Skit: I walked into the wrong restaurant.
(takes place before the election starts)
Her days of thieving far, but not-that-far behind her, Felt decided it would be a good day to see the sights of the capital. Finally having a secure place to sleep that didn't smell like the underside of a witchbeast was a nice development in her life. It felt nice not to worry about… well, being alive in general.
Her stomach rumbled. She skipped breakfast today, much to Reinhardt's dismay, so that she could enjoy the morning clamor of the markets. It wasn't noon yet, so they weren't too crowded.
Scanning her surroundings, she spotted what looked to be a restaurant from across the street. When it was safe to cross, she sprinted on over.
O O O
With a little jingle from a bell notifying the wait-staff of her existence, Felt sat at one of the available tables. She looked over the menu, attempting to read it. Reinhardt had been teaching her how to read as of late, so she could make out a few words here and there, but nothing substantial.
In little time, a waiter arrived at her table, ready to take her order. Felt sized him up, instinctively. He was pretty normal looking, easy to lose in a crowd. Brown hair, a skinny but muscled frame from doing physical labor. Pretty typical, for a non-noble, at least.
[Waiter Guy]: "Here's your appetizer. And your water."
Hell yes. She would never say no to a free meal. Why hadn't she done this more often? Fresh, not garbage water used to be hard to come by sometimes.
[Felt]: "Thanks, mister. I appreciate it."
[Waiter Guy]: "So, are you ready to order?"
Unable to make sense of the menu, she just decided to default back to something simple.
[Felt]: "Alright, so, what's the cheapest meal you have in here?"
[Waiter Guy]: "Well, our cheapest meal is our premium steak."
[Felt]: "Great. How much is that?"
[Waiter Guy]: "That's about ninety silver, or nine gold."
Felt checked her coin pouch.
Four copper.
…
Yeah… she usually bought things using Reinhardt's wallet. Who the hell keeps ninety silver on hand anyway? Weirdos, that's who.
She handed the server the menu. Not like she could read it anyway.
[Felt]: "Yeah, you can just take that back. I'll be fine with this. This will be okay."
[Waiter Guy]: "Are you sure?"
[Felt]: "Yes, thank you. It sounded good though. I'll have to pass."
The waiter didn't want to judge her circumstances, but maybe this restaurant wasn't for her. He made his way back to the kitchen.
Clank
A clanking sound is heard from behind him, and as he turns around he can see that the girl has finished her drink. The appetizer is also 80% gone.
He looks at her.
She looks at him.
[Felt]: "Um, can I get another water?"
[Waiter Guy]: "Yes. Sure, miss."
Bringing another glass, he sets it down in front of her.
[Felt]: "Thank you, thank you."
The waiter walks away, a little quicker this time.
Clank
He turns around.
Felt's glass is empty, and the appetizer is non-existent. Does she even chew?
He looks at her.
She looks at him. Then at her two empty glasses. Then back at him.
Crumbs are on her face.
[Waiter Guy]: "...Would you like another water?"
[Felt]: "Yes, please..."
Bringing Felt her sixth glass of water, was the same waiter. He still hadn't figured out how she drank it all so fast, or where she was keeping it all in her small body.
[Felt]: "Thanks, mister."
[Waiter Guy]: "Alright, let me know now if you want any more waters."
[Felt]: "No, no, no. I prob– no, I just– this is– this– I'm good. I'm about to leave right now."
[Waiter Guy]: "I can fit ten on the tray if you want. I can just–"
[Felt]: "No, no. It's fine mister, I-I'm about to leave."
[Waiter Guy]: "I can put at least fifteen waters on the tray."
[Felt]: "N-No, could you bring me the check for the appetizer. I'm about to leave right now. This is my last one."
[Waiter Guy]: "Alright."
[Felt]: "Alright, thank you." She couldn't resist, it was really good water.
The waiter moved away in increments. He looked over his shoulder at her, before making his way to the counter.
[Waiter Guy]: "So, here's your bill."
[Felt]: "Thank you."
She opened up her bill. Six glasses of water couldn't be any more than three copper, right? It's two a-piece. Nice and even.
6 holy gold
¿Qué?
That was the bill? She rubbed her eyes.
The price didn't change.
Six holy gold? Gold in general? That was a fourth of the price of Subaru's metia thingy! What the hell?! It was just water! There must've been a mistake.
[Felt]: "Oh. I-I uh, I got the wrong one. This is the wrong one."
[Waiter guy]: "Didn't you order six waters?" It was a rhetorical question. The waiter couldn't forget how quickly she drank all that water.
[Felt]: "Well, y-yeah, but my- my appetizer's only 1 copper."
[Waiter Guy]: "I thought you knew. That's water straight from the Great Waterfall, fresh from the source."
So that's why it was so good.
[Felt]: "Oh no, no, no. Wait a second."
[Waiter Guy]: "Each one is one holy gold a piece."
[Felt]: "WHAT! The Great Wa– Why would I want that?! One holy gold a piece? C-Could you just change it to normal water or something? I didn't know. I really didn't know. Please."
[Waiter Guy]: "Miss, there's not a thing I can do for you. You done drank all six of those things. Look at them. I can't do nothing for you. Look at 'em."
[Felt]: "Wait, t-that doesn't make sense. It's water."
Without a shred of etiquette left, the waiter told her the facts plain and simple.
[Waiter Guy]: "Look. Them junks is empty. I cannot do anything for you."
The waiter turned to leave. He might just have to get his manager, Steve, to figure out how they're getting paid.
A sloshing sound can be heard.
The waiter slowly turns around, scared internally of what he might see.
…
…
SHE'S REFILLING THE CUPS WITH THE WATER SHE DRANK!
[Waiter Guy]: "YO! You cannot do that!"
She fills up a second cup.
[Waiter Guy]: "Hey, listen! I cannot take that back! We cannot take that back! That is unsanitary."
She fills a third cup.
Never in his life had he ever dealt with something like this. He should've said he was sick today.
People at other tables began to look over at the commotion. After seeing what she was doing, they quickly wished they hadn't.
Felt continues to gurgle up the water. Whether he liked it or not, he was getting that water back. You can't spell waiter without "water."
[Waiter Guy]: Miss. Miss! Somebody get her! Somebody please get her! She's– STEVE!"
No time to lose.
She fills up a fourth cup, then a fifth, then the sixth.
Needless to say, she walked into the wrong restaurant that day.
O O O
Around a month later, the candidates for the Royal Selection are revealed, and the former-waiter knows exactly who he is not voting for.
A/N: This was the most disgusting thing I've ever written. Noice.
