Since the actual planning was done, all they had to do was wait. Pacifica didn't know where they could find the warlock but Dipper said that his 'old friend' he was going to ask help from might. He just needed to set up a meeting in a few days' time. That left them in a strange position. She was staying in his apartment with nothing to do. After the initial rush of excitement had passed over Dipper, she realized that he was as awkward as ever.
They were looking at each other from across the table, as they ate breakfast in silence. It was obvious to her that he was having trouble deciding whether to try and make conversation with her or to ignore her. As he looked like he was finally going to say something, he phone rang. Hr quickly went to answer it and, to her surprise, she could almost hear the person talking to him from across the room. Dipper could barely get a word in before simply replying with a 'yes', followed by more squealing and hanging up.
"What was that all about?" - P
"That was Mabel. Turns out, my office was so caught off guard with my resignation that they called my emergency phone number, Mabel, to see what the situation was. Problem is that they only told her that I eloped with some woman after I quit. You can imagine how she reacted." - D
"If I remember Mabel correctly, she probably got super excited. You did say she was still boy-crazy." - P
"Yeah. Worst part is, I told her that they were technically correct." - D
"Ha! So what? Does she think you fell in with an old girlfriend and just ran off?" - P
"No. I don't have an old girlfriend. I've never dated, so she thinks I fell in love at first sight and ran off with a stranger." - D
"Most people would be horrified to hear that." - P
"Yeah, well, she isn't like most people. Good thing about all this is that she'll run interference with my parents so that they don't try to put me in a psych ward again." - D
"Wait, did you say you never had a girlfriend? I find that hard to believe with you being a tall, young lawyer." - P
"Oh, cmon. Is that really what you decided to focus on? I have a doctorate, several other degrees, and had a job as a lawyer. At what point in time do you think I had any spare time. Plus, the little free time I had in college, I had to waste playing for the team." - D
"Seems like you've had this conversation before. Do your friends bother you a lot about it?" - P
"What? No, only Mabel and my parents. I don't have any friends. I was seen as the crazy kid growing up here and few people approached me after hearing I tested out of nearly every class soon after. Rushing through life means that you basically leave everyone behind. I was 16 when I entered university. Who is gonna want to party with a 16 year old? Not that I was the friendliest person either but you get the point." - D
"Wow, I thought you said you tried your hardest to be normal?" - P
"I did! That's about as close to normal as I could get." - D
As they were beginning to get lost in conversation, Dipper suddenly looked toward his front door in alarm. Pacifica tensed but understood that they were no longer alone. He motioned his head and they tip-toed to the door in silence. They took to standing on both sides of the door as they waited for the intruders. After a thought, Pacifica took out her pepper spray. She doubted how useful it would be but it was better than nothing. A surprise knock came from the door and after a moment, Dipper decided to call out.
"Hello? Who is it?" - D
"Sorry to bother you but we would like to ask you a few questions if you wouldn't mind."
Staring into the peephole, he could see that there were 3 men dressed in suits. They appeared to be security guards of some sort, which confused him greatly. He doubted his friend had moved up their meeting and they didn't appear to be magical in nature according to his readings from them. He motioned Pacifica to take a look and she was quick to tell him that she recognized them. They were guards that had worked for her family for years. They were people she trusted before. Deciding to take the risk, Dipper opened the door.
"Derrick, why are you here? Did mom and dad order you to find me?" - P
"Young miss!"
Upon seeing their young charge, the three of them visibly relaxed. Derrick even took off his sunglasses to look at her. They looked at the strange man they didn't recognize and then at her.
"Sorry miss, but that is not it. Mr. and haven't mentioned you once since you left. We took it upon ourselves to find you. Something is wrong with them. We need you to talk some sense into them. But aside from that, why are you with this strange man? We were under the impression you were with that kid you knew once. One ." - Derrick
"This is him. It's Dipper." - P
"Could you please not talk about me like I am not standing right here?" - D
The three guards whispered amongst themselves and stared at Dipper. It looked like they really couldn't believe that he was the same kid they remembered from so many years ago. One of them, Gary, spoke up.
"Are you really the same kid that saved us from the ghosts? You got really. . . big." - Gary
"Yeah, I know. Also, I can't believe you remember that. I didn't know that you guys also got turned into wood." - D
" , petrification is not something you forget easily." - Derrick
"Forget that! If my parents didn't send you, then why are you here?" - P
"We came here to tell you that we quit our jobs and to warn you not to go back home, ever. Your parents aren't right anymore." - Derrick
"You quit? Wait, why come all the way here to specifically tell me not to go back home?" - P
"Young miss, we know how hard you have tried to change the ways of your parents. You always gave to charities and treated us well. It is why we tracked you down to try and warn you about the danger. You deserved that much after all these years. We think your parents have disappeared some people. We aren't sure what they do to them but some people that have gone into the mansion haven't come back out. They paid us all hush money but the three of us and a few others got the hell out of dodge." - Derrick
"Oh no! They might have already eaten some people!" - P
"Eaten people? What do me-" - Derrick
Before he could finish his sentence, Dipper pulled the three men inside and shut the door behind them. Just as they were about to ask him what he was up to, they heard the door crack behind them.
