Skit: The first person to make cheese
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
That was all she had been doing for the past two hours.
Her scarlet eyes shone with irritation; she had long since grown fatigued from fanning herself, so her servant was doing it for her. When she spoke, her tone was venomous.
[Priscilla]: "Am I going to be waiting here all day, Al?"
[Aldebaran]: "Apologies princess, but I assure you, the wait is worth it. That kid is known for the quality of milk he provides. Please be patient." He waved the fan with a little more umph.
[Priscilla]: "He's got ten minutes."
Just as she finished her statement, a knock came from the giant twin doors to her throne room.
[Al]: "And there he is. Shult, let him in."
[Shult]: "Y-Yes! Right away."
With a bounce in his step, the young servant made his way to let their guest of the hour in.
[Subaru]: "Hey, Al! How're you doing?"
[Al]: "I'm good, pal. I'm good. Thank you. Princess, I'd like to introduce you to my friend here. He's renowned for the production of the best milk in all lands."
[Subaru]: "Thank you. It's an honor."
It had taken him longer than he liked to figure out how cows worked in this world, but with a little help from Otto he had managed to make quite the successful milk business.
The Vollachian valkyrie leaned with the weight of her chin on her palm. Her interest had just about hit rock bottom.
[Priscilla]: "It's been two hours, peasant. If this milk doesn't ✧ 𝒷𝒶𝓃𝑔 ✧ you die."
Subaru's heart almost leaped out his chest. He knew how short tempered Priscilla could be, but she wouldn't actually kill him right? He looked over to Al.
Al didn't meet his gaze.
She wouldn't actually kill him, right?!
[Priscilla]: "You know that right? You die."
[Subaru]: "O-Of course. Nothing to worry about on my side."
While sneaking glances over at his friend, he decided to whisper an important message.
[Subaru]: "Why didn't you tell me she was crazy?"
[Al]: "Check my letters before I send them out. I told you in code."
[Subaru]: "Man, I wasn't reading through the lines, I was trying to get paid," he hissed back.
[Al]: "Blame yourself, pal. Blame yourself."
Priscilla could clearly see they were whispering about something, they weren't being subtle at all, but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care.
[Priscilla]: "Well, pauper, where is this renowned milk? Present it to mine presence. I've been waiting."
[Al]: "Yes, princess." With a smile, he assured that his mistress would have to wait no longer. "Give her the milk!" he whispered over to Subaru.
Enacting his signature pose, the boy pointed his finger to the skies.
[Subaru]: "Alright! Prepare your taste buds for a surprise. For you've never had such an experience as what I bring to you today."
Flipping open the contents of his satchel, he got ready to bring the…
milk?
What the hell was in his bag?
Closing the pouch with lightning speed, his brain was processing at a thousand miles an hour to get him out of this situation.
[Al]: "What are you doing?" He was beginning to sweat underneath his helmet. Once his mistress was done with Subaru, there was no doubt that he would be next on the chopping block, literally.
With hushed whispers Subaru notifies his Japanese brethren about the situation at hand.
[Subaru]: "It's gone."
[Al]: "What?"
[Subaru]: "The milk. It's gone. Something wrong happened. Look."
He opened the man-purse for Al to look inside.
Yep. That was not milk anymore.
[Al]: "Ugh. What is that?"
[Subaru]: "I don't kno~oow. It was hot outside. I was riding all day. It must've changed."
[Priscilla]: "Hey! On with it. You've got thirty seconds. I'm done waiting."
Without any other options left, he had no choice but to proceed. Does this world do funerals by any chance?
[Subaru]: "Of course, right away. I'm walking over to give it to you right now. I was just doing it."
He started his strut towards the crimson candidate. All his instincts were screaming that death was imminent, but it was too late to run.
[Subaru's inner thoughts]: "Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Fuck!"
He was a dead man walking.
Al gave his condolences. It was nice knowing you, Subaru.
The mean-eyed boy set his concoction on the table before her.
[Subaru]: "Alright, enough waiting. Enjoy."
[Subaru's inner thoughts]: "AHuahHH! AeeiIIARHhhh AHHH–"
Priscilla looked down at… whatever that was. Her piercing gaze ever so slowly rose to meet his.
[Priscilla]: "What is this?" This was milk? Like, from a cow?
[Subaru]: "Oh jeez."
[Priscilla]: "It's jeez? Speak up, commoner. "
Subaru got an idea. He sure hoped that cheese was made the same way it was made in his world, otherwise he might be getting a one-way ticket back to the past.
[Subaru]: "yes. Yes! We told you that we were bringing you milk today, to keep it a secret, but this is a surprise. A new edible invention of mine. It's cheese."
He lied as easily as he breathed.
[Priscilla]: "I thought you called it 'jeez'. Priscilla narrowed her eyes. Was he messing with her?
[Subaru]: "Nope, cheese. Always been cheese. It was cheese from the beginning. Try it."
[Priscilla]: "Hmmm."
With her unblemished fingers, she picked up this 'cheese.' She had no doubts that it wouldn't live up to her expectations and was ready to summon the yang sword the moment it touched her tastebuds.
As the food made contact with her tongue, she was hit by a new flavor. It was different.
[Priscilla]: "Hm?" She tilted her head.
[Subaru]: "What?! I'm sorry! NO!" He was gonna die!
[Priscilla]: "Mmm." She made her glee known. It was actually quite delightful.
[Subaru]: "YES! I meant this!"
Shouting and clapping for his totally-intended-accomplishment, Subaru high-fived Al.
Meanwhile, Priscilla couldn't help but take another bite. And another. Every once and a while, commoners had some pretty good ideas. Such was the job of the world to bring her such delights.
[Priscilla]: "It's quite good."
[Subaru]: "Let's go! I did that! I did that on purpose! Yes, let's go!"
Al was just happy that his friend wasn't dead. He smiled wide under his helmet. Priscilla actually seemed to be enjoying herself too.
[Priscilla]: "We should start putting this on everything."
[Subaru]: "Yes, everything! Put it on everything!"
[Priscilla]: "Yes. Everywhere, on everything."
[Subaru]: "Yeah, I'm alive! I have all my limbs! Let's go!"
[Priscilla]: "This was you, commoner? You made this? Not half bad."
[Subaru]: "Wooo!" Subaru gave a fist pump in the air.
Mission accomplished as intended. All according to plan.
