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Chapter 1: Farewells and Reunions

He was in an unfamiliar place, and the last thing he could remember was the pain. The excruciation had left no inch of his body untouched, and he was pretty sure his existence had disintegrated in the impact. He was alone once more, and while it was sad to lose everything that he had worked for in his life, the only consolation was that he had little fear or regret when he had neither prescient knowledge of his fate nor any control over his destiny at three hundred kilometres per hour.

Damn you, obligatory school trip - I didn't even have a choice to begin with.

Sighing, he walked towards the pale glow in the distance, ready to face his judgement. He had no idea if this was heaven or hell or a limbo in between, but he was fully conscious, and was already starting to miss his sister and his girlfriend.

Live long and prosper, Komachi, he muttered, praying that Yukino had somehow made it out alive, though it would be nothing short of a miracle given that she was seated beside him. But stranger things have happened, and she could very well have scraped through against the odds.

"Hey, I don't have all day," a bored voice complained, jolting him from his daze. "Your classmates are already in the other chamber choosing their items. Go in there and help yourself before I begin your reincarnation to another world."

Wait, who're you? And what's with this setup? Is Zaimokuza truly a god? Are we stuck in one of his terrible isekai fanfics?

"You're dead and I'm the goddess Aqua," she snorted, sitting cross-legged on her chair. "Don't just stand there and stare - go claim your freebie and meet your 3-D girlfriend. Urgh, where's my booze? I've got so many young people to send away and I'm already all out of chips!"

Yukino, why? He dashed to the store, only to find her and a dozen other schoolmates rummaging through the racks. As soon as she saw him, she tossed aside her shield and ran over, warm tears streaming down her face.

"I-I thought I'd never see you again," she sniffled, holding him tight as he returned the gesture. Behind her, his little sister and his flaxen-haired junior giggled, while Hiratsuka-sensei and the elder Yukinoshita looked on with sheepish grins–

Hold on, what on earth are they doing here?

"K-Komachi?" he stammered. Was he hallucinating? Was this an elaborate prank?

"Sorry, onii-chan," she smiled before breaking down, "I just thought of tagging along with everyone - I hopped on the train with last-minute tickets, mom and dad must be devastated for losing us on the same day."

Stop, Komachi, you're gonna make me cry.

"Hikki! Senpai!" the pink-haired airhead and his kouhai joined in the hug, completing the group that was the Service Club. Alas, there was little time for melancholy and bittersweet reunions, as the blue thing was already urging them to move along. Glancing at the shelves full of treasures, he found himself spoilt for choice, his gamer senses tingling as to whether there was a catch in the rifles that the otaku and the fujoshi had selected, or if he should stick with standard fantasy fare like his sister, his girlfriend, and most of the other travellers. There were abilities to be learnt as well, as he heard the fire queen arguing with the maroon-haired former chairwoman of the Cultural Festival committee on whether the magic of the spirits or the science of the espers would be the victor in a matchup.

Of course, he could also opt for the unique and the bizarre like the oversized scissor blade wielded by Kawa-something, the decapitating sword held by the blond captain, the battle gear equipped by the airhead and his junior, or the nondescript cleaver in Haruno's hands.

Really? A plain old hatchet of all things?

"Are you done?" the goddess interrupted, peering in for the third time. It was getting a little annoying, especially when he was trying his best to compare the stats of various items to ease his prospects in the new world. Having failed to protect them in the disaster, he acknowledged the responsibility on his shoulders, wanting to take care of his little sister and his girlfriend once more. That was why he could not let his second chance go to waste, not when they would be there with him through untold dangers, mystery, and adventure.

"You'll be headed for Aincrad," she explained, commencing the teleportation sequence, never-mind that he was still choosing between the Cursed Blade Gram and the Holy Sword Excalibur. "The beer in Belzerg tastes better, but that floating castle is the only realm with the capacity to take on all of you together."

Hmmm, which should I pick? It's difficult to decide when we know absolutely nothing about Ain-whatever. For all our effort, we could be screwed if the usual rules don't apply. Surely there must be a better way.

Wishing for more wishes isn't allowed, but nobody said anything about wishing for more lamps or genies.

And that means–

"Aqua, I choose you," he uttered the words, and a divine halo activated above her, trapping her in a blinding beam of light. Surprised, she struggled to break free, writhing and kicking in desperation, only to realise that her resistance was futile against the might of a higher power.

"Nooooo," she screamed as they began to warp away, "I hate the taverns there, they don't even sell real sake. I'm a goddess, this has got to be illegal!"

Alas, the universe was cold and merciless, and she could only wail as they re-materialised in the Town of Beginnings. Like a wounded animal, she huddled in a corner to sob herself dry, and for a moment, he felt sorry for her as curious onlookers and passers-by gathered around to watch. Shooing off the busybodies, he approached her carefully, knowing better than to antagonise her when they may very well need her blessings - only for her to slap his hand away, evidently still shaken by his pro-gamer move.

Come to think of it, what'll happen to the other souls waiting to be transferred? Did I just single-handedly destroy the system of reincarnation and deprive all of humanity the chance for a second life?

God, I'm going to hell after this, aren't I?

"Can you go back if you need to?" he asked, unsure if he really wanted to know the answers.

"Of course not, Hikki-NEET!" she nearly exploded. "You chose me as your familiar for goodness' sake! I can't just leave now, and neither can you until you clear all hundred floors of this prison. You're lucky that I have a kouhai to fill in for me - curse her chest-pads - but you'll have to get me out of here, you hear? I don't have my powers, but I'll really hate you if you just abandon me and cast me aside, uwaaaaa–"

"Don't worry," he assured, more relieved that she had a substitute than disappointed at her apparent uselessness, "I'm neither a heartless bastard nor an ingrate, I won't do that - so long as you don't give us too much trouble, that is."