"You were followed by a specter! Get out of the way. The door won't hold for much longer." - D
Derrick took Pacifica to the kitchen and took out their guns. The three guards knew they were up against something out of their league so they got out of his way. They could see runes light up constantly as something continued to pound at the door. Taking something out of his pocket, he waited for the door to give way. The moment the specter entered the room, he flicked what seemed to be a coin at the specter, destroying it.
"What was that? How did you beat it?" - P
"The traitor's Septim, a holy silver coin. I told you that the warlock was inexperienced, right? Specters are powerful ghost-like familiars but are basically glass cannons. All you have to do is pop them like balloons with artifacts like these. They are only dangerous from an ambush point of view." - D
"You really are that crazy kid. Why did that thing follow us?" - Gary
"Because my parents joined a crazy demon, cannibal cult." - P
"Holy Mother of God." - Gary
"Yeah, I feel the same way. They are trying to kill me now." - P
"On that note, we can't stay here anymore. I suggest you guys also get out of here. They aren't after you guys, just us, so you should be safe. I got a couple places we can hide out but we have to hurry." - D
"Seems like quitting was the right idea. , thank you for looking after the young miss but we are getting the hell out of here." - Derrick
"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll take care of the rest." - D
The apartment she was barely getting used to was in shambles. She was happy she hadn't unpacked much at all, so they were ready to leave quickly. It seemed like Dipper kept everything ready to be put away for occasions like these.
After getting into his car and driving to a parking garage a bit away from the city, Pacifica saw that there was an RV waiting for them. It looked a lot like Gruncle Stan's old RV.
"Are we really going to get in that?" - P
"Don't knock it until you try it. It may not look like much but I turn that old RV into a moving fortress. We also can't trust commercial flights anymore so we have to drive to where we need to go. Our meeting spot is more than a few hours away so we will have to hurry up to get there early." - D
"You really are paranoid, you know that?" - P
"Excuse me?" - D
"Who has a mobile 'fortress' ready to go? It is like you're one of those crazy doomsday preppers." - P
"In my defense, I did see the end of the world once." - D
As she was getting her stuff into the RV, she saw that Dipper set his perfectly tasteful sports car on fire.
"Did you really have to do that?" - P
"Yes, I really did. It is so they can't follow us. As long as we don't leave any obvious traces, they will never find us in the RV. Cmon, we have to go before even the cops show up." - D
—-
The days passed quicker than she had expected. Except when they were sleeping, they would change their parking place every few hours so that they couldn't be tracked. Even though they should be scared out of their minds, Dipper had a crazy smile the entire time. She would never understand the mystery obsessed boy.
Still, she was nervous as the hour of the meeting grew near. They would finally meet Dipper's friend. She tried to get him to talk about it but he refused to elaborate. She was really curious who their unwilling friend was.
They were at a bar in the middle of nowhere. They were surrounded by roughnecks and rural types. To her surprise, Dipper sort of fit in. He was apparently feeling nostalgic as he was wearing something that closely resembled his old outfit. He wore a red shirt with a blue jacket, jeans, and a pair of heavy hiking boots. He even had an old blue hat on. She, however, stuck out like a sore thumb. Her pastel designer clothing did not mesh with the decor.
"So who did you say we were meeting here? Couldn't we have chosen a place that didn't smell like a pig pen?" - P
"Don't worry, they are almost here. You'll know who they are when you see them. They are hard to miss." - D
As soon as he finished saying that, two people dressed in suits walked in. They were a pair of tall black and white men. As they approached the two of them, the whole bar went quiet. It was obvious to Pacifica that they looked like government types. She had no idea what to expect.
