothered her that they were seemingly so close to making that happen.
Seeing Kurt and Artie laughing by a row of lockers she walked towards them. Both boys gave her wide eye looks. Artie backed up a bit, placing his hands on his wheels as if readying himself to make a quick exit.
" Have either of you seen Berry today?"
Kurt regarded her suspiciously, " why do you want to know?"
Artie looked up at her, she hated the mistrust that swirled in his eyes but she also knew she deserved it. They had been going to school together for a long time, hell she had known most of the gleeks since before kindergarten, they knew exactly what she was capable of.
She could feel her defenses start to build, and wanted to throw a snide comment in their faces, She could tell Kurt and Artie were expecting it but what good would any of that do, she would be no closer to finding Rachel and the two boys would probably go to Mr. Schue, earning her another lecture on team unity.
" I want her to help me with a song"
" Not that I believe that for a single second" Kurt said, eyeing her closely, " But no, I haven't seen her"
" And you don't find that weird? " She asked, " Miss Rachel- in your face-Berry?"
Kurt said, " maybe, she doesn't want to be seen"
Artie looked to Kurt like maybe he had forgotten just who they were talking about.
Santana scoffed, "And that isn't weird to you?"
This was getting her nowhere. She started to walk off telling them to let Rachel know she was looking for her.
" I'm sure she will be thrilled," Kurt called after her.
Santana threw her middle finger over her shoulder at him but kept walking.
It wasn't until later that day, in glee club, that Santana saw Rachel. The girl sat in the back row, her wavy brown hair falling into her face as she wrote something in a notebook.
Santana felt relieved. She had over-thought herself so many different scenarios that seeing Rachel sitting there like it was just a normal day seemed anti climatic. She could feel Kurt watching her as she made her way over to where Brittany and Quinn had saved her a seat. Puck walked in a few seconds later with Mike Chang and Finn behind him. Santana shared a look with Quinn when the quarterback sat down next to Artie instead of taking his normal seat next to Rachel.
" Curiouser and curiouser" The blonde said to no one in particular.
While it wasn't necessarily a new occurrence for the couple to have their drama and go for days without speaking to each other, it was however very new for Rachel to not even acknowledge the boy's presence. She looked at Kurt who had a furrowed brow.
Mr. Schue walked in then giving them all a big smile, which faltered, seeing his normally front row student tucked away in the back. Shaking it off he said, " hey guys, how is everyone?"
Everyone answered with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Rachel remained quiet, though her eyes had finally lifted from the notebook and were watching Mr. Schue as he spoke. Santana was completely thrown. Diva storm outs and ridiculously long winded rants she was used to but out and out silence coming from the tiny diva and especially in glee?. There really was something wrong.
She found it hard concentrating on anything that Mr. Schue said after that. She was too busy making up possible things wrong with Rachel again to focus.
Santana chanced a glance at Rachel, who didn't seem to be hearing anything their coach was saying either.
At first sight, Rachel seemed the same as always. To a random stranger the casual way Rachel was sitting would not have been cause for alarm but to Santana who had known the girl for as long as she could remember, it seemed completely foreign. Rachel Berry was not your laid back, disappear in the crowd type of girl. Now that Santana was looking, it was impossible not to see.
Suddenly, Rachel looked up,her eyes meeting Santana's, looking a little wary to find she was being stared at. Santana's first instinct was to sneer but instead just tilted her head curiously. Rachel regarded her briefly with an even stare before ticking her glance to Mr. Schue, letting her know she thought Santana should be paying attention to him instead of her. Santana dropped her gaze to the notebook then back up at Rachel, like she had been listening either.
Rachel looked back down at the notebook, doing her best to not acknowledge being called out.
Turning her attention back to Mr. Schue, Santana noticed Quinn, Kurt and Mercedes all looked away quickly.
'Hmm' She thought. That was certainly unexpected. Out of everyone in glee she figured she would be the last one to get a response from the girl. Quinn may have been the worst of the bullies, coming up with all the names that plagued Berry since freshman year but Santana had been vicious since the third grade; Tripping the girl on the school bus,and throwing sand in her face at recess had only paved the way for the highschool slushies.
When Glee was over, Rachel gathered her things quietly and slipped from the room without a word or glance at anybody. She watched the girl go.
Santana was just glad the day was almost over between Sue's crazy early practice and the weirdness that was Rachel Berry she was plain exhausted.
As the rest of the gleeks meandered from the classroom Santana was left with just Quinn and Brittany. Both girls looked just as tired as she felt, and all three walked slowly and sorely towards the parking lot.
" Want a ride, B?" Santana asked when they neared the cars.