Should be a rather easy bar to meet and a reasonable condition to expect, right?

"Onii-chan, I've sent you and Aqua-chan an invite," his little sister squeaked, pulling up her friend list. "Let's add each other and join the party!"

Nodding, he took the opportunity to parse through the class types of his companions and his allies. After all, they were stuck on the same journey, their paths intersecting in the singularity of the mangled trainwreck, and they had little choice but to put aside their differences and work together as a team before parting ways at the end of the odyssey.

[Guild: Sobu High School Adventurer's Club]

A) Melee:

1. Hikigaya Hachiman (Loner)

Skills: Stealth

Weapons: Dead-Fish Eyes

2. Yukinoshita Yukino (Lancer)

Skills: Martial Arts

Weapons: Shield / Spear

3. Hikigaya Komachi (Saber)

Skills: Mother's Rosario

Weapons: Absolute Sword

4. Hiratsuka Shizuka (Berserker)

Skills: Junketsu (Override)

Weapons: Special Sword Bakuzan

5. Kawasaki Saki (Berserker)

Skills: Senketsu (Synchronise)

Weapons: Scissor Blade

6. Yukinoshita Haruno (Yandere)

Skills: Tracking

Weapons: Nata

7. Hayama Hayato (Assassin)

Skills: Water Release

Weapons: Executioner's Blade

B) Range:

1. Zaimokuza Yoshiteru (Military Otaku)

Skills: Firearms

Weapons: AR-10

2. Totsuka Saika (Bodyguard)

Skills: Firearms

Weapons: Yes

3. Ebina Hina (Electromaster)

Skills: Radio Noise

Weapons: F2000R

4. Isshiki Iroha (Destroyer)

Armaments: 3 x 12.7cm twin gun mounts

5. Yuigahama Yui (Battlecruiser)

Armaments: 3 x 35.6cm twin, 3 x 12.7cm single, 3 x 7.7mm MG

C) Mage:

1. Aqua (Priestess)

Skills: Heal, God Blow, Create Water, Purification, Party Tricks

2. Sagami Minami (Esper)

Skills: Aero Hand

3. Miura Yumiko (Spirit)

Special: Sandalphon


Meanwhile, in yet another chamber in interdimensional space, a hiki-NEET in a green tracksuit yawned as he opened his eyes to a soft, white luminescence. For once, he had thought of doing something good for the riajuus, only to be among the first to die barely an hour after the cloaked reaper had made his wretched announcement at the plaza. In fact, his chest still hurt from a thousand trampling hooves, having borne the brunt of a stampeding horde of boars to save a female knight and her mate on the plains just outside Tolbana.

Curse that stupid LARPer, she must have zero ACC to swing so poorly. And that mage with the funny hat, she was just lying on the grass the whole time.

"Kazuma-san," an angel in a purple dress called his name, her silky white hair falling gracefully down the sides of her shapely bust, "I'm the goddess Eris, and your heroic actions deserve to be rewarded with a second chance. Go ahead and pick an item, I shall transport you back to Aincrad with these two lovely maidens."

Woah, is this a dream within the nightmare? Because it sounds too good to be true!

Speaking of which, the girls look oddly familiar–

Darkness Synthesis Thirty

Skills: Training Dragons

Weapons: Masochistic Armour

Takagi Megumi

Special: Classified

"Rejected!" he immediately responded, flipping his imaginary kotatsu as they approached. "They can come if they want to, but I'd rather take you with me, Eris-sama!"

"Aww," she remarked, flattered, just as a spotlight appeared above her head. "Hold on, I'm just standing in for Aqua-senpai, I'm not supposed to be here–"

Alas, before she could finish, the world erupted in a flash, and the room became quiet once more.


A/N: For those who already follow me, thank you very much for your support! This fic is a sister story to Blessings on This Floating Castle (Konosuba x SAO) and The Holy Grail War of Chiba (Oregairu x Fate).

References to characters from other popular series (sharing the same VA):

Melee:

1. Hachiman (himself / Ducker from SAO)

2. Yukino (Sachi from SAO)

3. Komachi (Konno Yuuki from SAO)

4. Hiratsuka (Kiryuuin Satsuki from Kill la Kill)

5. Kawasaki (Matoi Ryuuko from Kill la Kill)

6. Haruno (Ryuugu Rena from the Higurashi franchise)

7. Hayama (Hozuki Suigetsu from Naruto)

8. Darkness (Alice Synthesis Thirty from SAO)

9. Eris / Chris (herself)

Range:

1. Zaimokuza (Hirano Kohta from High School of the Dead)

2. Totsuka (Seishirou Tsugumi from Nisekoi)

3. Ebina (Misaka Sisters from the Toaru franchise)

4. Iroha (Shimakaze from Kantai Collection)

5. Yuigahama (Kongou from Kantai Collection)

Mage:

1. Aqua (herself)

2. Sagami (Kongou Mitsuko from the Toaru franchise)

3. Miura (Tohka Yatogami from Date A Live)

4. Megumin (Takagi from Teasing Master Takagi-san)

As always, favs/follows/reviews highly appreciated! I'd love to know if my readers enjoy this Grand Ensemble / Battle Royale format and where I can improve moving forward.

P/S: I'll be completing Five is a Couple (Quintessential Quintuplets, rated M for lemons) in the coming weeks + Chapter 2 for Afterschool Service Club (K-On! x Oregairu)