"I told you we were going to go ask for help from someone I never thought I would ever depend on. I also told you that they owed me one from a long time ago. Pacifica, meet the United States Supernatural Research and Recon Unit, or the SRRU." - D
" "Dipper" Pines, formerly known as the world's most dangerous 12 year old, we've been expecting your call. We've been watching you." - Black
"Meet agent Black and agent White. They are supposed to be pretty high ranking as things go. Also, I know you've been watching. You've only seen what I wanted you to see." - D
"As far as you know." - White
"No, as far as you know that I know!" - D
"Time! Should we really be having this conversation in the middle of a bar?" - P
"Don't worry. Everyone here is a government official. They are in disguise." - D
"Seriously? Don't they have better things to do?" - P
"I'll have you know that 'drunk bystander #23' is a very coveted role. It doubles as pto." - Black
"Wait. If the US has a supernatural unit, why didn't you think you would ever depend on them? Shouldn't you want to work with them to solve mysteries?" - P
"I didn't think I would ever depend on them because they are terrible at their jobs. It's why I call them 'sorry' agents. Half the things they have in their database comes from me leaving behind notes and clues that I let them steal from me when they think I am not looking. The other half is nonsense. They were the guys I said were watching back in my office. Plus, I saved these guys' lives back when I was 12." - D
"Ok, but in their defense, they did say you were the world's most dangerous 12 year old." - P
"Thank you, . That boy refuses to acknowledge that not everyone can play with the fabric of real- oof" - White
"Focus agent White. Anyways, " - Black
"Dipper, please." - D
"Very well. Free agent Dipper, what exactly are you doing? We have been picking up strange anomalous energy readings everywhere that you have frequented in the last 72 hours before your disappearance. We nearly lost several agents trying to investigate your apartment." - B
"More like 'pilfer'." - D
"Investigate. May I remind you that you were the one that contacted us? After our brief contact, not only was your apartment reported destroyed but your car was also found charred in an abandoned parking garage. We had no way to trace you." - W
"That is correct. You represent a significant security risk if your knowledge ever fell into the hands of enemies of the state. However, we have reason to believe that you are currently being pursued by a demonic entity." - B
"Close, but no cigar. We are being pursued by a demonic-like cult of cannibals. It is led by a warlock with a powerful artifact." - D
"But the banshees-" - B
"Again, close but not very. They aren't banshees but specters that are summoned from the souls of the people they sacrifice." - D
"Wait, we have a treaty with every powerful cult from Zucker's borg to the Jester of the Golden Arches. They couldn't have been the ones to attack us." - W
"It's a new cult my parents joined somewhat recently. I have a feeling that they aren't affiliated with you guys." - P
Pacifica then took out all the evidence they had gathered from her purse. She handed over the folder and the agents looked over it in shock. Agent White went to make a phone call and Agent Black was less than pleased at the revelation. A few of the bystanders were even slightly panicked.
"The Sirs are not going to be happy about this." - B
"The Sirs?" - P
"The supernatural IRS. The IRS has been dealing with the supernatural longer than we have. We are a fairly new department as we didn't have enough proof to justify our budget until you kids decided to play hacky-sack with the laws of nature 10 years ago. The US government does not care who or what you are as long as you pay your taxes." - B
"On that note, I just finished having a very ugly conversation with a man up top. They are very unhappy about the fact that an illegal cult started up under our noses. They already crossed several lines so this can only end one way now." - W
"Yeah, I know. I only really need two things from you guys. I need a location for their headquarters. Pacifica was only able to enter one of their sanctuaries and I have no idea who the warlock even is, so an id would help. The second thing I need is for you guys to use your long distance spell disruptor to make sure the guy doesn't use any dangerous curses or attacks as a last resort. I could probably survive something like an artifact fueled explosion but I would rather not have to." - D
"That's top secret inform-" - B
"Forget it, Agent Black. Free agent Dipper, we don't know how you know about the disruptor but that's irrelevant. You've proven yourself an ally to America. You've got her resources at your disposal. We only ask that you do the job swiftly and discreetly. The other cults will complain if even a hint of magic is ever reported. They like to stay hidden, after-all." - W
"Good. I guess with that done, we are ready to put an end to this circus act. Send me the location when you have it." - D
When he finished saying that, another man in a suit walked into the bar carrying two briefcases. He set both of the briefcases on the counter in front of them and opened them. One contained a folder full of reports and the other contained a disassembled crossbow. Agent Black and Agent White smirked while Dipper rolled his eyes.
"Here is the information you requested, Free agent Dipper." - B
"I thought you said they were terrible at their jobs?" - P
"They are bad when dealing with the unknown or magical. They are good at classical agent stuff like tracking or investigating people. Also, what's with the crossbow?" - D
"You may not need it, Free agent Dipper, but your partner sure does. You can consider this both as an apology from us for letting a cult slip by and fail-safe so that you don't get a villain origin story. We don't want you going on a rampage from losing your girlfriend." - W
"I am not his girlfriend! Also, why a crossbow?" - P
"This is something of a holy crossbow. The wood is from 100 year old oak, reinforced with black iron. It has a couple defensive runes that should help resist a number of spells and it works best with the silver plated bolts." - B
"Old fashioned but still useful." - D
"Nice! So can I keep this?" - P
"Yes, only those in the know would even recognize what it is so it is not a security problem. Just make sure to watch the boy's back. You are the one that brought him out of retirement, after-all." - B
With that exchange finished, Dipper and Pacifica were ready to take on the fight to the amateur warlock that picked a fight with the wrong girl. Dipper took the wheel and began driving them to their destination, Seattle.
—-