" No thanks San, My dad-"
The sound of a honking horn as it pulled into the school caught their attention.
Brittany smiled sheepishly, " Should be here any minute"
Santana and Quinn both smiled, giving Brittany's father a small wave. Before she got to the car though she turned toward Santana and said, " I think it has to be you"
" What do you mean it has to be me? Santana asked. She was used to Brittany saying things seemingly from left field but this seemed different somehow. Brittany didn't elaborate, just got into her fathers car.
Santana looked at Quinn, " Why do I not like the sound of that ?"
Santana wasn't surprised to see both her parents' cars gone when she finally pulled back into the driveway of her house . The family had such differing schedules that they rarely saw each other except for on weekends. It usually worked to her favor but sometimes she wished she could come home from a long day at school to her mom singing in the kitchen while making dinner or her father's giant bear hugs.
She turned the car off and just sat there not quite ready to put in the effort to get out. It was nice, those few moments inside the car just being. She didn't have to answer to anyone, there were no social cast rules to follow or psychotic cheerleading coaches demanding her allegiance.
She leaned her head back, thinking of the day and wondering what Brittany was planning for their sudden quest to help Rachel Berry.
As if on cue the glee club captain walked behind her car.
' oh come on' she said, mentally face palming. If the universe was sending signs that she was supposed to talk to Rachel, this was a pretty in your face one.
Stepping out of the car, she called out, " Berry!"
Rachel stopped but did not turn around, her shoulders tense.
Santana didn't really have anything to follow that exclamation so she lamely asked, " What are you doing?"
Rachel looked at Santana, " I'm… walking" She said like it should have been obvious. And where yes Santana could clearly see what she was doing she wanted to know why and why on her street.
" I'm really trying to not go to the rage place, It's this thing i'm trying but don't push it" She said, " Why are you walking here?"
" I live two streets over , It's not like I'm stalking you" Rachel told her. Her hands nervously flattened out non existent wrinkles from her skirt. It was something Santana had seen the other girl do before but looking with new eyes it was a gesture that made Rachel seem incredibly vulnerable.
Santana found herself wishing that somebody else was there, somebody who was probably way better with words than herself; Being nice wasn't really her strong suit to begin with, a quick insult or a list of nicknames tailored to your insecurities and yeah Santana was your girl but this was new territory for her.
" I didn't mean it like -"
" Can I go now?" Rachel interrupted.
" Got a hot date I'm keeping you from?" Santana asked. She winced internally knowing that it came off more condescending than she had intended.
It was clear Rachel took it that way too; She closed down in front of Santana, her eyes taking on a blank expression. Santana didn't really know what to say but had a feeling she wouldn't be getting anything else out of Rachel . She nodded and watched as the little diva cut down the pathway between the Jenkins house and her own, disappearing from her view.
The sight brought back memories.
Memories Santana hadn't thought about in a long time; Of kids who didn't care about popularity, and lazy summer days with melting popsicles that made your fingers sticky if you didn't eat them fast enough. She slowly followed in the direction Rachel had gone.
It had been a long time since she had even walked down the one time familiar path but the strength of the memories seemed to pull her forward. The path itself was just a small section of the property that wasn't considered to be owned by either resident; It had become a shortcut between neighborhoods, as it cut down behind the houses leading to a small embankment overlooking the small creek that ran beneath it. Long ago kids had made a set of crude steps from cinder blocks on either side and an old wooden footbridge allowed for easy passage. Or you could hop the rocks if you were brave enough like Santana and Puck used to do.
She thought it was a sad truth when they said there was a time in your childhood when you went out to play with your friends for the last time and none of you knew it.
By the time she reached the embankment Rachel was already gone.
That night Santana had trouble sleeping. Picking up her phone from the bedside table she typed out a message to Quinn.
Santana: Do you think Rachel would hurt herself?
A few minutes later her phone lit up.
Quinn: I really hope not
That wasn't exactly the reassuring response she had hoped for but it was an honest one, A truth of the situation Santana was slightly scared to face. There were stories all the time of kids taking their own life because they couldn't handle one more day of torment. Was that how Rachel felt?
Last year had been a roller coaster for sure; throw Shelby into the mix and she couldn't even begin to imagine what Rachel had gone through, What she went through alone. Because as ready as they had been to kick Jesse st. James's ass for egging Rachel she didn't think any of the gleeks actually checked in on her after finding out her birth mother was the coach for the rival team. They had all been so concerned with Quinn, baby gate and the possibility of losing glee club for good that Rachel's troubles seemed to be swept under the rug. Geez, they were all fucking assholes.
When sleep finally took her she fell into dreams of summer days and two little girls sitting on an old porch swing.
TBC, let me know what you think
